(Note: Please read this letter with a Southern accent.)
To My Dearest Jacqueline D. Box,
It has been a long time since I had an opportunity to write to you as I have been occupied by the hassles of our country’s Civil War. I feel impelled to write a correspondence to you because I sense that death may soon be upon me and the thousands of men who fight alongside me. Your rain of letters bring sunshine to my days of fighting those from the North. I again apologize that I am not able to reciprocate an equal amount of correspondence. It is quite good to hear about every minuscule moment in your life and because I keep your extensive book-length letters near my heart, you have prevented the enemy’s ammunition from striking my body.
Oh, how my war-battered heart yearns for your warm embrace, tender kisses, ample bosom and your Jacqueline D. Box Flavored Iced Teas. The battlefield on a Southern summer day is like what I imagine the pits of fire and brimstone in hell feel like and when my throat is dry from all the yelling as we charge the Union soldiers, which I don’t really understand because it lets the enemy know where we are, all I desire is you and either your refreshing mango, raspberry or peach iced teas made with fresh-brewed tea.
Although, to be honest, since I may never gaze upon your round, joyful face again, I don’t really care for your mango flavored iced tea because it tastes like a sweet vegetable and not at all like the exotic tropical fruit of mango whose flavor makes my taste buds tingle with delight.
However your raspberry and peach flavored iced teas make my heart skip a beat and refreshes me like a plunge into the cooling waters of Old Harper’s Lake on a blistering summer’s day. I don’t know how you are able to create such delightful refreshments. I could drink them both relentlessly until I burst at the seams. Both beverages have just the right amount of flavor, without being too sweet, giving them a satisfying balance of fruit and tea flavor. Just writing about it in this correspondence makes me desire it even more. Not even this cup of water from great Mississippi River can quench my thirst like your flavored iced teas can.
But alas, my love, I fear for the worst and may never sample your flavored iced tea ever again.
Jacqueline, if I do not return, do not think we shall not meet again. For if you feel warmth when you are cold or a cool breeze on a July afternoon, it shall be my spirit watching over you, protecting you and scaring away any possible suitors.
(Nutrition Facts – 24 ounces – Mango – 83 calories, 0 grams of fat, 14 milligrams of sodium, 115 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 19 grams of sugar and 0 grams of protein. Raspberry – 78 calories, 0 grams of fat, 12 milligrams of sodium, 119 milligrams of potassium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 18 grams of sugar and 0 grams of protein. Peach – 82 calories, 0 grams of fat, 14 milligrams of sodium, 115 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 19 grams of sugar and 0 grams of protein.)
Item: Jack in the Box Flavored Iced Teas
Price: $1.99 each
Size: 24 ounces
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 5 out of 10 (mango)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (peach)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (raspberry)
Pros: Peach and raspberry flavors were extremely refreshing. Made with fresh-brewed tea. Healthier alternative than most drinks available at Jack in the Box. Perfect balance of fruit and tea. Came in bigger cups than I thought.
Cons: The mango flavor disappointed because tastes like a sweet vegetable. Doesn’t come in a variety of colors like their promotional pictures. The syrup the use might settle to the bottom, so remember to stir before drinking. Not sure if the tea provides any health benefits.