REVIEW: Silk Soymilk Pumpkin Spice

With the holiday season comes a plethora of holiday flavors. One of the most popular is pumpkin spice, which is not only a Starbucks Latte variety, available only this time of year, and a limited edition Bath & Body Works scent, it’s also a seasonal Silk Soymilk flavor.

I believe Pumpkin Spice was also the name of the fired sixth Spice Girl who had one mean muffin top and a penchant for spray-on tans.

Silk Soymilk Pumpkin Spice isn’t as tasty as the Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte and it doesn’t make me extremely horny like the scent of the Bath & Body Works Pumpkin Spice Body Lotion does, but it’s better tasting than Silk’s other holiday flavor — the mediocre Silk Soymilk Nog.

According to Silk, their Pumpkin Spice can be consumed either chilled or warm, but I like my soy milk the same way I like my interactions with ex-girlfriends — chilly. With a name like Pumpkin Spice, you might think it’s going to taste somewhat like pumpkin pie, but if you’re coming in with those expectations, you need make like a subscriber who hasn’t found any matches and lower your expectations.

The Silk Soymilk Pumpkin Spice has a pleasant pumpkin flavor with a hint of cinnamon, but it’s definitely not as pungent as a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte and it doesn’t make you think you’re eating a pumpkin pie. Perhaps its most disappointing characteristic was its lack of creaminess. Although it contains carrageenan, which is known to be a thickening agent, it was as watery as skim milk. I was hoping it would be as rich and creamy as egg nog, but like most of Silk’s soy milk products, it had the same creaminess as the water coming out of the breasts of a statue on the Playboy Mansion grounds.

Overall, I did enjoy it, but I think it’s because I’m a regular soy milk drinker. If you normally drink moo milk, you might find the flavor and consistency of the soy milk a bit odd. Like all Silk Soymilk products, the Pumpkin Spice is dairy-free, cholesterol-free and lactose-free, so if you’re looking for a healthier egg nog replacement, and you don’t mind soy milk and the fact that soy milk really isn’t milk, then the Silk Soymilk Pumpkin Spice might be something you should try.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup – 170 calories, 3.5 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 300 milligrams of potassium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 24 grams of sugar, 6 grams of protein, 4% calcium and 4% iron.)

Item: Silk Soymilk Pumpkin Spice
Price: $2.99
Size: 1 quart
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant pumpkin flavor. Better tasting than Silk Nog. Cholesterol-free. Lactose-free. Low in saturated fat. Decent source of soy proteins. The way the scent of the Bath & Body Works Pumpkin Spice Body Lotion makes me feel down there. Statues that shoot water out of naughty parts.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like pumpkin pie. Non-soy milk drinkers might not enjoy it. 24 grams of sugar per cup. Consistency was thin, like all Silk products. Having to lower your expectations on online dating sites.

PRIZE DRAWING: Because It’s The Season of Giving

Agoraphobics call it, “The Season of Avoiding Shopping Malls and the Post Office.”

Retail workers who don’t work on commission call it, “The Worst Time to Work in Retail.”

But for many, they call this time of year, “The Season of Giving.”

Right now, I’m in the mood to give and if I could give you all a gift, I would. But with several thousand regular readers, it would be extremely pricey to do so. If I had a stolen credit card with a large credit limit, I might be able to pull it off, but I don’t and I’m afraid of going to prison for identity theft and becoming a white-collar bitch.

Instead, I’m going to have a prize drawing. I have three prizes to give away — one I reviewed recently, another I reviewed a long time ago and another I didn’t review at all, but you might be able to get some DNA off of it and clone me. Here are the three prizes:

1. Twin Lotus Herbal Toothpaste – The poop-looking toothpaste I reviewed last year. I recently received a new tube.

2. Terracycle M&M’s Candy Wrapper Speakers – Portable speakers made out of candy wrappers and other recycled materials.

3. Bunny Ears Cap from San’s Little Frog – The same bunny ears cap I wore in Episode #8 of The Impulsive Buy Podcast. It’s a handmade fleece hat that I wore for less than an hour while shooting the episode. It’s a large size, made for heads that are 25 inches or larger around).

To enter this prize drawing, leave a comment with THIS post. Your comment MUST include the prize you’d like to win and whatever else you’d like to say.

