Egg nog, or as I like to call it, The Nectar of Fall, is one of the top three things I look forward to during every holiday season.

What are the other two?

Opening presents on Christmas Day? Nope.

Spending time with family and friends? No.

Watching videos on YouTube of Black Friday bargain hunters throwing courtesy and decency out the window as they trample each other to buy cheap crap? Close, but no.

The two other things I look forward to are bragging to people about how I got my Christmas shopping done in November and sitting on the lap of a mall Santa and whispering into his ear, “I’m being naughty right now.”

Jamba Juice has taken The Nectar of Fall and turned it into a smoothie called Eggnog Jubilee. It’s made with a frozen egg nog base, frozen yogurt, and soy milk.

Eggnog Jubilee also comes in a light version with 1/3 less calories, carbs, and sugar. But as all real egg nog lovers know, light ain’t right…and rum makes it fun. Of course, like most commercially produced egg nog, there isn’t any alcohol in Jamba’s Eggnog Jubilee.

Boooo!

The egg nog-ed smoothie is one of two limited time only holiday smoothies Jamba Juice is offering. It joins Pumpkin Smash, which I tried last year and (SPOILER ALERT) I thought was very, very good.

So what about Pumpkin Smash’s creamy companion?

Eggnog Jubilee is very good, but I’m not sure I can consider its flavor to be egg nog. If I were to ask random people on a crowded sidewalk with a crazed look on my face to sample the Eggnog Jubilee and tell me what it tastes like, almost all of them would decline my offer. But I believe many of those who would be foolish enough to do so would say it tastes like a chai smoothie.

It has the right spices, but it doesn’t taste like Jamba Juice put in the right amounts. At best, I might consider it to be light egg nog-ish, but I really don’t immediately think egg nog while sucking it through a straw. Eggnog Jubilee’s flavor could also be mistaken for a generic holiday spice flavor. My guess is that the use of soy milk could be one of the reasons why its flavor ended up the way it did.

Despite its eggnoglessness, Jamba Juice’s Eggnog Jubilee is a creamy, delicious smoothie that I don’t mind sucking on, even though its flavor isn’t exactly like egg nog and the nearly 100 grams of sugar it contains won’t help me maintain my girlish figure so that I’m light enough to sit on Santa’s lap and whisper into his ear how naughty I’ve been.

(Nutrition Facts – Original – 550 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 380 milligrams of sodium, 109 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 96 grams of sugar, 15 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A, 35% calcium, 4% vitamin C, and 8% iron.)

Item: Jamba Juice Eggnog Jubilee Smoothie
Purchased Price: $5.39
Size: Original
Purchased at: Jamba Juice
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Very good. Creamy. Jamba Juice’s Pumpkin Smash. Finishing Christmas shopping early. Messing with mall Santas. Egg nog.
Cons: It’s light egg nog-ish. Tastes more like chai than egg nog. Available for a limited time. People not being civil on Black Friday.

I’m afraid to step on a scale or look at myself naked in the mirror after being a food whore for the past few weeks. During that time there have been holiday dinners, quarts of egg nog, dozens of cookies, pieces of cakes, slices of pies, and people giving me candy as if I’m a bank teller but the only currency I accept are chocolate Santas and Hershey’s Kisses.

After all that I probably need to lose weight and convince my friends and family to give $5 gift cards instead of enough candy to make my kitchen counter look like I’m preparing for Halloween. Well, Jamba Juice recently introduced their new line of Fit ‘n Fruitful Smoothies to help people lose weight.

The Fit ‘n Fruitful Smoothies are being promoted as a meal substitute and come in three flavors: Berry Blend, Strawberry Raspberry Banana, and Peach Mango. Each smoothie has 14 essential vitamins and minerals, are a great source of protein and fiber, contains two or more servings of fruit, and are made with a Weight Burner Boost.

According to the Jamba Juice website, the Weight Burner Boost is made with conjugated linoleic acid, or “CLA,” which is derived from safflower oil. CLA is a naturally occurring fatty acid that…ARRRGGGGHHH! TOO MUCH BORING SCIENCE TALK!

An Original size Berry Blend has 390 calories, 5 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 95 milligrams of sodium, 74 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of fiber, 54 grams of sugar, 13 grams of protein. A Peach Mango in an Original size cup has 400 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 90 milligrams of sodium, 79 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of fiber, 61 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein. Finally, an Original size Strawberry Raspberry Banana has 390 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 85 milligrams of sodium, 75 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of fiber, 59 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein.

