Comments on: PRIZE DRAWING: Because I Want Someone Else To Experience My Pain

By: cjwsbg

cjwsbg — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 09:23:39 +0000

estee: Pâté

By: Ddd

Ddd — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 06:51:00 +0000

I would use it everyday and treasure it as if I had given birth to it.

By: estee

estee — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 05:27:59 +0000

i will cook with it then feed it to my boyfriend. exotic pastry? scrambled eggs? actually, give me an assignment…

By: Elecid

Elecid — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 03:39:51 +0000

Use it to rebuff scratched DVDs.

Maybe try some on my teeth once.

By: Tom

Tom — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 19:49:33 +0000

and/or tricking my naive, foreign, grad school friends that it is a sexual lubricant of unmatched power and potency, specially formulated bring vigor to the yin/yang..

By: Tom

Tom — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 19:47:16 +0000

I will use it to make fake, yet realistic looking poop stains on the chairs in my office.

By: JJ

JJ — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 08:52:36 +0000

I live on the 6th floor with a balcony overlooking the walkway to the entrance to my building. I would squeeze small amounts off the balcony and try to hit unexpected passerby’s with a minty turd from the heavens.

By: Debra

Debra — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 20:51:14 +0000

I will use the toothpaste to write “theimpulsivebuy.com” across my breasts for use on the internet to direct people to your site.

I might also try brushing with it.

By: Johnzers

Johnzers — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 07:32:12 +0000

I’m going to brush with your terrifying herbal toothpaste. I’m going to brush with it every day. Mostly in the mornings. More importantly, though, when I’m done brushing with it, I’m going to put the toothpaste in my pocket, to travel with me.

I don’t have a girlfriend right now. Yet, I know I will soon with this amazing, sanity-alteringly brown toothpaste. If I see some girl looking at me, I’ll just whip out the Twin Lotus and say, “Hey, I noticed you looking at me. Undoubtedly because I’ve been brushing with this. Twin Lotus herbal toothpaste. Its powers have drawn you to me like sparkle is drawn to enamel. When you brush with this. Which I do.”

Now, at this point, the girl will have either run away or will say, “Wow, where did you get that?” At this point, I will have to say, “Well, I got it from the guy that writes The Impulsive Buy…” at which point I will be promptly abandoned for a superior catch.

Dejected, I will return home, my heart empty but for the suffering and anguish that reside, sticky and tar-like, on the inside after the heart is stabbed right through. Looking in the mirror, I will see a man defeated, ruined, impotent. But, a man who has nice breath and a fine smile, thanks to this wonderful herbal toothpaste.

By: shNermal

shNermal — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 00:55:38 +0000

In addition to promoting tolerance, disproving stereotypes, and freeing myself from plaque, I would most likely use the toothpaste in my upcoming film noir “Dirty Sanchez Goes to Thailand.”