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REVIEW: Lovin’ Scoopful Caramel Chocolate Heaven Ice Cream
I wish the company Lovin’ Scoopful would change its name to Spoon Lovin’ because I just want to lie down next to their Caramel Chocolate Heaven Ice Cream with my chest facing its curved back and then stick my spoon in it. I’ll keep thrusting my spoon into it and scooping out pleasure until [...]
Continue reading...REVIEW: Yoplait Smoothie (Triple Berry, Strawberry Banana and Strawberry Mango Pineapple)
12 November 2009
The Yoplait Smoothie kits, or as I like to call them, Jamba Juice Action Playsets, allow normal folk, like you, me or your children, to walk and blend in the shoes of a Jamba Juice worker. With a blender, a carton of skim milk and these Yoplait Smoothie kits, you can experience a day [...]
Continue reading...REVIEW: Kashi Mayan Harvest Bake
22 October 2009
I am generally a fan of Kashi products — being a lazy pseudo-hipster who likes to buy overpriced food that’s touted as healthy without having to go through all of the effort of visiting hippie food stores and co-ops to make my own healthy food. It’s what I like to refer to as “The American [...]
Continue reading...REVIEW: Morningstar Farms Hickory BBQ Riblets
22 May 2009
The Morningstar Farms Hickory BBQ Riblets definitely aren’t helping subside the occasional nightmares I have of an attacking McDonald’s McRib that suddenly appears during the wet dream REM stage of my slumber. This 100% vegan riblet looks like a beefed up, or Super Sized, if you will, version of what’s in between the McRib’s [...]
Continue reading...REVIEW: Kellogg’s 20% Fiber Frosted Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts
23 February 2009
Remember when low-carb foods were the big food trend? You couldn’t walk down an aisle in your local supermarket without running into a food that claimed it was LOW-CARB in, ironically, fat letters. But the oddest thing about this craze was finding low-carb versions of items that were nothing but carbs, like low-carb [...]
Continue reading...REVIEW: Nabisco Lightly Cinnamon Wheat Thins
26 December 2008
If you’re under the age of five, you probably won’t remember a time when Wheat Thins came in only two versions: original and low sodium. Since then, Nabisco has been pumping out new Wheat Thins flavors at a pace equal to the rate übermom Michelle Duggar pumps out new babies from her bountiful womb. [...]
Continue reading...REVIEW: Astronaut Ice Cream
17 December 2008
Once in a while there’s a special product that I just can’t write about in normal paragraphs because it’s something that I believe deserves more than just blocks of joined sentences that are separated by two punches of my keyboard’s space bar. Astronaut Ice Cream is worthy of the best word craftsmanship that my [...]
Continue reading...REVIEW: Mrs. T’s Potato & Cheddar Pierogies
16 December 2008
I guess this solves the mystery of what happened to Clubber Lang after Rocky III − he retired and decided to use the money he won prizefighting to start a pierogi company for his wife. But this opens another line of questioning: Why was he always so damn pissed off? These things are delicious and [...]
Continue reading...Terracycle Natural Bathroom Cleaner
18 August 2008
I don’t know about you, but whenever I’m in my shower I have to be completely naked, because just like I believe a bed is meant for sleeping and sex, a shower is meant for nudity. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, whether it’s showering, cleaning the shower, or butchering the Cyndi Lauper song [...]
Continue reading...Tohato Caramel Corn Roasted Almond
3 June 2008
OMGYAFC!!! Oh. My. God. You. Are. Fucking. Cute. I don’t know whether to eat or to hug you, Tohato Caramel Corn Roasted Almond. Look at your face on your packaging. You’re trying to balance an almond on your nose while caramel corn is being thrown at you. [...]
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3 December 2009
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