REVIEW: Glaceau XXX Vitamin Water 10

Glaceau XXX Vitamin Water 10

I could stuff this review for the Glaceau XXX Vitamin Water 10 with sexual references in every possible hole I could find, but I’m not going to get behind that and force something like that down your throats, because I’m better than that.

For example, I’m not going to talk about the three antioxidant-filled fruits in this beverage — acai, blueberry and pomegranate — coming together to form a cool, fruity manage-a-trois with so much pomegrindin’ that they would make each other turn blueberry and scream acai at the top of their lungs in orgasmic pleasure.

I’m not going to stoop to the crass level I’ve stooped to in hundreds of reviews before this one and in the previous two paragraph…and in the hundreds of reviews after this one. I’m going to try to be classy and make this review one that I wouldn’t be afraid to share with my parents and second graders, except for the first two paragraphs.

Glaceau’s XXX Vitamin Water 10 is the latest beverage to have the stevia sweetener Truvia added to it. The maker of the sweetener, Coca-Cola, has been pushing it hard up promoting their new sweetener a lot and have been slowly inserting it into adding it to various beverages across their numerous product lines. However Truvia is not the only sweetener in this beverage. Crystalline fructose and erythritol completes the sticky threesome trifecta of natural sweeteners.

Keep it clean, Marvo. Keep it clean.

While the XXX in its name represents the three fruits that provide the 50 milligrams of berry polyphenols and the flavor in this beverage, the 10 in its name symbolizes the 10 inches of man 10 calories it has per 8-ounce serving, which is one-fifth the calories in regular Glaceau XXX Vitamin Water. This is possible thanks to the foreskinned aforementioned Holy Trinity of group of natural sweeteners.

Focus, young Padawan.

While the Truvia-sweetened version has one-fifth of the calories found in regular XXX Vitamin Water, it also has about two-thirds of the flavor. So if you think regular Vitamin Water is too watery tasting, the lower calorie version will seem even more so with a weird aftertaste. Its color and smell also are lighter than the original version. I also wouldn’t recommend drinking it warm.

Yes. There you go. No sinful thoughts. No sinful thoughts.

…DAMMIT! I can’t take it anymore. FAIL.

The Glaceau XXX Vitamin Water 10 was good and it tasted how I expected it to taste, but it didn’t make me want to wrap my lips around its gloryhole and…(the copy here was taken out after it was deemed to be so extremely explicit it would make strippers blush and pornstars cheer).

Oh, me likey happy ending!

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 4 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of erythritol, 0 grams of protein, 100% vitamin C, 10% vitamin B3, 10% vitamin B6, 10% vitamin B12 and 10% vitamin B5.)

Item: Glaceau XXX Vitamin Water 10
Price: $1.49
Size: 20 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Decent tasting when cold. Ten calories per serving. Good source of vitamin C. Decent source of B vitamins. Being able to express myself. Pomegrindin’.
Cons: Weird aftertaste. Tastes bad when warm. Taste not equivalent to regular XXX Vitamin Water. Uses three types of sweeteners. Contains only 1% juice. Trying to write a normal review.

17 thoughts on “REVIEW: Glaceau XXX Vitamin Water 10

  1. My mom bought this thinking the entire bottle was 10 calories. I promptly pointed out that the bottle is 2.5 servings so 25 calories. She got all flustered and complained that it was deceptive. :P I tried to reason with her that 10/25 calories was no big deal but the point was that a regular 20 oz. soda would be around 200 calories and there was your difference but she wasn’t havin’ it. She won’t drink the Vitamin Water and is now against them for being deceptive (even after I pointed out to her that is clearly says ‘per serving’).

    :)

  2. Hmmm well you did show amazing self control up until the very end but C’mon any drink with a name like Triple X is just begging to be guzzled shamelessly!

  3. Damn Marvo, do they sell this stuff anywhere or is it only available in the red light district? Seriously though I’ve had the Vitamin Water 10 and I find that the taste is slightly off-putting. I am tempted to make a crass comparison between the Vitamin Water 10 and a Girl I know named Sylvia but like you I’m going to take the high road

    *win*

  4. IMHO, I think the 10 version is more flavorful than the original version and I prefer it now actually. Could be the munchies talking tho…….

  5. I tried all the flavors of the “10″ vitamin waters and must say…their all “off” in flavor. The “natural” sweetners make it bitter and give it a weird aftertaste. I found the XXX to be the worst out of all the flavors, though I don’t really like that one normally. So pretty much it’s all the calories or nothing cause this isn’t worth the $1 to buy it on sale

  6. I’m conflicted. For safety purposes, I prefer plastic over glass. However XXX water is not ribbed for my pleasure.

  7. Only tried Vitamin Water 10 because I had a coupon that made it free. I can now say that I’m glad I didn’t waste my money on it.

  8. Wow, I thought my friend and I were the only ones to frequently use “manage-a-trois” in conversation. YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN, MARVO!

  9. @Orchid64: And if it had only one X, then I would write about skateboarding and my inability to ollie over another skateboard.

    @chris: I’m pound…I mean, proud of it too.

    @Bear Silber: You know what you should’ve told her. You should’ve said after she calmed down, “It’s only 25 calories, all your flustering burned about 25 calories, so it’s not much.” :)

    @Chuck: Well it is purple.

    @JamieSusan: Foreskin? You have no worries because that’s been long gone.

    @Woodenhand: Yeah, I just open my throat and let it in.

    @Walter Bernhard: I wish you took the low road, because I’m pretty sure Sylvia doesn’t read this blog.

    @edman0037: Could be because being high seems to make everything better: colors, episodes of The Hills, Vitamin Water 10.

    @Heather: I wish I got mine for only $1. :( I wish I could find all the flavors here. :(

    @grinder: That’s easy to fix. Just wrap some rubber bands around the bottle then cover all of that up with a Magnum condom. Problem solved!

    @Nhiro: I want coupons that give me free shit. I also want a pony, but not the responsibility that comes with owning one.

    @Michelle: I have the ability to write an entire review about manage-a-trois and somehow relate it to adult diapers or baby food. Some say it’s a curse, but I say it’s a gift.

  10. I would send you all the flavors (seem to constantly be on sale at Target or Giant around here) but then I would feel guilty for sending you something I already knew sucked :/

  11. @Heather: That’s okay. I’ll just take a regular flavor, pour half of it out, and then fill the bottle with regular water. I think I would get the essence of it.

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