Ocean Spray Raspberry Cranberry Lift Cranergy

The Ocean Spray Raspberry Cranberry Lift Cranergy is causing some internal conflict because I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do after drinking it. It technically is an energy drink, but its bottle doesn’t look like one, so I’m not sure when I’m heading out of my second story apartment if I should take the extreme route, which includes smashing a window with a chair, making a running leap through the blown out window, tucking and rolling several times when I hit the ground, and then popping up into a Mr. Olympia pose, or if I should take the calm route, which involves using the stairs.

Not only does the Raspberry Cranberry Lift Cranergy not look extreme on the outside, it also isn’t very extreme inside the bottle. There aren’t any really extreme ingredients, like taurine, guarana, and licks Slash’s guitar. It’s made up of cranberry, raspberry, and grape juices, which extreme people love…I mean, extremely old people love. Green tea extract and B-Vitamins provide the Cranergy’s “natural energy.” Each of the B-Vitamins supplies 70 percent of the daily recommended amount, but I don’t know how much the green tea extract provides. Green tea is usually added to products because of its natural caffeine content, but nowhere on the packaging could I find the amount of caffeine it delivers, which makes this beverage even less extreme.

Like most energy drinks, the Cranergy had a bite to it, but it was more of a tart bite than a bitter bite, which shouldn’t be surprising because as everyone with urinary tract infections know, cranberry juice is quite tart. There’s also a slight bitterness that probably came from the green tea. I enjoyed the Raspberry Cranberry Lift Cranergy because it tasted pretty much like other Ocean Spray cranberry beverages, so it will probably mix well with vodka. It didn’t give me a lift of energy, but then again, I drink big honkin’ extreme energy drinks with 100 plus milligrams of caffeine on a regular basis, so the Cranergy is like a tender stroking of my arm, while a real extreme energy drink is like an indian rope burn.

(Nutrition Facts – 12 ounces – 50 calories, 0 g of fat, 75 mg of sodium, 13 g of carbohydrates, 13 g of sugar, 0 g of protein, 100% vitamin C, 70% niacin, 70% vitamin B12, 70% vitamin B2, 70% vitamin B6, 70% pantothenic acid, and 0 g of extreme)

(Editor’s Note: The Energy Guru reviewed another flavor of Cranergy. As someone who probably downs energy drink for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, he probably thought these were weak energy-wise as well.)

Item: Ocean Spray Raspberry Cranberry Lift Cranergy
Price: $5.39
Size: 4 pack – 12 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like other Ocean Spray cranberry drinks. 50% fewer calories and less sugar than most energy drinks. 100% Vitamin C. Provides a decent amount of B-Vitamins. Will probably mix well with vodka.
Cons: Not extreme at all. There’s green tea, but no caffeine. Contains only 20% fruit juice. Small bottle. Tart bite. Won’t provide energy for those who are regular energy drink consumers.

10 thoughts on “Ocean Spray Raspberry Cranberry Lift Cranergy

  1. Hate to break it to you, but if the cran comes from concentrate, it has caffeine, and has lots of sugar in it, it’s not gonna do jack for urinary tract infection. In fact, it’ll probably make it worse.

  2. You should get really extreme and quietly sip a steaming mug of actual green tea.

    You could then use that energy to do some tai chi, rearrange your apartment all feng shui style and finally spend an extreme afternoon raking one of those tiny little zen gardens.

  3. Marvo, you should always always always take the extreme route to leave your apartment. Channel your inner Hulk daily.

  4. @dramastically – Yes, it does come from concentrate. So I guess the only way it will help a urinary tract infection is to beat the person in the head with it to help them forget about their urinary tract infection and worry about the douchebag hitting their head.

    @Heidi – The thing about caffeine is that it keeps me awake but makes it difficult for me to focus because I’m so restless. So even with more energy, I wouldn’t be able to write a lot of reviews.

    @Chuck – No, I think that would be a good idea because the grandparents will get all extreme and do crazy things like have sex the middle of the parking lot. I don’t want to have to see grandmas and grandpas getting it on in the middle of a parking lot.

    @Sunday – I think that they should disclose the caffeine content on bottles because it makes it easier for product reviewers like myself to determine how extreme I can get with cranberry juice. But seriously, that women should have assumed that it would have caffeine in it, after all it is called Cranergy.

    @armauld – Nah, I usually enjoyed my extreme energy with high fructose corn syrup. Oh wait, I can add high fructose corn syrup to the green tea. That would solve everything.

    @Reprobate – It is always my period.

    @Natalie – But it’s such a pain to have to replace the window. Although all when hurricane season comes around I would’ve done all its work.

    @Neil – This drink doesn’t seem to do much at all, except make my face pucker a little.

    @Heidi – Everybody has tried to jump on the energy drink bandwagon. I think I’m going to jump on it too and come out with my own energy drink called Marvolicious.

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