REVIEW: Wendy’s Bacon Portabella Melt on Brioche

Wendy's Bacon Portabella Melt on Brioche

I believe a burger is as good as its bun and vice versa. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of eating a juicy medium-rare, perfectly seasoned hamburger that was ruined because it was on a dry, whole grain, toasted English muffin. And I’ve eaten a dried out, over-cooked burger on a luscious and rich onion bun.

Both occasions left me with the urge to punch someone in the face as I defecated on the floor like an untrained puppy. It just pissed me off on how thoughtless these burgers were concocted. Seriously, Dante may have given up immediately if one of the circles of hell was to eat a burger on a whole grain English muffin.

In regards to hamburgers, neither the bread nor the beef is more important than the other because when in unison, there is a harmonious perfection that is stronger than either part alone. It’s an amalgam of pleasure and guilt that is achieved by simple concepts: beef and bread.

So when Wendy’s touted their new brioche buns with the re-tooled Bacon Portabella Melt, a.k.a. Wendy’s Bacon Portabella Melt on Brioche, I was mildly intrigued. I know I can be a complete asshole at times. So when I heard Wendy’s was putting brioche on the menu, I scoffed and went about my business drunk internet shopping.

Granted, most of us want a normal burger from a fast food joint. Yet, a little twist on the “gourmet” side is always welcome. Despite how judgmental and skeptical I was, I made the choice to try it because I knew it could not be worse than eating a burger on a fucking DRIED WHOLE GRAIN ENGLISH MUFFIN.

Wendy's Bacon Portabella Melt on Brioche Bun Top

I was a bit put-off by the price because, at $5.99, it’s getting close to those “order to temperature” burgers. However, I was really surprised by the brioche bun. It was bronzed and toasted. The bread had a nice chewy give with the slight toasty edge. There was not the eggy/buttery-richness one normally gets with a brioche but it was not bad for a fast-food bun.

In addition, the bun defiantly (and definitely) held up against the juicy burger, wet mushrooms and melty cheddar sauce. The bread did not get soggy or mushy which made up for the almost-timid taste of the bun.

As for the melty cheddar cheese, this again was piss poor Velveeta-like nacho crap. I hate that shit and whoever invented it sucks. I absolutely despise this kind of “fake cheesery” and felt the burger would be miles better with just the melted American cheese alone.

Wendy's Bacon Portabella Melt on Brioche Topless

With that said, the “melty” cheese sauce had an unnatural salty tang but the portabella mushrooms countered this with its earthy flavor and only added to the rich deep taste of this burger.

The beef patty was jammed pack with beefy goodness that should awaken your alpha “Affliction-wearing tee-shirt” soul somewhere. Too often do we get a dried beef patty from a fast food place but Wendy’s is usually consistent on the juice to beef ratio.

Another plus, the burger is bereft of rabbit food. Meaning no stupid lettuce or even a brined cucumber slice to stand in the way of the cheese, meat, cheese orgy!

The bacon was plentiful, nice and crispy with its salty fat that rounded out the offering nicely. Additionally, it added a good porky taste that just indulges your “to hell with all kale salads” side.

Combined, this burger had a deep and complex profile. The muskiness of the mushrooms lent a great reservoir of flavors unheard of in a quick-serve burger. I was surprised because the portabella resembled those spongy mushrooms from a can tossed like an afterthought on a bad pizza.

Yet, it’s not the brioche but the portabella that really makes this burger shine. The mouthfeel is significantly like a “restaurant burger” and the taste is just as equal. I ordered the single, but you can get the double or triple if you’re looking for a heart attack in the quickest and most efficient manner.

I quite liked it and would pay for this again if I have the urge for a “restaurant”-style burger and can’t get to one.

Besides, price alone isn’t always the worst thing if you want to splurge. Because the worst thing is a burger served on a whole grain English muffin. If ever offered one, just pull down your pants, bend over and ask for a donkey punch instead. Trust me, that would be much more delicious and humane.

(Nutrition Facts – Single Burger – 600 calories, 300 calories from fat, 34 grams of fat, 15 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 12 grams of monounsaturated fat, 125 milligrams of cholesterol, 1390 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of sugars, 2 grams of fiber and 34 grams of protein.)

