Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

Whenever the electricity goes out, all I need is a rubber band, some bacon, and these gummies to play Angry Birds. (via Foodette Reviews

A Rogue Voodoo Doughnut Bacon Maple Ale sounds disgusting, but it would be even more disgusting if it was a Rogue Voodoo Doughnut Bacon Maple Doughnut Ale. (via Food Junk)

I blame this soda for all the cavities I had in middle school. Oh, and not brushing my teeth. (via Thirsty Dudes)

Hmm…I wonder if this Slow Motion Potion can ease my emotion and prevent me from making a commotion when my devotion for a Laotian lotion is challenged when its dumped into the ocean. (via Possessed by Caffeine)

This crème brulée isn’t hard. Perhaps it needs to see another crème brulée with its top off. (via What’s Good At Trader Joe’s)

This probably says more about me than I’d like it to, but whenever I picture Santa, it’s as likely to be with a beer in his hand as a glass of milk (or Coca-Cola).  As in all things, I blame my upbringing — my parents, savvy operators that they were, convinced me early on that what Saint Nick could really use on Christmas Eve was something to take the edge off.  Over time this was phased out in favor of the more traditional milk, but there are home movies of me at about 2-3 years old, bringing out cookies and a glass of wine for Santa.  (Predictably, I spilled it on the carpet and, yes, I did try to pick the liquid up with my fingers.  I was not a smart child.)

Honestly, I’ve always pictured that right jolly old elf through more of a working class lens than I think most do.  The poor guy busts his ass all year long to meet the tightest delivery window on Earth, and as soon as he gets back home Christmas morning, no doubt all he wants is to take a load off in his favorite chair with a beer in one hand and the remote in the other.  Mrs. Claus does not get a lot of help around the house in January, is what I’m saying.

But what I didn’t realize until a couple of years ago is that Santa actually has a microbrewery at the North Pole.  It makes sense – you have to figure not every elf is cut out for crafting dolls and iPods, so the rowdier ones are put to work brewing Santa’s own personal ale, which he briefly makes available to the public every Christmas season.  Now that’s a man who has mastered the spirit of giving, as have I, so allow me to give you the low-down on a product that just might get you through the holidays in one piece.

Santa’s Private Reserve pours out a nice darkish red/copper color, exactly the hue you want in a winter beer.  (Summer beers must by law be golden yellow, of course.  Basically, summer beers should look like your pee when you’re really dehydrated, winter beers should look like you have kidney stones.)  I’m not usually one for smelling my drinks, but the aroma is pleasant, slightly citrusy.  I’m also not a beer snob, so I won’t bore you or myself by getting too technical; but it IS quite hoppy, which translates to bitterness. 

To me that’s a selling point, but be warned if wheat beers and Corona are more your style.  (College students will, of course, want to stick with Natty Light, as this is not a good beer for chugging out of a plastic cup with a ping pong ball in it.)  You’d normally expect a winter seasonal beer to have a lot of spices in it, but they’re understated if not nonexistent here, taking a back seat to more of a roasted caramel taste.  In terms of thickness, it’s about medium — certainly you’re not going to confuse it for Guinness, but don’t expect it to go down like your mother at a Molly Hatchet reunion tour either.

The ABV is 6.0 percent, pretty standard for a craft beer, although those of you who mainly drink light beers should be careful.  In my immediate post-college years I could have polished off three of these without feeling it, but these days more than one is enough to rosy my cheeks and merry my dimples.  That works in your favor, though, as Two-Drink Drew is 65 percent more likely to tell embarrassing family stories and use the word “ass” in reviews than Zero-Drink Drew.  (Both are preferable to Five-Drink Drew, who can’t figure out how to work a keyboard.)  And not that it should influence your purchasing decision, but the packaging is nice — simple artistic images of a cheerful Kris Kringle hoisting a tankard.  Skol!

I have no doubt there are better, far more knowledgeable beer drinkers than I who could describe this Christmas ale to you using terms like “mouthfeel” and “juniper” and “pretentious.”  I just know what I like, and I like this beer.  It’s bitter, it’s smooth, and it leaves you with a pleasing aftertaste long after you’ve finished drinking it.  Plus it makes you feel like you and Santa are old drinking buddies.

