REVIEW: Planters Five Alarm Chili Dry Roasted Peanuts

Written by | November 7, 2011

Topics: 7 Rating, Peanuts, Planters

Planters Five Alarm Chili Dry Roasted Peanuts

OH. MY. GOODNESS.

MY. MOUTH. IS. BURNING.

It’s as if my mouth has been turned into a portal to Hell and demons and molten lava are bursting out of it. Please make it stop. MAKE IT STOP!

It’s so hot I may never taste again because my taste buds have been destroyed by the heat. Not even ice water can soothe the scalding feeling in my mouth. It feels like I just spent seven minutes in heaven with a fire breathing dragon. IT’S SO HOT! Tell my family that I love them.

The previous words are what I might’ve said if the Planters Five Alarm Chili Dry Roasted Peanuts was five alarm spicy, but I think Planters is being a bit generous by calling it “Five Alarm Chili.” Even if they called it Planters Four Alarm Chili Dry Roasted Peanuts, I’d still think they were overstating how spicy they are.

But then again, me likey the spicy so I may have different standards than other people when it comes to spiciness. Over the years, I’ve eaten a lot of spicy foods and during that time I’ve come up with my own spicy food scale.

One Alarm – Light burn. Quickly dissipates. Water isn’t necessary.

Two Alarm – Mild burn. Lingers a little. Sips of water might be needed.

Three Alarm – Good burn. A little bit of sweating. Large swigs of water necessary. Makes me slightly uncomfortable.

Four Alarm – Really good burn. Face excreting sweat and tears. Glasses of water necessary. Milk would be a better option. A little regret.

Five Alarm – Holy Hell that is hot! Face excreting sweat, tears, and snot. Water won’t help. My mouth screams for ice cream to cool it down. Lots of regret. Praying it’s not as spicy going out as it was going in. Lots of leftovers that may not get eaten due to fear.

Planters Five Alarm Chili Dry Roasted Peanuts Closeup

If I had to place the Planters Five Alarm Chili Dry Roasted Peanuts somewhere on my spiciness scale, I’d probably consider it to be Two Alarm spicy. However, I’m fine with that because if it were any spicier, the heat might’ve overshadowed the peanut’s flavor, which is quite good.

When I popped one in my mouth it had a pleasant onion and garlic flavor at first and then the chili pepper flavor quickly followed along with the heat. Unfortunately, the flavoring comes in the form of a powdery coating that doesn’t stick well to the peanuts so most of it ends up at the bottom of the bottle.

Even though I scoffed at Planters for calling these slightly spicy peanuts “Five Alarm,” I have to say I enjoyed scoffing them down in handfuls.

Other Planters Fire Alarm Chili Dry Roasted Peanuts reviews:
Junk Food Guy
Brand Eating
Mikey’s Kitchen

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce/about 39 pieces – 160 calories, 120 calories from fat, 14 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 4.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 7 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 200 milligrams of potassium, 5 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 7 grams of protein.)

Item: Planters Five Alarm Chili Dry Roasted Peanuts
Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: 1 pound
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Combination of flavor and spiciness is addictive. Spiciness doesn’t overpower the flavor. Awesome source of mono- and polyunsaturated fats.
Cons: Not five alarm spicy. Seasoning doesn’t stick well on the peanuts. Eating spicy Five Alarm foods. Spending seven minutes in heaven with a fire breathing dragon.






14 Comments For This Post I'd Love to Hear Yours!

  1. Vik the Viper says:

    Hmmm I’m not sure that this flavor was the greatest idea, still there is somthing to be said for spicy. I would say that most advertized spicy products are never as spicy as they claim

  2. Guess says:

    Actually, did you know that water makes the burn worse? It sweeps the oils contained in spicy things around your tongue, lighting it up like a christmas tree on crack.

    It’s actually better to drink milk or take a bite of something dense/carb-y such as bread.

    These are actually interesting looking though, the kind of snack you try out of morbid curiosity…

  3. Chuck says:

    Ah, poor Marvo. Here, have a piece of this habanero jerky to take your mind off of the peanuts.

  4. CW says:

    had a very small dish not even a handful and these things killed my tongue for a good 10 minutes of excruciating pain. much. much worse than a bag of flaming cheetos closer to those gimmick hot sauces that so hot you can’t cook with them. i think i got a nugget of pure seasoning powder mixed in with the ones i had that might have contributed. and i should have read your scale because your 3 alarm description i just thought 2/5 can’t be that bad.

  5. colgatepony234 says:

    Make it stop, oh, make it stop!!!

  6. Craigy says:

    Nicely stated and I think fair review. Using the author’s scale I might suggest a three over a two but either way this is a very tasty product. I would highly recommend.

  7. Velta says:

    I have set off the panic button because my 5 alarm peanuts are nowhere to be found in stores in Kansas. Whatever will I do without them when serving my scrumptious Pad Thai or other delicious Thai food?

  8. Tammy says:

    Love these!!! They’re even better covered in dark chocolate as a “spicy nut candy”. My dad loves them!!!

  9. Tammy says:

    I, like you love the hot & spicy things..Yes sometimes I wonder that same issue about what goes in spicy, but ya only live once. Love these, even better when coated with dark chocolate and made into candy. my dad loves them that way.

  10. Cody says:

    I just bought some planters ‘Heat Peanuts’ from my local gas station, the heat was hardly even noticeable. If you want to try some spicy peanuts, give Da Bomb: Ghost Pepper peanuts a look. I just ordered some a week ago and waiting for delivery. They were definitely an impulse buy, but for 6 bucks? Not too bad.

  11. Logan says:

    I agree, not really all that HOT. But I like the flavor. I like some spicy peanuts when I am having a beer. I had been buying the little 99 cent bags of off brand spicy peanuts when I’d go to the liquor store. I like the flavor and freshness of the Planters much better.



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