ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Reviewer Steve

Greetings snacklings,

I am Steve, Head Wordsmith and Chief Executive Office in Charge of Snack Procurement over at Food Junk. I will be stopping by occasionally to share my opinions and knowledge on a variety of food products. And just like Mr. Wendall, all I ask in exchange for the knowledge I give you, is that you buy me some shoes.

I also hope to share a pleasant variety of pop cultural references to things you may have missed (Marblehead Manor) or just haven’t thought about in a while (Suburban Commando), what with your fulfilling job, meaningful relationships, and enjoyable leisure activities.

Feel free to disagree with any and every thing I write, because, you know what they say about opinions: They make an ass out of Uma Thurman.

But be forewarned, if you do take issue with anything I say, your name will be logged and when the zombie uprising inevitably occurs, you will be barred from the prison/farmhouse/school I will have taken over through an awe-inspiring blend of Machiavellian tactics and sheer brute force, and you will be forced to wander on your own, barely surviving the horrors of each new day, until you are eventually destroyed by the relentless undead or devoured by a roving pack of bloodthirsty cannibals.

Just saying.

Also, I like puppies.

5 thoughts on “ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Reviewer Steve

  1. So, I suppose the answer would be “no” to my previously deleted question as to whether you’re capable of writing a complete sentence without including a hacky joke?

    I like you, but tone it down a little. It’s over-the-top, and not in a good way. First, review the item. Then think about being “funny”.

    1. I deleted your original comment because you were being a douchebag for telling Steve how he should write.

      I brought on Steve because I like his writing style. I think he’s funny, I do not think he’s hacky. Nor do I think he’s over-the-top.

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