THE WEEK IN REVIEWS – 10/30/2010

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow. If you visit them, please leave a comment that says either hello, Happy Halloween or BOO! YAH!

Just in time for the holiday that involves people dressing up is the McSandwich that’s dressed up to look like a slab of ribs. (via Grub Grade)

I wish I had a gum that helped me concentrate and improve memory in college. Actually, I wish I had a gum that helped me cheat. (via Gigi Reviews)

This gummy rat in trap should be available year-round for not only those who want to make a fake haunted house, but also those who want to make a fake Hoarders house. (via Sugar Pressure)

The only thing scary about Choc-o-Lantern Pop-Tarts is the high fructose corn syrup in it. (via Junk Food Betty)

Pepsi Mont Blanc is the fanciest sounding soda I’ve heard of since Goya’s Cola Champagne. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

Popeye’s has a sandwich called the Po’ Boy (poor boy) and it costs four dollars. If a poor boy is buying a four dollar sandwich, I know why he’s poor. He hasn’t heard of the McDonald’s Dollar Menu. (via An Immovable Feast)

Happy Halloween!

REVIEW: Jamba All Natural Smoothies (Strawberries Wild, Razzmatazz & Mango-a-go-go)

Jamba All Natural Smoothies

I believe I have some pretty good smoothie-making skills.

Give me a blender, some fruit, a cup of soy milk, a spoonful of yogurt, a few ice cubes and a dancehall reggae beat, and I’ll create a refreshing smoothie that will make lady bits tingle. Although, I like using strawberries in my smoothies, so the tingling could also be the result of an allergic reaction.

My smoothies are so delicioso that people who taste them don’t call it a smoothie, they call it a smmm…mmm…ooooh…ooooh….th…whee. Although, again, because I use strawberries often in my smoothie recipes, some people might be saying it that way because their tongues are swollen.

It’s taken me months to develop my kick ass smoothie-making skills, so I find it upsetting that the Jamba All Natural Smoothie Kits attempt to turn any Joe Schmoe into a smoothie maestro. While they are easy to make, can the flavor of these smoothie kits make my lady bits tingle?

The Jamba All Natural Smoothie Kits come in three varieties based on classic Jamba Juice flavors:

Strawberries Wild – Strawberry and Banana with Non-Fat Yogurt
Razzmatazz – Strawberry, Raspberry and Blueberry with Non-Fat Yogurt
Mango-a-go-go – Mango and Pineapple with Non-Fat Yogurt.

Jamba All Natural Smoothies 2Unfortunately, the kits don’t come with all the ingredients found in the versions that are blended at Jamba Juice locations. For example, the Razzmatazz pouch doesn’t contain the orange sherbet that the store-blended version has and the Mango-a-go-go doesn’t come with the opportunity for me to use my porn name, Steele Rockrod, when the cashier asks for a name to go with the order.

To make a smoothie from this kit, I just blended the contents of the pouch with eight ounces of apple juice. When everything was blended, I ended up with a 16-ounce serving that provided two servings of fruit.

All three varieties had consistencies similar to real Jamba Juice smoothies, but none of them made my lady bits tingle. Strawberries Wild and Razzmatazz were decent, but with both varieties the apple juice was the dominate flavor, and having to pick out seeds between my teeth was a problem. However, neither was an issue with the Mango-a-go-go and its combination of mango and pineapple was delicioso, but, again, it too didn’t make my lady bits tingle like my own smoothies do.

If on sale, a Jamba All Natural Smoothie Kit is cheaper than a Jamba Juice smoothie made in one of their brightly colored shops. It’s also better for you because it has less sugar. However, you can probably make a cheaper, healthier and better tasting smoothie, if you have excellent smoothie making skills, like mine.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 pouch/8 ounces prepared – Strawberries Wild – 110 calories, 05 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 100% vitamin C and 4% calcium. Razzmatazz – 110 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 15 milligrams of sodium, 14 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 100% vitamin C, 4% calcium and 2% iron. Mango-a-go-go – 120 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 15 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, 8% vitamin A, 100% vitamin C and 4% calcium.)

Item: Jamba All Natural Smoothies (Strawberries Wild, Razzmatazz & Mango-a-go-go)
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 8 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Strawberries Wild)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Razzmatazz)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Mango-a-go-go)
Pros: Easy to make. Mango-a-go-go was delicioso. Strawberries Wild and Razzmatazz were decent. Provides 100% vitamin C per serving. Provides a serving a fruit per eight ounces. Less sugar than Jamba Juice shop smoothies. My smoothie making skills.
Cons: Didn’t make my lady bits tingle. Strawberry allergies. Apple juice overpowering other flavors. Getting seeds stuck between my teeth. Not having excellent smoothie making skills.

