REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Hazed & Confused Core Ice Cream

Ben & Jerry's Hazed & Confused Core Ice Cream

Well, it was horrible. Unapologetically awful.

Look, I considered phrasing it more gently, and maybe trying to focus on at least one positive, but the truth is that there is nothing redeemable about Ben & Jerry’s new Hazed & Confused Core Ice Cream. If you see it at your local supermarket, find somewhere else to shop, permanently. If you stumble upon an advertisement for it while reading one of those savings catalogs from CVS that got sent to your house, do yourself a solid and change your address. Whatever you do, just stay as far away from Hazed & Confused as possible.

Look, I know I am a junk food reviewer and all, but I gotta be honest. Considering how this is legitimately going to be a 0/10, you might as well stop reading right here. Trust me, if this wasn’t my job, I wouldn’t still be lingering on the dreadful, unappealing taste of Hazed & Confused Ice Cream. Seriously, this isn’t a joke, it’s all right, just move along with your day.

Ben & Jerry's Hazed & Confused Core Ice Cream Top

Now it’s time to get down to the dirty stuff. The first thing I hated about Hazed & Confused was how absolutely terrible it looked. I mean come on Ben & Jerry’s you can at least try to make it look appeali… yo, you still there? If you’re still reading this now, you’re welcome.

You see, I have a plan, a beautiful plan, to scare away everyone I know from the divine taste of Ben & Jerry’s Hazed & Confused. Why then am I letting you in on my secret? Well, the truth is–my fellow co-conspirators–that Hazed & Confused is downright amazing. It’s not even a flavor as much as it is an interstellar experience. It is as close as you or I will ever get to the moon. Indulging in it is the kind of transformative, mind-blowing experience that if left unshared would likely build up in my psyche and manifest itself in some weird psychological issues down the road. It’s that crazy good. And, before you question the infallible logic of my plan itself, let me tell you why.

Ben & Jerry's Hazed & Confused Core Ice Cream Spoon

First reason, two words: Nutella. Oh, that’s only one word you say? That’s because you didn’t let me finish. Nutella-Tube. Thats right folks, smack dab in the middle of Ben & Jerry’s consistently fantastic ice cream is a cylindrical mass of fucking Nutella. Except hold the phone, this isn’t even really Nutella; it’s better. Imagine the lovechild created if everyone’s favorite hazelnut spread got freaky with a can of Betty Crocker dark chocolate frosting. Just sit there and think about that.

But, like any 8th grade orchestra, having one standout simply isn’t enough (even if he can play the whole Pirates of the Caribbean theme on cello). Surrounding the decadence of its titular Core, Hazed & Confused brings it with a back-to-back punch of their signature chocolate ice cream and their new-kid-on-the-block hazelnut. Combined with the added touch of ubiquitous fudge chips the two rich flavors provide a nice give and take of extra chocolaty or extra hazlenutty flavor, making each spoonful unique. What is so great about Hazed & Confused is that it all just seems to work.

Also, I don’t know whose idea it was to name this ice cream Hazed & Confused, but the likely nod to the 1993 cult classic Dazed and Confused perhaps sheds a little light onto how Ben & Jerry’s comes up with the inspiration for such wacky and delicious ice cream concoctions. Going on the list with previous flavors such as Cherry Garcia (named after Grateful Dead front man Jerry Garcia) and Half Baked (for obvious reasons)–if the company’s signature tie-dye t-shirts weren’t a dead give away–Hazed & Confused provides further evidence that Ben and Jerry might have been more than a little familiar with the ol’ devil’s lettuce, and the munchies that inevitably ensue. Maybe this will make you feel better about getting stoned and eating an entire tub, who knows.

I am going to end with a quick exam. I just need everyone to look down at their hands. They’re empty, right? Now wait two hours and then look again. If you aren’t clutching a frosty pint of Hazed and Confused in one hand, and a giant-ass spoon in the other, you failed. Get to it.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 280 calories, 140 calories from fat, 16 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 25 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 8% vitamin A, 10% calcium, and 10% iron.)

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Hazed & Confused Core Ice Cream
Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 10 out of 10
Pros: The definition of a 10/10 product. The hazelnut core is maybe the best thing I have tasted in, like, 5 years. It’s Ben & Jerry’s so the ice cream itself is top notch. I would likely buy a store’s worth if I had the money.
Cons: Other people somewhere are probably enjoying it right now and I am just on this computer. I wish eating an entire tub wasn’t a 200% daily value hit of saturated fat.

17 thoughts on “REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Hazed & Confused Core Ice Cream

    1. Chris….you just proved how few Americans truly read past the pics….It’s guys like you that make me want to stay off Plenty of Fish permanently. READ THE WHOLE THING. You failed too! lol

  1. This is the only one of the new Core ice creams I have to try still. Even more eager to try it after reading this. Didn’t realize it was a nutella-like flavor in the core. Rad!

  2. heh. I thought it was about 6.5/10. Wasn’t a big fan of the hazelnut icecream side and thought the core was just alright. That’s MyJam on the other hand was really awesome.

  3. You know, if you scare people away with a fake negative review, sales might drop and they would discontinue the flavor. With great power comes great responsibility!

  4. So, you liked this because you like Nutella and frosting and that’s why it warrants a 10? Not really very helpful. What about the ice cream?

    1. You’re right. This review is missing that crucial part. It’s my fault. As the editor, I should’ve caught that. I’ve asked the writer to update this review.

  5. Websites don’t “jump the shark”, last I checked. No worries, Marvo, the review was fine and a cool twist. And he made it pretty obvious in the beginning that he was joking, so not sure where the harm is.

    Hazelnut has become my favorite Talenti, so now I have really high hopes for this one.

  6. I’m apparently incredibly gullible, because I fell for it. On the other hand, I did keep reading! In my defense, I read most TIB reviews via email and thus don’t see the ratings at the top of the review. I actually like it better that way; it doesn’t spoil the score!

    I’m going with “well-played” instead of “jumping the shark”. Also, Jack’s enthusiasm is so infectious that I’m probably going to wind up trying this out, whereas I probably would have passed it up otherwise. So there! I guess? Why am I nyah-nyah-ing myself?

  7. I knew this had to be a joke when you said the presentation was bad…. Cause I didn’t find anything wrong with it! Dying to try it.

  8. Don’t think this warrants a 10/10, but a very solid offering. I felt it was missing one thing. The chocolate ice cream side has little chocolate chips in it, what it should have is some chopped hazelnut.

  9. OMG! Felt like haven blew up in my mouth. IN FACT IT WAS SO FREAKING GOOD THAT I HAVE TO MAKE UP A WORD FOR HOW AMAZINGLY AMAZING IT IS.

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