REVIEW: Lemon Torte Yoplait Delights Parfait

Lemon Torte Yoplait Delights Parfait

I highly doubt the Lemon Torte Yoplait Delights Parfait will truly give me any delight, because it competes with my love for puppies, NBC’s primetime comedy lineup on Thursdays, and my ability to masturbate. The last one I mentioned is the heavyweight champion because it doesn’t cost any money and I can pretty much do it anywhere, even without a Macy’s lingerie ad cut out from a newspaper.

But now that I think about it, Yoplait yogurt has always been marketed to women, so the Yoplait Delights Parfait isn’t meant for men, but is really meant for women, much like Secret deodorant and Mazda Miatas.

But if I think about it even more, Yoplait Delights Parfaits are intended for delicate women who like to be gently touched. How did I come up with this conclusion? Because Yoplait also has lines of yogurt called Whips! and Thick & Creamy, which sound like they’re meant for women who like it a bit rough.

The Lemon Torte Yoplait Delights Parfait comes in a pack of four 4-ounce cups, which are two ounces smaller than regular Yoplait yogurt containers. Each cup has two layers of yogurt filled with live and active cultures: a lemon-flavored yogurt on the bottom and a vanilla-flavored yogurt on top. Unlike most other Yoplait yogurts, there isn’t any fruit in the cup.

Separately, each flavor tastes decent, but when the two yogurt flavors are mixed together, it’s like Betty Crocker is baking a lemon cake in my mouth. It’s quite tasty and creamy, but I didn’t get any delight from it, unless you count the French kissing I did with the spoon to lick it clean.

While I may not have received any delight, I’m sure women who try the Lemon Torte Yoplait Delights Parfait might get a different result. So if you’re a woman and like lemon cake as much as I like puppies, 30 Rock and masturbation, you should get your hands on this product. While you’re doing that, I’ll be using my hands for something else.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 container – 100 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 180 milligrams of potassium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 12 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 15% calcium, 15% vitamin D, 10% phosphorus.)

Other Yoplait Delights Parfait reviews:
Gigi Reviews

Item: Lemon Torte Yoplait Delights Parfait
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 4-pack
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like lemon cake. Creamy. 100 calories per serving. Contains live and active cultures. Decent source of vitamin D and calcium. 30 Rock. Masturbation. Puppies.
Cons: Doesn’t give me delight. Smaller container than regular Yoplait yogurts. Doesn’t contain pieces of fruit. Men driving Mazda Miatas. Newspaper ink getting on my hands.

20 thoughts on “REVIEW: Lemon Torte Yoplait Delights Parfait

  1. It’s probably a good thing that you don’t work in the marketing department of a food company. The names you might conjure up boggle the mind – “Whack-a-Doodles cheese puffs, for those who get the munchies after spanking their monkeys!”

  2. Hmmmm what would that be like having Betty Crocker bake a lemon cake inside my mouth…that sounds oddly…. iviting! Seriously though, I’m thinking that these containers while tasty would not be enough to satisfy my random yogurt impulses ( I only eat yogurt once in a great while)

  3. Hmmmm Betty Crocker baking lemon cake in my mouth sounds super enticing. Guess I gotta run out and buy these today!!! I believe they have other flavors as well. So she will be baking up a storm

  4. Hmmm I do love a nice yogurt if it’s well blended (non of that fruit on the bottom stuff for me thanks) still lemon is a good flavor but I to wonder how this can be different from other lemon flavored yogurts

  5. @Chuck: The only thing newspaper ink is good for is preventing streaks when cleaning windows with newspapers…while getting busy.

    @Lil’C: Perhaps you need to be more IMPULSIVE with yogurt and BUY them more often.

    @amanda: There are three other flavors: Triple Berry Creme, Chocolate Raspberry and Creme Caramel.

    @Erin: I don’t think I’ve ever had their normal lemon-flavored yogurts, so I can’t compare. Oh no, I have failed as a product reviewer. I bow my head low with shame. 😉

    @The Crisper: No fruit on the bottom, which means no mixing. Although, I would recommend mixing the two yogurt together for optimal flavor.

  6. I always wind up buying yogurt and then letting it sit in my fridge until it expires. I get yogurt cravings at the store, but once I bring it home, my interest fades. These, however, might actually capture my attention when sitting on the couch (watching 30 Rock but probably NOT masturbating). The lemon and triple berry sound great, but Chocolate Raspberry and Creme Caramel seem too rich for my blood. $3.00 for four smaller-than-usual-yogurt cups is a bit steep, but I guess you are paying extra for the Delight. Nice review, thanks for the heads up.

  7. @Michael: Thanks!

    @Kelley: Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, thing are a little pricey, even on sale. So you might be able to find it for a cheaper price.

    @Review Spew: I ate two of them before the date, one of the on the date and one while I was writing this review, which would be five days after the date. I have the balls of Bear Grylls!

  8. @Neil THE HAMMER: If they can make a Hello Kitty rifle, they can make a lemon one.

    @boxsquat: All that needs to happen is to have Oprah bless it and then it will be truly female approved.

  9. I just bought this yesterday (on sale for $2.50), along with the Creme Caramel and Chocolate Raspberry flavors. The consistency is more like pudding than regular yogurt, I think. I also approve, and I don’t need no fucking Oprah to validate me!

  10. @Lady Callahan: Shhh!!! Don’t let Oprah hear that. She might come to your house and give you something for free that you’ll find under your chair — a dirtnap.

    @JamieSusan: Me no want more seasons of The Bachelorette.

  11. These Delights are one of the most horribly tasting dairy products I have ever bought! I can’t believe you give them a 7!

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