Best team-up of 2012!!!
No, I’m not talking about The Marvel Comics cinematic universe. I’m also not speaking about the Hawaii Five-O/NCIS: Los Angeles crossovers that had more hunks of meat than the Fast and the Furious series. While strength is normally greater in numbers, sometimes a duo will do nicely. In 2012, my dreams of Taco Bell and Doritos joining forces came into fruition.
Abbott and Costello. Andy Bell and Vince Clarke. Peanut butter and jelly. Vodka and texting. However, they all dwarf next to the perfect combo known as Doritos and Taco Bell. Both calorie-powered behemoths teamed up to have dirty fiscal sex and birthed out last year’s much lauded (or derided depending on your view) Taco Bell’s Doritos Locos Taco.
“Hey Doritos Locos Tacos, you’re going to have a little brother!” the Taco Bell executive said softly as the taco was being drenched with Fire sauce. “How’s that for a surprise?”
“A brother?” said the taco sheepishly tinged with suspicion while being hoisted up in the air. “Hmm…I never had a brother before!!!” The Doritos Locos taco grinned at the thought while wiping the Fire sauce from its eyes.
“We can be best buds and plaaaaaaaaaayyayaya-aaaaarrrrgggggggggghhhh…” Doritos Locos Tacos screamed while being eaten alive. “…it will be fuuunnn-aaarrrrararararaaaaaaaaaaaaa…”
Oh yes, original nacho cheese Doritos Locos Tacos, it will be fun.
I was quietly excited by the news and thought to myself, “Could Taco Bell top last year’s arguably successful Locos Tacos?” By stuffing all that wet yumminess in a Cool Ranch Doritos taco shell, how could it go wrong? I was pretty happy as the taco was going to feature my favorite flavor, Cool Ranch. I’ve always love you long time Cool Ranch.
Sure, I’m a sucker for some of the other fringe tastes. I loved the Mountain Dew and X-13D Doritos flavors. Yet in a world of spicy-hang-ten-pizza-jacked-cheese-doubledongs, you pull for the old reliables once in a while. Whether that’s a worn out Pixies t-shirt or a tattered copy of the Art of Robotech, you’re always going to romance the familiar. And with Doritos, mine is Cool Ranch. That flavor fires my nostalgia synapses into overdrive.
This new Locos Tacos is akin to the sequel everybody wants, but will this be Die Hard 2 or It’s a Great Day to Die Hard with My Socks On (or whatever the hell it’s called). Either way, I’m going to get them. My thoughts are definitely jumped the gun before I’ve even tasted one but how can those flavors not complement each other? Don’t disappoint me dammit!!!
I plugged in the new Kavinsky album to enhance that 80’s feel as I drove my souped up vintage Hyundai. Nostalgia ran high as I hoped the Cool Ranch Doritos were getting the respect it deserved. I bought one of each, the standard version and the flamboyant Taco Supreme version that winked at me and blew me a kiss as ABBA’s “Mamma Mia” unexpectedly chimed in the background. Oh yeah, you know what I want.
Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos
The ordinary Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos was filled with beef, lettuce and cheddar cheese encased in a Cool Ranch Doritos shell. The texture was nice with the cold crisp lettuce and the rich beef swimming in its sauce with shreds of cheese. My first bite was a big mouthful as the beef penetrated the lettuce and cheese. However, I couldn’t taste the Cool Ranch Doritos at all. It tasted like an ordinary taco and in disbelief I ate a piece of the shell. The shell was definitely a Cool Ranch Doritos but lacked that zesty punch those chips are known for. Subsequent bites made me slightly disappointed enough to quit eating it.
Yes, it’s a decent taco but that flagrant in-your-face Cool Ranch is absent. If eaten alone, you will realize the shell itself is the problem because it is so faint in flavor. I questioned if the supreme version would even be worth it.
Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme
We all know the Taco Supreme’s ingredients, but let me refresh your memory. This taco is filled with beef, lettuce, cheddar cheese, tomato, and the coup de grace — reduced fat sour cream. I’m not sure how to explain this and I’m not a chemist, alchemist, or whatever cosplay scientist roaming the sweaty aisles of some Comicon but…the Taco Bell sour cream is the story of legends. I don’t know what it really is made of but I’m sure it can simultaneously bring together our country’s divided political houses, make you forget your spiteful parents, and force The Smiths to reunite.
You see, I could actually taste the Cool Ranch Doritos this time. I ate the shell alone just to ensure it was the same. Yep, exact flaccid Cool Ranch Doritos taste. However, when eaten together…the taco’s beef and crisp lettuce combined with that sour cream was just so good. I’m not sure why, but I suspect the sour cream carries the Cool Ranch flavor better. Texture aside, which again cold and hot combined created an instant gratification, the taco supreme brought the Cool Ranch to the forefront. It’s still not as aggressive as I want, but it was nice.
As a fan of the Taco Bell/Doritos combo, I hope Taco Bell chooses to explore more varieties. However, I’ll take what I can and be satisfied with the Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme. Unfortunately, the ordinary version is right up there with Die Harder with The Hot Chick from Scott Pilgrim.
(Nutrition Facts – Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos – 160 calories, 10 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 mg of cholesterol, 350 mg of sodium, 13 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 1 gram of sugars and 8 grams of protein. Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme – 200 calories, 12 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 mg of cholesterol, 370 mg of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 3 grams of sugars and 9 grams of protein)
Item: Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos
Purchased Price: $1.39 (Regular), $1.69 (Supreme)
Purchased at: Taco Bell
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Regular)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Taco Supreme)
Pros: The crisp lettuce, the rich seasoned beef and that damned fine sour cream. Robotech. Cool Ranch Doritos. Sour cream brings the Cool Ranch Doritos flavor to the forefront. Kavinsky.
Cons: The Cool Ranch Doritos shell lacks that zesty punch. Die Hards 3 to 27. Typing “Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos” so many times gave me carpal tunnel. Cosplay. I can’t stress how sad I was that the shell was weak. Being eaten alive can’t be fun.