REVIEW: Healthy Choice Rotini & Zesty Marinara Sauce Fresh Mixers

I once thought about following in the footsteps of Morgan Spurlock and make a documentary called, “Super Slim Me,” which would involve me eating nothing but Healthy Choice meals for 30 days straight to see if I would lose weight and be healthy. My freezer would be a green box sea of Healthy Choice frozen meals and ice cream bars; my cupboard would be filled from top to bottom with Healthy Choice soups, pasta sauces, and breads; and my trash can would be filled will circular sheets of plastic with vent slits in them.

But that dream died a horrible death when I determined that it was impossible for me to do what Spurlock does so easily — make movies and grow that Hulk Hogan/70’s porn star facial hair. Nowadays, whenever I eat something from Healthy Choice, all I do is reminisce about what could’ve been, but these Healthy Choice Rotini & Zesty Marinara Sauce Fresh Mixers have got me thinking about buying some Rogaine for my face and trying to create my documentary again.

The Healthy Choice Fresh Mixers are a clever idea because they’re a microwaveable meal that doesn’t need to be refrigerated or frozen and can conveniently be kept in your desk drawer; away from dickheaded co-workers who steal your frozen meals from the company refrigerator, even if it has your name written on it in big black Sharpie pen letters. However, they involves more physical labor than what is necessary for a frozen meal. The plastic packaging consists of a large container that holds the rotini pasta, a smaller container in the large container that holds the marinara sauce, and a lid that has a bunch of holes. The smaller container is removed from the large container, water is added to the large container, the lid is placed back on, and then microwaved for three and a half minutes. The holes on the lid turn the container into a colander when you drain the water. Then the smaller container of sauce is microwaved for 30 seconds. Once that’s done, the sauce is poured with the rotini and you get to enjoy a meal that you worked on harder than you should have.

The Rotini & Zesty Marinara Sauce was pretty tasty, although the serving size probably won’t satisfy those who are bigger eaters. The rotini was cooked well and the marinara wasn’t too zesty and had a nice slight onion flavor to it. There was enough sauce to coat all the pasta, but since it comes in a separate container you have the power to put whatever amount of sauce you want.

The biggest problem I have with the Healthy Choice Rotini & Zesty Marinara Sauce Fresh Mixers is that the containers are made out of a plastic I can’t recycle here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. If I do my documentary and eat Healthy Choice meals for 30 days, I’ll probably have enough plastic containers to fill a landfill, and that would not be worth growing Hulk Hogan/70’s porn star facial hair for.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 package – 300 calories, 3.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 600 milligrams of sodium, 930 milligrams of potassium, 56 grams of carbs, 7 grams of dietary fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 10 grams of protein, 10% Vitamin A, 0% Vitamin C, 4% Calcium, and 15% Iron.)

Item: Healthy Choice Rotini & Zesty Marinara Sauce Fresh Mixers
Price: $5.25 (retails for $3.49)
Size: 6.95 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Tasty. Simple to make. No refrigeration or freezing necessary. Excellent source of potassium. Low fat. 7 grams of fiber. Hulk Hogan/70’s porn star facial hair.
Cons: Serving size might be small for bigger eaters. Plastic is difficult to recycle. More labor intensive than frozen meals. High in sodium. Asshat co-workers who steal lunches.

24 thoughts on “REVIEW: Healthy Choice Rotini & Zesty Marinara Sauce Fresh Mixers

  1. Sounds pretty good. I remember some food items that didn’t need to be refrigerated from years ago…lasagna was one of them…but I don’t remember the name. I always wondered if they had tons of preservatives.

  2. Somewhere in a secluded area surrounded by trees and isolated from civilization, a weight and health conscious survivalist has been inspired by this post. As we sit in front of our glowing displays, he’s filling a shopping cart with non-refrigerated green boxes to fill a bunker.