NEWS: Silk To Release New Holiday Flavor, But I’m Not Sure Which Holiday It’s For

Update: Read a Silk Soymilk Mint Chocolate review here

Silk, maker of soy products that are dairy-free, lactose-free, cholesterol-free and silk-free, is releasing a new holiday soy milk flavor this season alongside their current holiday flavors: Pumpkin Spice and Nog. The new Silk Mint Chocolate has the potential to be the best of three since I believe Silk knows how to make a mean chocolate soy milk.

While it sounds good, I’m not sure what holiday Silk Chocolate Mint represents. It’s easy to determine which holidays Silk’s two other flavors are for. Pumpkin Spice is for Halloween/Thanksgiving and Nog is for Christmas. Mint Chocolate could be a Christmas flavor, or it could honor National Chocolate Mint Day on February 19th.

A one cup serving contains 90 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 300 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.

Silk Mint Chocolate will be available for a limited time, hopefully until February 19th, and come in quart and half gallon sizes.

REVIEW: Kleenex Hand Towels

Kleenex Hand Towels

A hand towel in the bathroom at a big house dinner party gives me an idea of what it would be like to participate in a gangbang. You’re sticking a body part in something that’s wet and has been used by many other people during the past two hours.

While I’m willing to break the five-second rule when it comes to food that I’ve dropped onto the floor and I may let the party host’s dog make out with me instead of using a napkin, I won’t use a hand towel at a party. I don’t mean to go all Dateline NBC on you, but a hand towel at a party is also a party…for germs.

Usually, if I need to dry my hands, I’ll either walk through the house like a doctor prepped for surgery to get a napkin or paper towel or I’ll shake my hands vigorously as if I’m a puppeteer making his puppets dance to death metal.

However, when the next dinner party rolls around, I may just bring a box of Kleenex Hand Towels with me.

If you’ve ever been sick or you’re a male who has masturbated, you’re probably very familiar with the Kleenex brand. But, you might not know they make more than that, unless you have the Kleenex website in your web browser’s bookmarks to keep up to date with the latest in booger trapping technology.

The Kleenex Hand Towels are individual paper towels that come out of a box and work the same as all Kleenex boxes — pull one out and the next one is ready for another person. If inks, dyes and fragrances bother you, your sensitive skin won’t have to worry about any of that with the Kleenex Hand Towels. The 9.1 inch square towels are small when compared with other paper towels, but they’re softer than the stuff you find in a public restroom, and they’re more absorbent. Unlike most public restroom paper towels, I needed only one Kleenex Hand Towel to dry my hands.

Sure, it’s just paper towels from a box and a roll of paper towels is significantly cheaper, but have you ever tried tearing off a sheet from a paper towel roll with two wet hands, trying not to get any other sheets wet. I don’t know about you, but when I try it, I look like I’m attempting to bring back a dance from the 1990s. I think the convenience and ease of use are worth a little extra scratch for your guests.

Kleenex Hand Towels In Use

While the Kleenex Hand Towels are soft and absorbent, the box they come in is a little more impressive. The shape of the box allows you to place it on top of a towel rack, creating a convenient dispenser in case you don’t have much room on your bathroom countertop due to a prescription drug addiction or a toothpaste variety addiction.

Item: Kleenex Hand Towels
Price: $2.99
Size: 60 towels
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Very absorbent. More hygienic than a communal hand towel. Great for having in the bathroom at parties. Convenient box that can be placed on a towel rack to save counter space, but not towel rack space. Ink, dye and fragrance-free. Softer than paper towels found in a public restroom.
Cons: Might be pricey for some. Smaller than most paper towels. A communal hand towel being like a gangbang. Dances from the 1990s. Breaking the five-second rule. Making out with a dog instead of using a napkin. Prescription drug addictions. Toothpaste variety addictions.

THE WEEK IN REVIEWS – 10/23/2010

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow. If you visit them, please leave a comment that says either hello, something meaningful or says “TIB is #2.”

I think the Domino’s Wisconsin Six Cheese Pizza doesn’t represent Wisconsin very well. I’ve been to Wisconsin and they had way more than six different types of cheeses. It really should be the Domino’s Wisconsin Thirty-Four Cheese Pizza. And it should contain 300% of your daily value of calcium…and saturated fat. (via We Rate Stuff)

I’m not sure whether I should pour this liquid into my mouth or my car’s antifreezer container. I’m sure it’s bad either way. (via Probably Edible)

Peanut butter and jelly in between bread is good. Peanut butter and jelly in a jar is bad. Peanut butter and jelly in between the sheets is not as awesome as it sounds. (via Second Rate Snacks)

Ben & Jerry’s has a carrot cake ice cream. I hope Ben & Jerry’s comes up with a wedding cake-flavored ice cream called I Do…Till Death Caused By Eating Too Much Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Do Us Part. (via Rodzilla Reviews)

This potato chip’s packaging makes my eyes sore and the armchair graphic designer in me angry. (via Food Junk)