REVIEW: Kellogg’s Original Simply Eggo Waffles

Kellogg's Simply Eggo Waffles

Since Kellogg’s new Simply Original Eggo Waffles boast they have no preservatives, artificial flavors, or artificial colors, I shall brag about how this review has no semicolons, onomatopoeias, or eponymous puns involving Jeremy Lin.

Now here’s the part where I bore all of you with ingredients and chemical compounds. Well, maybe not those of you who are into chemical compounds, like chemists and meth makers.

Here are the ingredients for Original Simply Eggo Waffles: Enriched flour (wheat flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamine mononitrate [vitamin B1], riboflavin [vitamin B2], folic acid), water, vegetable oil (soybean, palm, and/or canola oil), eggs, sugar, leavening (sodium acid pyrophosphate, baking soda), salt, buttermilk, and soy lecithin.

And, here are the ingredients for regular Homestyle Eggo Waffles: Enriched flour (wheat flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamine mononitrate [vitamin B1], riboflavin [vitamin B2], folic acid), water, vegetable oil (soybean and palm oil), eggs, leavening (baking soda, sodium aluminum phosphate, monocalcium phosphate), sugar, calcium carbonate, salt, whey, soy lecithin, yellow #5, and yellow #6.

For those of you who skimmed over or bypassed the previous two paragraphs, and I wouldn’t blame you because they’re like visual Ambien, the Simple Eggo Waffles lack calcium carbonate, which is a food preservative, and the food dyes, yellow #5 and yellow #6.

Kellogg’s Eggo Low Fat Homestyle Waffles Closeup

If you’re a regular reader of this semipopular product review blog, you might be thinking the photo above is from our review of Kellogg’s Eggo Low Fat Homestyle Waffles. And you would be absosmurfly correct. To be honest, I reused the picture because toasted Simple Eggo Waffles look exactly like the waffles in the photo above. Also, I reused it out of pure laziness.

As for Simply Eggo’s flavor, it’s missing what makes Eggo Waffles taste like Eggo Waffles, which I’m guessing is the artificial flavor it brags it doesn’t have. Because of it, Simply Eggo Waffles were a little blander than regular Eggo Waffles, which was kind of surprising since I thought the buttermilk added would help with the flavor. But, topping it with butter and drowning it in syrup helped cover up the flavor difference.

In terms of flavor, Kellogg’s Simply Eggo Waffles are simply unimpressive. However, if you’re one of those people who really care about things like preservatives, food dyes, and artificial flavors, Kellogg’s Simply Eggo Waffles are simply uncomplicated.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 waffles – 210 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 450 milligrams of sodium, 55 milligrams of potassium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s Original Simply Eggo Waffles
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 12.3 ounces/10 waffles
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Looks like regular Eggo. Toasts like regular Eggo. No preservatives, No artificial flavors or colors. Fortified with vitamins and minerals.
Cons: Blander than regular Eggo Waffles. More calories, fat, sodium, and sugar than regular Eggo Waffles. Without calcium carbonate, Simple Eggo Waffles provide no calcium.

NEWS: More Chips Ahoy! Varieties Ahoy!

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Two new Chips Ahoy! varieties will be hitting store shelves soon — Chips Ahoy! Chewy Gooey Caramel and Chewy Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

The Chips Ahoy! Chewy Gooey Caramel is similar to the tasty Chips Ahoy! Chewy Gooey cookies we reviewed in 2011. Except instead of fudge, this latest variety has its center filled with gooey caramel. Well, at least, I hope it’s gooey, because the fudge in the other varieties weren’t. As for the Chewy Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, it’s just the chewy version of this extremely delightful cookie we reviewed in 2010.

Two Chips Ahoy! Chewy Gooey Caramel cookies have 140 calories, 5 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 125 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 13 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of fiber, and 1 gram of protein.

NEWS: Kellogg’s Festival Fun Frosted Vanilla I-Scream Cone Pop-Tarts Sound Like The Greatest Pop-Tarts Ever

On the Kellogg’s website, they describe their new Limited Edition Festival Fun Frosted Vanilla I-Scream Cone Pop-Tarts as follows: “Vanilla ice cream-flavored filling surrounded by a waffle cone-flavored crust, topped with chocolatey icing and rainbow sprinkles.”

