THE WEEK IN REVIEWS – 10/31/2009

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we like.

Finally, a snack that’s being marketed directly to stoners. (via Jim’s Chocolate Mission)

Cheeseburger flavored potato chips! Why don’t we have this in America? We’re the heaviest country in the world and we don’t have cheeseburger flavored potato chips! For shame! (via Food Stuff Finds)

World’s Largest Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups! That’s what I’m talking about! Now that’s what I call American! (via Candyblog)

As a fan of Popchips, I’m happy to see a cheddar version of them, but I’m sad it doesn’t turn my fingers radioactive orange like Cheetos do. Because I enjoy sucking my fingers. (via Nicole Rates It)

I expect a lot of vamps to sneak in bags of Blood Energy Potion into theaters when New Moon starts showing. Sorry Clamato. (via ED Junkie and Screaming Energy)

REVIEW: Odwalla Wholly Grain! Tropical Medley

The drab color of the Odwalla Wholly Grain! Tropical Medley fruit smoothie doesn’t make me want to drink it, instead I want to use it as a color swatch to help me decide which hue of paint I should use if I ever need to repaint the inner walls of a correctional facility or mental institution.

Odwalla fruit smoothies usually come in vibrant colors that one would find on either the NBC Peacock, handkerchiefs coming out of a clown’s mouth or in any bodily fluid that oozes out of a unicorn. The colors are so vivacious that they say if you stare at the Odwalla refrigerated case at your grocery store long enough, you’ll know what rainbows taste like.

What gives the Odwalla Wholly Grain! Tropical Medley its tan color is the whole grain brown rice it contains, which also gives the smoothie almost 32 grams of whole grains or around two-thirds of the recommended 48 grams one should consume daily.

This fruit smoothie is perfect if you ever want to attempt to overdose on whole grains to see what the effects are. Drinking a few of these along with some whole wheat bread and a bowl of a whole grain-fortified kids breakfast cereal will help you do it. I personally have never ODed on whole grains, but I imagine it takes your dreams, wipes away all of the color and then gives them a brown hue…and maybe constant bowel movements.

Because of its color, that makes me think I’m drinking liquid whole wheat bread, I recommend consuming it with your eyes closed, or if you have one available, cover your eyes with a pink sleep mask that has “Beauty Sleep” embroidered on it. But if you can get past its color, and enjoy tropical fruits like pineapples, mangoes, bananas and passion fruits, then you will probably enjoy the Odwalla Wholly Grain! Tropical Medley.

Thankfully, it doesn’t smell and taste as dismal as it looks. While drinking it, I could detect banana, pineapple and orange scents. As for its flavor, the pineapple and passionfruit stand out the most and I get a little banana and mango at the back end. It definitely has a tasty “tropical” flavor to it. Coconut is also listed in the ingredients, but I couldn’t detect any. I also couldn’t make out any of the whole grain rice flavor, which, now that I think about it, probably doesn’t have any flavor. But the whole grain rice does give this fruit smoothie a very slight grittiness and a weird temporary coating in my mouth.

If you’re sorely lacking in the whole grains department, the Odwalla Wholly Grain! Tropical Medley will help, although it’s probably not something you want to drink every day, since it can get really expensive paying $2.50-$4 per bottle and because it might give your dreams a sepia tone.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 200 calories, 1 gram of fat, 25 milligrams of sodium, 350 milligrams of potassium, 45 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 27 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 4% calcium, 10% vitamin E, 10% riboflavin, 10% vitamin C, 2% iron and 10% thiamin.)

Item: Odwalla Wholly Grain! Tropical Medley
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 15.2 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tasty tropical flavor. No whole grain rice flavor. A bottle contains about two-thirds of your daily recommended amount of whole grains. Tasting a rainbow.
Cons: Has a drab color. Dreaming in sepia. Slight grittiness. Leaves a temporary coating in my mouth. Overdosing on whole grains. Constant bowel movements. An entire bottle has almost 400 calories. Being in a prison or mental institution.

REVIEW: Nabisco Dipped Delight Bars 100 Calorie Packs (Oreo & Nutter Butter)

You might be thinking these new Nabisco Oreo and Nutter Butter Dipped Delight Bars 100 Calorie Packs are awesome because, after all, they contain either Nutter Butter or Oreo cookies. But if you really love those cookies, you’ll stay away from these bars because they will taint whatever love you have for them. They will scar whatever happy moments you remember from your cookie eating past.

Take it from someone who had their memories spoiled by these bars. The first time I dunked an Oreo in a glass of milk…RUINED! The first time I scraped off all the peanut butter filling from a Nutter Butter with my two front teeth…RUINED! That time I created a Mr. Peanut action figure with a Nutter Butter, black pipe cleaners and construction paper…RUINED! That time I put Oreo fillings on my nipples and convinced a dog to lick them…RUINED!

