VIDEO REVIEW: Kool-Aid Laughin’ Lemonade FunFizz


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Show Notes:

In this episode, I review the Kool-Aid Laughin’ Lemonade Fun Fizz. Just like Carlos Mencia, it doesn’t make me laugh. Also, if you haven’t seen the Double Rainbow video (but I think most of you have), then a chunk of this episode won’t make sense. Go watch it! Finally, Read Junk Food Betty’s review of the Partyin’ Punch flavor.

Length: 3:37

Photo Credits:

Halley’s Comet photo via NASA

Other photos purchased via www.istockphoto.com.

The Impulsive Buy Turns Six!!!

Today is The Impulsive Buy’s sixth birthday.

I thought about shutting down TIB forever today because ending it on 8/9/10 at 11:12 am seemed pretty cool. But it shall live on since I just spent a few hundred dollars to renew TIB’s hosting fees for another two years. It shall also live on because even though I’ve written over 700 reviews, I still enjoy eating stuff I shouldn’t and then writing about it.

Each review I’ve created is like one of my illegitimate children. The companies provide the products and I fertilize it with my creativitity and ability to put words together. Soon after that happens, a new review is brought out into the world. Just like the illegitimate children of NBA players, the reviews I’ve written are all a little different, but you can tell who the father is. Yes, I’ve knocked up my fair share of companies over the years, and I’ll keep doing it as long as they’re willing to put out…products.

Or until I die from their products.

Thankfully, over the past few years it hasn’t been just me knocking up companies and spawning illegitimate reviews. TIB has had a number of wonderful reviewers contributing their thoughts on products that I either couldn’t get my hands on or was too scared to try. So I’d like to thank former and current reviewers Ace, Reprobate, Kayla, Stacey and Kelley for helping TIB become what it is today.

Finally, I would like to thank all of you — the readers of this quasi-product review blog.

Without you folks, TIB wouldn’t be where it’s at today, which I’m sure is somewhere towards the bottom of the Top 1,000,000 websites on the internet list. We’re way below YouTube and any porn website, but I’m pretty sure we’re slightly ahead of a Tumblr page that shows nothing but pictures of turtle asses. I truly appreciate you taking the time to stop by this small parcel of the World Wide Web to read product reviews that contain either profanity, fart jokes, slightly obscure geeky references, sexual innuendo, celebrity drug use/alcoholism/promiscuity references or a Brach’s pick-a-mix of any of the things I just listed.

Once again, thank you for reading The Impulsive Buy

Marvo
Editor
The Impulsive Buy

PS – If you’re a regular reader of TIB, you know we hold a prize drawing to celebrate TIB’s birthday. This year, those who enter will have a change to win one of six mystery boxes which contains products that TIB has reviewed over the years.

PPS – If you would like to enter the drawing, leave a comment with this post. You can say whatever you like, except the phrase “whatever you like.” If “whatever you like” is in your comment, your entry could be disqualified. However, the only instance when “whatever you like” will be accepted is if it’s immediately followed by the words, “Big Boy.”

PPPS – Please fill out the email field, because we’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing address.

PPPPS – We will stop accepting entries on Sunday, August 15, 2010 (11:59 Hawaii Standard Time). Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is open to EVERYONE AROUND THE WORLD.

PPPPPS – The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about how to unlock your hidden potential in bed. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you information about a used car dealership’s Slasher Sale. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail or whatever cheesy movie SyFy comes up with next.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Cantina Tacos (Carnitas, Chicken and Steak)

When I saw that Taco Bell was going to start offering street-style tacos with their new line of Cantina Tacos, I immediately volunteered to be the test subject – er, reviewer – of this new product. I’m not trying to sound pretentious, but out of all of the esteemed TIB staff, I probably have the most experience in eating authentic Mexican cuisine. You can’t throw a rock in my town without hitting a taquería that looks like it was dropped straight outta Mexico. For you gringos out there who have no idea what a taquería is, it’s basically a small hole-in-the-wall Mexican joint offering super-authentic food. It may not be air-conditioned, it may look a little dingy, there might be some minor language barriers, but here you can find things like barbacoa (cow head meat) and lengua (cow tongue), offerings that I’m pretty sure you’ll never see on Taco Bell’s menu.

