Month: December 2011

REVIEW: Wendy’s The “W”

Jeff 24 Comments

Wendy's The W

“W” can mean a lot of things. It is the 23rd letter in the alphabet. It could be the line of luxury hotels owned by Starwood properties. It’s the name of the glossy fashionista magazine that nobody reads but it looks great on your coffee table. It also reminds me of a campaign used by a certain former President. Currently, it means a hamburger that promises each heady mouthful will be packed with the flavor of pickles.

Meet Wendy’s new and arrogantly named hamburger The “W.” Yep. It. Is. THE. “W!”

I have to admit the name commands attention. The “W” conjures up ideas that this burger is the beginning and end of all fast food hamburgers. The ornate packaging would have me believe The “W” is not merely a double meat patty with cheese between two pieces of bread. No, it is the sandwich that will bring about world peace, help you find the mysterious God particle (that’s Higgs Boson to you brainiacs) and hold promises of giving your partner multiple orgasms.

Like the hucksters of yesteryear offering a tonic for all that ails you, most things that promise too much are bound to disappoint. Anybody who has played Skyrim or seen this season of The Walking Dead knows what I am talking about.

Wendy's The W Box

The burger is eloquently wrapped in white paper to suggest that what you are actually carrying is a fine marbled rib eye freshly cut from the butcher. Underlining the importance of this sandwich and adding to the pomp, it is tucked in a folder shouting all kinds of things like “fresh!” and “quality!!”

That, however, is where the façade ends and what you have is the fast food equivalent of a Pandora’s Box. Comparable to the Big Mac, The “W” has two patties, special sauce, tomato, pickles, red onion and two slices of cheese. And trust me, the sauce is very special which I will get to in a minute.

Wendy's The W Innards

The promotional pictures for The “W” appeared nothing like the actual burger. My sandwich consisted of two limp square beef patties bordering on a chic gray color scheme. There’s the obligatory cheese topped on each slate. A wilted leaf of iceberg, a depressing slice of tomato, some pickles and slivers of red onion complimented the disaster. Then the sauce was slathered sloppily on the bun, which was toasted but not buttery as Wendy’s promised. I could be wrong since freckle face was so heavy handed with the sauce.

Now about that sauce…the website states it’s the savory signature sauce with hints of tomato, pickle and red pepper. To hint is to suggest slightly, but for Wendy’s it means to grab you by the head, slam your face into the wet spot on the carpet, nose buried deep and then scream in your ear “BAD DOGGIE! BAD BAD BAD DOGGIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!”

If the sauce is signature, it is not a graceful Hancock. It is a scrawled letter X signed by an incompetent psychopath who flings their own poop at the television when the theme song to “The Price is Right” comes on. The sauce is so briny and strong with pickles, it tastes like thousand island dressing amped up with mega-ultra-relish. It is also very vinegary which intensifies the brine and is off-putting. Honestly, drinking a douche would rival the tang of the sauce.

This did not help the cadaver-like meat or the drippy cheese or the lettuce which seemed like an afterthought. The toasted buns were soggy. It was like a victim of a circle jerk but the loser did not eat the bread. The only positive note was the red onion which added a nice sweet and spicy bite. However, you would be wise just to buy a red onion and eat it like an apple.

I am surprised by this evil offspring from hell because I normally like Wendy’s. I have fond memories of The Baconator. The website said “it is doubly amazing” and they list it as a premium hamburger. This sandwich is no more amazing in the single sense than it is twice. Forgetting to flush the toilet after a dinner of tripe sautéed in black bean sauce and reconstituted dried salted fish is more amazing.

Damn, emptying the contents of my used condom on to a hamburger would be more amazing! Wow, I’m really angry about this. When I eat at a fast food place, I’m not expecting meat at Luger levels but I’m also not expecting inmate cafeteria dreck.

I agree there are so many tasteless “potty jokes” in my review. Yes. But they taste much better than this burger. “Big flavor doesn’t have to mean big bucks”, touts the website. The flavor is indeed very big, but Wendy’s forgot to make the flavor good.

(Nutrition Facts – 580 calories, 290 calories from fat, 33 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fats, 105 milligrams of cholesterol, 1,480 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugars, and 32 grams of protein.)

Other Wendy’s The “W” reviews:
Grub Grade
Grub Gripe (video)
Foodette Reviews

Item: Wendy’s The “W”
Price: $2.99 (sandwich only)
Purchased at: Wendy’s
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: You can pick up a Frosty or a Baconator while there. The red onions add a good kick. Images of people flinging poop in top hats make me laugh. Toasted buns are a good idea. Freckles.
Cons: The beef, the cheese, the pickle, the tomato. The sauce is too briny. Saying things that are “double amazing” when you cannot even get to the “singular” amazing. Loser eats the bread. Speaking of bread, the nice texture of toasted buns are nullified when it becomes soggy due to too much sauce. Skyrim, like seriously what am I supposed to do next?