Holy hell! I don’t know about you, but that sounds frickin’ awesome, especially the waffle cone-flavored crust. I don’t have a glucose monitor, but believe my blood sugar level has risen by just thinking about this new Pop-Tarts variety.

One Festival Fun Frosted Vanilla I-Scream Cone Pop-Tart has 190 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

Kellogg’s Limited Edition Festival Fun Frosted Vanilla I-Scream Cone Pop-Tarts are available in boxes of eight.

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Nougat Crunch and Limited Batch Rocky Road-ish

Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Nougat Crunch and Limited Batch Rocky Road-ish

Right about now you’re saying, “Seriously Drew, another damn Ben & Jerry’s review?  Do you ever give it a rest, man?” No, shut up.  Ben & Jerry’s is usually awesome, so the more I review, the better it is for you, me, and everyone except my waistline and militant vegans.  (Is that a thing?)  Also, it helps me feel closer to Vermont ever since I stopped skiing back in high school.  It’s either this or gay marriage, and I can’t live with another dude long term — who would keep me from wallowing in my own filth?

Today is a twofer because B&J’s seemingly can’t stop themselves from releasing new ice cream flavors, two of the latest being Chocolate Nougat Crunch and Rocky Road-ish.  I always get a little skittish when the “-ish” suffix is used, because so often it’s used in the context of things like “soon-ish” or “pretty-ish” or “meat-ish.”  But in this case I’m willing to take that chance, because I know you all are counting on me.  -Ish.

Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Nougat Crunch Closeup

The Chocolate Nougat Crunch promises sweet cream ice cream with wafer cookies covered in fudge and a chocolate nougat swirl.  That uncomfortable feeling you have right now is your taste buds needing to change their underwear.  It sounds delicious, but I’m even happier to report that it largely tastes that way too. 

Sweet cream is a personal favorite of mine, and this flavor presents a very good version of it, not simply vanilla masquerading as sweet cream.  The chocolate nougat swirl is rich and forms a nice contrast with the sweet cream.  The part about wafer cookies is slightly misleading, in that you might have been expecting actual large(-ish) cookies floating around inside the carton, but will instead get various small chunks.  I’m not complaining because they’re plentiful, taste good, and provide some nice texture contrast, but there’s not a strong wafer taste to them.  Maybe it’s because I grew up on Nilla Wafers, but I have certain expectations for what a wafer tastes like, and these weren’t it.  Not a big problem since they’re still tasty, but don’t buy the flavor for your wafer fix.  [Insert Catholic Church joke here.]

Ben & Jerry's Limited Batch Rocky Road-ish Closeup

Whereas Chocolate Nougat Crunch is a new flavor, Rocky Road-ish is a limited batch, which in theory means they only created so much of it and they’re not making more.  Not sure what the big difference is — if a new flavor doesn’t catch on, won’t it essentially have been a limited batch too? — but if you want to try some, better do it soon.  And trust me: you DO want to try some.  The description on the back describes it as “kinda like Rocky Road, but different,” and that’s definitely true.  It might be more accurate to call it Reverse Rocky Road, since instead of being chocolate ice cream with marshmallows and almonds in it, it’s toasted marshmallow ice cream with marshmallow swirl and fudge-covered almonds.

Given that, I was downright surprised by how much I liked it — I thought I’d really miss the strong chocolate presence, but the toasted marshmallow flavor ends up being really, really good without tasting precisely like marshmallow.  I know that sounds confusing, but it’s more vaguely evocative of a marshmallow rather than tasting exactly like one.  I’m not complaining, though, because it’s very rich and the fudge-covered almonds are plentiful.  I can’t say the swirl was particularly noticeable, which kind of makes sense since it’s the same flavor as the ice cream, but then why even bother including the swirl?  It’s like a Michael Bay movie poster advertising tons of explosions and zero plot.  I mean… yes, but we kind of knew that already.

If you were waiting for the day Ben & Jerry’s would completely and utterly fail me, it may yet come to pass, but certainly not today.  No, today I got to review two good to very good flavors, the better of which is unfortunately only available for a limited time.  The standard caveats apply — this is far from health food, scoop out a predetermined measure or you’re just going to eat the entire pint like you did the night that jerk/bitch broke your heart — but otherwise, have at it.  Can’t go wrong with either of them.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – Rocky Road-ish – 250 calories, 110 calories from fat, 12 grams of total fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of total carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 24 grams of sugars, 4 grams of protein.  Chocolate Nougat Crunch — 250 calories, 120 calories from fat, 13 grams of total fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 25 grams of sugars, 4 grams of protein.)

