Let’s be honest.
The Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint tinting rinse is basically a bullshit detector for parents to use on their children to ensure they’re not lying about brushing their teeth. It’s made for minors at least 6 years of age, which is when I learned the wonderful technique of lying to get out of trouble and to get what I want. Not even the George Washington cherry tree story, which ironically is a lie, could convince me to always be truthful.
This bullshit detector works by tinting your rug rat’s teeth after they rinse with it for 30 seconds. The blue will attach to their plaque and give their teeth a very light blue tint, which is supposed to encourage your brats to brush their teeth better and to make brushing fun.
Of course, if you’re having trouble getting your offspring to brush, you’ll probably have the same level of trouble getting your nestlings to rinse with this product when they know brushing will follow, which ends up being double the hassle for you. So I’m not sure if this is an efficient way to get your lil’ hellions to brush their teeth.
I don’t have kids, but I’ve come up with a few ways to “convince” your little punks to have good oral hygiene. Which one you use depends on how much pain and/or embarrassment you feel they can handle.
Technique #1: Embarrassment – Are you decent at Photoshop? Know someone who’s good at Photoshop? Take one of your kid’s school pictures, scan it, open the file up in Photoshop and do some digital dental cosmetic surgery. Remove some or all of their teeth; draw squiggly lines or, if you’re a Photoshop expert, a green cloud of gas coming out of their mouth to signify bad breath; and add the words, “Stinky Breath” on the image. Then take the completed image, put it on a t-shirt and make your scamp wear it to school.
Technique #2: Paranoia – Set up a security video camera in the bathroom your lil’ rascals use. It can be real or fake, but it should have a working red light on it and occasionally make sounds like the camera is focusing. If possible, add an intercom system which you’ll use to announce that you’re watching them.
Technique #3: Fear – Show your lil’ wretches episodes of the HBO drama Oz, particularly the really graphic ones, and tell them that people who don’t brush their teeth end up in prison.
Technique #4: Pain – The next time your bundle of joy has a dentist appointment, slip the dentist an extra $50 to add a little more pain to their time in the dentist’s chair. Tell your dentist to scrape a little harder, poke at their gums a little more and threaten them with the drill a few times. If you hear crying or see a little blood, slip the dentist an extra $20.
But if you’re not willing to make these type of commitments, then the Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint tinting rinse might be able to get your gene carriers to brush, although if they have any intelligence I’m pretty sure they can figure out that they can just rinse their mouth with water when you’re not looking to get rid of whatever blue tint there is, hence the Paranoia Technique above.
When I tried this product, I found the blue tint to be unnoticeable after I rinsed with it for 30 seconds. However, after rinsing with it for a minute, the blue tint was a little more prominent and it dyed my plaque and tongue a dark blue, but all of that easily disappeared after I brushed. It had a pleasant minty flavor and because it’s a rinse and not a mouthwash, it doesn’t sting like normal Listerine.
I still don’t know if the Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint will truly encourage little shits to brush their teeth, because it’s not intimidating and Hannah Montana is not on the bottle. All I do know is with my parenting abilities, using pain and embarrassment, I would make an awesome parent, teacher, Scoutmaster or day care facility owner.
Item: Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint
Size: 16.9 ounces
Purchased at: Wal-Mart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: It has a minty flavor. It’s blue. Decent bullshit detector. For adults and children. My parenting techniques. Good oral hygiene.
Cons: I don’t think it’s very effective in encouraging children to brush. Took more than 30 seconds to see blue tint on my teeth. Does not make brushing fun. Name is lame. Bad oral hygiene.