My first attempt with a green screen. It turned out okay. This week we let you know about a bologna sandwich, another variety of Wheat Thins and gridiron doughnuts. For our week in reviews we look back at reviews from ZOMG Candy, We Rate Stuff and BevReview. And we have a 60 second review on one of Ben & Jerry’s latest creations. Also, you’ll probably notice there’s something off about the audio and that can be attributed to the batteries in my wireless mic pack. Enjoy.
If only the Frozen Food Master’s video review of the frozen White Castle Cheeseburgers had an Indian guy and Neil Patrick Harris, so that he could share it with them. (via Freezer Burns)
Remember those infomercials for a product called 30 Minute Abs? Remember the competing product called 15 Minute Abs? Remember 10 Minutes Abs? We’re seeing that same level of competition and bullshit with energy shots. First, it was five hours of energy. Then it was six hours. Now were up to 8-hour energy shots. 24-hour energy IV drip, here we come! (via Everyview)
@aplusk needs to convince every single one of his three million Twitter followers to watch his latest movie, because having a nude Anne Heche in it isn’t enough to do it. (via Pajiba)
So what if McDonald’s came out with burgers that uses Angus beef and Carl’s Jr. came out with their version of the Big Mac, called the Big Carl. Can’t they just get along because I’d hate to see this turn violent? I believe we lost Biggie and Tupac this way.
I love McDonald’s french fries and I love Carl’s Jr. burgers, so if I lost them both, I would have less places to get huge doses of calories, saturated fat and sodium from. I don’t want to have to eat at Quiznos! Also, I don’t want them to be killed and release new stuff from the grave, because as Biggie, Tupac and Dave Thomas have proven with their posthumous stuff, it won’t be as good.
Much like the McDonald’s Big Mac, the Big Carl is made of two beef patties, a Thousand Island dressing-eque sauce, American cheese and lettuce in between a sesame seed bun. For those of you keeping score at home, the Carl’s Jr. burger does lack the Big Mac’s middle bun, along with pickles and onions. The Big Carl is also supposed to be cheaper than the Big Mac, except here on this island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, where it is one dollar more than a Big Mac and two dollars more than the advertised price of $2.49.
Size-wise, the Big Mac weighs in at 214 grams, while the Big Carl is significantly meatier at 315 grams. (Insert your favorite small penis/big penis joke here.) Flavor-wise, I do find the Carl’s Jr. burger to taste better because of the beef patties, which are of a higher quality than the Big Mac’s, and the Thousand Island dressing-ish sauce. But I wonder if my taste buds approve of the Big Carl because they’re bored with the Big Mac, which I’ve had so many times that I’m surprised I haven’t grown a third bun.
The Big Carl has almost twice the calories and saturated fat than the Big Mac, so it’s not something you should eat on a regular basis and I don’t think that will lure Big Mac enthusiast, Don Gorske, who has eaten over 20,000 Big Macs, to switch over to the Big Carl.
However, even though I just did so, I don’t know if one can truly compare the two burgers, since the Big Carl lacks pickles and onions, both of which helps give the Big Mac its unique taste.
While I believe it’s better tasting than a Big Mac, what I really like about the Carl’s Jr. Big Carl is the fact that it helps complete a rare kinky circle. A dude named Carl can go to Carl’s Jr., order a Big Carl and then perform a Hot Carl on someone.
Don’t know what a Hot Carl is? Look it up on Wikipedia or Urban Dictionary.
Don’t do that unless you want to upchuck the chuck you just ate at Chuck E. Cheese while listening to some Chuck Berry.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 burger – 920 calories, 59 grams of fat, 23 grams of saturated fat, 145 milligrams of cholesterol, 1370 milligrams of sodium, 51 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber and 45 grams of protein.)
Item: Carl’s Jr. Big Carl Price: $4.59 Size: 315 grams Purchased at: Carl’s Jr Rating: 8 out of 10 Pros: Better tasting than the Big Mac. Tastier patties than the Big Mac. Heavier than the Big Mac. Being able to complete a kinky circle. Wikipedia. Inserting your own penis jokes into a vagina of text. Cons: Lacks pickles and onions (and third bun). Has twice the calories and saturated fat than the Big Mac. Hot Carls. Pricey on this island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Posthumous stuff from Biggie, Tupac and Dave Thomas.
Itâ€™s pretty pathetic that someone born and raised in New England has never gone skiing. Itâ€™s even more pathetic that this person spent a week at a mountain resort town in Switzerland and not once strapped on the skis and tried the bunny slope. The same person would probably not even consider skiing in the celebrity-laden, snooty, yet sporty town of Aspen, Colorado.
However, Iâ€¦I mean, this person would not be added to a long list of poseurs that includes the dude in the “Pretty Fly for a White Guy” music video and Kevin Federline (wait, arenâ€™t they the same person?) by walking around the lodge pimped out in the latest North Face gear bragging about the “black diamond” run (thatâ€™s what they call it, right?). No, instead I would be in the corner, sitting next to a fireplace like the Masterpiece Theatre guy, except I would be nursing an Irish Coffee and maybe enjoying the new Blue Bunny Raspberry Vanilla Aspen Frozen Yogurt Granola Bar. Although, this frozen confection would be melted before I even open the wrapper due to the blazing, yet romantic fire burning beside me. In fact, it was pretty much melting upon opening in the comfort of an air-conditioned room. Not a good sign.
