Burger King Mushroom & Swiss Steakhouse Burger

Moderator: Good evening. I’m someone from PBS that you’ve never heard of and welcome to some dude’s living room for the first and only fast food debate between The King from Burger King and Marvo from the blog The Impulsive Buy. Tonight’s discussion will cover one topic, the new Burger King Mushroom & Swiss Steakhouse Burger. Let’s begin. This first questions goes to you, King. What is the Burger King Mushroom & Swiss Steakhouse Burger and why is it so important?

The King: (Pulls out mushroom in one hand and swiss cheese in the other hand, smashes them together, and then rubs stomach.)

Moderator: Your response, Marvo.

Marvo: I agree with The King that mushrooms and swiss cheese are a classic combination and I was excited to see it come with this new burger. But it’s not just those two, it also contains crispy onions, A1 Steak Sauce on an Angus beef patty. This burger is important because the Whopper teat is dry and there aren’t anymore new variations to come up with. So Burger King needs a new burger to milk and the Steakhouse burgers are the tit they’re going to suck on.

Moderator: This next questions is for you, Marvo. Do you support the use of the extra wide oval-shaped Angus beef patty in this burger, instead of the usual round patties, like in the Whopper?

Marvo: That’s a great question, unnamed moderator from PBS. I’m an American and I enjoy stuffing meat into my mouth. I may have a little trouble sticking its whole girth in my mouth, but you know what they say, the bigger the meat, the better. The Angus patty is pretty big and if you take off the top bun of this burger, it looks like an aircraft carrier of crispy onions and mushrooms.

Moderator: Would you like to respond, King?

The King: (Nods, points to Marvo, and then gives a thumbs up.)

Moderator: The next question goes to you, King. (The King is not at his podium) Um…Where did he go?

(The King sneaks up on the moderator, offering him a Burger King Mushroom & Swiss Steakhouse Burger.)

Moderator: No thanks. Now if you would head back to your podium so that we can continue with this debate, you sneaky, freaky mo’fo. Now back to the question. Consumer groups have complained that some of Burger King’s menu items are extremely unhealthy, like the Triple Whopper, the Enormous Omelet Sandwich and the BK Quad Stacker, and it seems the Burger King Mushroom & Swiss Steakhouse Burger can also be added to the list. What are your thoughts about what these consumer groups have to say?

The King: (Gives a double middle finger salute, then the universal sign for jacking off, and then brushes off both shoulders.)

Marvo: Can I add something to what The King said?

Moderator: Go ahead.

Marvo: Thanks. I’ve tried a number of Burger King’s worst items and I believe that my life might’ve been shortened a little because of it, but I believe that regulation is what needs to be in place. It’s all right to eat these things once in awhile, but we have to regulate and moderate how often we eat a burger that has over 20 grams of saturated fat and 2,000 milligrams of sodium. I do like eating fast food, but I know I can’t eat it all the time because I enjoy being able to look down and see my penis.

Moderator: This question is for you, King. What do you think of the Burger King Mushroom & Swiss Steakhouse Burger?

The King: (Rubs stomach and then gives a double thumbs up.)

Moderator: Do you have a response, Marvo?

Marvo: I have to disagree with The King. The Burger King Mushroom & Swiss Steakhouse Burger looks really good on paper, but I was really disappointed with it. There were a lot of those crispy onions on it, but I wished there was just as many mushroom on it as well, because every bite that I took with a mushroom, along with all the other ingredients, was really good. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a lot of mushrooms on the burger. I counted four small mushrooms on mine. Thankfully, the A1 Steak Sauce saved it from being a really lame burger, but again, the mushrooms would’ve totally made this burger, if there was significantly more of them.

Moderator: Would you like to respond, King?

The King: (Gives a double middle finger salute, then the universal sign for jacking off, and then brushes off both shoulders.)

Moderator: Well then, now we will move on to your closing statements. We will begin with you, Marvo.

Marvo: The Burger King Mushroom & Swiss Steakhouse Burger could’ve been a great burger. The patty was a nice size and the A1 Steak Sauce was nice, but the lack of mushrooms was a totally downer. If you’re going to call it a mushroom & swiss burger, it better have a shitload of mushrooms. Thank you.

Moderator: Now your closing statements, King.

The King: (Moons audience. Tattoo of Wendy from Wendy’s shown on left butt cheek. Then storms off stage.)

Moderator: Well then, this concludes this debate. I’d like to thank The King and Marvo for participating. Good night.

Item: Burger King Mushroom & Swiss Steakhouse Burger
Price: $3.50
Size: Wide
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Big wide burger. Had the potential to be a really good burger. A1 Steak Sauce is a good condiment to add. Being able to see my penis.
Cons: Lack of mushrooms. Lack of any tomatoes or lettuce. Crispy onions added a crunchy texture, but not much to its taste. Don’t currently have nutrition info, but it’s probably bad for you. The King’s ability to sneak up on people. The King not being able to speak. The dry Whopper teat.

