Holy crap! I didn’t know there were that many 5-Hour Energy flavors. So if I wanted to stay up for 30 hours straight, I could do so drinking every flavor.
However, Pink Lemonade 5-Hour Energy isn’t just a new flavor, the kind folks that make the pick-me-up are donating five cents to the Avon Foundation for Women Breast Cancer Crusade for every bottle of Pink Lemonade 5-Hour Energy that’s sold. The minimum donation they’ll contribute is $75,000.
According to their TV commercial, 5-Hour Energy is used nine million times a week. So if one million of those were Pink Lemonade sales, that’s $50,000 per week. Donations from sales will be running from the beginning of October 2012 to the end of the year. So that’s $50,000 times 14 weeks, which equals…Ugh, I can’t focus and all this math is making my brain tired. I could sure use some 5-Hour Energy.
I know what you’re yelling at your computer monitor.
“Hey! Didn’t you already review Red Bull Total Zero Energy Drink?”
Yes, you’re absolutely correct, I did post a written review of it. But, while writing the review, I came up with an idea for a video version. So here it is.
I’m still a beginner when it comes to shooting video properly, so the video quality isn’t as good as it should be. But, each video review I do is another learning experience…and hopefully a step towards better looking video reviews.
You can subscribe to these video reviews via either YouTube or iTunes.
The list of beverages that contain the word “zero” in their name is significantly larger than zero.
Here, I’ll let you count some of them: Coke Zero, Sprite Zero, VitaminWater Zero, Powerade Zero, Propel Zero, Monster Absolutely Zero Energy Drink, Rockstar Zero Carb Energy Drink, Fanta Zero, Dr Pepper Zero, Big Red Zero, Sodastream Zero Cola, Pibb Zero, Virgil’s Zero Root Beer, Diet Rite Pure Zero, Schweppes Zero Cream Soda, Mello Yello Zero, and now Red Bull Total Zero Energy Drink.
Wow. That’s a lot of zeroes. I haven’t seen that many zeroes since Chicago White Sox pitcher Philip Humber’s perfect game. Or if you’re reading this in 2013 or beyond, or have no idea what a perfect game is…I haven’t seen that many zeroes since I stood in between two parallel mirrors and looked at an infinite reflection of myself.
Companies attach the word “zero” to their beverages for several reasons. They either contain zero grams of sugar, zero calories, zero grams of carbohydrates, or any combination of the three. Although with some beverages, I’d like to think the word “zero” equates to the zero creativity used to come up with a name, instead taking whatever another company used.
As for Red Bull Total Zero Energy Drink, it has no calories, zero grams of sugar, and zero grams of carbohydrates. Although, if I wanted to be a total prick about it, I could say it’s not “total zero” because it has 60 milligrams of sodium and less than one gram of protein. Oh, I should note my head hurt trying to wrap my brain around the fact that for some strange reason the 12-ounce size has ten calories. That there is some crazy ass food math.
Wait, I just thought of something.
If Coca-Cola, who started this “zero” beverage trend, makes Dasani Zero bottled water, I swear I’m going to punch a polar bear in the face.
Red Bull Total Zero has a similar aroma and the same amber color as the other two Red Bull varieties (original and sugar free), and it has the same amounts of taurine and caffeine, both of which are supposed to give Red Bull drinkers wings. I estimate I’ve consumed almost 50 cans of Red Bull, but despite all that liquid and lots of bell ringing, I have yet to get my wings.
As for Red Bull Total Zero’s flavor, it isn’t as syrupy as regular Red Bull and it’s slightly more artificial sweetener-y than Red Bull Sugar Free, but it has that distinct Red Bull flavor. In order to be calorie, carb, and sugar free, Red Bull Total Zero contains the Three Sweeteneers: Aspartame, Sucralose, and Acesulfame K. Red Bull Sugar Free contains just Aspartame and Acesulfame K.
Overall, I think Red Bull Total Zero is decent, but between it and Red Bull Sugar Free, I prefer the latter because it’s smoother. Sure, the sugar free version has ten calories and three grams of carbohydrates, but that’s an insignificant difference. I think I just burned ten calories and three grams of carbohydrates by typing this paragraph.
(Nutrition Facts – 8.4 ounces – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 60 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)
Item: Red Bull Total Zero Energy Drink Price: $2.29 Size: 8.4 ounces Purchased at: 7-Eleven Rating: 6 out of 10 Pros: Has familiar Red Bull flavor. No calories, carbs, and sugar. It’s a Wonderful Life reference. Another option to mix with alcohol. Perfect games in baseball. Cons: Not great if you hate aspartame and sucralose. Pricey when compared with other energy drinks. Slightly harsher than Red Bull Sugar Free. Excessive use of the word “zero” in the beverage industry. Dasani Zero.
In April, Red Bull will release nationwide a zero calorie, zero carbohydrate, and zero sugar energy drink called, Red Bull Total Zero. Personally, the only Red Bull products I would call total zeroes are Red Bull Cola and Red Bull Energy Shot, because they failed commercially and were discontinued.
In order to be calorie, carbohydrate, and sugar free, Red Bull Total Zero is sweetened with aspartame, sucralose, and acesulfame K. To help you get your wings, the energy drink contains B vitamins, caffeine, and taurine.
Red Bull Total Zero will come in the usual Red Bull 8.4 ounce can, but it will also be available in 12 and 16 ounce cans. The 8.4 ounce size will have a suggested retail price of $2.19, the 12 ounce size will be priced at $2.99, and the 16 ounce can will cost $3.79.
The nutrition facts for a can of Red Bull Total Zero aren’t all zeroes. Along with the 0 calories, 0 grams of carbohydrates, and 0 grams of sugar, it also has 0 grams of fat, but it has 60 milligrams of sodium, less than 1 gram of protein, 100% niacin, 80% vitamin B12, 250% vitamin B6, and 50% pantothenic acid.
Google Translate tell me the “dinamita” in Doritos Dinamita is English for “dynamite.” Wile E. Coyote hasn’t been successful in catching the Road Runner with regular dynamite, so maybe he needs to order these from the Frito-Lay Corporation. (via The Bootleg Guy)