I outgrew a lot of things, shedding interests like Beat Takeshi dispatches bodies in his awesome Yakuza films. I outgrew “yo mama” jokes. I outgrew my obsession with INXS. I even outgrew prank calling Chinese people claiming I was a pizza delivery guy and someone better Goddamn pay me or else (sorry Yen Sun wherever you are). To be honest, *69 proved to be my Kryptonite and effectively stopped me from my misdemeanant hobby. But you know? I have never outgrown cereal.

Hopping off my glorious Vespa, I arrogantly parked my scoot right by the side of the automatic double glass doors. Walking past the scowls of employees and customers, I was in Target looking for two things: some plug-in air fresheners and Frosted Flakes. Even though I enjoy eating the occasional fancy lad food (shaved truffles may have lost some of its allure thanks to the nouveau riche infection but they sure are tasty), a simple bowl of cereal comforts me like none other.

I can eat a bowl for any meal or a late night snack. I love eating “mini-wheats” out of the box as if they were cookies. Is it the perfect comfort food? No, but it is close since cereal is so familiar and convenient. And if you’re a faithful reader of The Impulsive Buy, you can tell that we have more choices than ever for cereal.

My selection for cereal is shameless. As an adult man who favors blazers, I feel like I should really be ordering a proper drink (and I do! Chin, chin!!) regardless if I act like an adult at the end of the night. An adult man ordering a Jägerbomb is plain embarrassing. Don’t even get me started on the Red Bull and vodkatinis…I’d rather be caught drinking a can of Four Loko wearing a shiny shirt with a spiky fade.

Ah, but cereal! Lovely sexy cereal with milk and the silver spoon, I lurve you. I would be happy with a bowl of Lucky Charms as I would be with a bowl of fart inducing Weetabix topped with blueberries. I have no problem eating Froot Loops while watching something responsible where everyone speaks in English accents. My love affair with all things cereal is one of the few constants in my life.

You know suicide sodas? Mixing all the flavors from the dispensers to create an amalgam of sugary fizzy goodness? I’m like that with cereals. Like a chemist, I would mix some Corn Flakes with Alpha-Bits and some puffy Kix to top it off. So just when I thought I couldn’t top off my cereal porn anymore, I found a box of Kellogg’s Cinnamon Almond Raisin Bran.

Raisin Brain is like your old standard, like Tony Bennett. It’s not something I want to listen to all the time but when I do, it’s pretty damn good. I like Raisin Bran but need to be in the mood for it. I engulfed a box of it when I recuperated from my car accident. I always thought it made my skim milk creamier and I loved the sweet chewiness from the slightly soggy raisins. So this version reminds me of the Michael Bublé take of Raisin Bran.

The box eschews any thoughts that this is your Grandfather’s Raisin Bran with “Cinnamon Almond” blazed on to the box with a yellow brown background. The famous “Two scoops!” tagline and the earnest looking sun holding exactly two scoops beckons you to open that box.

Upon ripping the cellophane bag, the waft of toasted wheat and sweet raisins welcomed me. There is a pleasant but very faint smell of baked cinnamon rolls that emanates way in the background but this is cereal not wine. The cereal had quite a few raisins sans “plump” but there were seldom any almonds in my bowl. I dumped the bowl back into the package. This time I shook up the box like I’d shake any convicted bastard in a shaken baby case to see how they like it and poured another. The result was the same, a good amount of raisins but the thin slivers of almonds were so few.

The almonds were supposedly toasted as well but I couldn’t taste it. Eating a few without milk confirmed my suspicions. The cinnamon is so faint that it basically whispers “Hey don’t forget about me.” Knowing that most people eat their cereal in milk, I went ahead and proceeded to dine like the normals do hoping that the cinnamon taste would be more prevalent.

The milk did indeed emphasize the slight cinnamon taste. In fact, I think the cinnamon was now whispering, “Here I am. See? Why didn’t you believe me? You have trust issues.” Definitely, the cinnamon smell was stronger than the taste. While it does state that the cinnamon is dusted but damn…I think there is more cinnamon flavor if I sucked on the box. Most of the cinnamon taste was in the milk left after you’ve eaten it all.

Regarding the line that breaches the crunchy/soggy measure, if it takes you more than a few minutes to eat a bowl you are either: eating too big of a bowl or you don’t like the cereal. I’ve never done formal tests but I’m assuming most people take a couple of minutes or so to eat cereal.