PRIZE DRAWING: Because Sam Walton’s Ghost Won’t Leave Me Alone Until I Give Away A Walmart Gift Card

Marvo 171 Comments

This month, The Impulsive Buy will be giving away a $25 Walmart gift card.

Yup, I’m going to walk into a Walmart, flash a fake smile at the senior citizen-aged Walmart employee who greets me, walk defensively through the store to avoid unsupervised children and shoppers who should never be allowed to drive shopping carts, wait in a long 8 items or less express checkout line behind a couple of jackasses who each have a dozen items, purchase a $25 Walmart gift card, and flash another fake smile at the senior citizen-aged Walmart employee who thanks me for shopping at Walmart.

To enter The Impulsive Buy’s Walmart gift card drawing, leave a comment with THIS post. I don’t care what you say in your comment, but it would be nice if you shared your most memorable moment in a Walmart. Now when I say “memorable”, I mean crappiest. But, if you don’t have a crappy Walmart memory, your most awesome memory would suffice. Mine was getting hit by an impatient Walmart shopper driving a motorized shopping cart.

Please don’t forget to fill out the email field because I’ll be emailing the winner for his or her mailing address. The Impulsive Buy will stop accepting entries on Friday, December 30, 2011 11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time. Only one comment allowed per person, and it’s only open to U.S. residents who are at least 18 years old.

For those of you who have a Twitter account, you can get an additional entry by tweeting the following by Friday, December 30, 2011 11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time:

@theimpulsivebuy I wish Walmart would bring back the rollback prices smiley face because I want to make out with it.

So just copy, paste, and tweet. Only one tweet per Twitter account.

Good luck!

Fine Print: Walmart is not affiliated with this prize drawing. The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you emails about how Bill Gates is going to give you money if you forward the email to a dozen of your friends. Seriously, some people are really gullible. Go look up stuff of Snopes.com before you forward stupid emails like that. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you coconuts. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or walking out of Walmart with more than you intended.

REVIEW: McDonald’s McFlurry with Reese’s

Marvo 5 Comments

McFlurry with Reese's

They say bacon makes most things better, but I believe the same can also be said of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. (See here, here, and here.)

Blending Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups with soft serve ice cream to create the limited time only McDonald’s McFlurry with Reese’s sounds like McMagic.

By the way, McMagic is quicker and cheaper than regular magic, and if you use it too much, you’ll get fat.

To be honest, I thought the McFlurry with Reese’s was on McDonald’s menu all this time, which I guess shows how often I eat a McFlurry. After accidentally Googling McFluffy and then correctly Googling McFlurry, I learned the McFlurry with Reese’s is somewhat similar to the McRib in that it comes back every so often, people have created Facebook pages dedicated to it, and they both don’t have bones.

While I don’t really care for the McRib, I did enjoy the McFlurry with Reese’s.

If you look at the pictures, the McFlurry is topped with what appears to be a generous heaping of crushed Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, and that crushed candy gives the dessert a wonderful peanut butter and chocolate flavor. However, even after mixing the McFlurry, the bottom fourth of it had very little candy pieces, and I was left eating what was pretty much just vanilla soft serve.

Also, there’s something else I noticed about the peanut butter cup bits. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups have a distinct peanut butter flavor, but I didn’t quite taste it in this fast food dessert. It’s as if the vanilla soft serve ice cream is a flavor vampire.

McFlurry with Reese's Closeup

But, again, I did enjoy the McDonald’s McFlurry with Reese’s. It’s a satisfying dessert and I definitely prefer it over another limited time only McFlurry variety — the Rolo McFlurry. I can taste why people will take the time to set up and manage a Reese’s McFlurry Facebook fan page.

Now, of course, this begs the question, if people love them so much, why doesn’t McDonald’s permanently add the McFlurry with Reese’s to their menu? Because it’s not as if its availability is based on pork prices. There’s a lot of soft serve ice cream and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in the world.

(Nutrition Facts – 12 ounce cup – 610 calories, 220 calories from fat, 25 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 320 milligrams of sodium, 85 grams of carbohydrates, 77 grams of sugar, 4 grams of fiber, and 15 grams of protein.)