Other Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Nougat Crunch reviews:
On Second Scoop

Other Ben & Jerry’s Limited Batch Rocky Road-ish reviews:
On Second Scoop
A Sweet Score
Ben & Jerry’s Fanatic

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Nougat Crunch and Limited Batch Rocky Road-ish
Price: $4.59 each
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Chocolate Nougat Crunch)
Rating: 9 out of 10 (Rocky Road-ish)
Pros: Another damn Ben & Jerry’s review.  Feeling closer to Vermont.  Sweet cream that tastes like sweet cream.  Reverse Rocky Road.  Good texture both, with plentiful wafer chunks/almonds, respectively.  Going two for two.
Cons: Militant vegans.  The “-ish” suffix like 99% of the time.  Not the prettiest photographs.  Doesn’t taste like Nilla Wafers.  Michael Bay movies.  Temptation to eat until you’re scraping the bottom of the carton is strong.

REVIEW: SunChips 6 Grain Medley Creamy Roasted Garlic

SunChips 6 Grain Medley Creamy Roasted Garlic

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten happiness from SunChips, or sunshine from them, if you will. Potato chips have made me happy (and heavy), but never SunChips.

I do enjoy SunChips, but it’s just that they aren’t as gratifying and addictive as regular potato chips. I don’t know, maybe fried potato has a certain place in my heart…probably the clogged part.

Although there was a time when I regularly bought SunChips, but I did so more for the bag than the snack inside. It was when they came in those compostable bags that everyone complained about because they were too loud. I’d use them to get off the phone with someone I didn’t want to talk to anymore by touching the bag to create static noises and telling the caller, “You’re breaking up. I’ll call you later.”

I thought after eating SunChips 6 Grain Medley Creamy Roasted Garlic, SunChips would bring me happiness because I love garlic, but these don’t quite do it for me.

This isn’t the first SunChips 6 Grain Medley flavor. The line was originally a Target exclusive and came in two flavors — Onion & Thyme and Parmesan & Herb.

So what are the six grains found in these chips?

You’ll find corn, wheat, oats, brown rice, buckwheat, and quinoa. All these grains provide 21 grams of whole grain goodness per one ounce serving. However, it’s mostly corn, wheat, and oats, which are three of the first four ingredients listed. As for brown rice, buckwheat, and quinoa, they make up three of the last four ingredients listed.

SunChips 6 Grain Medley Creamy Roasted Garlic Moneyshot

As for the chip’s garlic flavor, I was hoping for something strong enough to ward off Twilight fans who are on Team Edward and make it uncomfortable for someone to have a conversation with me in a Fiat 500, but it had a disappointing garlic flavor. Actually, I wouldn’t really consider it garlic. The three different cheeses (cheddar, Romano, and Parmesan), spices, and roasted garlic on the chips created a flavor that tastes more like ranch seasoning. Also, the chips aren’t heavily seasoned. I expected to have a lot of powdery goodness on my fingers to suck off, like with many other Frito-Lay snacks (Doritos and Cheetos), but my fingertips were just lightly dusted with seasoning.

The SunChips 6 Grain Medley Creamy Roasted Garlic was disappointing, and I don’t ever see myself craving them, unless my body evolves into a baby making machine. Then, I could experience pregnancy cravings that may involve me wanting these SunChips, and other weird foods to crave, like pork rinds, mustard, pickles, and mustard pickle sandwiches.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce/about 15 chips – 140 calories, 60 calories, 6 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 3.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other SunChips 6 Grain Medley Creamy Roasted Garlic:
Junk Food Guy

Item: SunChips 6 Grain Medley Creamy Roasted Garlic
Price: $2.99 (on sale)
Size: 9 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Crunchy. Not horrible. 21 grams of whole grains per 1 ounce serving. No artificial flavors. No preservative. Getting to eat something called quinoa.
Cons: Weak garlic flavor that tasted more like ranch. Too lightly seasoned. Not addictive, like potato chips. Doesn’t come in noisy compostable bag. Having a conversation with a garlic lover in a Fiat 500.