REVIEW: Cap’n Crunch’s Chocolatey Crunch

Written by | January 25, 2012

Topics: 3 Rating, Cap'n Crunch, Cereal

Cap'n Crunch's Chocolatey Crunch

After tasting Cap’n Crunch’s Chocolatey Crunch cereal, I decided I want to become the captain of a pirate ship so that I can hunt down Cap’n Crunch’s ship and send him and his crew to Davy Jones’ Locker using a barrage of cannonballs painted to look like Crunch Berries.

Despite it being made with real cocoa and being naturally and artificially flavored, Chocolatey Crunch’s flavor is extremely disappointing. I think they put the wrong suffix in this cereal’s name. Instead of it being called Chocolatey Crunch, it should’ve been called Chocolateish Crunch.

It’s such a let down that if I can’t become the captain of a pirate ship, I’ll try to become an admiral in whatever navy Horatio Magellan Crunch belongs to and demote the Cap’n to a ship’s bird poop remover.

The cereal itself looks like regular Cap’n Crunch that either spent a week sunbathing in Brazil or is into Japanese Ganguro fashion. It looks like it’s going to be chocolatey, but my tongue says it’s not. This tricking of my senses makes me want to put Cap’n Crunch in a cage match with Captain Hook who is armed with Captain Caveman’s club and Captain America’s shield, and has been drinking a lot of Captain Morgan.

Cap'n Crunch's Chocolatey Crunch Closeup

On a scale from one to ten, with ten being skinny dipping in the Wonka factory’s chocolate river and one being far downwind from someone holding up a spoonful of hot cocoa mix, the chocolate level of Cap’n Crunch’s Chocolatey Crunch cereal would be a three. It’s a step above Kellogg’s Cocoa Krispies, but many steps below Cocoa Puffs and Cocoa Pebbles. There’s a sweetness to the cereal, but I wouldn’t consider it chocolatey. So it appears the real cocoa doesn’t do a good job of giving this cereal or the aftermilk a nice chocolate flavor. Dammit. I never thought I’d say these words: I wish this cereal was more artificially flavored.

Cap’n Crunch’s Chocolatey Crunch cereal is lighter and crisper than regular Cap’n Crunch, so eating it won’t shred your upper palate raw. But that’s the only real positive I can think of.

I’m just extremely disappointed with Cap’n Crunch’s Chocolatey Crunch cereal. The combination of Cap’n Crunch and chocolate had the potential to be one of the greatest chocolatey cereals ever, but it instead ended up being one of the least chocolatey cereals I’ve ever had. Cap’n Crunch should be forced to walk the plank because of this cereal.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (cereal only) – 110 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 11 grams of other carbohydrates, 1 gram of protein, and a load of vitamins and minerals.)

Other Cap’n Crunch’s Chocolatey Crunch reviews:
Grub Grade
Fatguy Food Blog
Life in Reviews

Item: Cap’n Crunch’s Chocolatey Crunch
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 14 ounces
Purchased at: Don Quijote
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Doesn’t make your upper palate raw. A serving provides 100 percent of your daily value of folic acid. Sending Cap’n Crunch to Davy Jones’ Locker.
Cons: Real cocoa doesn’t make this cereal taste real good. Weak chocolate flavor. Had the potential to be a great cereal. Doesn’t turn the aftermilk chocolatey. Japanese women into Ganguro fashion






14 Comments For This Post I'd Love to Hear Yours!

  1. Raymond says:

    I agree Marvo, weak chocolate cereal at best. If i want a real chocolatey cereal, i’ll just grab Cocoa Puffs, or Cocoa Krispies, Hell, even Count Chocula.

  2. You don't say? says:

    The vibrant color of the cereal displayed on the box and the close up of the ‘actual’ cereal inside of it really puts things in perspective, huh? At one point I was a fan of the ole’ Cap’n and the treasures his cereal had to offer, but the novelty of Cap’n Crunch wore off – like my love for Corn Pops did – when I was introduced to cereals like NesQuik, Lucky Charms, Frosted Flakes, etc. The ‘Crunch’ man was just no competition for the latter cereals in my adolescence, and just like that, he walked the plank, and was rarely seen on any of mothers grocery lists since.

    I don’t ever remember it cutting the roof of my mouth like many others have notoriously claimed, but then again, I was young, and probably didn’t think of it when I was shoveling down heaping tablespoons of the stuff at the breakfast table. Another great review, Marvo – I can’t imagine your discontent for this food item. Giving the second picture, I’d feel deceived, too!

  3. Lot-O-Choc says:

    Oh shame you didnt like these, they dont look anything too special :(

  4. Jennifer says:

    Oh please! Get a grip! It’s a child’s cereal and I thought it was fantastic. Went back to Walmart and bought the last 4 boxes they had and I’m not that crazy about cereal. We here in the US are lucky we have so much plentiful food in the first place. Be grateful you didn’t go hungry this morning.

  5. Erich says:

    Has anyone else noticed it has a slightly banana aftertaste?

  6. Patrick says:

    I just bought this cereal from Wal-Mart last night, and while they have obviously introduced some “redeeming” factors to the cereal, it is still FAR worse a cereal than I expected. Apparently, since this article was written, they have upped the amount of chocolate in the cereal; the color is now on par with the dark brown associated with Coco Puffs. However, I personally find that it is the taste that counts, and while they now LOOK chocolately, they taste like generic corn puffs lightly sprinkled with some cheap cocoa powder. It seems they reintroduced another factor as well, as these – like the classics – now shred the roof of your mouth. I’m not sure what I expected with this cereal, but I certainly was not prepared for the massive letdown I experienced this morning.

  7. Austin says:

    I noticed the banana after taste as well…really disappointing!

  8. Doug says:

    My girlfriend and I bought a box of this stuff the other day. Upon finishing a bowl my verdict was, “WTF is this crap?” Chocolatey? Yeah, right. The stuff tastes like bananas! I thought maybe my taste palate was thrown off because I’d stayed up late drinking the night before. Later that day my girlfriend says to me, “Did you try that Cap’n Crunch? It doesn’t taste right. It tastes like bananas.”

    So, in summation, avoid this junk. I thought it was just me that noticed a banana flavor and I’m relieved to find out my taste buds aren’t broken.

  9. mm99 says:

    They should call this chocolate banana crunch. It has such a strong taste of bananas which in itself is ok i guess but being that there is no mention of bananas on the box it freaks me out. makes me worry. i did not finish the box , i ate one bowl and threw it out. I would not buy this again and now i worry about regular captn crunch, i might stay away from that now too.

  10. Darin says:

    WTF!

    Somebody Shat in my cereal bowl!!!

    What a let down. I dumped it and had a bowl of fake cocoa pebbles, just so I could get some real, “chocolately” taste ;)

  11. Aaron says:

    I don’t know why you guys hate on this cereal so much! I actually really like it. Maybe you guys are just cereal snobs. I don’t eat cereal much but this stuff is awesome! Tastes plenty like chocolate. If I wanted something “more like chocolate” I’d eat a Hershey bar… Duh

  12. Leo says:

    It tasted like banana. Dafuq happened!

  13. I JUST CANT DO IT says:

    I WONT EAT IT EVER AGAIN, MARK MY WORDS!!!!!!



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