REVIEW: Dunkin’ Donuts Sausage Pancake Bites

Dunkin' Donuts Sausage Pancake Bites

In theory, Dunkin’ Donuts Sausage Pancake Bites should be a guaranteed win.  What’s there to say?  It’s sausage links wrapped in pancakes with maple syrup added.  If our ancestors had invented these, we would today know very little about the extinct animal once called the “pig.” 

But Dunkin’ Donuts has let me down before.  Not with their pumpkin donuts, of course, those marvelous confections that let you know fall is here and it’s time to bust out the expandable pants.  But let’s be honest, those french toast twists were nothing to write home about.  So approaching this new treat, I was hopeful but cautious, like a shark stalking a seal that might actually be a fat surfer.  Turns out I needn’t have worried.

As you can see from this photograph expertly snapped in a parking lot next to the highway, the bites come wrapped in a paper sleeve of the sort you might use for a medium order of fries.  This is unfortunate because it highlights just how small each individual bite is.  The three you get don’t come close to filling up the bag, each being thicker than a cocktail weenie but not nearly as long as a “regular” sausage link.  A lesser man than I would make a joke about sausage size here, but really, that’s not what we’re here for.  Let’s just say they’re perfectly adequate, and besides no one notices that as long as they fill you up.  I mean, that’s what I’ve heard.  All kidding aside, I’m not a massive eater and one serving fell somewhere between a snack and a full meal for me, so take that into account and be prepared to order two if you’re really hungry.  Or decide you’re okay with feeling partially unsatisfied in exchange for a cheap(er) date.  $1.59 buys you 300 calories and no cuddling afterwards.

I had expected a strong smell of sausage from the little bastards, but surprisingly this wasn’t the case; the cornmeal forms an impenetrable force field locking in the scent of cooked meat.  It basically just smells like a corn muffin with a slight whiff of maple syrup — disappointing for the more carnivorous among us, but ideal for not drawing attention in a crowded elevator or for tricking a vegetarian into eating one.  That only holds true until you bite in, of course, at which point the meaty aroma is unlocked like a new character in Street Fighter.  By then you won’t care, though, because you’ll have a bite (a bite of a bite?) in your mouth.

And the verdict is… yeah, they’re pretty good.  The maple syrup taste is understated and so is the pancake, maybe to avoid overpowering the sausage, which to be fair IS cooked well and tastes delicious.  That said, I could’ve done with a little less stinginess on the syrup, maybe even — dare I say it? — a dipping cup.  It has the overall effect of making them seem more like corn muffin sausage bites than pancake sausage bites, which probably isn’t as marketable, so I guess they knew what they were doing with the name.  Really, though, the sausage taste dominates; everything else is just a slight hint on your taste buds, and like that – POOF.  Like Keyser Söze.

So they’re not quite the slam dunk they might initially appear to be, but I can still recommend the sausage pancake bites, and I’m not just saying that because the counter girl at my local DD once said I had really pretty eyes.  (I do, they offset my widow’s peak.)  As expected, the pancake side of things had to be downplayed because that would be just too much awesome for one dish, but they’re still tasty.  And while I’d stop short of calling three little mini-corndogs for a buck and a half a bargain, they won’t exactly break the bank either.  Except in your eventual gym membership fees if you routinely get two servings.

(Nutrition Facts – 3 pieces – 300 calories, 180 calories from fat, 20 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 550 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 7 grams of sugar and 7 grams of protein.)

Other Dunkin’ Donuts Pancake Bites reviews:
Grub Grade

Item: Dunkin’ Donuts Sausage Pancake Bites
Price: $1.59 per serving; two for $3.00
Size: 3 bites per serving
Purchased at: Dunkin’ Donuts
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Relatively inexpensive.  Tricking vegetarians.  Easy to eat while driving.  Tasty seal.
Cons: Syrup deficiency.  Olfactory deception.  No matter what your girlfriend told you, size matters.

ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Writer Drew

Greetings, fans of food and, possibly, casual swearing!   I’m Drew, your latest guide on this magical tour of things that are bad for you.   A little background: I’m from New Jersey and will fiercely defend it to anyone, because the smell isn’t THAT bad and those Jersey Shore kids aren’t even from Jersey. (Okay, one of them is, but not the goblin.)   I currently live in eastern Pennsylvania and will concede it offers some advantages, such as lower taxes, a major league baseball team, and… no, I guess that’s it.   I grew up on a steady diet of sugary breakfast cereals and may be the only person living who still mourns the loss of E.T. Cereal.   I’m also old enough to remember when Roy Rogers was a dominant fast food chain in the east and you couldn’t find a Wendy’s to save your life.
 
In college I double majored in English and Swim Team, which turbocharged my metabolism and allowed me to eat any and all junk food that didn’t run away from me.   Little did I know this would provide excellent practice for a future with The Impulsive Buy.   Prior to joining TIB, my main blogging experience has been with cult movie website Mutant Reviewers From Hell; so if I ever get confused and start bitching about the weak direction and shoddy acting in those Four Cheese Hot Pockets, you’ll know why.   In my spare time I enjoy reading and not having any spare time because I have an adorable 2-year-old daughter and another on the way.   They will someday read this and wonder why daddy uses all those words they’re not allowed to say.
 
That’s about it, except to say I’m excited to be writing for The Impulsive Buy, and I hereby vow not to wuss out in my reviewing duties.   The way I see it, if there isn’t a decent chance I’m going to regret having eaten it afterward, it probably isn’t worth reviewing.   Join me, won’t you?