A brief explanation of what a street taco actually is: two small, soft corn tortillas (we’re talking three or four bites, here) wrapped around chopped meat, which is then covered with fresh onions and cilantro. You can also top that with whatever salsa is available, if you like. That’s it. There’s no iceberg lettuce, no nacho cheese sauce, no sour cream. They are called street tacos because traditionally they are sold from carts on the streets of Mexico, like hot dog vendors in New York. They are fast, fresh, and small enough to devour in two minutes, perfect for a hungry pedestrian. Oh, right, and they are also delicious.

According to Taco Bell’s press release, “‘Our Cantina Tacos are based upon authentic-style Mexican street tacos, which are designed using simple, fresh ingredients, that customers regard as high quality,’ said David Ovens, Chief Marketing Officer, Taco Bell Corp., Irvine, Calif.” I’m not sure if the meat I get in a street taco from a taquería would be considered “high-quality,” but it certainly is tasty. I don’t ask questions about where it comes from or what happens in the back alley after closing time. I just stuff the taco in my mouth and walk away.

Taco Bell is offering three different meats in their Cantina tacos: Premium Fire-Grilled Chicken, Premium Cut Carne Asada Steak or Carnitas Shredded Pork. I’ll give “Carne Asada Steak” a pass, but saying “Carnitas Shredded Pork” is basically saying “Shredded Pork Shredded Pork.” Someone alert the Department of Redundancy Department! I guess they are trying to save thousands of Midwestern Taco Bell employees from the task of explaining what carnitas are. I find it mildly insulting, but perhaps that’s my Mexican food snobbery kicking in again.

Let’s check these Cantina Tacos out, and see how many times I can insult the majority of the United States with my pretentiousness in one review.

Impressions on all three: The Cantina Tacos come wrapped in tin foil, which is how street tacos are originally sold. Unfortunately, they don’t come labeled, so you’ll have to check the innards to see which taco you’re about to eat. As you peel back the top layer of foil, there’s a little wedge of lime tucked securely into the bottom layer, which I found to be a clever bit of packaging. This could have been stolen wholesale from Mexican taco carts – I’ve somehow never made it south of the border. But my taquería experience is solid, and they always offer lime wedges at the salsa bar. I’ve just never thought try lime on my tacos. I never thought Taco Bell would teach me to have a more authentic street taco experience. I’m a little embarrassed, actually.

Okay, now let’s break these down separately.

Carnitas Cantina Taco

Taco Bell’s website describes these as “Two freshly grilled, warm corn tortillas, filled with new slow-roasted carnitas shredded pork then topped off with freshly chopped onions and cilantro, and served with a freshly sliced lime wedge for a fresh, citrus burst of flavor.”

I have to say, they aren’t too far off the mark. The pork is surprisingly tender, flavorful, and practically dripping with delicious juices. The onions add a nice crunch, but lack the burst of flavor that fresh onions deliver. The cilantro was present, but doesn’t really pop. I hate Taco Bell for making me sound like a judge on Top Chef.

The two tortillas holding the taco together were okay, but not exactly thrilling. They were soft and pliable, but could have used a little more time on the grill, or griddle, or whatever. Their flavor was that of a decent soft corn tortilla; however, that flavor kind of overwhelmed the flavor of the contents inside. I was left wishing I had about double the amount of filling that was present, especially since the meat was so juicy and tender.

The wedge of lime that came with my carnitas taco was disappointing. They claim that it was “freshly sliced,” which is obviously not the case. I have drank my fair share of tequila with training wheels, and I know that a freshly sliced wedge of lime is shiny and slick with yummy citrus juices. The one that came tucked in this foil pouch had a dried skin over it, indicating that it had either been sitting out for quite a while or was even possibly pre-sliced at a different location. I was only able to get a few sad drips out of it that didn’t really add anything to the taco.

This is something Taco Bell really should have been careful about, because it is one of their big selling points on the Cantina Tacos. Their commercial even has a lime wedge as their spokesfruit, touting the deliciousness of these tacos in a sexy Latino voice that belongs on the male protagonist of a telanovela. If you’re going to put so much emphasis on the lime, you should really make it shine, and the one I got with this taco certainly didn’t.

