REVIEW: Nonstop Mint Stride Gum

Nonstop Mint Stride

Minty gum flavors are like shades of gray — there are slight variations, either minty coolness with the gum or values in the hexadecimal format (or sadness in an emo’s soul) with the gray, but to most people it’s basically the same shit. The Nonstop Mint Stride Gum is just another shade of gray, albeit on the lighter side, that plays a lot of Dashboard Confessional and The Get Up Kids on its iPod.

I believe the Nonstop Mint Stride almost has the perfect minty gum name, although the folks at Stride Gum disagree since they have a contest going on to determine a new name for it that involves people submitting their ideas for a chance to win $10,000. I think the name is fine because it somewhat accurately describes the gum itself. It’s minty and, while it may not be “nonstop,” it lasts surprisingly long, like Steve Wozniak’s stay on Dancing With The Stars.

Naming a minty gum is simple if you have nerve endings and aren’t agoraphobic. Just go outside when it’s dark or cold, strip down to your underwear (or naked if it’s legal in your neck of the woods or you live in the middle of the woods), wait a few minutes for your body temperature to drop, write down what you’re feeling (if your shaking hands allow you to), and then add the word “mint” at the end of everything you’re feeling.

I’ve come up with a number of minty gum names using this technique, like Wind Blast Mint, Mid-40’s Mint, Shiver Mint, Misty Wind Mint, Hard Nipple Mint, It’s So Cold I Can’t Write Straight Mint, My Nipples Are So Hard That They Could Poke An Eye Out Mint, Holy Shit It’s Fucking Freezing Mint, and Shrunken Genitalia Mint.

The Nonstop Mint doesn’t have a strong minty flavor like a lot of chewing gums with names that combine a weather report with the word “mint,” but it does have a sweet side. I guess if there was a minty Juicy Fruit it would taste somewhat like this. I enjoyed its flavor and was able to chew on it for more than 45 minutes before I had the urge to spit it out, but if you need something stronger to get rid of the garlic, onions or mistress/boytoy you just ate, I’d suggest something other than the Nonstop Mint Stride.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 piece – Less than 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 1 gram of carbs, 0 grams of sugar, 1 grams of sugar alcohol and 0 grams of protein.)

(Note: Read another review here.)

Item: Nonstop Mint Stride Gum
Price: $1.39
Size: 14 pieces
Purchased at: Wal-Mart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Minty sweet flavor. Has a name that almost accurately describes it. Long lasting flavor. Able to keep it in my mouth for more than 45 minutes. 14 frickin’ pieces. No fat. Stripping down to your underwear in the name of marketing. Genitalia.
Cons: Not a strong minty flavor. Doesn’t seem strong enough to get rid of garlic, onions or genitalia in your mouth. Shrinking genitalia in cold weather. Being agoraphobic. My excessive use of the word “genitalia” in this review.

NEWS: Lay’s Latest Snacks Come In New Packages With Colors Usually Seen In Spring Gap Ads

Lay’s recently introduced two new members of their snack family, the Baked! Lay’s Southwestern Ranch Flavored Potato Crisps and the Flat Earth Spicy Salsa Flavored Baked Veggie Crisps.

For a while, I enjoyed Baked! Lay’s — except the original flavor, which I believe tasted like what I imagine making out with a paper doll is like. I ate them because they were healthier than their fried counterparts, which made me feel less guilty when I ate an entire bag in one sitting to help make a Home Improvement marathon on Nick at Nite a little more tolerable. The Southwestern Ranch flavor will come in handy when I want to make a Frasier marathon a little more bearable.

The Baked! Lay’s Southwestern Ranch contains 120 calories, 3 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 160 milligrams of sodium and 2 grams of dietary fiber. It’s also gluten-free.

I originally learned about Flat Earth veggie crisps from a number of mommy bloggers I follow. Yeah, I follow a few mommy bloggers, but not because I’m the father of their children. These mommy bloggers raved about how great of a snack it was because it was tasty and provided some vegetables. When I tried them, I very much enjoyed them and then quickly purchased whatever else the mommy bloggers suggested, which was a mistake because I now have a breast milk pump.

Damn those mommy bloggers are influential!

If the Spicy Salsa is as good as the other Flat Earth flavors, some hot momma bloggers are probably going to love these.

The Flat Earth Spicy Salsa has 130 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 180 milligrams of sodium and 2 grams of dietary fiber.

NEWS: Starbucks Goes Donald Trump On Old Ice Cream Line And Replaces It With Younger Ice Cream Line

Starbucks recently launched a new super-premium ice cream in flavors that will be familiar to those Starbucks junkies who know the coffee giant’s menu better than the back of their hand. Of course, for those addicts it’s hard to see the back of their hand without spilling the Starbucks coffee it’s holding.

The new, perky ice cream line replaces the old, saggy ice cream line made by Dreyer’s. Unilever will produce it and make the ice cream with milk that’s free of recombinant bovine growth hormone (rBGH), just like Ben & Jerry’s — another company under the Unilever umbrella.