Other McDonald’s McFlurry with Reese’s reviews
Brand Eating

Item: McDonald’s McFlurry with Reese’s
Price: $2.99
Size: 12 ounces
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Wonderful peanut butter and chocolate flavor. Satisfying dessert. Nice small bits of peanut butter cups. Decent source of fiber. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups make almost everything better. I now know what McFluffys are. No bones.
Cons: Only available for a limited time. Not a permanent menu item. Contains trans fat. Could not really taste the peanut flavor from Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Not enough crushed peanut butter cups. Performing too much McMagic.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Heinz Tomato Ketchup Blended With Balsamic Vinegar

Marvo 4 Comments

Limited Edition Heinz Tomato Kethcup Blended With Balsamic Vinegar

The black label on the Limited Edition Heinz Tomato Ketchup Blended With Balsamic Vinegar makes it look like I should only break it out during classy functions, like any event with the word “gala” in its name. It looks fancier than fancy ketchup.

Heck, it looks so classy that I’m surprised it wasn’t wearing a black bow tie around its neck like a Chippendales dancer. However, because it looks so sophisticated, I’m not sure what to use it with. But I do know it has to be something upscale or something that’s Trump-gaudy.

Perhaps, I could put it on top of a burger made with ground Kobe beef imported from the Hyōgo Prefecture in Japan. Or I could use it as a dipping sauce for French fries made with La Bonnotte potatoes, the most expensive potatoes in the world. Or, if I’m going Trump-gaudy, maybe I could pour it over a meatloaf shaped like a violin.

But I don’t have the hundreds of dollars needed to buy a pound of La Bonnotte potatoes or Kobe beef, nor do I have a violin-shaped baking pan.

So I was forced to try the Limited Edition Heinz Tomato Ketchup Blended With Balsamic Vinegar with a food that doesn’t seem worthy of the fanciest of fancy ketchups — French fries made with boring Russet potatoes that weren’t harvested from an island off the coast of France and cost over $300 a pound.

The classy ketchup’s color is noticeably darker than regular ketchup, thanks to the balsamic vinegar. The deep red color makes it a wonderful fake blood alternative for you amateur filmmakers, backyard wrestlers, and people who want to fake their death because they owe their bookie money they can’t repay or because they want to collect their life insurance and move to an island country.

Because it contains balsamic vinegar, I expected the limited edition ketchup to be a bit more aromatic, but it smelled like regular ketchup.

Limited Edition Heinz Tomato Kethcup Blended With Balsamic Vinegar Closeup

There’s a flavor difference between regular ketchup and the Limited Edition Heinz Tomato Ketchup Blended With Balsamic Vinegar, but it’s not a significant difference. The vinegar flavor is slightly stronger than with regular ketchup, giving the condiment a pleasant tanginess. There’s also a slight fruity sweetness, which is different than the sweetness from regular ketchup. But, again, it’s not a significant difference and I think if someone were to replace regular ketchup with this classy ketchup, I think most people won’t notice the switcheroo.

The Limited Edition Heinz Tomato Ketchup Blended With Balsamic Vinegar is available until March. However, Heinz has said if it becomes popular enough, it could become a regular ketchup variety. Even though the difference in flavor between it and regular ketchup isn’t considerable, I prefer its flavor. So I hope it does become a permanent variety and come in large, no mess squeezable bottles so I can use it to write my name on any future violin-shaped meatloaf I may make.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 Tbsp – 25 calories, 0 grams of fat, 160 milligrams of sodium, 6 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Limited Edition Heinz Tomato Kethcup Blended With Balsamic Vinegar
Price: $2.99
Size: 14 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Black label makes it look fancy. Slightly better than regular ketchup. Slight fruitiness. Kobe beef. Makes a wonderful fake blood alternative.
Cons: Not a significant difference in flavor compared with regular ketchup. Contains high fructose corn syrup. Limited edition, for now.

NEWS: Get Your Fiber On With Kellogg’s Raisin Bran Cinnamon Almond

Marvo 2 Comments

IMG_0884

For decades, Kellogg’s Raisin Bran was just raisins and bran flakes. Then Kellogg’s released Raisin Bran Crunch, which included honey oat granola clusters and bran flakes that didn’t take 10 seconds to get soggy. Then the Big K, which no one calls Kellogg’s, introduced Raisin Bran Extra. It had yogurt clusters, dried cranberries and almond slices.

Now K-to-the-E-to-the-double-L-to-the-O-to-the-double-G-to-the-apostrophe-S, which also no one calls Kellogg’s, has a new Raisin Bran variety to help you achieve your recommended daily allowance of fiber — Raisin Bran Cinnamon Almond.

The new cereal is made up bran flakes with cinnamon dusted raisins and toasted almonds. Yup, cinnamon dusted raisins, which is a change from their usual sugar dusted raisins.

A 1 1/4 cup serving without milk has 200 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 260 milligrams of potassium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 18 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.