When I die, I hope my tombstone doesn’t say, “Ate way too many Pop-Tarts,” even though I have eaten way too many Pop-Tarts.
Oh wait, I’m being cremated, so I hope my urn isn’t etched with “Ate way too many Pop-Tarts” or my body isn’t burned into ashes using a giant toaster oven.
If humans didn’t poop, I would have more variety of Pop-Tarts in my body than any grocery store on the planet. Just look at all the different Pop-Tarts I’ve eaten and reviewed over the years in a convenient linked list that totally looks like a ploy to increase this blog’s page views:
- Ice Creme Sandwich Pop-Tarts
- Wild! Grape Pop-Tarts
- Limited Edition Gingerbread Printed Fun Pop-Tarts
- Limited Edition Pumpking Pie Pop-Tarts
- Blueberry Muffin Pop-Tarts
- Chocolate Banana Split Pop-Tarts
- 20% Fiber Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts
- Vanilla Milkshake Pop-Tarts
- Whole Grain Strawberry Pop-Tarts
- Hot Chocolate Pop-Tarts
- Mint Chocolate Chip Pop-Tarts
- Hello Kitty Meow Berry Pop-Tarts
- Apple Strudel Pop-Tarts
- Strawberry Milkshake Pop-Tarts
- Cookie and Cream Pop-Tarts
- Caramel Chocolate Snak Stix Pop-Tarts
- French Toast Pop-Tarts
- Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts
- Hot Fudge Sundae Pop-Tarts
- S’more Pop-Tarts
If this list of Pop-Tarts flavors was instead a list of women I’ve slept with, I would be considered a manwhore and probably have/had spread an STD or two. Or three. Or everything that’s listed in the Oxford American Handbook of Clinical Medicine.
The latest Pop-Tarts flavor that has allowed me to add another notch to the side of my toaster is the Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tarts.
If you look at the photo below, you’ll notice Kellogg’s is being very generous by calling these Pop-Tarts “frosted.” There’s no doubt that there’s frosting on top, but instead of a layer of it like with other frosted Pop-Tarts, it’s drizzled on much like you’d find on many actual cherry turnovers. This amount of frosting is equivalent to the amount of skin a Wicked Weasel bikini covers, which is just enough to make you wonder, “Why bother?”
There has been a regular Frosted Cherry Pop-Tarts for some time now with a proper layer of frosting on top. I thought the Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tarts would taste exactly the same. So in order to find out, I increased my chances for Type II diabetes by picking up a box and eating regular Frosted Cherry Pop-Tarts.
After tasting both, the difference in flavor reminds me of the time my parents switched my usual Frosted Blueberry Pop-Tarts with Blueberry Pop-Tarts without frosting. Back then, my young taste buds could notice a significant difference. The unfrosted one was less sweet, the blueberry flavor was less pronounced, and the lack of sweetness and flavor made me cry until my parents could produce in front of me a Frosted Blueberry Pop-Tart.
The Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tart is also less sweet and the cherry flavor is less pronounced than a regular cherry Pop-Tart. It’s as if the Pop-Tart’s nearly unfrosted crust doesn’t want the cherry to pop. But when I could taste the cherry filling, it didn’t have any artificial taste to it, which I guess there shouldn’t be since it’s made with real fruit (not only dried cherries, but also dried apples).
The Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tarts are a disappointment and I’m glad they’re a limited edition. However, if you try them and adore them, don’t fret about them being limited edition. Even though they don’t taste exactly alike, grab a box of regular Cherry Pop-Tarts, scrape off the frosting, steal the frosting packet from a box of Toaster Strudels, drizzle some of it on top of the naked Pop-Tart, and there you go. The limited edition is limited no more.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry – 190 calories 30 calories from fat, 3.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)
Item: Limited Edition Frosted Cherry Turnover Pop-Tarts
Size: 8 pack
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: It’s a limited edition. The box might be worth $1.99 in a future eBay auction. Frosted Cherry Pop-Tarts. Wicked Weasel bikinis.
Cons: Disappointing flavor. It has frosting, but really can’t be considered frosted. Being burned in a giant toaster oven. The difference between frosted and unfrosted Pop-Tarts. Kellogg’s still making unfrosted Pop-Tarts. Lame attempts to gain page views.