The Blue Bunny Raspberry Vanilla Aspen Frozen Yogurt Granola Bar is enrobed with a vanilla yogurt shell that’s covers the entire bar like a nice LL Bean cable-knit sweater or a ski jacket with pockets inside of pockets. The yogurt shell is similar to the stuff on some trail mix raisins. On top, thereâ€™s a small dusting of granola.
I wanted to enjoy the first bite, but like I said, it was melting already, so the first bite was quick and ended in a slurp. The raspberry fro-yo is very tasty (avid readers know Iâ€™m a whore for raspberry flavored things) and it combines well with the vanilla yogurt shell and the layer of raspberry preserve thatâ€™s stuck in there. The crunch of the granola is pretty darn good, but I donâ€™t think thereâ€™s enough of it to formally call this frozen yogurt novelty a granola bar. Blue Bunny boasts that these treats are loaded with probiotic cultures, which is just a chemistry way of saying that these bars can aid in bowel movements and keep you regular without the need of Metamucil or the new Volcano Menu at Taco Bell.
Usually size doesnâ€™t matter (when it comes to frozen treats), but I was quite impressed by the size of these things (I am a small girl though). Theyâ€™re roughly the size of a Milky Way, but of course they disappear quicker, because for some reason when instantly exposed to non-freezer like conditions they morph into the Wicked Witch of the West or Joan Rivers at the beach (wait, arenâ€™t they the same person?).
Even with the fast melting, the Blue Bunny Raspberry Vanilla Aspen bars are pretty good, but I wouldnâ€™t necessarily call these a healthy alternative to other frozen treats, because one bar packs 150 calories (80 of which are from fat) and 35% of your daily saturated fat content! But, really traditional granola bars are similar in nutrition, but a lot of us forget that because itâ€™s ingrained in us they are healthy. If you are a granola bar lover (like myself) you might be disappointed in the lack of granola, but like those yogurt cups with the granola on top, you can add your own to the Aspen bar by dipping it in more. Similar to what people do with Funny Bones by injecting more peanut butter, or that creepy lion woman injecting more collagen in her lips.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 Bar – 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 75 milligrams of potassium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 10% calcium, 4% riboflavin, 4% phosphorus and 2% vitamin B12.)
Item: Blue Bunny Raspberry Vanilla Aspen Frozen Yogurt Granola Bars Price: $2.50 Size: 8-pack Purchased at: Wal-Mart Rating: 7 out of 10 Pros: Different than most frozen novelties. Coating is not white chocolate. Sweater weather. Probiotic cultures helps you stay regular. Bar size. Cons: Never experiencing the slopes. Not enough granola. Not being able to find your keys. Because your anorak has more pockets than necessary. People who get uber amounts of plastic surgery. High in saturated fat.
Cookie Crisp has always had the potential to be THE GREATEST CEREAL THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN. All General Mills, the maker of Cookie Crisp, has to do to make this happen is to turn to the dark side, but they haven’t done it, yet, with their new Sprinkles Cookie Crisp Cereal.
When I say “dark side,” I’m not talking about the one filled with anger and hate that turned Anakin Skywalker into the heartless and powerful Darth Vader. Instead, I’m talking about the one that’s filled with greed and gluttony and has the ability to turn an ordinary couch potato into the heart-diseased and easily winded Girth Vider.
This dark side also has the ability to turn Trix into something you would want to eat with a condom on, preferably on your tongue, unless you pay extra to fuck it.
If General Mills did turn to the dark side and wanted Cookie Crisp to be THE GREATEST CEREAL THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN, the cereal would be made up of actual mini cookies, and none of these unsatisfying cookie-shaped pieces.
These cookies would be made with enough milk to make a cow’s udder spew dust, enough flour to make it look like one just came from a 1980s cocaine party, enough eggs to make PETA protest, enough butter to make Paula Deen weep, enough sugar to rot one’s teeth instantly and enough love to make one file a restraining order.
Unfortunately, the Sprinkles Cookie Crisp Cereal maintains the status quo with its vanilla-flavored cereal with colorful sprinkles on top. It has a flavor that’s similar to regular Cookie Crisp, except without the slight chocolate chip flavor, proving the sprinkles are just there to distract from the fact that the cereal has no personality, like silicone breast implants do for most female reality show contestants.
I prefer regular Cookie Crisp over Sprinkles Cookie Crisp, but that’s just me, because I tend to prefer chocolately cereals. So if Cookie Crisp decided to go to the dark side and sell a box that contains nothing but Mini Oreos or Mini Chips Ahoy, I would purchase that in a heartbeat and then wait for that heartbeat to quicken as I turn into Girth Vider.
(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup with skim milk – 140 calories, 1 gram of fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 240 milligrams of potassium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 16 grams of sugar, 12 grams of other carbohydrates, 5 grams of protein and a whole lot of vitamins and minerals.)
Item: Sprinkles Cookie Crisp Cereal Price: $5.49 Size: 12.2 ounces Purchased at: Foodland Rating: 6 out of 10 Pros: Like regular Cookie Crisp, except without the light chocolate chip flavor. Sprinkles give the cereal some color. Going to the dark side, if you’re a cereal company. A cereal made up of Mini Oreos or Mini Chips Ahoy. Cons: Not better than regular Cookie Crisp. Kind of boring. Not made up of actual cookies. Turning into Girth Vider. Going to the dark side, if you’re a Jedi. Most reality show contestants. Eating Trix that has turned to the dark side.