REVIEW: Kellogg’s Chocolate Banana Split Pop-Tarts

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The banana split is a highlight of American dessert ingenuity and the ultimate dessert for those who want to give a big middle finger and a loud “fuck it” to their diets.

A classic version of this ice cream dessert includes scoops of vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice cream placed in single file on a banana that’s been split in half and topped with chocolate syrup, nuts, whipped cream and maraschino cherries.

The regret and possible diarrhea comes separately.

Although meant for two people, banana splits are usually eaten by 12-year-olds on their birthday or whenever their parents are sick and tired of their corpulent 12-year old’s whining for one. Kellogg’s has taken selected flavors from the beloved banana split and compacted them into a svelte toaster pastry form with their Chocolate Banana Split Pop-Tarts.

I’ve always thought of Pop-Tarts as part of a complete breakfast, but the Pop-Tarts trend of introducing ice cream-related flavors over the years has confused me because I don’t know if it’s appropriate to eat them for breakfast. Just like drinking a malt liquor at the crack of dawn or poppin’ a cap at daybreak, it feels a little weird eating Mint Chocolate Chip Pop-Tarts, Hot Fudge Sundae Pop-Tarts, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts or Vanilla Milkshake Pop-Tarts to help jump start my day. Until Kellogg’s tells me something otherwise, I’ll continue to eat their toaster pastries in the A.M. only.

The Chocolate Banana Split Pop-Tarts filling is made up of alternating chocolate and banana stripes, but the strong flavor of the white banana stripes overwhelms the brown chocolate stripes. (Insert here black/white racial joke that I’m not allowed to write because I’m Asian.) If you hate products that have a weird artificial banana taste and smell, you should avoid these Pop-Tarts like Donald Trump avoids strong winds. I personally like weird artificial banana tasting products and these Pop-Tarts weren’t bad, but they definitely aren’t anywhere near the top of my list of favorite Pop-Tarts flavors.

The Chocolate Banana Split Pop-Tarts may not be a highlight of Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts ingenuity, but they do have the ability to temporarily silence a corpulent 12-year-old’s whining.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry – 200 calories, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s Chocolate Banana Split Pop-Tarts
Price: $2.99 (on sale)
Size: 8 pack
Purchased at: Foodland
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Decent tasting because I like weird artificial banana tasting products. Contains vitamins and minerals. Ability to temporarily silence a rotund 12-year-old’s whining. American ingenuity. USA! USA! USA! Real banana splits.
Cons: Artificial banana taste overwhelmed the chocolate. Contains high fructose corn syrup. Sprinkles don’t add anything. It feel weird eating desserts for breakfast. Eating a whole banana split by yourself. I’m unable to write black/white racial jokes.

17 thoughts on “REVIEW: Kellogg’s Chocolate Banana Split Pop-Tarts

  1. What would happen if you ate a Banana Split and for a topping used bits and pieces of the Banana Split Pop-Tart?

    I’m having this strange deja vu feeling, as if I’ve asked you this before…

  2. Bannana? Bannana?! seriously bannana split pop tarts?! I hate to say this but sombody at kellogs needs to be severly punished! Artificial bananna flavor is wretched!

  3. Hmmm brings back the good old memories of my classmates getting severe indigestion from eating too much ice cream, alas, sadly I don’t think I could make myself eat one of these…

  4. I am black and I could make a satisfyingly sinulating racial joke or comment however, I don’t feel like I have to in this case… Can’t the Chocolate and Bannana just get along?, Ahem sorry couldn’t resist after all, still who knows it could be tasty….

  5. @Heidi: More food incest.

    @Villain was born like this: Like all companies they will have hits and misses.

    @Woodenhand: When I was little eating a lot of ice cream would make me sick. Today, I could eat a lot of ice cream and get sick. It’s good to know things haven’t changed since then.

    @Walter Bernhard: I agree. Chocolate and banana should get along.

  6. I wonder how many flavors Pop Tarts has now (or once had.) Must be getting up into the hundreds. Also, I think chocolate and peanut butter would be a better combination of flavors, although they might have to pay royalty to Reese’s for stealing that idea.

  7. @Chuck: On Wikipedia there’s 55, but I know they’re missing a few. Also, I agree with you about the chocolate and peanut butter idea. I think they would be a good Pop-Tarts flavor.

  8. Poptarts has been a train wreck with alot of these new flavors. what the hell is next NEW FUDGE PACKER PEANUT DELITE what the hell just eat at 10 am break and forget breakfast
    THAT IS ALL

  9. I was visiting my dad in the “country” and I went to a salvage store and bought guava and papaya poptarts and Dulce de Leche poptarts. I haven’t tried them yet, I am kind of scared.

  10. Marvo, I do think that you could make a comment about it cause bananas are yellow on the outside.

    I think that I’m just a bit of a pop tart purist or just addicted to the strawberry and the brown sugar n cinnamon versions. ALTHOUGH, peanut butter and jelly…super fun happy OMG yummy going to tummy town time!

    Yeah I have a bit of a peanut butter addiction.

  11. @Neil the hammer: I would eat Fudge Packer Peanut Delite Pop-Tarts.

    @govtdrone: STOP! Don’t try them! Mail them to me and I will eat them for you. 🙂

    @amanda: Hot Fudge Sundae is on top of my list.

    @luckinflux: Unfortunately, the filling wasn’t yellow. If it was, it then could make a Russell Simmons/Kimora Lee joke.

  12. CHUCK

    according to the pop-tart website they now have 31 different flavors although some are just unfrosted versions. The orange cream one looks promising.

  13. The new flavors of Pop-Tarts never seem to end – I walked into work this morning to find a box of Blueberry Muffin Pop-Tarts on my desk.

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