REVIEW: Crunk!!! Berry Energy Drink

I stopped caring about hip-hop after Biggie got shot, Tupac got popped, and Wreckx-n-Effect disbanded, so all I know about Lil Jon is that he helped coin the word “crunk,” he likes saying YEAH!!! and WHAT? and he’s the 21st Century version of Flavor Flav in terms of looks, talent, and jeweled teeth. He also has his own line of energy drinks, the most recent being Crunk!!! Berry.

Since I have no idea what “crunk” means because I’m old, can’t understand what the Ying Yang Twins are saying, and want those damn kids to get off my lawn, I had to look up the definition of “crunk” in the Urban Dictionary, which says:

A state of high energy, as described by rapper Lil Jon and the East Side Boyz. Southern word for getting rowdy, out of control, having fun, partying, going crazy.

So basically “crunk” is a noise complaint or 911 call waiting to happen.

After drinking the Crunk!!! Berry Energy Drink, I expected to get “crunked” and “buckwild” since it contained almost every B Vitamin in existence and 96 milligrams of caffeine. I did get a big boost from it, but didn’t get rowdy or out of control. Unless you consider grinding my body against my vacuum cleaner while barking like a dog “out of control.” This energy drink also contained a list of ingredients that sounded like they belong in a witch’s caldron: horny goat weed, white willow, skullcap, and ashwaganda.

WHAT are they for?

I’m pretty sure they’re there to get me and you crunked out of our frickin’ minds. YEAH!!!

The Crunk!!! Berry Energy Drink smelled like grape juice and its initial taste also reminded me of grape juice, but then the acai berry flavor hit me which was quite tart, and finally, its aftertaste reminded me of raisins. It was like a rainbow containing only purple and at the end of that rainbow was a decent tasting energy drink.

It wasn’t the best energy drink I’ve tasted, but it did give me a good boost of energy and I guess that’s what’s most important when you’re trying to get crunked.

YEAH!!!

(Supplement Facts – 8 ounces – 120 calories, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 28 grams of sugar, 50% Vitamin C, 25% Vitamin E, 25% Vitamin B1, 95% Vitamin B2, 95% Vitamin B3, 95% Vitamin B6, 95% Vitamin B12, 95% Vitamin B5, 4% Calcium, 2% Magnesium, 4% Selenium, and 4% Sodium.)

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to the folks at Crunk!!! Energy Drink for sending me a couple of cans to sample and review. Here are more reviews from Energy Fiend, Energy Drink Reviews, Energy Fanatics, Energy Drink Guru and some dude.)

Item: Crunk!!! Berry Energy Drink
Price: FREE
Size: 16 ounces
Purchased at: Received from Crunk!!! Energy Drink
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Decent tasting. Nice boost of energy. Like a purple rainbow. Full of B Vitamins and stuff that will get you crunked. 96 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine.
Cons: Not the best energy drink I’ve tasted. Contains High Fructose Corn Syrup. Name contains excessive exclamation points. The blinding shine from Lil Jon’s teeth. I’m old. Damn kids on my lawn. Wreckx-n-Effect disbandment.

14 thoughts on “REVIEW: Crunk!!! Berry Energy Drink

  1. Horny goat weed is supposed to be an herbal sex enhancer. So, you should have been able to make your vacuum cleaner happier than usual after drinking this.

  2. Surprisingly you made no note of the “with Ashwaganda” emblazoned at the bottom of the label, which upon looking that up, turns out to be an Indian Ginseng. Whooo.

    Notice the sparkle graphic surrounding the ‘C’ in Crunk on the label, which must represent Lil’ Jon’s shiny ‘n crunked-out grille. lol

    Speaking of label, that alone would discourage me from shelling out any cash to consider trying it (free, yeah, sure!). It looks like something more to energize my dentist’ bank account than my body.

  3. Skullcap’s a sedative, so I’m not sure it does anything to enhance crunkitude. Perhaps the rest of the junk in there would cause too much crunk for any mere mortal to handle, and you need a downer so you don’t crunk yourself to death?

  4. angry bob makes a point of never giving his weed to horny goats, though he did share some black nepalese with a bear once.

    @ Neil
    angry bob seen old men crying at their own grave sides
    and angry bob seen pigs all sitting watching picture slides
    but angry bob never seen nothing like Marvo.

  5. @Chuck – Don’t you mean the vacuum cleaner would’ve made me happier after drinking this.

    @Cheri – Thank you very much!

    @andreea – Domo arigato gozaimasu!

    @Pomai – Oh, so that’s what I feel in my mouth — the sugar rotting away my teeth. I thought I was growing gold teeth from it.

    @frumpiefox – But I am not mere mortal. I am Marvo the Marvelous!

    @ph – But we can all relive them once in a while.

    @Neil – Oh, thank god you didn’t have a goatse link.

    @angry bob – Goats will eat anything and horny goats will hump anything.

  6. @Chuck – Roombas are whores.

    @JamieSusan – I love you too. And I’m not just saying that. I don’t know who you are, but what I do know is that I love you too…in a total blogger/reader relationship.

    @Red Icculus – Wormwood oil sounds so xtreme!

  7. White willow is the origination of aspirin. Skullcap is a sedative, and also generally used for headache relief.

    So I guess I’m assuming they’re medicating you to forestall the inevitable skull-splitting ache from the caffeine crash?

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