REVIEW: Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint

Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint

Let’s be honest.

The Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint tinting rinse is basically a bullshit detector for parents to use on their children to ensure they’re not lying about brushing their teeth. It’s made for minors at least 6 years of age, which is when I learned the wonderful technique of lying to get out of trouble and to get what I want. Not even the George Washington cherry tree story, which ironically is a lie, could convince me to always be truthful.

This bullshit detector works by tinting your rug rat’s teeth after they rinse with it for 30 seconds. The blue will attach to their plaque and give their teeth a very light blue tint, which is supposed to encourage your brats to brush their teeth better and to make brushing fun.

Of course, if you’re having trouble getting your offspring to brush, you’ll probably have the same level of trouble getting your nestlings to rinse with this product when they know brushing will follow, which ends up being double the hassle for you. So I’m not sure if this is an efficient way to get your lil’ hellions to brush their teeth.

I don’t have kids, but I’ve come up with a few ways to “convince” your little punks to have good oral hygiene. Which one you use depends on how much pain and/or embarrassment you feel they can handle.

Technique #1: Embarrassment – Are you decent at Photoshop? Know someone who’s good at Photoshop? Take one of your kid’s school pictures, scan it, open the file up in Photoshop and do some digital dental cosmetic surgery. Remove some or all of their teeth; draw squiggly lines or, if you’re a Photoshop expert, a green cloud of gas coming out of their mouth to signify bad breath; and add the words, “Stinky Breath” on the image. Then take the completed image, put it on a t-shirt and make your scamp wear it to school.

Technique #2: Paranoia – Set up a security video camera in the bathroom your lil’ rascals use. It can be real or fake, but it should have a working red light on it and occasionally make sounds like the camera is focusing. If possible, add an intercom system which you’ll use to announce that you’re watching them.

Technique #3: Fear – Show your lil’ wretches episodes of the HBO drama Oz, particularly the really graphic ones, and tell them that people who don’t brush their teeth end up in prison.

Technique #4: Pain – The next time your bundle of joy has a dentist appointment, slip the dentist an extra $50 to add a little more pain to their time in the dentist’s chair. Tell your dentist to scrape a little harder, poke at their gums a little more and threaten them with the drill a few times. If you hear crying or see a little blood, slip the dentist an extra $20.

But if you’re not willing to make these type of commitments, then the Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint tinting rinse might be able to get your gene carriers to brush, although if they have any intelligence I’m pretty sure they can figure out that they can just rinse their mouth with water when you’re not looking to get rid of whatever blue tint there is, hence the Paranoia Technique above.

When I tried this product, I found the blue tint to be unnoticeable after I rinsed with it for 30 seconds. However, after rinsing with it for a minute, the blue tint was a little more prominent and it dyed my plaque and tongue a dark blue, but all of that easily disappeared after I brushed. It had a pleasant minty flavor and because it’s a rinse and not a mouthwash, it doesn’t sting like normal Listerine.

I still don’t know if the Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint will truly encourage little shits to brush their teeth, because it’s not intimidating and Hannah Montana is not on the bottle. All I do know is with my parenting abilities, using pain and embarrassment, I would make an awesome parent, teacher, Scoutmaster or day care facility owner.

Item: Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint
Price: $4.46
Size: 16.9 ounces
Purchased at: Wal-Mart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: It has a minty flavor. It’s blue. Decent bullshit detector. For adults and children. My parenting techniques. Good oral hygiene.
Cons: I don’t think it’s very effective in encouraging children to brush. Took more than 30 seconds to see blue tint on my teeth. Does not make brushing fun. Name is lame. Bad oral hygiene.

18 thoughts on “REVIEW: Listerine Agent Cool Blue Glacier Mint

  1. I’ll have to skip this one until I have kids. I remember something similar from when I was little that turned your teeth red if you hadn’t brushed. It was too effective though…your teeth turned red no matter how well you brushed.

  2. If you had kids, I’m pretty sure this post would get them re-possessed by some government agency that would place them in a foster home that would screw them up far worse than your parenting techniques.

    That being said, I agree with everything you say as I also do not have kids.

    One thing about this product, let’s say your kids enjoy the way blue teeth look because kids are stupid like that. Giving them this might actually encourage them not to brush.

  3. Our dentist gave us these red tablets we were supposed to chew after brushing to see if we had any plaque left (maybe this is what Chuck, above, remembers). I was horrified to see all the red on my teeth after I brush, so I vowed to brush REALLY REALLY good (i.e., with force) to get prevent this from happening again.

    Flash forward 22 years or so. I’m in the chair at the dentist and he tells me that I’ve worn away some of my gum tissue from, get this, BRUSHING TOO HARD. ::shakes fist at evil dentist with red tablets::

  4. Hmmm I like the way you think Marvo! Perhaps this mouthwash could be used outright by parents with children who so clearly lack discipline!

    rants in german*

    ahem sorry, still whatever happened to a parent just teaching to brush correctly?

  5. Hmmm I think any parent who buys this for their child should be subjected to the ol’ crawfish treatment, still though I have to wonder how lazy kids are when the brush their choppers

  6. I like option numbers 3 and 4 both would be really good motivation to keep the youngster’s brushing right and blue is a good, festive color!

  7. I hated those little red tablets in school as a kid. now I will list the ten other things I hate

    10. spam lunch meat
    09. sunday nights
    08. pencils
    07. cold gravy
    06. running
    05. Vietman
    04. Obama
    03. tic tacs
    02. nascar
    01. france

  8. @Chuck: That sounds horrible, but something cool to have for Halloween.

    @Orchid64: If the liquid inside the bottle doesn’t encourage them to brush, then I’m going to use the bottle itself to smack them to encourage them to brush.

    @Felix Tibs: MSG is too expensive to use it that way.

    @Heidi: It will haunt them in their nightmares and hopefully later in life they won’t do anything illegal for fear of being someone’s bitch in prison.

    @Sissie Sue: My dentist tells me that you don’t need to brush hard to clean your teeth and brushing too hard might wear away your enamel.

    @Villain was born like this…: The problem is not teaching children to brush correctly but it’s getting them to brush period.

    @A Real RockNRolla: Oooh. Crawfish pinches would make awesome punishment for children for not brushing. Pain…the ultimate influence.

  9. @Robyn: I’d like my future children to have some cavities because I think it will teach them responsibility and experience with a drill in their mouth.

    @Vik the Viper: They come in other festive colors.

    @Natalie: Sorry, but I don’t think my imaginary girlfriend would like that.

    @Neil the hammer: Wow! You must hate NASCAR because you didn’t capitalize any of the letters.

    @Larry Davenport: I must find some of these red pills.

    @Tyler: I don’t know about that because I’m not sure if Smurf spunk is blue or white.

    @yawnie: 2nd graders are stupid.

  10. This product is so terrible, I would never give it to my kids. It has stained my bathroom counter top and also the sink. It cannot be removed, despite bleach, ajax and acetone …what is it doing to the kids mouth????

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