Please don’t forget to fill out the email field because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. The Impulsive Buy will stop accepting entries on Sunday, December 6, 2009 11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time. Only one entry allowed per person and it’s only open to those 18 years old or older, anywhere in the world.

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you press releases about some stupid cookbook from some stupid chef you’ve never heard of. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you Costco coupon booklets. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or a reindeer’s antler up your ass.

THE WEEK IN REVIEWS – 11/28/2009

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we like.

The Jones Tofurky & Gravy soda is disgusting and salty. If it wasn’t gross, I would’ve been extremely disappointed with Jones Soda. (via BevReview, The Soda Jerks and Foodette Reviews)

Speaking of Tofurky, the real thing is just as…um, what’s the opposite of mouth watering? Taste bud torturing? (via Freezer Burns)

With all of this Tofurky talk, I wish I had a Five Guys Burger to cleanse my palate. (via Everyview)

A bag of Southwestern Ranch Baked Lays, which is the least cardboard tasting Baked Lays flavor by far, would also help me forget about Tofurky. (via We Rate Stuff)

Or if I want to be even more disgusted, I could eat some candied kelp. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

Or I could watch all blood and beheading in the movie Ninja Assassin. (via Pajiba)

REVIEW: Burger King Cup Cake Sundae Shake

I wanted to use the festive-looking Burger King Cup Cake Sundae Shake as my birthday cupcake replacement, but it probably wouldn’t have been suitable.

Because by the time someone lit the candle and everyone finished singing “Happy Birthday” to me in English and Japanese, while holding sparklers, the candle probably would have melted through the whipped cream and sprinkles and then extinguished itself in the ice cream.

Also, since I wouldn’t have blown out the candle, my wish for either world peace or the 2010 Oxford Dictionary Word of the Year to be “redonkidonkulous” wouldn’t come true.

By the way, “redonkidonkulous” is used to describe how ridiculous it is to use the word “redonkulous” all the time.

Like all fast food milkshakes, the Cup Cake Sundae Shake is high in saturated fat and sugar, which means, if you have children and want to lower their weight and your electricity bill, just get a hamster wheel that your child can fit in, connect it to something that can convert the motion of the wheel into electricity and let the dozens of grams of carbohydrates and sugar power your child as they provide energy for your home by making the hamster wheel move and a brisk, consistent pace.

The milkshake really did taste like a cupcake, thanks to the yellow cake-flavored ice cream. It looked and tasted like I was eating yellow cake batter, except without the possibility of getting salmonella or getting my tongue stuck in a hand mixer. It also almost tastes like egg nog ice cream. The milkshake was really good and brought back memories of those days when my classmates would call me “Cupcake Face,” not because I ate a lot of cupcakes, but because when I put a rain hat my head, it would look like an upside down cupcake, thanks to my chubby cheeks and lack of a hamster wheel for me to get some exercise.

The whipped cream and candy sprinkles didn’t add much flavor, but it did make it look prettier, like normal clothing does with Lady Gaga. The sprinkles did end up getting stuck on my molars, but since I didn’t brush my teeth right after consuming it, I got a little treat about 20 minutes later.

Overall, the Burger King Cup Cake Sundae Shake was a pleasant treat, and if it could hold a candle without melting the dessert, I would blow it out and wish for it to come back again.

(Nutrition Facts – 22 ounces – 680 calories, 25 grams of fat, 17 grams of saturated fat, 1 grams of trans fat, 75 milligrams of cholesterol, 330 milligrams of sodium, 115 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 103 grams of sugar and 10 grams of protein.)

(NOTE: Thanks to TIB reader Nadia for suggesting the Burger King Cup Cake Sundae Shake.)

Item: Burger King Cup Cake Sundae Shake
Price: $2.89
Size: Small
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like a cupcake. Also kind of reminds me of egg nog ice cream. Looks like yellow cake batter. Comes with a fat ass straw. Candy sprinkles made it look pretty. Hamster wheels for children to power your home. Lady Gaga with normal clothes.
Cons: Whipped cream and candy sprinkles didn’t add flavor. Not wise to eat with a value meal from Burger King, unless you love being overweight. Candy sprinkles got stuck in my molars. My head in a rain hat. Lady Gaga with whatever she usually wears. Excessive use of the word “redonkulous.”