Rockstar’s Pure Zero Watermelon Energy Drink has 240 milligrams of caffeine, so this review will have 240 words.
When I think of large fruits with lots of seeds that are popular this time of year, I think of pumpkin. But it appears Rockstar Energy thinks of watermelon. Of course, a pumpkin-flavored energy drink sounds gross, so I think Rockstar picked the right fruit for their new energy drink.
The Pure Zero line gets its name because it has zero calories and sugar. It also has zero fat, zero protein, and lots of zeroes in the 100 percent values of B vitamins it has. And, of course, there’s the zero in the 240 milligrams of caffeine it has (play Motley Crue’s “Jumpstart My Heart” intro here).
As for its flavor, imagine a watermelon slice that’s not quite ripe. Then imagine taking a bite from that slice from the side and getting a bit too much of the melon’s white part. Now imagine an artificial and candified version of that flavor and you’ll get an idea of what this energy drink tastes like. There are also moments when it has an artificial sour apple flavor.
I know my description doesn’t make it sound that good, and I didn’t care for the first few sips, but its flavor grew on me. Maybe my tastebuds are weird. Or maybe it’s the huge jolt of caffeine making me type this, but I enjoyed its flavor.
Purchased Price: 2 for $3.00 Size: 16 oz. cans Purchased at: 7-Eleven Rating: 7 out of 10 Nutrition Facts: (8 fl. oz) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 180 milligrams of sodium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 100% niacin, 100% vitamin B12, 100% vitamin B6, and 100% pantothenic acid.
The Muscle Monster Banana Energy Shake has 160 milligrams of caffeine, so this review will have exactly 160 words.
This energy shake gets its banana flavor from banana puree and natural flavor; its 25 grams of protein from ultrafiltered skim milk, reduced fat milk, and calcium caseinate; and its sweet, sweet caffeine from sweet, sweet caffeine.
Thanks to the banana puree, the first two or three sips were pleasant and reminded me of banana NesQuik. But then all the energy ingredients seemed to turn the flavor into bizzaro banana.
Look, before this I loved ALL banana flavored products. I even love those hated banana Runts. But this drink proves I don’t love ALL banana products. After the first few sips the banana flavor got weak, the bitterness from the energy ingredients stood out, and the aftertaste was as unpleasant as most sugar-free energy drinks.
I finished the can, but I wouldn’t buy it again. It isn’t terrible, it’s just tolerable.
Purchased Price: $4.62 for 2 Size: 15 oz. cans Purchased at: 7-Eleven Rating: 5 out of 10 Nutrition Facts: (one can) 200 calories, 35 calories from fat, calories from fat, 4 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 410 milligrams of sodium, 780 milligrams of potassium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 16 grams of sugar, 25 grams of protein, 90% vitamin C, 60% calcium, 190% riboflavin, 190% niacin, and 190% vitamin B6.
But here in Hawaii there’s also non-verbal way to say either hello or goodbye, and it’s the hand gesture at the bottom of the Monster Pipeline Punch Energy Juice’s can. It’s called a shaka.
I hope I never have to use a shaka to say goodbye forever to this new 7-Eleven exclusive energy drink because it’s so damn good (Note: It was a 7-Eleven exclusive when it debuted, but now it’s available elsewhere). Now some of you might be thinking, because I live in Hawaii and this beverage is paying tribute to a popular surf spot here, I’m being kind of a homer. But I assure you that this energy drink is, as we like to say in Hawaii, winnahs.
Its combination of guava, passion fruit (which we call lilikoi here), orange (which we call orange here), apple, and pineapple is so delicious that it makes me want to tank the entire can in 30 seconds, which is fine for my taste buds and if I want to jumpstart my heart with its 160 milligrams of caffeine.
The guava and passion fruit are the stars here and because of that this energy drink reminds me of another. From the first sip, it brought back memories of Rockstar Energy’s Guava Punched, which I also loved.
What makes Pipeline Punch stand out among the other energy drinks I’ve tried is that it’s an energy drink that doesn’t taste like one. The fruit juices and purees do an excellent job at masking the bitterness from the caffeine and herbal supplements in it.