Again, if you have Starbucks running through your veins and exiting you through your urethra, the flavors that make up the new ice cream line will be familiar to you:

Caramel Macchiato – Swirled coffee and vanilla ice creams with ribbons of golden caramel.

Mocha Frappuccino – Swirled coffee and chocolate ice creams.

Java Chip Frappuccino – Coffee ice cream with dark chocolaty chunks.

Coffee – Swirled coffee and espresso ice creams.

Pints will be available at your favorite grocer, convenience store or superstore monstrosity for a suggested retail price of $3.99.

(Update: Read our review of the coffee flavor here.)

REVIEW: Raspberry Goji Jello with Antioxidants

Jello with Antioxidants

The Raspberry Goji Jello contains the antioxidants vitamins A and E.

Oh, I remember a time when those two weren’t known as antioxidants. I can’t quite recall what they were called. Let me think for a moment. It’s on the tip of my tongue.

Oh yeah, that’s right, they were just called vitamins.

When did vitamins A and E become antioxidants? I thought antioxidants were scientific sounding things with names that are made up of ten or more letters, like polyphenols, flavonoids, and carotenoids. If vitamins A and E are antioxidants, then the Skippy Peanut Butter that contains vitamin E can technically be called Skippy Peanut Butter with Antioxidants and the fortified milk I drink that has vitamin A could also be called Fortified Milk with Antioxidants.

Those names would not only be silly, but they would also make it much harder to sing the 1980s ABC Public Service Announcement “Quickfast” by The Bod Squad.

A piece of toast and one of these:
Some Skippy Peanut Butter with Antioxidants or a slice of cheese.
Fortified Milk with Antioxidants or juice to wash it down.
It’s the fast fast quick fastest breakfast in town!

(Note: For those of you who are too young to know what I’m referring to here, please listen to this MP3 of PSA history. For those of you who are old enough to know what I’m referring to, your mother told me to ask you when are you going to get married and/or when are you having children?)

The Raspberry Goji Jello may have antioxidants but it seems it doesn’t get them from the raspberries and goji berries, which are known to be high in a variety of antioxidants. One of the reasons why I believe they don’t provide any antioxidants is because are both great sources of Vitamin C, but according to the Jello packaging it’s not a significant source of it. But the more obvious reason is because, according to the ingredients list, the Jello gets its vitamin E via vitamin E acetate, while the vitamin A comes from added beta-carotene. So it seems the raspberries and goji berries provide flavor, but no antioxidants, which is kind of deceiving.

Speaking of the Raspberry Goji Jello’s flavor, it had a sweet, pleasant taste. I could taste the raspberry, but the Jello wasn’t at all tart. I’m not sure what goji berries taste like so, I’m not sure if I could taste them. But combined it created a nice flavor, with a hint of an artificial sweetener aftertaste, thanks to the aspartame and deceit in it.

Each container of the Raspberry Goji Jello with Antioxidants is a good source of vitamins A and E, if you consider 10 percent of your daily recommended intake of them “a good source.” It’s also fat free, sugar free and contains only 10 calories per serving — making it a guilt-free snack. But just don’t expect it to be your main source of antioxidants.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 container – 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 45 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbs, 0 grams of sugar, 1 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A and 10% vitamin E.)

(Note: Gigi also reviewed them. Also, I’m boycotting the hyphen that’s in the name Jello because I think it serves no purpose.)

Item: Raspberry Goji Jello with Antioxidants
Price: $5.49
Size: 6-pack
Purchased at: Star Market
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Sweet, pleasant flavor. Only 10 calories per serving. Sugar free. No fat. No preservatives. Reliving the 1980s.
Cons: Raspberries and Goji berries don’t appear to provide antioxidants. Despite what the packaging says, it’s not really a good source of vitamins A & E. Slight artificial sweetener aftertaste. Pricey for what you get. Being asked silly questions by your parents.

NEWS: Ziploc evolve Bags Are Eco-Friendly Until You Throw Them Away

The new eco-friendly Ziploc evolve sandwich and storage bags are made from a new resin that uses 25% less plastic than their regular bags, are manufactured using approximately 50% renewable wind energy and packaged in a 100% recycled box, with at least 35% postconsumer content.

While all of this might be fine and dandy to the casual environmentalist, the maniacal, Captain Planet costume-wearing treehugger would point to the fact that if these bags are so evolved, why is the E in “evolve” lowercase and why don’t they have powers like the characters on Heroes?

A level-headed (not crazy) treehugger who doesn’t dress up in tights and paints their skin blue would probably wonder why Ziploc didn’t do more, since most of their bags probably end up in landfills and are difficult to recycle because they’re made out of #4 plastics.

The Ziploc evolve bags seem like a step in the right direction, but it would be more impressive if all of their bags were made this way.

The bags are available in sandwich ($2.49), quart ($3.49) and gallon ($3.49) sizes.