23 thoughts on “Burger King Mushroom & Swiss Steakhouse Burger

  1. So the King has a crush, if not dating the Wendy’s chick. I wonder what their love child would be like. Hm. I also wonder what a love child between the clown and the Wendy’s chick would be like, too. Both children will definitely have reddish har, but all other bets are off.

  2. That’s one of the most disgusting looking burgers I’ve ever seen, I have to admit. Of course, taste is the most important thing, but it sounds like it didn’t taste that good either.

    The King probably went off after the debate to nail Ronald, while closing his eyes and pretending it’s Wendy he’s with. He seems conflicted like that.

  3. Maybe he’s nailing the Hamburglar or Grimace instead. Or having a very naught and very wrong gangbang with the McNugget Buddies. Or maybe he’s stuck with Chuck E. Cheese.

  4. With those debate skills, the King should give up reverse pickpocketing and run for office. Is it below the King to become President?

  5. I’m looking forward to the Burger King Tripe and Sweet Breads Steakhouse Burger. They better not be cheap on the organ meats, though.

  6. Probably because they taste good, Perkins? And there’s always the chance one of them will make us double in size or give us an extra life?

  7. You know, I wonder which orifice the King prefers…probably the poop chute, based on how creepy he is.

  8. I keep coming back, hoping there is a new review up and not the disgusting greasy image of this frightening burger… Alas, it seems it will stay here until I comment. 🙁

  9. I don’t know what everyone’s talking about, the burger looks fine to me! It’s too bad that we may never get that Pepperoni Whopper they have in Europe.

  10. @Reprobate – I’d like to know what would happen if Grimace and the King had offspring. Would have a big head and a big body? Now you may be thinking to yourself how is that possible? Well do we know if Grimace is male or female?

    @Chuck – I’ve had worse looking burgers, but this one isn’t too bad. I’d totally hit it. Oh wait, I already did. Booyah!

    @Jon – No, it wouldn’t be beneath him because he really is just a figurehead, like Queen Elizabeth.

    @armauld – I would like to try the Burger King Balls and Tongue Steakhouse Burger.

    @Perkins – See Reprobate’s answer below.

    @Reprobate – Dammit. You said what I wanted to say. I’m too slow.

    @LordJezo – The only thing A1 Steak Sauce is good for is make Grade D meat taste decent.

    @Heidi – Just for you I have posted a new review with a non-scary image, unless you think the Quaker guy is a pedophile.

    @Lesley – You shouldn’t be scared of it, unless you believe in cow ghosts.

    @Ace – Hey! You are an American. Use some of that American ingenuity to make your own Pepperoni Whopper.

  11. Yes, Ace could make his own pepperoni whopper, but it wouldn’t be a TRUE pepperoni whopper. It’d be a healthy (relatively speaking, of course) pepperoni whopper.

  12. @Reprobate – It may not be a TRUE pepperoni Whopper, but it will be a better one. Just take a normal Whopper with cheese, buy a medium-sized pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut, stick all the pepperoni in the Whopper, fry up some bacon, stick the bacon with in the Whopper, and voila…a burger that will make men cry.

  13. At least it doesn’t sound like he refused to look at you. On the other hand he didn’t wink at the audience. Cuz he couldn’t. And that’s good. Still, I think you won the debate because you made a more articulate case against this steak thingy than he made for it. But I will wait and see what George Will says, because I think he’s in the tank for the King.

  14. I am pretty tolerant of ANY food – if you asked anyone they would say that I will eat nearly anything at least once and clean my plate even if I thought it tasted gross!

    Ok, so with that said, I HAD to have this burger! It looked so amazing on TV. I asked my husband to stop and get me one last night and he comes home with a chicken because it was on sale – which WAS ok, I enjoy a bargain and the chicken is always good! The problem is that now the cravings are out of control and I had to swing through the drive through to get one at lunch today. I sat there in line drooling over the picture, I was so looking forward to it and when I opened it I really said to myself, outloud, alone in my car “what the hell is this?”. I know burgers normally do not look like the picture but I was expecting more and if I had my camera I would have sent in a photo of this pathetic excuse for a sandwich to you – it looked much worse than the one you have pictured.

    As an added note it was probably the shittiest thing I have ever eaten! Like you, I was lucky if I had 4 mushrooms and the sauce was nearly nonexistent. Then there was the lack of onions – the pictures showed onions bulging out the sides. I had none of that – my crispy onions were hiding in the middle of the bun and there may have been 6 of those – and none of them were reaching out the sides taunting me. My meat was not oval either – it was a huge fricking rectangle – I liked the spaceship comparison – to be honest it kind of freaked me out – a strange winged sandwich – it just isn’t right! I had to eat all the meat around the bun to get to the saucy goodness – which really wasn’t so saucy or good once I got there.

    I didn’t like it – I am disapointed in BK for putting this out there but I ate the whole thing because I don’t waste money. On most sandwiches I would likely say that I would try it again – I mean sometimes you get a bad one – but I am so not willing to risk it again. Hopefully the King will learn his lesson on this one!

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