Item: Wendy’s Bacon Portabella Melt on Brioche
Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: Single
Purchased at: Wendy’s
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: The portabella mushrooms really give the hamburger a rich complex flavor. The brioche has a wonderful texture and it’s toasted. The bacon only adds to the richness. Fried kale with garlic is actually nice.
Cons: The melty cheddar cheese sauce sucks. The brioche is not as eggy/buttery as brioche should be. The price may scare some off. Kale smoothies are awful but not as bad as friggin’ burgers on whole grain English muffins.

17 thoughts on “REVIEW: Wendy’s Bacon Portabella Melt on Brioche

  1. Thanks Jeff! Thumbs up for the writing style, I enjoy a few good curse words with my food reviews. Also, I was curious about this brioche offering from Wendy’s.

    1. I don’t want to pile it on, but I just found this blog & I’ve only read like 5 reviews (all fast food sandwiches) & I saw references to poop, defecation, masturbating & numerous references to jizz (“own special sauce”, “release”). When you’re talking about food, these things don’t enhance or create allure.

  2. Wow. Can’t believe I have to say this, but the word ‘defecated’ should never be used on a food blog. I’m seriously considering not reading anymore.

    1. Hi Sarah,

      May I ask you two questions? If yes, how long have you been reading The Impulsive Buy? And do you read every review? Let me know. Thank you.

      Marvo
      Editor

        1. Yes, that is three. I apologize for that.

          Anyhoo, the reason why I ask is because we’ve used “poop” numerous times, most recently with these two reviews:

          http://www.theimpulsivebuy.com/wordpress/2013/09/26/review-limited-edition-jif-whipped-peanut-butter-chocolate-mint-whips/

          http://www.theimpulsivebuy.com/wordpress/2013/09/09/review-general-mills-frute-brute-cereal/

          I don’t know if you read those, but there’s a very good chance you did. So if you did, I have to wonder why “poop” didn’t bother you, but “defecated” does? The act bothers you, but the result of the act doesn’t?

          1. I’m a nurse, so neither the act or result is bothersome. The word itself is so visceral, its use in a food review was (literally) nauseating to me. I know those who are similarly affected by the words “urinate” (as opposed to pee) or “void your bowels”. Some words just shouldn’t be used in the vicinity of food reviews. For me, defecate is one. Isn’t that what the comment section is for, to voice an opinion or preference?

      1. I am nurse and nothing that comes out of the body offends me. Birds do it. Beeees do it. We all do it.

        Also, you are always probably eating something a bug shit on, lays in or is crushed on top of.

  3. I may be one of those who may be scared off by the price, cause no way am I ever going to pay $5.99 for a Wendy’s burger.

    The bun looks quite pretty though; pretty burger buns make me happy :)

    As to the commenter above who seems rather offended by the use of the word ‘defecated,’ all I will say is: you must be new to the Internet.

  4. One of the biggest cases of “food fraud” I’ve seen in a long time. Just take a look at the picture of what the burger is supposed to look like!

    http://www.wendys.com/en-us/hamburgers/bacon-portabella-melt-on-brioche/?utm_source=localmarket&utm_medium=banner&utm_campaign=bpm

    Where’s the two slices of cheese in your burger? Wendy’s pictures show a burger three times the thickness (that’s a single pictured), and mushrooms, bacon and cheese sauce bulging from the sides. What a farce. Bacon was limp as hell, and mushrooms were from an 80 year old can.

    I had one of these yesterday – and will never buy this foul tasting piece of crap road kill burger again.

  5. I’ve had 2 of these in the past month (one didn’t even have the bacon on it) but both times I hated the brioche bun. It came off as too thick and dry & like a seat foam consistency. It did nothing to enhance the burger which is how I felt with the pretzel bun burgers as well. Very cheap on the cheese sauce & it seems like the cheese slices are smaller. At least here it’s $4.79 & I got both of mine $2 off with receipt survey coupon.
    I remember this burger tasting a lot better & juicier back in the 1990s & 2000s.

  6. I never eat out but am busy & thought I would try a burger. I prefer my own & smoked over mesquite but what the heck. Wendy’s was right there so I swung in. I love love mushrooms & cheese. I as well like bacon. I do not know why I do this to myself. It was horrible. It was way to salty for my liking. So much plastic fake tasting cheese it was overload & just dropped off. (Probably was that crappy velvetta) there were very very little mushrooms. The bun wasn’t much better. Now mind you I grow, grind, butcher, can, cook totally from scratch everything I eat. Yes even the buns. So I’ll chalk it up as I prefer my own wholesome food. Guess the chickens can fight over this pricey $4.99 burger. It’s nasty.

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