Sometimes I like to go to a candy store that allows me to make my own Jelly Belly Jelly Bean bag and make one that has every flavor they have available. Then when I go home, slip into something more comfortable, light some scented candles, play some Marvin Gaye, blindfold myself with a silk scarf so I don’t know what jelly bean I pick, then pull a jelly bean out of the bag, then stick it in my mouth, chew it, swallow it, allow it to digest for a few hours, poop it out and then watch it disappear from my toilet.
Jelly Belly’s new Jelly Bean Chocolate Dips allow me to get rid of the silk scarf because each jelly bean is hidden in a coating of dark chocolate. It could be raspberry, very cherry, orange, strawberry or coconut. But I hope it’s not coconut because I don’t like coconut.
Jelly Belly’s Jelly Bean Chocolate Dips will be available December 6th via the Jelly Belly website in a variety of sizes.
Here’s the winner of The Impulsive Buy’s Jones Bacon Soda Winner Prize Drawing:
Congratulations to Marc, who will also be receiving a package of bacon flavored popcorn, a package of bacon gravy, a tube of bacon lip balm and moments of grimacing. Also, thank you to everyone who participated.
A sleeve of Wendy’s new Natural Cut Fries with Sea Salt is a lot like a European nude beach, because both contain lots of long, golden brown things with their skins left on.
I’m not sure why Wendy’s decided to change their original fries to these uncircumcised ones because I’ve always liked the original version which was my second favorite behind McDonald’s fries, albeit a distant second. Can’t Wendy’s settle for second place in my heart?
Changing fries seems like the trend with major fast food places not named McDonald’s. Both Burger King and Jack in the Box have changed their fries within the past 15 years. Heck, Jack in the Box changed their fries twice within the past six years. But, both fast food companies had reason to change their fries, because they sucked. Unfortunately, I think their updated versions still aren’t very tasty and are just there to make sure your value meal provides 75 percent of your daily intake of saturated fat and sodium.
What’s so great about Wendy’s Natural Cut Fries with Sea Salt? I’ll be lazy and let what I copy and pasted from a press release explain.
“The new fries incorporate a range of new ingredients and preparation methods to meet consumersâ€™ demand for a better-tasting, higher-quality French fry. They are made 100% from Russet potatoes and sliced â€œnatural-styleâ€ with the skin on for additional texture and taste, then cooked in proprietary oil that contains no allergens and has 0 grams trans fat per serving. They are finished with a dusting of natural sea salt to further enhance the flavor.”
Wendy’s Natural Cut Fries with Sea Salt have a stronger potato flavor than their previous incarnation, thanks to the left-on skin. Hmm…I just realized they could be keeping the skin on their fries to keep them in line with Wendy’s slogan: “You know when it’s real.”
The fries have a nice crispy exterior and an equally nice fluffy interior. I was happy to see that there weren’t any limp fries, which was the main problem with Jack in the Box’s Natural Cut Fries. I was also happy that the new Wendy’s fries weren’t very greasy. However, despite the use of sea salt, the fries weren’t as salty as I would’ve liked them to be. It’s disappointing because one of the reasons why McDonald’s fries are so great is their saltiness.
Wendy’s Natural Cut Fries with Sea Salt are still second place in my heart, but the gap between them and McDonald’s fries has widened a little. Although, to be honest, I don’t think Wendy’s fries will ever reach first place in my heart, not because of their flavor, but because they’re blocked by the saturated fat from all the McDonald’s fries I’ve eaten.
(Nutrition Facts – Medium/142 grams – 420 calories, 180 calories from fat, 20 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 500 milligrams of sodium, 54 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 10% vitamin C and 8% iron.)
Item: Wendy’s Natural Cut Fries with Sea Salt Price: $1.99 Size: Medium Purchased at: Wendy’s Rating: 7 out of 10 Pros: Stronger potato flavor than original version. Still second place in my heart. Use of sea salt. 0 grams trans fat. Potato skin adds flavor. Nice crispy exterior. Nice soft interior. European nude beaches. Cons: Not better than McDonald’s fries. Copy and pasting from a press release. The saturated fat from McDonald’s fries preventing Wendy’s fries from becoming my favorite. Me naked at a European nude beach.
Ah, Cinnabon. You are the destroyer of diets, the widener of waistlines. You ought to be the adversary of ample alliterators like myself, and yet I have never gained an ounce of weight from your baked goods.
This is because I only eat Cinnabon in airports, and as everyone knows, airport calories donâ€™t count. You get so stressed out from traveling and you have to burn so much extra energy to stop yourself from screaming at the little boy kicking your seat the entire flight that your body allows you to eat whatever you want, and everything still comes out even in the end. Airport calories are close relatives of “Itâ€™s finals week and Iâ€™ve done no reading all semester” calories, “Iâ€™m still at the office way past midnight” calories, and “I just had a breakup and have to eat my feelings” calories. Obviously, none of these calories should be held against you. This was all a very convoluted way of saying thank goodness I had to go to an airport this Thanksgiving break. Otherwise, weâ€™d have no review of the Cinnabon Pecanbon Center of the Roll.
Cinnabon offers its new Center of the Roll (CotR from now on) in both classic and Pecanbon varieties, with pecans and caramel added to the latter. Given that the company website describes the CotR as just “the ooey, gooey middle” of a Classic Roll, I had been expecting something the size and shape of a Minibon but with a gooier texture. What I got wasâ€¦ well, it was sort of hard to say what I got at first, as everything had been placed in a big cup and drenched in cream cheese frosting. It seems like they split up the inner layers of a Classic Roll, cut the layers into slightly smaller chunks, and just put a handful of chunks into each cup. The separated nature of the CotR allows the cream cheese frosting to drip naturally through the cracks and get on each individual piece, sparing the eater of having to make the difficult decision of whether to ration the frosting on top or splurge on the extra cup of frosting. (Hint: in that situation, always go with the extra cup. Itâ€™s only 99 cents more, and youâ€™re already eating a Cinnabon. As the proverb goes, “in for a penny, in for a pound.”)
And yes, the CotR actually does seem to be from the center of the roll. Â At the very least, the pieces are too soft to be from the outside of the roll, and the sponginess of the chunks plays really well with the crunchiness of the pecans. The caramel, however, was rather disappointing. There was enough caramel to change the color of the frosting noticeably, yet I could barely catch any hint of its flavor. Upon further review, I suppose itâ€™s not the caramelâ€™s fault. My expectations of its effect were just unrealistic, and the Cinnabon product designerâ€™s intentions are unclear. The cream cheese frosting is so tasty because it adds a tartness that melds with and subdues what is otherwise an onslaught of total sweetness. Caramel is by definition just melted sugar, so to expect it to stand out would be plain silly. The Superman that is the frosting already has super-speed/sugar; why would you bother inviting caramel-as-The Flash to join the Cinnabonâ€™s Justice League? Wow, that analogy was much less terrible in my head, but at least now you can check “comic book reference” off your TIB Bingo Card.
All things considered, I really enjoyed the Pecanbon Center of the Roll, and I appreciate Cinnabonâ€™s efforts to introduce new items without straying too far from their core products. If youâ€™re a Cinnabon fan to begin with, make sure to try one the next time youâ€™re at an airport. Even if your body doesnâ€™t believe in the airport calorie theory, Iâ€™m sure itâ€™ll agree that “What that TSA agent just did to me might mean weâ€™re married in some religions and I really need to eat something” calories should get a free pass.
(Nutrition Facts – Not available on website)
Item: Cinnabon Pecanbon Center of the Roll Price: $3.49 Size: one cup Purchased at: Cinnabon (in an airport) Rating: 8 out of 10 Pros: Frosting on every piece. Gooier than regular whole Cinnabon. Crunchiness of the pecans. Alliteration. Airport calories not counting. Always getting the extra cup of frosting. TIB Bingo. Cons: Caramel is unnecessary. Airport calories might actually count. Analogies that seem better in your head. New TSA regulations.
Hello readers! Iâ€™m Jasper, one of The Impulsive Buyâ€™s new reviewers. Iâ€™ll have to keep this introduction short, since I wrote this on Taco Tuesday and I hate typing while sitting on the toilet. “Whoa, a poop joke in his very first paragraph,” you just gasped. Yeah, thatâ€™s right. I plan on being a real high-brow writer, so you better get used to it.
Iâ€™m fresh out of college and living in Boston, though I spent my first 18 years in New Jersey. (Yes, I do use a lot of hair gel; no, Iâ€™ve never worn sunglasses at night.) Food has always been very important to me, and Iâ€™ve always been something of an overeater. I distinctly remember being 6 years old, inhaling one too many ribs at the local Sizzler, and throwing up on the welcome mat on the way out. To be honest, things havenâ€™t really changed over the years: my final semester, I left an exam two hours early because the dining halls were serving a limited number of hand-breaded chicken tenders for only the second day all year, and hell if I was going to prioritize graduating on schedule over gorging myself on those delicious tenders one last time.
But just because I value quantity doesnâ€™t mean Iâ€™m unable to recognize quality. On the contrary, Iâ€™ve developed a pretty discerning palate thanks to a huge appetite that has allowed me to try both a large amount and a wide variety of foods. If a product tastes terrible, Iâ€™ll be able to tell you as much. Itâ€™s just that Iâ€™ll probably eat the rest of the bag/bowl/box anyway.
In terms of my prose, my only recent experience with “humor” writing has involved spending way too much time crafting hilarious jokes for emails that people probably barely glanced at. Needless to say, Iâ€™m very happy to have a bigger platform and hopefully a more attentive audience. Iâ€™ll strive to dazzle and delight you, though a more realistic goal would be to keep you occupied for at least a couple minutes after youâ€™ve played all of todayâ€™s Sporcle quizzes.
Itâ€™s been a pleasure to make your acquaintance, TIB readers. And now, Iâ€™m off to the bathroom.