REVIEW: Bigelow Eggnogg’n Tea

When I saw this tea, I had a vision that was as horrifying as it was freaky. I envisioned Bam Bam Bigelow was behind this tea company. I imagined him at board meetings in his flaming leotard with a striped blue tie and sipping tea from a dainty ceramic cup with a silver [...]

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REVIEW: Hot Pockets Sausage, Egg & Cheese Hearty Sized Biscuits

Hot Pockets. I can hear some of you silently cheering and some of you cringing. Those of you who are saying “meh,” I shake the back of my fist wildly in the air at you. But this isn’t about how much I hate the word “meh,” it’s about the new variation of Hot Pockets [...]

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REVIEW: Nice Look Drink

They did it. I can’t fucking believe it. Someone is selling a canned beverage that has bird spit in it. Is demand really that high? Or was there a choice between a drink based on bird spit or bird balls soup? I guess the Nice Look Drink is a Chinese [...]

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REVIEW: Furuta Sequoia Strawberry Chocolate

There’s a saying: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. I usually thought of it as a bullshit saying because where’s the fun in that? Evil geniuses like me couldn’t fail to take over the world if we lived by those stupid sayings. Batman wouldn’t have had the rubber nipples suit and [...]

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REVIEW: Panera Bread Breakfast Sandwiches (Sausage and Bacon)

I’ll admit it: I enjoyed the original Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers when I was a little brat. All those “teenagers” working together to kick some ass was just awesome, even if Lord Zedd was just a Shredder/Krang rip-off. And come on, who doesn’t like giant fucking robots, even if it looked like it [...]

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REVIEW: Cheese Omelet with Vegetables Power Performance MRE (Meals Ready to Eat)

Don’t get me wrong. I may be a passive pacifist, but I’m not one of those beatniks who believe that everything can be solved without violence. Somebody has to be the bully or the badass with the poo on the stick once in awhile, but Jack Bauer’s chewing Doublemint gum right now, so [...]

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Subway Chicken Pizziola

(Editor’s Note: Today’s review was written by new TIB writer Reprobate, who you can read about here.) Ah…Subway, the only chain restaurant publicly endorsed by a formerly fat guy. I especially love their new marketing gimmick advertising the $5 footlong where everyone shows five fingers and then parts their hands about a foot apart. [...]

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Introducing…

A new writer premieres at The Impulsive Buy and takes it to new heights…of lows, that is. I realize this opening smacks of cliché, but I couldn’t think of any other way to introduce myself as the new writer to this fine site. Hi, I’m Reprobate, a fan of the site since 2006, and for [...]

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