Kellogg’s Eggo Blueberry Mini Muffin Tops

Every time I try to eat the Kellogg’s Eggo Blueberry Mini Muffin Tops, my stomach gets a funny feeling. I don’t feel this way because of how they taste, instead it’s because when I eat one of their Eggo Blueberry Mini Muffin Tops, the image of multiple muffin tops jiggle around in my head. When I say “muffin tops,” I’m not talking about the remnants of a baked goodie after a Sylar-like cutting off of its top, I’m talking about the overflow of flesh seen when a tight pair of jeans is wrapped around a body that is a little too big for it.

It would be semi-all right if it were images of women with their guts hanging over the edge of their jeans, but unfortunately it’s mostly images of dudes with the physique of Chris Farley. So you can understand why I have an arduous time trying to eat a set of these mini muffin tops. Not even a variety of toppings or the finest Canadian Maple Syrup could make these go down easier while thinking about male muffin tops that flap around in Baywatch-slow motion.

If I didn’t have images of large male bellies wiggling around in tight jeans in my head, I would probably have to say that these Kellogg’s Eggo Blueberry Mini Muffin Tops were good. Each set comes with four mini muffin tops, which were each about an inch and half in diameter. It toasted very nicely and it ended up with a slightly crispy outside and fluffy inside. Its taste was very similar to blueberry pancakes, which I do enjoy. However, because they’re convex in shape, most of any topping you put on it tends to roll off and end up on your plate.

So who am I going to blame for preventing me from fully enjoying these Kellogg’s Eggo Blueberry Mini Muffin Tops? I could blame the fast food industry for making our waist sizes larger. Or I could point my finger at fashion designers who make hip-hugging jeans in sizes they shouldn’t. But I’m going to blame the asshole who came up with the idea for muffin tops because if there weren’t muffin tops to begin with, society would’ve probably named the overflow of fat something else, like mushroom waist or sign of future heart disease.

It’s probably the same douchebag who also invented doughnut holes.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 set of 4 – 140 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 290 milligrams of sodium, 30 milligrams of potassium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 11 grams of other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein, a variety of vitamins and minerals, and many images of male bellies jiggling in my head.)

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Carolanne for recommending this product and for filling my head with images of big men in tight jeans.)

Item: Kellogg’s Eggo Blueberry Mini Muffin Tops
Price: $3.50
Size: 8 sets
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good. Taste like blueberry pancakes. Toasted very nicely, ending up with a slightly crispy outside and fluffy inside. Vitamins and minerals.
Cons: Images of the male bellies jiggling in my head. People in tight jeans who shouldn’t wear tight jeans. Its shape tends to cause toppings to roll off. The asshole who came up with the idea for muffin tops. No dietary fiber.

21 thoughts on “Kellogg’s Eggo Blueberry Mini Muffin Tops

  1. Yeah, the first thing I thought of was the “other” muffin top too… Although, your mentioning Sylar now has me imagining him giving people liposuctions…

  2. I don’t see men.. I just see very large women with jeans 3 sizes to small, with a halter top and T bars.. god.. what is our world coming too?
    They look very yummy, almost like a biscuit. I may have to try them out while wearing non hip hugger jeans that actually fit. lol

  3. Saw this at the market the other day – the Sylar reference has gotten me interested. But weird, I had no idea the other meaning of “muffin top”.

  4. Muffin tops ah yes those blubber rolls that hang out most 48 year old bleach blond woman I see on Springer
    Well i like a woman with a little meat on her bones

  5. Muffin tops happen on women when their pants are too tight and the fat pushes over, men just get muffin bellies because their gut hangs over their pants in the front. They don’t really wear pants low enough for muffin tops to be an issue.

    And on the food front, I’m not a fan of the muffin top trend. I actually prefer the bottom of muffins and cupcakes. Baked with cupcake liners, they have a nice crinkled shape and they’re softer than the crunchy tops. I also prefer the middle of the brownie pan to their edge pieces.

  6. @Chuck – a book full of overweight, naked and hairy men? I think that would be on the New York Times Worstseller List.

    @Reprobate – No, I was too busy looking at Patrick Swayze’s oiled chest.

    @Reprobate – I wish I could place ads, but I don’t have that power.

    @Heidi – I’m sure Sylar could probably steal that ability from someone.

    @Lex – oh dear lord, thanks for the wonderful image you’ve put in my head. Now I’m going to watch The View and stare at Whoopi’s hair to get rid of that image.

    @Bryan – You need to watch more television or read the entire Urban Dictionary.

    @Starcasm – I personally prefer the muffin taint.

    @liz – Which episode was that?

    @Neil – Someday I’d like to be in Jerry Springer. I’d like to be the guy who finds out that his girlfriend is a stripper.

    @Nevis – Again, I enjoy the muffin taint.

    @angry bob – They appear in my normal dreams.

    @Natalie – I’m more of a crunchy guy than a chewy or soft guy, so I enjoy the brownies on the edges of the pan.

  7. I’ve seen anti-muffin tops, mainly on men, where they pull their sweat pants up over the beer belly. It’s probably to avoid plumbers’ crack, but it looks worse than a muffin top.

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