  3. When I have to eat pasta from green healthy choice
    bowl …..well then I wil know that the US economy has moved from a recession to a depression… well kinda like the show the waltons but with healthy choice.
    I always waned to punch Jim Bob right in the head and kiss Erin. Mama was hot for having 7 kids. Grandpa was gay in real life and John Boy he was a wimp and a cry baby
    Wow I need my pills…… sweet meds….

  4. I know this will earn me hippie demerits but we are in no danger of running out of places to dump garbage. Have you ever been to Nevada? That’s not to say I don’t recycle, I do, I just don’t want people to worry we are running out of places to throw things away. Besides, here in the Midwest, landfills are our only topography 😉

  5. I just saw these at the grocery store…all I thought was about how HeatEat vomited repeatedly after eating the several Cafe Steamers healthy choice meals they ate. But then again, I love shelf stable food. Mmm…preservatives.

  6. if you ever get a chance, Healthy Choice makes a MEAN fudge bar. It’s like 90 calories, pretty low fat (From what I can remember) and are chocolately enough to satisfy a craving, and then some. I HIGHLY recommend it to a chocolate lover trying to shed some pounds.
    My gramma and I bought a box at costco, and they lasted a pretty long time. EXTREMELY tasty!

  7. Some British journalist already beat you to the punch on the ‘Super Slim Me’ doc. She ate nothing but apples, rice cakes, and chicken for 2 months. To be honest, I’d rather do that than 3 of these daily.

  8. @Chuck – They probably. These probably do too.

    @Orchid64 – I should buy some Healthy Choice stock or whoever their parent company is.

    @Neil – Not Healthy Choice, Easy Mac.

    @grumpyoldman – When I drained the water, I almost burned my hands, but I’m not very bright.

    @Pastafarian – First off, BEST NAME EVER. Secondly, I will throw more away so that the Midwest can have the tallest mountain ever.

    @Bryan – Tim Kang is too pricey now that he’s on a really popular show.

  9. @Ace – I think Heat Eat Review gave bad reviews to 3/4 of the Healthy Choice reviews they’ve tried. I wish they would review these because I’d like to read a real review on them. 😉

    @Heidi – Gotta balance the bad with the good.

    @laura – It makes up for all the evil I do.

    @Rick – Sorry, I threw away the container so I can’t check.

    @Michelle – I’m afraid to try them because if they’re as good as you say they are, I will probably eat the whole box in one sitting, and if that box is from Costco, I am screwed.

    @Kris – Bah! I guess when I snooze, I lose.

  10. OMG the General Tso’s chicken one is horrid, saw the review and I’m so lazy. So I picked up a few easy eats, but the General Tso’s spicy chicken is so so gross. Hopefully the other get better otherwise we have very different taste.

  11. Sounds kind of like Ramen that wouldn’t be potentially fatal.
    But a lot more expensive. >>
    It would be hard to eat nothing but this stuff too regularly just because of how much it costs. D:

  12. I tried this and it wasn’t bad, but I realized that I could buy a box of pasta and a jar of sauce and have the same thing but cheaper per serving…it just wouldn’t be as handy or convenient.

  13. @GPX2 – If there’s actual chicken in it, I would be suspicious of it because it doesn’t need refrigeration.

    @Katie – Unless you win the lottery or marry someone rich or know the president of Healthy Choice or know something about the president of Healthy Choice that you can use to blackmail the president of Healthy Choice.

    @Natalie – As with most convenient foods, we usually pay for the convenience. Combined I think a box of pasta and a jar of sauce is cheaper than one of these, which makes me wonder why this isn’t cheaper.

    @E – …and cereal.

    @Shannon – I’m afraid of the chicken versions because they contain chicken and I thought chicken needs to be refrigerated.

  14. @Melissa – Well they may cost $2.78 in Kansas, but right now it’s a nice 78 degrees outside here in Hawaii. 😉 …albeit a bit cloudy.

    @Shannon – I’m sure they’re pre-cooked, but it kind of bothers me that the chicken doesn’t need to refrigerated, which probably means they’ve got some mean preservatives in it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *