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REVIEW: Kashi Caribbean Carnival Pizza
You know that expression: “You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time?” Well, Kashi should just stop making pizzas, because they are [...]
Continue reading...REVIEW: Nabisco Dipped Delight Bars 100 Calorie Packs (Oreo & Nutter Butter)
28 October 2009
You might be thinking these new Nabisco Oreo and Nutter Butter Dipped Delight Bars 100 Calorie Packs are awesome because, after all, they contain either Nutter Butter or Oreo cookies. But if you really love those cookies, you’ll stay away from these bars because they will taint whatever love you have for them. [...]
Continue reading...REVIEW: Post Dino S’mores Pebbles
18 November 2008
I think the Post Dino S’mores Pebbles cereal was created by Fred Flintstone so that there’s a Pebbles cereal Barney could steal from Fred that wouldn’t get him upset and yell, “Barney, my Pebbles.” I believe my theory is correct because this cereal is extremely bland and is something Fred wouldn’t care about if it [...]
Continue reading...Twin Lotus Herbal Toothpaste
8 September 2008
The Twin Lotus Original Herbal Toothpaste combines three things I’m scared of when it comes to products to review — it’s from a Southeastern Asian country (Thailand), it’s herbal, and it looks like something that might come out of an asshole. Not surprisingly, the most disturbing out of the three for me is the [...]
Continue reading...Jimmy Dean Pancakes & Sausage Minis
24 June 2008
Being a die-hard Celtics fan, I recently had the great pleasure of watching Kobe Bryant lose in historic fashion in the NBA Finals. I never liked Kobe, probably stemming from the time he took pop singer Brandy to his high school prom. It all seemed very insincere. At that moment, I could have sworn that [...]
Continue reading...Burger King Loaded Steakhouse Burger
1 April 2008
When The King isn’t watching you sleep or molesting your children, he’s in the corporate test kitchen. He’s probably molesting the chefs too, but what he’s really doing is finding ways to slowly kill you with fat so that he may harvest your organs to pay for the medical bills that come from maintaining that [...]
Continue reading...Megamallows Giant Pizza Slice
7 March 2008
I really believe the Megamallows Giant Pizza Slice is the marshmallow equivalent of a “fuck you.” If only I had the addresses of all the people who have bullied, teased, or blueballed me over the years, I would be mailing these fuckers en masse. If you don’t love your child, giving this product to them [...]
Continue reading...Pringles Extreme Screamin’ Dill Pickle
21 February 2008
Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in an M.C. Escher painting, running through endless corridors of waterfalls and weird shit only to end up in the same place. This might be because I browse the shopping aisles after taking a tab of acid, but it’s more likely that I’m just running into the same lazy [...]
Continue reading...Monster Heavy Metal Energy Drink
21 January 2008
Really? Bigger cans are the future of energy drinks? Pfff. Energy drink companies are going to have to tickle my balls with something a little more than a 32-ounce can, like the one the Monster Heavy Metal Energy Drink is in. Seriously, bigger isn’t always better. I’m sure most women are afraid [...]
Continue reading...Burger King Bacon Double Homestyle Melt
6 November 2007
The new Burger King Bacon Double Homestyle Melt is so greasy that if I wanted to experience puberty all over again and have my face break out into pimples, I would rub my face liberally with this burger. I know what you’re thinking, pretty much all fast food burgers are greasy, but I felt [...]
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17 February 2010
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