NEWS: Tostitos’ New Artisan Recipes Tortilla Chips Sound Like They’re Inappropriate for Sports Watching

Read our review here

The new Tostitos Artisan Recipes Tortilla Chips don’t sound like an awesome chip to snack on while watching the Houston Texans completely collapse during the last moments of a game. Instead, its name sounds like they should be served on a platter at a book club meeting in someone’s living room, or at an orgy.

However, if it were named Tostitos Extreme Recipe Tortilla Chips, then I could see them being a great snack to nosh on while watching the Miami Heat be an underwhelming basketball team. Although, the chips are made from a nine grain blend, which makes them sound like they should be served in Oprah’s green room.

The Tostitos Artisan Recipes Tortilla Chips come in two flavors: Fire-Roasted Chipotle and Roasted Garlic and Black Bean. A one-ounce serving size has 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 4.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 2.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 2 grams of protein and minuscule amounts of vitamins and minerals.

REVIEW: Romano’s Macaroni Grill Grilled Chicken Florentine Complete Frozen Meal

Romano's Macaroni Grill Grilled Chicken Florentine Complete Frozen Meal

Where was the Romano’s Macaroni Grill Grilled Chicken Florentine Complete Frozen Meal when I wanted to create the illusion that I had some culinary skills so I could impress a woman?

Instead, I had to plate a Stouffer’s lasagna in a way that made it look like it wasn’t a Stouffer’s lasagna.

I also had to make my kitchen look like I did some actual cooking in it by having a dish rack full of items I would use if I had made the lasagna, an empty lasagna noodle box in the trash, a slightly warm oven, a half used block of mozzarella cheese in the fridge and a few tomato sauce spots on my kitchen counter that I “missed” while cleaning up.

Heck, I had to buy a casserole dish so I could plop the Stouffer’s lasagna into it. On top of that, in an attempt to gain pity points, I cut myself with a knife on purpose to make it appear like I injured myself while cooking. Who knew pretending to make a lasagna would be as hard as making a lasagna?

But, sadly, all that effort didn’t even get me to first base with her. I might as well have taken her to Chuck E. Cheese, because it would’ve gotten the same result, but at least I would’ve had the opportunity to play in a pit of balls. Maybe I didn’t get to first base because she knew it was a Stouffer’s lasagna. Or maybe my yawn/stretch/wrap my arm around her technique was creepy because my hand accidentally landed on her boob.

Oh wait, I just realized I got to second base with her. YES! I can now add this to my sexual conquests diary.

While I never saw her again and never heard from her after leaving a message on her voice mail every day for a month, perhaps I can accidentally get to third base with next woman if I pretend to make the Romano’s Macaroni Grill Grilled Chicken Florentine Complete Frozen Meal from scratch.

Romano's Macaroni Grill Grilled Chicken Florentine Complete Frozen Meal Prepared

The bagged meal is made up of grilled white meat chicken and spinach with farfalle pasta tossed in a creamy parmesan cheese and garlic sauce. What’s farfalle pasta? It’s one of my trump cards to impress her.

I’ll keep calling it farfalle pasta, until she asks me what it is. Then I’ll say, “Oh, silly me. I thought you knew what farfalle was, because you look like a sophisticated woman. We in the culinary world call it farfalle, but normal people call it bowtie pasta.”

Aw yeah, droppin’ knowledge equals droppin’ panties.

I’ve tried a number of frozen meals for two and almost all of them tend to have small servings, but this Grilled Chicken Florentine Complete Frozen Meal makes two ample servings. Preparing it involves stirring the contents of the package in a non-stick skillet with 1/3 cup of milk.

The result is a creamy, tasty dish that makes me appear to have skills in the kitchen. The farfalle pasta came out perfect, the sauce had the right amount of garlic flavor and the spinach provided color to the dish and iron, but the chicken turned out a little dry.

The Romano’s Macaroni Grill Grilled Chicken Florentine Complete Frozen Meal turned out quite well, which gives me hope that, with my fraudulent culinary skills, I can impress the next woman who begrudgingly agrees to have dinner with me.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 package/340 grams (prepared) – 560 calories, 170 calories from fat, 19 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 95 milligrams of cholesterol, 1270 milligrams of sodium, 56 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 40 grams of protein, 25% vitamin A, 4% vitamin C, 45% calcium and 10% iron.)

Item: Romano’s Macaroni Grill Grilled Chicken Florentine Complete Frozen Meal
Price: $7.99
Size: 24 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tasty frozen meal. Ample servings. Creamy sauce. Pasta came out perfect. Getting a woman to have dinner with me. Easy to make. Getting to first, second or third base. Good source of calcium and vitamin A. Awesome source of protein.
Cons: Chicken turned out a little dry. Great source of sodium and saturated fat. Impressing women with fake culinary skills. Not getting a call back after leaving a voice mail message every day for a month.

NEWS: Wrigley’s 5 Gum Line Continues To Reproduce Like Reality Shows That Star Unlikeable People

Update: Click here to read our Wrigley’s 5 Vortex Gum review

Wrigley’s 5 Gum is marketed to teens and since they were introduced a few years ago, the flavors available have grown at a rate equal to the number of Real Housewives shows. Because teen tastes change more often than Lady Gaga changes outfits during a concert, it’s easy to see why Wrigley’s continues to pump out new flavors of their gum that comes in cool black boxes.

Their soon-to-be latest will be the juicy green apple-flavored Wrigley’s 5 Vortex. It’s the second straight fruit-flavored gum for the Wrigley’s 5 Gum line. Vortex follows the watermelon-flavored Prism.

The sugar-free gum will come in the standard 15 piece packs.

Image via flickr user saschaaa / CC BY ND 2.0