Chicken Cantina Taco

Once more, from the mouth of Taco Bell: actually, all the descriptions are pretty much the same as the one above, so just replace ” new slow-roasted carnitas shredded pork” with “marinated all-white meat chicken.” Done and done.

This taco had lots more filling than the carnitas, which was good to see. The chicken was very tender, and I could see the coloring from the supposed marination on it, but not a lot of seasoning came through. That’s okay though, because the meat had great texture, and the addition of more onion and cilantro really made them play well with the chicken.

This taco came with a much juicier lime, which allowed me to really get the whole street taco experience. I have to say, you wouldn’t think a little bit of lime would do much, but the tartness of the citrus juice contrasts with the bold flavors of onion and cilantro, and it really makes a whole package that floods your mouth with saliva. Which sounds kind of gross when I put it that way. “It’ll make ya mouth water!” I guess that works better.

The tortillas on my chicken Cantina Taco seemed to be a little better cooked, and because there was so much more filling than on the carnitas, the tortillas were able to take their proper place in the taco, adding more flavor instead of smothering the contents therein.

Steak Cantina Taco

Taco Bell: “marinated steak.” Okay then.

My steak Cantina Taco had lots of meaty bits in it, but the onion and cilantro were practically nonexistent, which made my face turn into a colon and “begin parentheses” sign. The steak was quite good, though. Taco Bell already offers several different products that contain steak, and I’ve always been impressed by the quality of the beef. You’d expect shoe leather from a Mexican fast food joint that sells something called a “Crunchwrap,” but they usually deliver a tasty steak experience, and that doesn’t differ in the case of this taco. The meat has a nice texture and you can definitely taste the marinade here, as opposed to the chicken.

While I was sad about the lack of toppings, I still managed to enjoy this taco because of the steak. I also got a lime that was middlin’ juicy, which added a little extra flavor, but it was probably sad that it didn’t have its friends to play with. Now I want to make a t-shirt design with a cartoon lime wedge, onion and bundle of cilantro all having a party and looking adorable. I’ll submit it to Threadless. It’s sure to be a hit.

Overall, Taco Bell’s Cantina Tacos have their ups and downs, but all in all I’d say they’re a fantastic addition to the fast food giant’s menu. It seems like Taco Bell has been mixing around the same six ingredients to make “new” menu items for years now, so seeing such a stark departure from that is actually exciting. Would they hold up in a cart on the mean streets of Mexico or in a taquería on the mean streets of Arizona? Eh, probably not. There’s a serious inconsistency in the amount of filling and the onion and cilantro are chopped much smaller than I’ve ever seen in a street taco. I’d go so far as to even guess that Taco Bell gets them pre-chopped; they’ve got some flavor, but it seems more muted than what you’d get on a street taco, where the onion is chunky and bursting with flavor, and you can tell the cilantro was fresh and chopped by hand.

But this isn’t about holding up to the standards of a good taquería. This is about a fast food conglomerate dipping its toe into the waters of authentic Mexican food. Many of the people who try these tacos have no idea what a street taco even is, and if you dropped them smack-dab in the middle of our friends to the south, they would probably try to order a Cantina Taco from a street cart. They might even be incensed that the vendor did not ask them which kind of Border sauce they would like with their order. And they would be laughed at, mercilessly.

So when it really comes down to it, I think Taco Bell did the best they could with their Cantina Tacos. Maybe the ingredients aren’t straight-from-the-market fresh, but you’ve got to cut them some slack – they’re a multimillion dollar corporation, not one old dude cooking the food he loves in the back of a hot little shack while his daughter takes orders up front. I think any gringo would find these tacos to be a refreshing change of pace and a new and unique flavor profile that they’ve never experienced. For that, Taco Bell gets great props from this reviewer, who is apparently the snobbiest Mexican food gringo in the world.

And hey, if Cantina Tacos really take off, maybe they’ll start introducing lengua tacos! Take THAT, Iowa! (Sorry, I just had to get one last jab in. I have no beef with you, Iowa.)

(Nutrition Facts – 1 taco (113 grams) – Carnitas – 200 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams total of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 260 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 1 gram of sugars, 9 grams of protein. Chicken — 170 calories, 20 calories from fat, 2.5 grams total of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 350 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 1 gram of sugars, 11 grams of protein. Steak – 160 calories, 60 calories from fat, 2.5 grams total of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 270 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 2 grams of sugars, 9 grams of protein.)