I went ahead and let the bran sit in milk for exactly 120 seconds and it stayed crunchy. The raisins rehydrated slightly which is good but plumpness is overly optimistic. Another plus? The good news is that if you like Raisin Bran you will not be disappointed because it tastes like Raisin Bran with some almonds your jerky younger brother threw in there to be funny. Now I like Raisin Bran but I really was hoping for a different spin on the cereal.

My love for cereal is still strong but I would not buy this again. I can only eat so much Raisin Bran and I can only listen to so much Rat Packy/Swing Jazz standards. Now please tell my wife to turn off the Michael Bublé. My ears are bleeding.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 1/4 cup (cereal only) – 200 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 grams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 260 milligrams of potassium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of dietary fiber, 18 grams of sugars, 4 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s Cinnamon Almond Raisin Bran
Price: $2.99
Size: 14.5 ounces
Purchased at: Super Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: It tastes like Raisin Bran. Stays crunchy and makes your milk slightly cinnamony. Prank phone calls. People scowling at you. Beat Takeshi’s films.
Cons: It tastes like Raisin Bran. The cinnamon taste is barely there. Few measly slivers of almonds. Taste wise, the only toasted thing were the flakes. Justifying prank calling by telling myself I’m only goofing on my own nationality so I won’t feel guilty…Damn you *69! Michael Bublé.

Peer pressure is a bitch. When I was fourteen, I had my most memorable bout with peer pressure when my friends and I took turns jumping off a bridge. You heard me right. You know that old-as-dirt, parental warning “If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?”

Well, that bridge is real, dear reader.

And it was quite clear to me at the time that the answer was YES. There was a creek that ran through the town where I grew up, and at certain points throughout there were little footbridges. One particular bridge was about seven feet off the ground, and one day, my pals decided they would try to jump off and land on the level surface just on the edge of the creek. I was hesitant to do it since the ground was pretty muddy, and I was more than a little scared to sully my brand new jeans and awesome TLC CrazySexyCool t-shirt. You can probably see where this is going. I took a flying leap off the edge.

Long story short, the lovely ladies of TLC were soon covered in a slick of grime, dead leaves and any number of biological specimens dredged up from the creek bed. I should’ve heeded T-Boz’s warning to stick to the rivers and the lakes I was used to instead of careening like a howler monkey into certain doom. Now, I would have to go home covered in dreck and confess my bad deeds, so I was up shit creek. Literally. But like I said… peer pressure is a bitch. It can make you do things you really don’t need to do… and most importantly, probably shouldn’t do.

It is now evident that McDonald’s has also fallen victim to the sway of their fast food peers by introducing Chicken McBites. What KFC, Chick-Fil-A, Popeye’s, Sonic, and even Arby’s have already accomplished years ago, McDonald’s now feels it must also do in order to prove it isn’t … (waaaaait for it) Chicken. We all know that McDonald’s is no stranger to fried poultry, and that they are certainly capable of producing their own version of popcorn chicken. It just feels a bit like overkill when you already have McNuggets and Chicken Selects Premium Breast Strips. Why would customers want smaller pieces of chicken with less meat in them? It doesn’t make any sense. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

The presentation of the Chicken McBites is on point. Chicken McBites arrive hot and fresh in a very cute and well-designed paperboard container with a built-in sauce cup holder that folds back from the lid. The sauce cup holder is very clever and handy, but make sure you don’t ask for honey with your McBites like I did. The holder is not constructed to hold the shallow honey container and appears designed to grip larger dips like Sweet n’ Sour and BBQ Sauce. Order honey, and you’ll be unwittingly setting up a very cute and well-designed honey catapult.

Given that popcorn chicken is high in fat and calories and sodium, all the bad things that go against nature and your better judgment, McDonald’s has decided to offer Chicken McBites in three different sizes, so you can make the “best” worst choice possible. They sell a 4-ounce “Snack” size, a 6-ounce “Regular” size, and a 12-ounce “Shareable” size. The fact that the largest size is called “Shareable Size” is interesting – this must be McDonald’s way of saying “Don’t eat the whole thing by yourself, Fatass.” Each size is sold individually, ranging from $1.99-$4.99.

I ordered the Regular size and quickly discovered that the McBites themselves also varied in size. There were big ones and small ones. There were microscopic McBites (which could barely be called “McBites” in the first place because something that McSmall hardly required McChewing) and gargantuan McBites (that were clearly two McBites stuck together).

Like most popcorn chicken, the McBites were chewy and crispy on the outside with very generous breading. The breading was seasoned with spices that added the tiniest amount of heat. What the spices were, I do not know. The McDonald’s website says that McBites consist of “chicken breast meat” with a “savory home-style breading,” so I guess those spices can be found at home, y’all!

But let’s talk about the meat-to-breading ratio. There were scanty amounts of “breast meat” here, folks. I understand it is popcorn chicken and that popcorn chicken is mostly flour, but this was really just fried, spicy flour with a slight, somewhat chicken-flavored filling. This is what McDonald’s – the #2 Fast Food chain in the world — came up with when faced with the possibility that they’d be excluded from the popcorn chicken game? Coming in second to Subway makes them want to go out and make fried, barely-meaty chicken chunks? They just had to do something, even if that something wasn’t their best effort. Did McDonald’s even have to pretend they cared about popcorn chicken?

Chicken McBites are not yet available everywhere, but they soon will be. They’re not as good as McNuggets or the Premium Chicken Strips, but they do come in several sizes. So they’ve got that going for them. I know McDonald’s will consistently try to impress with new additions to its menu that mirror what their peers have tried before, even if it the food doesn’t turn out the best… Even if their efforts result in disaster. Someone somewhere will look at the yucky, messy results and respect that McDonald’s did it; that they tried.

(Nutrition Facts – Regular size (6 ounces) – 470 calories, 28 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 730 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, 22 grams of protein.)

Other McDonald’s Chicken McBites reviews:
An Immovable Feast
Grub Grade
Fast Food Geek

Item: Chicken McBites
Price: $2.99
Size: Regular size
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: TLC’s Waterfalls. Fried poultry. Adorable packaging. Nice, affordable prices for all three sizes. Yummy home-style seasoning. Comes with a sauce cup holder.
Cons: Peer pressure. Scanty amount of meat in each McBite. Honey catapults. Creek bed filth. Deigning to care about popcorn chicken.

I don’t eat breakfast on-the-go very often, usually opting for a simple bowl of cereal and some OJ at the kitchen table with my kids.  Very Norman Rockwell.  But on rare occasions — like if between the baby and me it’s been a 3-diaper-change morning, or one where I have to shave, put the garbage out, AND explain why you can wear the sparkle shoes or the pink shoes but not the pink sparkle shoes — well, I might have to skip the suburban flakes and grab something on the way.  When that happens, it’s always Dunkin’ Donuts and I invariably get the same thing: a bismark, and a chocolate glazed (January-August) or pumpkin donut (September-December).  This does not change, because while there are other donuts I like, those are the best.  Feel free to disagree (everyone should take up a lost cause once in their life), but it should help you understand why I recently confused myself by walking into DD and not only not getting my usual order, but not getting a breakfast food whatsoever. 

That is, of course, due to DD’s latest offering, the Texas Toast Grilled Cheese.  Sort of a lunchtime offshoot of the recent Big N’ Toasty Breakfast Sandwich, your first thought on seeing one might be that it looks like they took the BN’T and stripped out the bacon and eggs.  And… there would be a lot of truth to that, as it does play sort of the basic model compared to the fully loaded BN’T.  To be specific, the new sandwich is two thick pieces of Texas toast with two slices of American cheese and one slice of cheddar in between.  The whole thing is ironically oven toasted rather than grilled, served hot (or in my case, kinda warm).

Any good grilled cheese sandwich obviously lives or dies by the cheese.  If you were hoping the Double D was going to get esoteric with their diary selection, guess again — American and cheddar are about the most predictable options they could’ve gone with.  The other side of that coin is that those are the most popular cheeses because they’re both really good.  However, I still think DD might’ve increased this sandwich’s mass appeal by giving us a few options to choose from, like Monterey Jack or Swiss.  But they didn’t, so you’ll get American and cheddar and like it.  And I did, mostly.  The cheddar had just a bit of kick to it, slightly sharp, which I like in a cheddar.  But it was mostly overwhelmed by the decent but standard American cheese, no doubt due to the 2:1 ratio.  Both kinds were melted well, another key component of any successful grilled cheese.  Overall, my impression of the cheeses was that they’re pretty good, but not exactly lighting the world on fire.

