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REVIEW: MorningStar Farms Lasagna with Sausage-Style Crumbles

7 March 2010

8 Comments

The MorningStar Farms Lasagna with Sausage-Style Crumbles does the opposite of what the cafeteria workers at my old elementary school did with lasagna. Instead of chopping vegetables, like carrots and celery, into tiny pieces in order to trick us into eating veggies, the MorningStar Farms Lasagna has decent-sized chunks of vegetables dumped right on [...]

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REVIEW: Pringles Family Faves (Cheddar BBQ, White Cheddar Pop, Taco Night)

9 February 2010

11 Comments

Pringles’ new line of potato crisps, Family Faves, are more family friendly than family favorites, because the line is made up of extremely safe flavors — Cheddar BBQ, White Cheddar Pop and Taco Night. Nothing weird. Nothing exotic. Nothing crazy. Nothing a wee bit fucked up. They’re so safe, [...]

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REVIEW: Honey Bunches of Oats with Pecan Bunches

2 February 2010

6 Comments

Despite the fact that the corn flakes in any Honey Bunches of Oats cereal gets soggy faster than the armpits of the shirt I wear when I go running, I enjoy most of the varieties of Honey Bunches of Oats. I guess the crunch from the oats make up for the limp flakes or [...]

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REVIEW: Sheetz Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpet Cupo’ccino

28 January 2010

17 Comments

(NOTE: Part of this review is written in “Sheetz Speak.”) I livez in Philadelphia, which iz Wawa country. I lovez my Wawa just az much az I lovez my Philliez, but recentlyz I wanted to seez what the fusz waz aboutz over the central and western Pennsylvania’z version of Wawa, which iz Sheetz. Az a [...]

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REVIEW: Hormel Chili ‘n Spuds Chili Meals

5 November 2009

17 Comments

When the apocalypse happens and survivors are fighting over food, the Hormel Chili ‘n Spuds Chili Meal is probably one of the products they will be brawling over, along with cans of SpaghettO’s and creamed corn. It’ll be more valuable than gold, silver and platinum combined, because during the apocalypse, they will all lose [...]

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REVIEW: Taco Bell Black Jack Taco

19 October 2009

21 Comments

As you can see, the most intriguing ingredient of the Taco Bell Black Jack Taco is its black shell, which looks like its been either out in the sun for too long, touched by the Grim Reaper or farted on by someone who just ate food from Taco Bell. The black taco shell is the ONLY [...]

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REVIEW: Subway Buffalo Chicken

9 October 2009

24 Comments

Let’s say you’re a slut or a manwhore (and if you are, congratulations on catching herpes). Eventually, all the one night stands with those whose names you’ve forgotten become a blur, and you’re unable to tell the differences between who or what you slept with. Sometimes it’s a woman. Sometimes it’s a [...]

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REVIEW: Goya Cola Champagne

30 September 2009

17 Comments

I’ll get straight to the point here: I’m what you’d call a “classy” broad. I enjoy the finer things in life, such as dining at upscale restaurants that aren’t so upscale that they don’t accept coupons; wearing designer clothing that I find irregular or on clearance; and looking at the furniture in the Crate and [...]

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REVIEW: Strawberried Peanut Butter M&M’s

4 September 2009

18 Comments

The peanut butter and jelly sandwich has grown with me throughout the years. Sometimes it would pop up in my bright green lunch bag. During high school it would find its way in a brown lunch sack. I would like to think my palate has matured since then, but due to my lack of culinary [...]

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REVIEW: Burger King French Toast Flavored Snacks

11 August 2009

24 Comments

I didn’t think it was possible, but I found something that frickin’ scares me even more than The King from Burger King — the Burger King French Toast Flavored Snacks. At least with The King I can kick him in the testicles and run away, but with these syrup-flavored snacks, I don’t know how [...]

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