Other Cantina Taco reviews:
We Rate Stuff
Grub Grade
Would I Buy It Again
You Care What We Think
Geekweek (video)

Item: Taco Bell Cantina Tacos (Carnitas, Chicken, Steak)
Price: $2.79 for the CANTINA Tacos Bundle (2 tacos of choice), $1.49 for 1 taco
Size: 1 taco (113 grams)
Purchased at: Taco Bell
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Carnitas)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Chicken)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Steak)
Pros: Total departure from the usual Taco Bell fare. Teaching gringos about street tacos. Tender meat. Learning that lime juice makes a street taco even better. “Spokesfruit.” Cilantro is yummy. Adorable cartoon food.
Cons: Uneven distribution of fillings. Top Chef foodie terminology. Lime wedges were not fresh. Looking like a snob on the Internet. Genetic predisposition that makes some people think cilantro tastes like soap.

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Target Exclusive Flavors (Berry Voluntary & Brownie Chew Gooder)

Target’s exclusive Ben & Jerry’s flavors — Berry Voluntary and Brownie Chew Gooder — are supposed to promote volunteerism. But the only things Ben & Jerry’s ice cream has encouraged me to do are: buy more of it, exercise so that I don’t get fat from eating it and not let the dishes pile up in the sink so that I will always have a clean spoon handy to eat their ice cream.

Now I don’t have time to volunteer because my Hulu and Netflix Instant Watch queues are extremely long. Seriously, this season of ABC’s Wipeout isn’t going to watch itself. It’s also going to take time away from the 12 hours a day I spend in front of a computer, writing reviews and watching cat videos on YouTube. However, because I was on my computer while eating both of these flavors, I visited the volunteering website printed on each of the one pint tubs: VolunteerMatch.org.

When I searched for volunteer opportunities on my rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, I mostly found posts about hosting exchange students from other countries, which I am even less inclined to do because that means I would not only have to give up time, but also space. And I have no space to give because my rental agreement says I can’t have the following things in my apartment that start with the letter P: pets, plants and phoreign exchange students.

I guess I just don’t have the heart for volunteering. Or maybe the saturated fat in all the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream I eat is clogging my heart, which is preventing me from volunteering.

Now I feel bad about it. But do you know what makes me feel better?

Ice cream.

But the only ice cream I have are the Berry Voluntary and Brownie Chew Gooder, and if I eat them I’ll feel good for a little while, but then feel bad because they remind me that I’m not volunteering. It’s a vicious cycle of yum and guilt.

Of course, to get rid of the guilt, I could just sign up to volunteer for something, like help clean a beach or work at a soup kitchen. Or I could blame Target and Ben & Jerry’s for not giving a portion of the profits from each ice cream sold to a worthy cause, which would allow me to make a difference by eating their ice cream in front of my computer in only my boxer briefs.

If that were the case, it would encourage me to buy more of both flavors. But just promoting volunteerism doesn’t cut it because I think both flavors are two of the least exciting Ben & Jerry’s flavors I’ve tasted.

Berry Voluntary consists of raspberry cheesecake ice cream with white chocolatey chunks and raspberry swirls. There’s definitely a tart cheesecake flavor to it, but at times I swear it tastes like a milder version of Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. The white chocolatey chunks don’t do much to enhance the ice cream’s flavor. All they seem to do is get in the way of my spoon, like big rocks do when serial killers bury bodies in their backyard. It’s a good flavor, but not good enough to encourage me to buy it again, if I have the option of choosing between it and Cherry Garcia.

As for Brownie Chew Gooder, it’s made up of vanilla caramel ice cream with fudge brownies and a caramel swirl. It’s also good, but not one of Ben & Jerry’s best. Some of the brownie pieces in the ice cream were frickin’ big one inch squares, and they were chewy, but not the good kind of chewy you’d expect in an ice cream. They’re a little grainy and tough to bite through. The caramel ice cream and caramel swirls make the whole thing taste a little cloying. With all of that caramel, perhaps Brownie Chew Gooder should be renamed to Goody Too Much Caramel.

Get it? Goody Two Shoes…Goody Too Much Caramel.

