Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.
No beverage can improve someone’s golf game. But I know having extramarital affairs with enough women to fill a bus and having to look into the eyes of a betrayed ex-wife and children can hurt someone’s golf game. (via Thirsty Dudes)
Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cereal…understandable. Peanut Butter Toast Crunch Cereal…I eat peanut butter on toast all the time. French Toast Crunch Cereal…of course. But now General Mills is just making shit up. (via Option Pitch and Waffle Crisp)
Hey, Starbucks! You offer your breakfast blend in VIA form, but how about making a special VIA morning blend for the I-Can’t-Believe-I-Had-A-One-Night-Stand-With-You crowd that’ll help us forget about it. (via Hot Ink Reviews)
I didn’t know potato, tortilla, and pita chips could be so festive. Maybe I’ll hang them on my Christmas tree next year. Or eat them while looking at my Festivus pole. (via Junk Food Guy)
I really wish these soylent green crackers were made from real humans. Because if they were, I wouldn’t have to hunt some random unsuspecting stranger walking alone in a shady part of town to be able to enjoy human flesh. (via Food Junk)
With it being orange-tangerine flavored, I expected the MiO Liquid Water Enhancer with Vitamins to have some vitamin C. But the nutrition facts clearly state, “Not a significant source of Fat Cal, Sat Fat, Trans Fat, Cholest, Fiber, Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Calcium, and Iron.”
So what is it a significant source of?
Well, after scanning the words and numbers on the bottle and trying this new MiO flavor, I have to say it’s only a significant source of sucralose and the color orange. While it does have B vitamins, an 8-ounce serving of this MiO provides only 10 percent of your daily value of vitamins B3, B6, and B12. Pfff…Me and my gummy multivitamin laugh at that 10 percent.
Having 10 percent of anything makes me wonder, why bother? A bowl of Cocoa Puffs and most other kids cereals provide 25 percent of your daily value of B vitamins. Or if you want to drown yourself in B vitamins, half a bottle of 5-Hour Energy has 75 percent of your daily value of vitamin B3, 1,000 percent of your daily value of vitamin B6, and over 4,000 percent of your daily value of vitamin B12.
Even if you consumed all 24 servings a bottle of this MiO provides, you still wouldn’t get as much vitamins B6 and B12 as a 5-Hour Energy, but at least your pee might turn orange, allowing you to write your name in the snow using a color other than yellow.
If you’ve never made a beverage using MiO, the instructions read as if you’re playing with a Bop-It. First, you flip it, then tip it, then sip it, and then click it.
The Orange Tangerine MiO Liquid Water Enhancer smells as if I walked into an orange Tang dust cloud. It also tastes like the stuff that was once consumed by NASA astronauts on some Gemini space missions, except less tangy. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of drinking Tang and want a reference that your grandparents won’t get, it tastes like a much sweeter VitaminWater Essential. And for those of you who have never downed a Tang or VitaminWater, what are you doing reading a blog filled with junk and processed food reviews?
The bottle says it contains “Natural Flavors with Other Natural Flavors,” but it’s artificially sweetastic thanks to it being a significant source of sucralose. Even though it’s artificially sweetastic, I like the orange-tangerine flavored MiO as much as I like the fruit punch version. Although, it almost became undrinkable when I got a little overzealous with the squeezing.
The point of MiO is to encourage us to drink the recommended amount of water and I think the Orange Tangerine MiO Liquid Water Enhancer with Vitamins can motivate me to do so. It’s a fine addition to the MiO line, even though the pitiful amounts of B vitamins are completely bogus additions.
(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 tsp – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 30 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 10% vitamin B3, 10% vitamin B6, and 10% vitamin B12.)
Item: Orange Tangerine MiO Liquid Water Enhancer with Vitamins Price: $3.50 (on sale) Size: 1.62 fluid ounces Purchased at: Target Rating: 7 out of 10 Pros: Tastes like Tang, but not as tangy. The pleasure derived from destroying a Bop-It because it’s so frustrating to beat. Astronauts. A significant source of the color orange. Gummy multivitamins. Makes 24 8-ounce servings, if you’re not overzealous with the squeezing. Cons: Amounts of B vitamins are a joke. Artificially sweetastic. It’s orange flavored but contains no vitamin C. Get cloyingly sweet when one gets overzealous with the squeezing.
There are two new Cheerios varieties, which brings the total number of Cheerios flavors to a baker’s dozen. The new Cheerios varieties are Dulce de Leche Cheerios and Multi Grain Cheerios Peanut Butter.
Of course, these new flavors are going to make choosing a Cheerios variety to purchase much harder. Usually, I just open the biggest regular Cheerios box, pull out the bag of cereal in it, put the huge Cheerios box over my head, ask a fellow shopper to hand me a box of each variety, throw them all in the air, and whichever one I catch is the flavor I buy. But I don’t know if I could hold all 13 flavors.
I know. The year isn’t over yet, but the likelihood of this list changing sometime during the last days of 2011 is pretty much nil. So here’s a list of the top 10 most popular Impulsive Buy reviews posted in 2011. This list is based on traffic numbers from Google Analytics. So here they are in a particular order:
According to the internets, Wendy’s is positioned to overtake Burger King and claim second-place in fast food chain marketshare sometime next year. That’s nice, but perhaps they could speed up the process by building a few more Wendy’s locations here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I’ve got three Burger King locations within a three mile radius, while Wendy’s closest location is six miles away.
Domino’s has been busy during the second half of 2011. First, they released these fancy Artisan Pizzas and then late last month they introduced their Stuffed Cheesy Breads. They’re trying really hard to make people forget how crappy their pizzas used to be. I still think bringing back the Noid will help.
This sandwich will probably show up again as a $5 Featured Footlong. My psychic powers tell me it will come back in May 2012. (Note to people from Subway Corporate who may or may not read this: Please bring the Subway Oven Crisp Chicken Sub in May 2012 so I don’t look like a total boob.)
Clusterfluff is one of my favorite Ben & Jerry’s ice cream names ever. Sadly, according to my sources, they had to change it to What A Cluster. I really hope, in 2012, Ben & Jerry’s makes a flavor honoring Samuel L. Jackson called, I Have Had It With These Motherfudging Cakes On This Motherfudging Plane!
This is the second straight year a blended McDonald’s product has ended up at the top of our year in review list. Man, I remember when McDonald’s used to be known only for their burgers, French fries, and that purple blob Grimace. Times are changin’.
We can drink zombie blood and now we can eat zombie skin. I wonder when we’ll be able to snort zombie dandruff. (via Food Junk)
Juicy Fruit’s Juicy Riddle gum makes us figure out what flavor it is. Well, I have a riddle just for Juicy Fruit Juicy Riddle gum. What’s chewable, but won’t be chewed by many people because it’s stupid? (via Gum Alert)
Razzleberry pie is made using raspberries and blackberries. Dazzleberry pie is made using glitter and rhinestones. (via Freezer Burns)