Mango Orange Peach Jamba Juicie

The Mango Orange Peach Jamba Juicie seems like it is supposed to give buyers the opportunity to experience Jamba Juice whenever they want, but I feel that fruity experience goes beyond what’s sucked through a straw.

It’s not Jamba Juice without having people judge you for the free boost you choose. It’s not Jamba Juice without the bright colored walls and employees that dress how you wish you could dress at your job — in a t-shirt and jeans. It’s not Jamba Juice without the whirring of powerful blenders that force you to yell your order at a decibel reserved for misbehaving children and clubs that play shitty hip-hop mixes, but can blend your smoothie together in less than a minute. The Mango Orange Peach Jamba Juicie may not come with all of that, but even if it did, what’s inside the bottle is a poor representation of Jamba Juice that could turn the bright colored walls of one of its stores into a drab color that’s usually reserved for poor bridesmaid dress choices.

Despite the front of the bottle clearly stating it has mango, orange, and peach, if you look at the ingredients list, there is also white grape, banana, and pineapple. Why so secretive about those other fruits? Who knows? But even if they weren’t so unforthcoming, sticking all of the fruits prominently on the front of the bottle would be a graphic designer’s nightmare equivalent to being forced to run the latest version of Photoshop with only 125 megabytes of RAM.

With all of those fruits in there, you would expect an explosion of fruity flavors that would make Barney Rubble stop stealing Fred’s Fruity Pebbles, but the only fruits I could really taste were the peach and orange. Its flavor was decent, but not being able to taste the mango, which I love for its taste and aphrodisiac abilities, was disappointing. Although the smoothie’s texture was slightly creamy, it didn’t come close to the thick, icy goodness of blended smoothies. Also, normal Jamba Juice smoothies are a really good source for vitamins and minerals, but the Jamba Juicie wasn’t.

However, there were two things that the Mango Orange Peach Jamba Juicie had in common with most regular Jamba Juice smoothies. First, it comes with a fiber boost, which provides a nice five grams of dietary fiber. Secondly, like most Jamba Juice drinks, it’s kind of pricey at $3.49 for 12.5 ounces.

Overall, I’m not impressed with Jamba Juice’s attempt at pre-mixed drinks. It may work for Starbucks, but the Jamba Juicie isn’t so juicy. (Get it? Ha! I. Am. So. Lame.) So if you have a hankering for a Jamba Juice smoothie, I suggest you skip the Jamba Juicie and get the real thing.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bottle – 230 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 52 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of dietary fiber, 45 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 20% Calcium, 20% Vitamin C, and 6% Iron.)

Item: Mango Orange Peach Jamba Juicie
Price: $3.49
Size: 12.5 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Decent tasting. Fat free. Fiber boost provides 5 grams of dietary fiber. Uses non-fat milk. Extra fruits added. Getting to wear a t-shirt and jeans at work.
Cons: Jamba Juicie isn’t so juicy. Pricey for what you get. Couldn’t taste the mango. Not high in vitamins and minerals as regular Jamba Juice smoothies. Texture was like slightly creamy, but not close to an actual smoothie. Running Photoshop with only 125 megabytes of RAM.

20 thoughts to “Mango Orange Peach Jamba Juicie”

  1. Did you just sjake it? I bet you just shook it like a normal mook. You’re supposed to shake it WILDLY, according to the bottle. Don’t just shake it, SHAKE IT WILDLY. Maybe shake it to the tune of Wild Thing or give it a few wild flips in the air?

  2. I’m fairly certain the use of white grape means they’ve refined the white grape until it’s just sugar, but they call it white grape so they can claim it’s 100% fruit.

    It’s kind of like saying “kids, chug your high fructose corn syrup so you get your vegetables”.

  3. Man, I was all excited until I read your review… at $3.49, isn’t it cheaper just to go to Jamba Juice? Sigh… They do not offer a very appealing alternative.

  4. dammit my ‘strike through’ html did not work. Bonus Points if you can tell where it was *supposed* to go =P

  5. Hey, there’s a new website about to launch called Behind the Burner: it features exclusive tips on products and cooking techniques, as well as video demonstrations with New York City’s best chefs! Be sure to check out the website, where you can sign up for email updates and more info.

  6. @Reprobate – I shook it so hard that I’m surprised I didn’t get arrested for assault.

    @armauld – Corn growers can only wish of getting HFCS into vegetables.

    @Heidi – Yeah, it is roughly the same price as a 16-ounce Jamba smoothie. If I’m going to spend $3.50, I’m going to get the real deal.

    @Alisha – Oh, it’s a cute wittle juicie. Yes, it is. Also, I believe you meant to type sticks.

    @liz – Jamba Juice time is pretty much the only time I get all my servings of fruit.

    @kristina – Hello. Thanks for the comment spam. I REALLY do appreciate it. I appreciate it soooo much that I decided to take out the link you put in your comment. I’m sure your website will be closed by 2009 great with all of your “exclusive tips on products and cooking techniques” but what the hell does your comment have to do with a half-baked attempt at a pre-mixed Jamba Juice beverage. If you really want to piss off food bloggers, what you did is probably the best way you could do it. Why couldn’t you just send a press release to the bigger food blogs like Serious Eats or Slashfood? Seriously, what you did was basically what African scam artists do. Do you really want to be on the same level as African scam artists? Well, may Behind the Burner burn badly. Thank you.

    @cjwsbg – Honestly, I could Google it and probably find the answer, but I’m lazy. I guessing it’s from a cartoon.

  7. They used to have a Jamba Juice near my house, but it closed when they tore down the strip mall it was in. Curse you, urban redevelopment!

    Um, I have to admit I never actually visited that Jamba Juice much so it isn’t a huge deal to me. However, the real thing is always better than a prepackaged imitation. Even with Starbucks Products.

  8. Nobody said “I’d rather suck waxed fruit”. And right they should. Who would want that? Now, had you said wax instead of waxed, why, I’d be able to say FernGully. Boy, that takes me back. I was so hungry back then.

  9. 45 grams of sugar!! Sugar high anyone!!! I would end up jumping on my desk singing the “Kung Fu Fighting” song with my Tigger slippers on.

  10. Reprobate…thanks for the correction…it has been a few years since I have seen it.

    I think that has to be one of Robin Williams’ great comedic performances…I wonder what happened to my VHS copy of it…

    Now, I am singing the song that he sings…”wrap like an animal, but I’m a mammal”….good luck getting THAT out of my head anytime soon…

  11. @Chuck – Oh, you must experience the greatness that is Jamba Juice, if not for the smoothies, then for the ambiance.

    @Nevis – Here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, $3.50 will get you about 3/4th of a gallon. In middle eastern countries, it will fill up a Hummer.

    @dramastically – If I wanted to waste my money, I would give my money to the shady, smelly guy who hangs out at the 7-Eleven down the street.

    @shNermal – Hmm…you got me wondering what a Jamba Juice with every boost would taste like.

    @Meshie – Yup, that a lot of sugar, but I wouldn’t jump up on my desk and start singing. I would just sit on the couch and let it turn into fat.

    @cjwsbg – VHS? Get with the times! I’m sure they’re coming out with a Blu-Ray version of it soon and you can hear Robin Williams in surround sound.

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