REVIEW: Limited Edition Oreo DQ Blizzard Creme

The new Limited Edition Oreo DQ Blizzard Creme cookies commemorate the 25th birthday of the Dairy Queen Blizzard.

Wait. The Blizzard is 25 years old?

Hmm…All this time I thought it was a minor. So seven years ago, I could’ve legally been hitting on the Dairy Queen Blizzard. I also could’ve looked at sexy photos of it on the internet and fantasized about it without fear of being arrested and having to register as a sex offender. But now that I know it’s 25 years old, the appeal of hooking up with the Blizzard has gone away. An older man getting with an 18-year-old is just below threesomes on the Things That Hugh Hefner Has Done That You Probably Never Will Experience Scale.

Why didn’t some pervert out there with knowledge of Adobe Flash or Javascript build an online 18th birthday countdown timer for the Blizzard?

If you’re a pervert and you know it, clap your hands.
If you’re a pervert and you know it, clap your hands.
If you’re a pervert and you know it,
Then your online 18th birthday countdown timer for an underage celebrity will surely show it,
If you’re a pervert and you know it, clap your hands.

Seriously, other tech savvy pervs have done it for the Olsen Twins, Hayden Panettiere, Britney Spears, Emma Watson, Miley Cyrus and Lindsay Lohan.

Speaking of Lindsay Lohan and things I don’t want to lick, I’m not sure I like dragging my tongue against the Limited Edition Oreo DQ Blizzard Creme’s filling, which contains specks of Oreo cookies. It’s like I’m French kissing sugary coarse sandpaper or licking my unshaven face taint as I try to touch my nose with my tongue. The rough filling has a vanilla flavor that’s slightly more enhanced than what’s in between a regular Oreo cookie, and it’s almost as thick as the filling in a Double Stuf Oreo. I don’t think the limited edition cookie tastes like an Oreo Blizzard and I didn’t find it to be as delectable as regular Oreos. Maybe if I went meta and blended a few of them with some soft serve ice cream they would be better.

Anyway, Happy Birthday, Dairy Queen Blizzard. I may have missed your 18th birthday, but I won’t miss the McFlurry’s. Someone please build an online 18th birthday countdown timer for the McFlurry.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein and 6% iron.)

(NOTE: On Second Scoop also reviewed them and definitely didn’t like them at all.)

Item: Limited Edition Oreo DQ Blizzard Creme
Price: $2.98
Size: 10.5 ounces
Purchased at: The House That Sam Built
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good. Filling has specks of Oreo cookies and is almost as thick as a Double Stuf Oreo. Having Adobe Flash or Javascript skills, unless you’re an iPhone developer. Dairy Queen Blizzards. Getting to use the word “meta” in a review to make me look like I have vocabulary skills.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like an Oreo Blizzard. Not quite as good as regular Oreos. Missing the Blizzard’s 18th birthday. Contains high fructose corn syrup. Not as many cookies as a pack of regular Oreos. Licking an unshaven face taint.

13 thoughts on “REVIEW: Limited Edition Oreo DQ Blizzard Creme

  1. I just saw these at Target yesterday and actually thought about you Marvo. :)However, how did you not know about Dairy Queen turning 25? It has been plastered all over their blizzard cups for awhile. They even have a code you can enter on their website for chance to win some stuff. Hmmm…I think I just told on myself on how often I eat at Dairy Queen.

  2. If you’re a pervert and you know it – I’m sure there are more appropriate things to do than clap your hands. I know I would.

  3. @amanda: How did I not know? First, there aren’t many DQ’s in this state. Second, I consume DQ once a year…it has not happened this year. Third, I’m blinded by the fro-yo craze.

    @LaneO: I guess I said clap your hands because I’m not too pervy. Just a little pervy. I did think about choke your chicken to replace clap your hands, but it wouldn’t have covered both genders.

  4. Nice one Marvo, I once worked in a small town called Calvert in Tx, The only place to eat in town was a DQ. Right at noon it was like all 30 people who lived in the town showed up there for lunch. I ran out of Blizzard flavors the second week. I have not been back to a DQ since 2001 feel lucky you only eat there once a year, two weeks straight is not good.

    Its a shame the creme filling is gritty.

  5. @Dustin: I think I shall consume some DQ this weekend. Maybe a banana split. Or maybe a Blizzard. Or maybe I’ll forget.

    @Gordon Shumway: A porn mustache on a face taint is surprisingly smooth.

    @Lex: Walmart or Target are your best bets.

    @Chuck: My tongue is too sensitive to like it rough, but for the rest of my body, anything goes.

    @Review Spew: Thanks!

  6. This review is just mindless, inarticulate rambling. Someone actually hired you as a writer? What a waste of fucking money…

  7. @Jake: Mindless…yes. Inarticulate…no. As someone who just popped up via a Google search and is not a regular reader, I can understand why you might think the way that you do. But really? Do you have to be a douchebag about it? You seem like an intelligent person because your spelling and grammar are better than mine, so I don’t know why you have to lower yourself to a level usually seen in online gaming forums occupied by anonymous teenage boys.

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