Ironically, my favorite part might’ve been what’s traditionally the most boring aspect of a sandwich, namely the bread.  Texas toast is one of those foods that’s fantastic when done well but really disappointing if it’s either under-toasted or burned.  Fortunately mine was just the right texture, toasted perfectly so that it was soft enough to easily dig into, but with enough crunch to feel satisfying.  It also tasted buttery, another must-have.

But that’s really it, because the cheese and the bread are the only two components of the sandwich.  Apparently it can be customized with bacon or ham, but DD might be shooting themselves in the foot by not better advertising that – I didn’t see any such option listed on the menu and my server didn’t offer it.  Which is a shame — I would’ve been willing to throw in a few more cents or a saucy wink in exchange for meat, because that’s the kind of carniv-whore I am.  Other than the missing pork, I didn’t mind too much because I’m a sandwich minimalist, but those who like to indulge in things like “pickles” and “condiments” and “fixins” will no doubt be left wanting worse than my high school girlfriend.  You know, when she didn’t get into the college she wanted.  Obviously.

Finally, not for nothing, but the fat and sodium content are more worrisome than my longstanding crush on Erin Esurance.  (Whatever, I’m not the only one.  The internet told me so!)  The sandwich is pretty filling, but unless it’s the only thing you’re eating for lunch, it could easily have you packing on the ell-bees.  I know, unlike the rest of Dunkin’ Donuts’ fare, but still.  Moderation is advised.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 sandwich – 510 calories, 270 calories from fat, 30 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 940 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of sugar, and 18 grams of protein)

Item: Dunkin’ Donuts Texas Toast Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Price: $2.99
Size: 1 sandwich
Purchased at: Dunkin’ Donuts
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Breaking out of your routine.  A little bite to the cheddar.  Melty, melty, melty.  Crunchy Texas toast.  Buttery flavor.  Fairly filling.  Ability to add meat.
Cons: Not publicizing the ability to add meat.  High fat and sodium content.  Lacking in the ingredients department.  No additional cheese selections.  I can make this exact sandwich in my kitchen in 5 minutes.

The combination of chocolate and peanut butter gets me as excited as a crackhead when he or she sees their dealer, so you may think the Post Limited Edition Chocolate Peanut Butter Pebbles Boulders got me crackhead excited. However, after eating those awful Caramel Apple Pebbles Boulders, I approached this chocolate peanut butter cereal like a crackhead approaches someone who looks like an undercover narc.

As I poured the cereal into a bowl, I tried to ease my mind about it by trying to come up with as many successful chocolate and peanut butter marriages. There’s Peanut Butter Creme Oreo cookies, Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter Cup ice cream, and, of course, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Knowing that peanut butter and chocolate has had a long, successful relationship that Kim Kardashian can only dream of helped eased my mind.

What also helped with my trepidation was the fact that Post makes one of the best chocolate cereals on the planet — Cocoa Pebbles.

However, after eating a bowl of Limited Edition Chocolate Peanut Butter Pebbles Boulders, it turns out Post didn’t take what makes Cocoa Pebbles so great and transfer it over to the chocolate-flavored Pebbles Boulders pieces. The only appropriate thing I can say about that blown opportunity is it’s Yabba Dabba Dumb. As for the peanut butter cereal pieces, they had a peanut butter flavor that’s similar to other peanut butter cereals I’ve had in the past and a stronger flavor than the chocolate cereal pieces. Overall, the combination of chocolate and peanut butter in this cereal is good enough to make me forget about the abomination that is Caramel Apple Pebbles Boulders.

While tasty, there’s something a little unpleasant about the Chocolate Peanut Butter Pebbles Boulders — the thin coating on each piece of cereal. I first thought it was sugar…okay, okay, I first thought it was cocaine, but then when I touched it, it had a waxy and slightly greasy feel to it. I tried licking it to find out what it was…okay, okay, I first tried snorting it to see if it was cocaine and then licked it. Unfortunately, my nose and tongue could not figure out what it was. While slightly off-putting, whatever the coating is, it did a great job of preventing the cereal from getting soggy.

The Post Limited Edition Chocolate Peanut Butter Pebbles Boulders is a good cereal, whether you eat it dry or wet, but it doesn’t compete with the robust flavors of best chocolate/peanut butter cereal on the face of the Earth — Reese’s Puffs. And I will fling peanut butter at anyone who disagrees. I think it would’ve been better if Post combined Cocoa Pebbles with the peanut butter Pebbles Boulders. That’s a cereal I would totally get crackhead excited about.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (cereal only) – 110 calories, 25 calories from fat, 3 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 90 milligrams of potassium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 10 grams of other carbohydrates, 3 grams of protein, and a smorgasbord of vitamins and minerals.)

*made using partially hydrogenated oil

Other Chocolate Peanut Butter Pebbles Boulders reviews:
Grub Grade

Item: Post Limited Edition Chocolate Peanut Butter Pebbles Boulders
Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: 9.5 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good. Much better than Caramel Apple Pebble Boulders. Coating helps prevent the cereal from getting soggy. Labels For Education. Fortified with vitamins and minerals. The combination of chocolate and peanut butter. Color from natural ingredients.
Cons: Not as good as Reese’s Puffs. Weird waxy coating. Doesn’t make me crackhead excited. Chocolate pieces not as chocolatey as I hoped. Made using partially hydrogenated oil. Not knowing who’s a real dealer and who’s a cop.

Ah, crackers.

For some reason I always find it hard starting off a cracker review.  Maybe it’s because crackers aren’t a very sexy food.  Candy is sexy.  Fruit can be very sexy.  Ice cream?  Ice cream is definitely sexy, which is ironic since eating a lot of it will have the opposite effect on you.  But crackers are not sexy.  Nobody has ever eaten crackers off someone’s naked body, and if they have, I don’t want to know about it.

But hey, it can’t all be fast food and desserts — at some point you’ve got to devote some time to the staples, the unsung members of the snack world.  And if that snack knows it isn’t glamorous but has gone to the trouble of decking itself out in sweet cinnamon for the holidays to make a good impression on your visiting relatives?  Well, that says a lot.  Be honest, ladies: what impresses you more, the guy who’s naturally gorgeous, or the one who goes out of his way to clean up, dress up, and put his best foot forward?  Exactly.  Wheat Thins Sweet Cinnamon are the homely guy who knows he doesn’t stand a chance with you, but dammit, he’s going to give it his best shot anyway.  You’ve got to admire that.

Mind you, I do like regular Wheat Thins, but I’m used to eating them as little sandwiches with cheese and/or pepperoni slices in between.  It’s rare that I’ll eat straight from a box of Wheat Thins, but that’s what seems most appropriate here, since neither cheese nor meat makes for a natural combination with cinnamon.  I would guess that’s why these are limited edition for the holidays, since they lose a little bit of their versatility for party settings, where you’re more likely to want to make cracker sandwiches.  However, what the cinnamon Wheat Thins lose in party food-ability, they gain back in solo use.  After all, you’re more likely to dig into a box of something on the couch if it’s sweet and can be enjoyed straight out of the package, without needing to cut cheese slices or get out the platter and martini glasses, or whatever people without two young kids do at parties these days.  (Network?  Spin the bottle?  Get crunk?  I just don’t know.)

It’s fair to say my expectations were pretty high for this product, because let’s be honest, cinnamon is awesome and it’s pretty hard to screw up sprinkling it on a cracker.  That’d be like praising me for writing a review that successfully uses the word “ass” three times… it’s just kind of expected.  Plus the snowman on the box predisposes me to wanting to like whatever’s inside, a tactic the government would do well to remember when issuing jury summons.  With all that being the case, my takeaway is that the cinnamon Wheat Thins are pleasant, and that’s probably the correct adjective.  Not “amazing” or “mind-blowing” or “pulchritudinous,” but pleasant.  A nice winter treat that would probably pair well with some hot chocolate while snuggled up with a loved one, watching Jimmy Stewart tough-talk an angel on Christmas.

[As an aside, do you know how hard it is to type "thins" rather than "things"?  Your fingers just want to add that "g".  Try it!]

You’re familiar with what you’re going to get if you’ve ever had Wheat Thins before, because the size, consistency, and texture are the same as they’ve always been, the only difference being the addition of cinnamon and sugar.  Speaking of which, I suspect this will be a polarizing product based on the amount of cinnamon per cracker.  It’s not insignificant — no one will confuse these with having a “hint of” cinnamon.  That said, they aren’t comprised solely of cinnamon and sugar pressurized and molded into the vague shape of a Wheat Thin either.  I personally found them tasty and think most people will as well, but anyone hoping these would equate to a slightly larger version of Cinnamon Toast Crunch is advised to keep walking.  (However, I did dip some in milk, just out of curiosity.  Not bad, but not something you’d want to eat out of a bowl with a spoon.)

