SPOTTED ON SHELVES – International Delight Iced Coffee (Cold Stone Creamery Sweet Cream and Hershey’s Cookies ‘n Creme)

International Delight Iced Coffee (Cold Stone Creamery Sweet Cream and Hershey's Cookies 'n Creme)

Any coffee company can make iced coffee in cartons in flavors like vanilla, mocha, and caramel, but only International Delight has the balls (and licensing contracts) to make Cold Stone Creamery Sweet Cream and Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Cream flavored iced coffees. (Spotted by Troy at Meijer.)

If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email ([email protected]) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

REVIEW: Tim Hortons Tims Crispy Chicken Sandwich

Tim Hortons Tims Crispy Chicken Sandwich

I can’t say I was super excited to try Tims Crispy Chicken Sandwich — and yes, that’s Tims, not Tim’s. Just as Tim Hortons is oddly missing an apostrophe, so too is this sandwich. Clearly, someone at Tim Hortons hates punctuation.

When a fast food item doesn’t even look particularly good in its publicity shot, you know you’re probably in trouble (though to their credit, the actual sandwich looks remarkably similar to its beauty shot, so they’re at least not trying to trick you into thinking you’re getting something that you’re not). But after my pleasant surprise with the Tim Hortons Pretzel Bagel, I went in hoping for the best.

If, when you look at the picture of this sandwich, you think to yourself, “That looks like something I could buy from the freezer section at Costco,” you are correct. It tastes like something you could buy from the freezer section at Costco. If, on the other hand, you look at that picture and think, “That looks pretty good,” you are wrong. Get better eyeballs.

I will give this sandwich one thing: they’re not kidding around with the whole “crispy” thing. I’m fairly certain the chicken is baked rather than fried, so I was expecting something in the middle ground between crispy and soggy, but that was absolutely not the case. In fact, I’d say crispy isn’t even the right word, as that implies a delicateness that isn’t present here. This was full-out crunchy.

That sounds like it should be one of the best qualities of this sandwich; crunchy breaded chicken is delicious, right? Right. Well, usually. Somehow, with the style of breading employed here, it just comes off as oddly overbearing. It’s nothing too offensive, but it’s slightly off-putting.

The breading otherwise doesn’t have a ton of flavour, other than that generic saltiness that you’d expect from the el-cheapo breaded chicken you’d dig out of the back of the freezer at the supermarket.

Tim Hortons Tims Crispy Chicken Sandwich Side

As for the chicken itself, it’s processed chicken slurry formed into a sandwich shape, rather than an actual piece of chicken breast. It’s dry and slightly spongy, with only the vaguest chicken flavour. Mostly, it just tastes of the aforementioned generic, processed saltiness.

Otherwise, the toppings are completely no-frills: a couple of mealy tomato slices, some lettuce, and a little bit of mayo. The soft, fresh bun was actually pretty good, and almost certainly the best thing about the sandwich.

Seriously, this is a mystifyingly mediocre sandwich. This is hospital-cafeteria-caliber food. That wouldn’t be so bad if it were being marketed as a budget offering — say, two bucks, or three at the very most. It would still be a bad sandwich, but at least you could justify it somewhat. “It’s not very good,” you’d say, “but at least it’s cheap!” The sadness in your eyes would belie the truth — that nothing could possibly justify willingly consuming such a blatantly mediocre sandwich — but at the very least you could take some small solace in its affordability.

But no such solace is provided here: they’re charging a full $4.99, putting this right in line with the premium chicken sandwiches at other fast food joints. And those sandwiches are, across the board, much, much better than this thing. Heck, the location I ate at was a Tim Hortons / Wendy’s combo restaurant, which means I could have walked a few steps to the right and purchased a far superior sandwich for the exact same price. A sandwich made out of an actual chicken breast, with a texture that doesn’t resemble a meaty sponge, and with breading that doesn’t taste like sadness.

This certainly isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever eaten. I’d go as far as to say that it’s perfectly edible; there’s nothing particularly gross about it. But there’s nothing particularly good about it, either. And it’s flat-out offensive that they’re charging a premium price for what is ever-so-clearly not a premium product.

(Nutrition Facts – 440 calories, 15 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0.1 grams of trans fat, 1000 milligrams of sodium, 58 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fibre, 3 grams of sugar, and 20 grams of protein.)

Item: Tim Hortons Tims Crispy Chicken Sandwich
Purchased Price: $4.99 CAN
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Tim Hortons
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: The bun is pretty good. I feel like I should put something else here, so, um… the condiments were fine?
Cons: About on par with something you’d get at a cafeteria. Way overpriced. Dry, spongey, processed-tasting chicken. Overly crunchy breading. Tastes like sadness.

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – Nabisco Limited Edition Fruit Punch Oreo (Walmart Exclusive)

Nabisco Limited Edition Fruit Punch Oreo

Oh no! What happened to the Kool-Aid Man’s face?! What happened to his faaaace! Oh, that’s not the Kool-Aid Man? Oh yeah! (Spotted by Nick at Walmart.)

If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email ([email protected]) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

FAST FOOD FIVE – 3/29/2014

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Here are five recent fast food news bites:

Panda Express is offering free Golden Szechuan Fish on April 1st. April 1st? Why do I feel like I’m being tricked into going to a Panda Express where there will be no free fish? If there is free fish, here’s our review. (via Grub Grade)

Would I pay twelve dollars for a McDonald’s burger? Well, I just paid six dollars for a McDonald’s chicken sandwich, so why not. (via Brand Eating)

I wonder if poutine is pouting about Taco Bell Canada putting chili cheese fries into their Loaded Grillers instead of poutine. (via Consumerist)

These Peeps donuts look like a rubber ducky on top of an inflatable pool ring. They also look like they’re going to make me bounce off the walls. (via Grub Grade)

Bacon and double the pepperoni on a pizza? Why half-ass it? Why not double pepperoni, double bacon, and double cheese and call it the Triple Double because it’s March Madness time. (via Brand Eating)