REVIEW: Mint Dark Chocolate M&M’s

Mint Dark Chocolate M&M's

I should phone in this review like M&M’s phoned in these candies. When I hear dark chocolate and mint in the same sentence, I am thinking angels blowing into trumpets. This is followed by the confetti dropping, balloons floating and marching bands doing their rendition of the Utah Saints’ Mortal Kombat theme song, which is always terrible.

I have a penchant for both flavors and when combined, it is pure ecstasy. Some people hold peanut butter and chocolate as the most perfect union since Morrissey and Marr. Me? It is mint and chocolate.

Even though they are not dark chocolate, I have been known to hoard boxes of creamy Andes. Those foil wrapped miniature packages neatly lined in a row like files, the only candies that satiate my craving and OCD. I know I’m getting ahead of myself so let me slow down and explain. Mars (the company, not the planet continually invading us for all sorts of insipid reasons) brings us Mint M&M’s made with Dark Chocolate. I’m guessing “made” for Mars must mean “let’s pretend”.

The Coconut M&M’s are decent but the pretzel ones made me want to feed them to my neighbor’s yappy dogs that bark non-stop (shut up damn you!!!). I buy the dark chocolate peanut ones when I find them because those are chocolate heroin. So hit or miss, I’m always going to try any variety M&M’s releases. However, I may amend my decision after eating these.

You know that feeling when you’re in class or a meeting, and voices start to melt into a
numbing drone? The only thing keeping you awake is your urge to pee so you continue to drink that warm bottle of water for survival. You realize the notes you are scribbling are in reality a bunch of geometric shapes or stick figures doing dances (maybe something worse). Your daydreams start to lull the brain to shut down and take a nap. Well that is what happened to my taste buds when I ate these things.

That is correct, they passed out. As if they stole a couple of tabs of Ambien, my own taste buds freaking signed off and fell asleep. I swear I saw the old color pattern and heard the long tone when stations used to go off the air at night.

Are they bad? Are they good? Like my wife’s reaction to Giorgio Moroder’s version of “Metropolis”, indifferent. The M&M’s are neither minty enough nor bitter for my liking. They taste like the normal ones a half hour after you brushed your teeth and Listerined your mouth.

Mint Dark Chocolate M&M's Closeup

Upon biting the familiar candy shell, you are left tasting chocolate with a very limp mint flavor. The chocolate is a tad buttery which is normal for M&M’s but I could not detect any of the dark chocolate. The weakness of the mint is an understatement. The weakness of the dark chocolate is worse as it hardly makes its presence. The aftertaste is a strange sweet mint pastiness that remains there like an unwelcome guest that won’t go home already.

It’s like rebound sex after a crushing breakup or eating “Chinese” at Panda Express. It fills the need but will ultimately leave you dissatisfied. There were no rewards, no emotion, no enjoyment and worse, my desire for those flavors were still screaming at me.

“What happened?” my stomach asked.

“Shit if I know.” I whispered quietly to myself. “My tongue flatlined yo.”

“Yo?”

“Shuddap stupid stomach.”

“You both shut up!” screamed my kidney.

Annoying, the M&M’s are shades of dark and light green as if to remind me they were supposed to be minty. These didn’t suck if you love the normal M&M’s but if you wanted that clean and roasted flavor, you will be disappointed. I’m not sure if disappointed really expressed what I am going for. I think betrayed is more like it.

Speaking of betrayal, my wife likes them but agrees the dark chocolate seems to be missing. She thinks the mint is at an even level but I want somewhere near the vicinity of Junior Mints. Additionally, she dated and married me, so what does my wife know about taste?

I’m not going to go as far to say these are awful because they are not. What they are is misleading. You are better off chewing a piece of spearmint gum for a minute or crunching a peppermint hard candy and then eating some regular M&M’s. That seems more trouble than necessary, which is the overwhelming message I got from eating these, “Why bother?”

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pack (1.50 ounce bag) – 210 calories, 10 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 20 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 26 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Mint Dark Chocolate M&M’s:
Candyblog
The Candy Fan
Chocolate Mission

Item: Mint Dark Chocolate M&M’s
Price: $1.29
Size: 1.50 ounce bag
Purchased: A Non-Descript 7-Eleven
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: That candy shell is still fun to bite into. The chocolate is buttery and slightly rich. Satisfying your mental quirks and cravings in one quick stroke. Finally peeing and shouting “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” after holding it for so long. Mars Attacks!
Cons: The mint is weak. The dark chocolate is weaker. Having conversations with your own organs. White Hen Pantry was gobbled up by 7-Eleven, booooo to corporate synergy. Ghosts of Mars.

8 thoughts on “REVIEW: Mint Dark Chocolate M&M’s

  1. Wow…
    HAD to try them. Very disappointed. Very powerful yucky mint flavor drowns out the “dark”(?) chocolate! What little chocolate you can taste through the strong yucky mint flavor does not taste like dark chocolate.
    I am sad.

  2. The key word regarding the lack of dark chocolate goodness in this candy is “with” and not “made.” No one’s doubting that M&M’s are made, but it is quite misleading to say “made with” something. A lot of products say that they’re made with something that is healthy on the front of the packaging. A lot of soccer moms dig that sort of thing. However, upon reading the ingredients,more often than not the advertised component is well towards the bottom in content (frequently about 1% of the high-fructose corn syrup in American made products).

    Perhaps that is the case here–dark chocolate makes the chart on most lists of heart healthy and antioxidant packed foods. In this scenario, milk chocolate would be the cheaper of the two, hence the majority of it present. Alternatively (or possibly additionally), this could be an effort to make mint M&M’s taste like the majority of garbage American milk chocolate to appeal to the masses.

    This is why I plan to one day start an organic–or at least all natural–line of foods which uses the term “Made OUT of” whatever beneficial ingredients it contains without being a blatant lie!

  3. Thank you so much for your review. I am trying to cut back on my sugar intake, and was thinking that I was going to relapse because of these. Now , thanks to you, I have the strength to resist! :-)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Comment Rules: If you tried the product we covered, please feel free to leave your opinion of it. We're totally cool with that. However, if you're going to be a complete douchebag or your comment comes off as spammy, we'll delete your stuff. Have fun and thanks for leaving a comment.