Like a lot of you would have guessed, Wheat Thins Sweet Cinnamon is a product that offers zero surprises.  It’s exactly what the name implies it to be, and it looks and tastes exactly how you’d expect.  That doesn’t have to be a bad thing, though — the crackers ARE tasty, and they’re a safe snack food you can enjoy equally with friends or home alone in your pajamas.  (Those of you who wear them, anyway.  I know our readers like to walk on the wild side.)  If snack foods were an ’80s movie, they’d be the quiet nerd who never gets noticed until finally the stars align and Molly Ringwald takes a chance on him, only to discover that, hey, this guy’s got a little spice to him!  That’s Wheat Thins Sweet Cinnamon.  Enjoy them, and enjoy the holiday season!

(Nutrition Facts – 14 pieces – 140 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of total fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 3 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 55 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Limited Edition Wheat Thins Sweet Cinnamon reviews:
Junk Food Guy
So Good Blog
Dave’s Cupboard

Item: Limited Edition Wheat Thins Sweet Cinnamon
Price: $2.99
Size: 9.5 ounces
Purchased at: Wegman’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Reasonably nutritious.  Snowman on box.  Homely crackers who doll themselves up for you.  Can be readily enjoyed solo.  Unsurprising but pleasant taste.  Decent in milk.  Nabbing Molly Ringwald at the end.
Cons: Not bringing sexy back to crackers.  No good for making mini-sandwiches.  Doesn’t keep you guessing.  Not an effective breakfast cereal replacement.  Probably not enough cinnamon and sugar for some people.

It may seem weird for a burger joint, like Jack in the Box, to have mini cookies on their menu board. But, to me, it really isn’t. It’s not weird for two reasons.

1. Jack in the Box is known for having items on their menu that don’t seem like they should be on there, like egg rolls, mini churros, and their Chicken Teriyaki Bowl.

2. McDonald’s has been selling cookies for decades. Anyone remember McDonaldland Cookies?

What is weird to me is that the Jack in the Box Mini Cookies weren’t deep fried. I was totally expecting Jack in the Box to prepare these mini chocolate chip cookies with candy coated chocolate the same way they produce their tacos. I also assumed they were deep fried because I’m pretty sure every Jack in the Box kitchen lacks a conventional oven.

To be honest, I’m really disappointed these cookies weren’t dunked in hot oil, because, man, they would’ve been soooo crispy. Instead, the Jack in the Box Mini Cookies were warm, soft, and served to me within four minutes, so I think they were microwaved.

If they were microwaved, I’m fine with that because I’ve nuked my fair share of Chips Ahoy cookies over the years to make them feel like they were fresh out of the oven instead of fresh out of a resealable package. I’ve also nuked my fair share of frozen meals, marshmallow Peeps, and bars of soap.

I’ve also ruined my fair share of microwave ovens.

The Jack in the Box Mini Cookies were as good as microwaved Chips Ahoy cookies. Depending on your feelings towards Chips Ahoy cookies, it makes them either them awesome, awful, or average. I like microwaved Chips Ahoy cookies, but I don’t think they’re awesome, they’re just average, and I feel the same about Jack in the Box’s mini cookies.

There’s a good amount of chocolate in each mini cookie, so if you eat them warm, they’re pleasantly gooey. They’re definitely chocolatier than regular Chips Ahoy cookies, but they taste just as cheap.

However, they should taste cheap, because Jack in the Box’s Mini Cookies are loose change cheap. For a buck and a half, I got five mini cookies that are each about 80 percent the size of a regular Chips Ahoy chocolate chip cookie. Seriously, if I stole a begging cup from a panhandler who uses the money only for alcohol, I not only would I give that beggar’s liver a short break, there would be enough coins in it for me to buy some mini cookies.

(Nutrition Facts – 311 calories, 124 calories from fat, 14 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 83 milligrams of potassium, 45 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 26 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Mini Cookies
Price: $1.49 (most other locations offer it for $1)
Size: 5 mini cookies
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good. One of the cheapest items on the Jack in the Box menu. Chocolatey. Served warm and gooey. Watching bars of soap being microwaved. McDonaldland Cookies.
Cons: I’m disappointed they were not deep fried. Not awesome, but just average. Probably not baked in a conventional oven. I’m seriously disappointed they were not deep fried. Finding the room in my belly for cookies after eating a burger, fries, and 20-ounce soda.