Oh my goodness, I’ve had too much sugar.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – Berry Voluntary – 250 calories, 12 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 27 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 10% calcium and 6% vitamin C. Brownie Chew Gooder – 250 calories, 11 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 24 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 10% calcium and 4% iron.)

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Target Exclusive Flavors (Berry Voluntary & Brownie Chew Gooder)
Price: $4.14 each
Size: One pint
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Berry Voluntary)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Brownie Chew Gooder)
Pros: Both are good, but not Ben & Jerry’s best. Berry Voluntary at times tastes like Cherry Garcia, but also has a nice, slightly tart cheesecake flavor. Brownie pieces in Brownie Chew Gooder are frickin’ big. Hulu and Netflix Instant Watch. Ben & Jerry’s ice cream encouraging me to exercise and wash dishes.
Cons: Two of the least exciting Ben & Jerry flavors I’ve tasted. Brownie Chew Gooder can be a little cloying due to caramel ice cream and caramel swirls. Brownie chunks in the Brownie Chew Gooder were a little tough. White chocolatey chunks in Berry Voluntary did little to enhance flavor. My ability to come up with Ben & Jerry flavor names. My unwillingness to volunteer.

REVIEW: Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

Combining Chips Ahoy! chocolate chips cookies with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups sounds like the kind of trickery that only magical asexual elves living in the Hollow Tree Factory could come up with. But, of course, due to patents and trademarks owned by Nabisco, the magical asexual elves who get off on baking packaged treats, instead of woodland creatures, couldn’t have made the Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups cookies.

Through my decades of eating Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, I know fusing peanut butter with chocolate makes an excellent combination, much like bringing together five crazy bitches from New Jersey makes for an entertaining train wreck on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. But merging that awesome combination of peanut butter and chocolate with the equally awesome Chips Ahoy! cookie has the potential to be mind-blowing and belt-busting.

But mostly belt-busting.

The merging of the two makes sense, much like a dinner between the women from The Real Housewives of New Jersey and the cast from The Real Housewives of Atlanta makes sense for the Bravo Network. It would be the Big Bang of Bitchiness, and I believe ratings would go through the roof because hair weaves would be pulled out left and right, police officers would get involved and profanity would be spewed out as verbs, nouns, adjectives and pronouns.

While the Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups cookies don’t make me want to pull out someone’s hair extensions, they do make me want to spurt out profanity in the form of verbs, nouns, adjectives, and pronouns. However, I would be cursing with delight and a smile on my face, and not in anger with crazy eyes, because the Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are the muthafuckin’ shit.

Actually, let me take that back. Not the profanity, but how much I enjoyed these cookies.

I’m downgrading how much of the shit it is because it’s hard to detect the unique flavor of the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup’s peanut butter in the cookie. There’s definitely a pleasant peanut butter flavor, which is nicely balanced with the chocolate and the rest of the crunchy cookie, but it’s not what I expected. I can see chunks of peanut butter cups in each cookie, but it’s hard for me to believe they’re actual pieces of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

Thankfully there’s an ingredients list, which tells me that there are actual Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup pieces. But it’s near the bottom of the list, which tells me there isn’t much. However, there are other ingredients ahead of it on the list that relate to peanut butter cups: peanut butter baking cups, peanut flavored chips, and something called Reese’s Peanut Butter Drops. Since there are more of these ingredients, they might be the cause of the cookie’s unexpected flavor.

Although I’m disappointed Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups aren’t noticeable in the cookies, I do think they’re really good. They’ve got the same crunch as regular Chips Ahoy! cookies and are also hard to put down. While I don’t think they’re the muthafuckin’ shit, I do think they are the shit.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 160 calories, 9 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein and 4% iron.)

*may contain less than 0.5 grams of trans fat due to use of partially hydrogenated oils

(NOTE: Thanks to TIB reader Alex for letting us know about these cookies.)

Item: Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 9.5 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: It is the shit. Really good. Nice balance of chocolate and peanut butter. Crunchy like regular Chips Ahoy! Being able to use profanity as verbs, nouns, adjectives and pronouns.
Cons: The unique flavor of the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup isn’t noticeable. Getting caught in the middle of a fight between the casts of Real Housewives shows. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup pieces is listed near the bottom of the ingredients list. Getting hair weaves pulled out. Not the muthafuckin’ shit.