If you handed me a glass of this and I drank it, I’d probably think you just gave me some POG or some other tropical fruit juice. The only way I’d know if it was an energy drink was if I happen to see the can in your sink or recycling bin, or if I decided to take my pulse soon after drinking it.
With all that said, I imagine some folks will find it to be hypersweet, and I would agree with that assessment. Not only are there fruit juices and purees, but there’s also added sugar. But I still love it.
Sadly, Monster’s Pipeline Punch Energy Juice is around for a limited time. But I hope it comes back again for a little while or permanently. It better or else my shaka will turn into a less flattering hand gesture.
(Nutrition Facts – 16 ounces – 200 calories, 0 grams of fat, 60 milligrams of sodium, 48 grams of carbohydrates, 46 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 200% riboflavin, 200% niacin, 200% vitamin B6, and 200% vitamin B12.)
Item: Monster Pipeline Punch Energy Juice Purchased Price: 2 for $3.75 Size: 16 ounce cans Purchased at: 7-Eleven Rating: 9 out of 10 Pros: Tropical fruity flavor is wonderful. Doesn’t taste like an energy drink. Goes down easy. Dual usage for aloha and the shaka. Cons: Some might find it to be too sweet. Available for a limited time. Only at 7-Eleven.
When I saw the bizarre, trippy commercial for Mountain Dew Kickstart Hydrating Boost energy drinks during the Super Bowl, I got pretty excited. An energy drink with some kind of hallucinogen in it? WOOHOO! Well, at least that’s what the commercial led me to believe, but I was intent on finding out for myself.
The description on the bottles are kind of interesting. Flavored sparkling juice beverage blend from concentrate with other natural flavors. I was under the impression it was a normal energy drink, but right away I noticed they weren’t as acidic and sugary as others on the market.
It has coconut water, contains 10 percent juice, and with the can being only 12 ounces and 60 calories per can, it’s definitely healthier than a lot of other energy drinks.
It comes in two flavors, Energizing Strawberry Kiwi and Energizing Pineapple Orange Mango. Did they really need to use the word “energizing?” I mean, it’s called Kickstart, and it’s sold amongst other energy drinks. And they use the same term on both flavors. They should use different ones, like, I don’t know, “Pump You Up Strawberry Kiwi.” Just my thoughts.
Pineapple Orange Mango beats out Strawberry Kiwi big time in the taste department. It has three fruit flavors, and though you might think something would get lost in the mix, all three flavors actually come through, with pineapple and orange being the most prominent. It drinks like a mix between a soda and a sparkling juice, and isn’t as carbonated as much as normal energy drinks are. It was very pleasant to drink.
The cans say, “with just the right amount of KICK” because they have 68 milligrams of caffeine.
But they don’t say anything about containing acid or some other drug that will make my cat dance or my statues come to life and have deep philosophical conversations with me, but I saw the commercial. I know what’s going on here.
The Strawberry Kiwi was kind of weak. I really just tasted strawberry, and since the flavor wasn’t nearly as potent as the Pineapple Orange Mango, the carbonation is more noticeable and it just doesn’t work as well as its companion flavor.
Both contain coconut water, but it must not be much. I couldn’t taste a hint of the distinctive flavor in either. But I’m not really complaining, as coconut water doesn’t have the greatest taste.
I drank half of each so I could see what was up with the energy boost I was supposed to receive, but honestly I didn’t really get too much of the kick I was promised. Now you may drink this and get a decent kick, but it didn’t do much for me.
But despite the lack of boost, I did find the hydrating part to be true. I would normally stay away from an energy drink if I needed a thirst quencher, but these drinks were darn refreshing.
As for the hallucinating… well, it never came. That commercial was so misleading. Promising me free drugs in a can that would make me dance and hallucinate, on top of giving me an energy boost. And what do I get? Nothing. Well, I did get a tasty Pineapple Orange Mango drink that I would have again. And I gained the knowledge that Strawberry Kiwi isn’t worth my time.
But most importantly, I realized that you shouldn’t seek out hard drugs inside cans of Mountain Dew energy drinks. You should just call your shady friend Peanut and see if he’s currently in or out of jail and whether or not he can hook you up.
(Nutrition Facts – 12 ounces – 60 calories, 0 grams of fat, 130 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 14 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 68 milligrams of caffeine, 0 grams total fat, 130 mg of sodium, 15 grams total carbohydrate, 14 grams sugars, 0 grams protein, 68 milligrams of caffeine, 75% vitamin c, 60% niacin, 60% vitamin b6, 45% pantothenic acid, 10% phosphorous. Strawberry Kiwi – )
Item: Mountain Dew Kickstart Hydrating Boost Purchased Price: 2/$3.79 Size: 12 oz. can Purchased at: Gulf Gas Station Rating: 7 out of 10 (Pineapple Orange Mango) Rating: 4 out of 10 (Strawberry Kiwi) Pros: Pineapple Orange Mango was quite tasty. Less sugary and acidic than typical energy drinks. Only 60 calories per can. Having a shady friend named Peanut. Cons: Strawberry Kiwi was pretty weak. Drinks did not offer much of a kick. Misleading commercials. Having a shady friend named Peanut.
Let me start off this Rockstar Energy Horchata review by stating I’ve never had horchata before. And while I’m in the state of admitting things that make me sound boring, I’ve never watched a minute of the movie Titanic (the 1953 and 1997 versions), I haven’t traveled beyond the borders of North America, and I’ve never danced with a monkey under the moonlight to the sounds of endangered birds.
Horchata, according to the editors at Wikipedia, is a beverage that can be made from almonds, sesame seeds, rice, barley, or tigernuts, which I learned from Wikipedia are not tiger testicles. As I went deeper down into the Wikipedia hole I started by looking up horchata, I learned a dried tiger penis can sell for $2500 and is used as an aphrodisiac. Then I learned deer penis is also used as an aphrodisiac. Wait. What was this review about again? Tigernuts! No wait. Rockstar Energy Horchata.
Rockstar Energy Horchata, according to the can, is made using, “Fresh dairy, rice flour, and natural cinnamon flavors.” Although cinnamon isn’t listed in the ingredients, instead listed as “Natural Flavors,” its flavor stands out from the very first sip. It pretty much tastes like cinnamon milk.
The dairy, which is whole milk, and the rice flour give the beverage its milky white color and some thickness. The non-carbonated Rockstar Energy Horchata looks so pure and innocent, but don’t let that fool you. This is one caffeinated beast that’ll make your heart thump like the bass drum at a metal concert. Rockstar’s Energy Blend that consists of, say it with me, guarana, ginseng, taurine, inositol, L-carnitine, and caffeine provides each can with 225 milligrams of sweet, heart-thumping caffeine.
For the most part it doesn’t taste like an energy drink. It’s creamy, smooth, and the cinnamon and dairy do a great job at masking Rockstar’s Energy Blend and the artificial sweeteners. However, the finish does take a slight dive towards bitterness, but as a regular energy drink drinker, I didn’t mind that.
There is another minor issue with the beverage. When I let an open can sit in the fridge for a few hours, some of the ingredients congealed into tiny bits. They didn’t affect the flavor and there were very few of them, but obviously the beverage wasn’t so smooth anymore.
I’ve had four Rockstar Energy Horchatas within the past week, so I guess that means I really like it, or there’s crack in it. Since I’m not having withdrawals, I’m going to say I really like it. So if you love the C words – caffeine and cinnamon – I’d suggest you try this energy drink.
(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 100 calories, 20 calories from fat, 2 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 130 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 15 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 6% calcium, 100% vitamin B6, 100% niacin, and 100% pantothenic acid.)
Item: Rockstar Energy Horchata Purchased Price: $2.79 Size: 15 oz. can Purchased at: 7-Eleven Rating: 8 out of 10 Pros: Tastes like cinnamon milk. Wonderful flavor. 225 milligrams of sweet, heart-thumping caffeine. Creamy and smooth, at first. Cons: If left open in the fridge, some of the ingredients will congeal into tiny bits. Slight bitterness with the finish. Comes in what looks like a 16-ounce can, but has only 15 ounces of liquid. Going down Wikipedia holes.