Sure, everyone gets presents, but you’re one of the privileged few the big guy allows to tap his personal stockpile.  It’s a special, manipulative marketing-driven feeling, and that’s something you can’t put a price tag on.  Or rather, you can, and it’s $11.59.  Not dirt cheap, but for a once-a-year treat, it’s worth it.

Item: Rogue Santa’s Private Reserve Ale
Price: $11.59
Size: 6 pack (12-ounce bottles)
Purchased at: Joe Canal’s
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Stupid children.  Helps Santa recover from Christmas.  Good color.  Smooth and easy, like your sister.  Two-Drink Drew.  Tastes better than egg nog.
Cons: Bitter as an old man talking about today’s youth.  Not good for drinking games.  Misleading marketing – Santa doesn’t actually want to drink with me.  Not free, even if you make the “Nice” list.

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we like.

Haagen Dazs Rum Raisin Ice Cream is an ex-girlfriend’s favorite flavor. When I see it in the store, it makes me think of her. When I think of her, it makes me wonder if I should friend her on Facebook. When I wonder if I should friend her on Facebook, I remember that I haven’t played Bejeweled Blitz in a long time. When I play Bejeweled Blitz, I forget to friend my ex-girlfriend on Facebook. (via Frozen Food Journal)

There’s a beer called Yellow Snow. I guess I’m going to have to call Old Milwaukee something else. (via TBQ)

Burger King now has a breakfast bowl that contains eggs, sausage, potatoes, onions, peppers and cheese. If The King wakes me up with one of them, I hope he also brings a fork so I can stab him. (via Hamburger Calculus and We Rate Stuff)

A chocolate egg that comes in a real eggshell. There’s a yolk out there that must be pissed. (via Foodstuff Finds)

Since I don’t drink anymore, I don’t have a use for an anti-hangover beverage. But I really could use an anti-Justin Bieber beverage because “Baby” keeps bumping in my head. (via Everyview)

I want you imagine Beavis from Beavis and Butt-Head. Then I want you to imagine him saying Chokito over and over again. You’re welcome. (via Jim’s Chocolate Mission)

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we like.

I’m disappointed Hawaiian Punch Jelly Beans won’t turn my mouth red like actual Hawaiian Punch does. How else am I going to look like a Twilight fanboy? (via ZOMG Candy)

A Tip for Guys: I’m pretty sure giving heart-shaped Peeps to your sweetheart will not get you laid. (via Gigi Reviews)

I believe the Keebler Elves make their cookies to fatten humans so that we’re nice and plump when they eat us. I think one human could feed the whole tree. (via We Rate Stuff)

Hot damn! Kim Chi Cheetos! (via The Japanese Snack Food Review)

I once had a shot called German Death. All I need is the Irish Death Ale, French Death Champagne and Spanish Death Sangria to complete my journey along the European Road to Alcohol Poisoning. (via TBQ)

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we like.

Yay! I don’t have to lick Smurfs anymore! (via Snack Overload)

I believe every episode of a soda review video podcast should end with the host burping the alphabet. (via Soda Giant)

Hooters has new wing flavors and are still filled with men who ogle Hooters Girls in a way that is considered sexual harassment in almost any other workplace. (via Would I Buy It Again)

Here in Hawaii, there are two Kua’Aina burger shops. People seem to love them, but I’m not a fan. Japan must REALLY love them if they make a potato chip that tastes like their burgers. (via Foodette Reviews)

Shouldn’t watermelon be a flavor of a wine cooler instead of a beer. Meh, what do I know? I enjoyed Zimas. (via TBQ)

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we like.

If there’s one thing small beer companies know how to do better than the big beer companies, it’s give their beers names that sound unappetizing and not refreshing. (via TBQ)

If it seems like I link to a lot of Japanese Kit Kat reviews, I do. I’m just fascinated with Nestle Japan’s ability to churn out new flavors, like the Blueberry Cheesecake Kit Kat, at the rate they do. It’s like they have Kit Kat fertility drugs or something. (via Jen Ken’s Kit Kat Blog)

I’m poor and hungry, so I have no standards. I would totally wrap my lips around a cheap microwaveable burrito. Heck, I’d take two of them in my mouth, if I could. (via Frozen Food Journal)

If I want a Milky Way shake I’ll just stick ice cream, some whole milk and one two an entire bag of Fun Sized three Milky Way bars in a blender. (via Chocolate Thunder)

This truly looks like a wiener in a blanket. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)