If you’re going to slap “Oreo” or “Nutter Butter” on a product’s box, that product better taste, at least, a little like it, but neither of these bars taste like their cookie namesakes or have any cookies in them.

The Oreo Dipped Delight Bar has a chocolatey coating that covers a layer of white cream filling that’s on top of a chewy chocolatey crisped rice bar. It smells like a Hostess HoHo, but doesn’t taste like one. It has a weird chocolatey flavor that doesn’t come close to reminding me of an Oreo cookie. As for the Nutter Butter Dipped Delight Bar, it has a layer of peanut butter filling on top of a bar of chewy crisped rice that’s dipped into a peanut butter-ish coating. It doesn’t taste like a Nutter Butter or even peanut butter, but for some strange reason, it does taste like pretzels, which aren’t in the ingredients.

Not only were their flavors disappointing, but the wrapper each bar comes in makes them seem bigger than they truly are. They’re quite petite, measuring at 2.75 inches long, which I expected since they only have 100 calories. But the packaging measures 5 inches from end to end. If you take out half an inch from each end for sealing the wrapper, there’s still more than an inch of space inside it. So about one-fourth of the package’s volume is just air. It’s the equivalent of putting a small penis into a Magnum-sized condom.

If you’re a calorie watcher and log everything you eat to make sure you stay under a certain amount of calories, this product might be of some interest to you, although there are tastier products in the Nabisco 100 Calorie Pack line. But if you decide to try them, I’d recommend the Oreo one over the Nutter Butter.

These Nabisco Dipped Delight Bars don’t taste like either Oreo or Nutter Butter cookies, the packaging they come in is somewhat misleading and now my memory of trying to explain the art of teabagging to my sheltered female friend using a Nutter Butter turned on its side and dangling above my face…RUINED!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – Nutter Butter – 100 calories, 3.5 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar and 2 grams of protein. Oreo – 100 calories, 3 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein and 2% iron.)

Item: Nabisco Dipped Delight Bars 100 Calorie Packs (Oreo & Nutter Butter)
Price: $3.50 each
Size: Box of 6
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Oreo)
Rating: 2 out of 10 (Nutter Butter)
Pros: 100 calories per bar. Dipping an Oreo in milk. Scraping off peanut butter filling with front teeth.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like an Oreo or Nutter Butter. Doesn’t contain cookies. Nutter Butter version tastes like pretzels. Oreo version has a weird chocolatey flavor. Bars are significantly smaller than the packaging they come in. They will scar whatever happy moments you remember from your cookie eating past.

REVIEW: Brown Sugar Cinnamon Ritz

For some reason, Nabisco knows how to push my fun buttons, and they’re doing it again with their new Brown Sugar Cinnamon Ritz.

I don’t know if they realize it, but if they push them too much, I may just cream all over myself, which now that I think about it, wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing because at least I’ll have something to spread on top of this new Ritz cracker.

This latest variation, along with their new Honey Butter, breaks the streak of savory Ritz Crackers and makes them a little sweet. Just like flavored Pringles and old school postage stamps, the flavor is only on one side, which, in the case of the Ritz Crackers, is on top. So if you’re going to enjoy these sans toppings, I recommend eating them with the top side facing towards your tongue.

They have taste that’s almost like graham crackers, which made them kind of addictive. Despite the noticeable crystals of brown sugar and cinnamon on it, the flavor was a bit light and disappeared quickly in my mouth, which encouraged me to add a little pizzazz to the cracker.

If you decide to go all Rachael Ray on your Brown Sugar Cinnamon Ritz Crackers, might I suggest topping it with some vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup or using each cracker to scoop out Cool Whip straight from the container and into your mouth, instead of using a spoon, your hands or Teddy Grahams you’re trying to drown.

YUM-O!

Although if you’re going to be shoveling Cool Whip into your mouth with them, might I suggest letting the Cool Whip soften because these are as flaky as all the other Ritz Crackers and AT&T’s cell network in big cities. I also crushed a few crackers over some vanilla ice cream and thought they were a nice addition. So if you live near a self-serve fro-yo place, which you probably do if you live in a big metropolitan city with a flaky AT&T cell network, it would make a nice topping that you don’t need to pay for, just like the cream when I cream all over myself.

(Nutrition Facts – 5 crackers – 80 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 15 milligrams of potassium, 11 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, 2% calcium and 2% iron.)

Item: Brown Sugar Cinnamon Ritz
Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Size: 1 pound
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tastes somewhat like graham crackers. Contains polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fat. Makes a nice ice cream or fro-yo topping. Getting my fun buttons pushed.
Cons: Light flavor, which disappears quickly. As flaky as regular Ritz Crackers. AT&T’s cell network in large cities. Shoveling Cool Whip into your mouth with your hands. Cleaning up after I cream all over myself.