I’m a little skeptical the limited time only Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer smoothie has the ability to cheer me up. After all, I have yet to bust a cold with Jamba’s Coldbuster, achieve nirvana by drinking their Strawberry Nirvana, or get horny while sucking down a Caribbean Passion smoothie, even when I’m also sucking on a Peach Pleasure at the same time.

By the way, sucking on two Jamba Juice smoothies at the same time is called a méjamba trois.

If there ever was a time to test the Apple Cinnamon Cheer’s ability to turn my frown upside down, it would be now, because it’s raining outside, I just found out my favorite T-shirt has a hole in it, NBC’s Community isn’t on the network’s midseason schedule, and I just found out Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are divorcing, which means, if they can’t make it, it doesn’t give me hope for me and Cloris Leachman.

While I have my doubts that Jamba Juice could blend a smoothie that brings me cheer, there’s also a part of me that thinks it might be possible because if there are two things that can bring a smile to my face it’s the combination of apples and cinnamon. If warm apple pie à la mode doesn’t bring a smile to your face, you either have no heart, are allergic to cinnamon, or you’re Snow White and you’ve never gotten over your fear apples.

The Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer smoothie contains apple-strawberry juice, soy milk, cinnamon, an apple cinnamon base, frozen yogurt, bananas, peaches, and ice. It’s not surprising to see Jamba Juice use cinnamon in their latest smoothie since cinnamon is a common flavor during the fall season. It’s just as common during these fall months as two other ingredients found in the smoothie — tropical bananas and summer peaches.

The smoothie looks like applesauce, or if you hang out in the aisles filled with Gerber bottles, it may also look like baby food. However, I assure you it tastes better than applesauce and much better than baby food. Jamba Juice’s Apple Cinnamon Cheer tastes as if someone left an apple pie on a windowsill for too long on a frigid day, a passerby steals the pie, gets rid of the crust, dumps the innards of the pie into a blender, blends it, then dumps the contents into a cup, and sucks it through straw. Or if you prefer the shorter version, it tastes like the filling of an apple pie, which is the best part of the dessert.

The Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer smoothie is really good and I have to say that its cinnamon flavor did cheer me up. But, that happiness quickly went away after I sucked out the last of the smoothie. So like any pharmaceutical upper, I guess I have to keep sucking on an Apple Cinnamon Cheer to maintain some level of cheeriness. But, I don’t mind because I could see myself getting brain freezes regularly from it, whether I drink it by itself or joining Caribbean Passion, Peach Pleasure, and me for a méjamba quatre.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 Power Size/30 ounces – 630 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 145 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of fiber, 122 grams of sugar, 9 grams of protein, 8% vitamin A, 15% calcium, 50% vitamin C, and 15% iron.)

Item: Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer
Price: $5.95
Size: Power (30 ounces)
Purchased at: Jamba Juice
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like apple pie filling. Brought me cheer while drinking it. Looks like applesauce. Nice cinnamon flavor. Méjamba trois brain freezes. NBC’s Community. Apple pie à la mode.
Cons: A cold smoothie might not be appropriate for some to have during the fall/winter months. Cheer went away after drinking it. Looks like baby food. Limited time only. Have yet to bust a cold with a Coldbuster smoothie.

Update: Click here to read our Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer review

Beginning November 15, Jamba Juice will be offering a new holiday smoothie for a limited time — Apple Cinnamon Cheer.

If there’s one flavor Jamba Juice seems to really like it’s apple cinnamon. Other apple cinnamon products on Jamba’s menu include Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal, Apple Cinnamon Pretzel, and Awesome Apple Cinnamon Whirl’ns frozen yogurt.

According to the Jamba Juice press release:

The new Apple Cinnamon Cheer smoothie continues Jamba’s tradition of bringing you healthy holiday cheer in a cup. This limited time creamy treat is delicious and provides a healthy alternative to the common indulgences this time of year with two servings of fruit (in an original size), a good source of vitamin C, 0g trans fat and no artificial preservatives.

I’m pretty sure the amount of holiday cheer the Apple Cinnamon Cheer smoothie brings doesn’t come close to the cheer a 50″ HDTV or a new puppy with a big red bow around its neck brings. I’ve never seen anyone smile while hugging a smoothie, but I have seen people smile while hugging a flat-screen TV.

Coconut water has been praised by people who are much skinnier than me and do something called exercise for being a fat free beverage that contains electrolytes, potassium, and antioxidants. Some of those people call coconut water Mother Nature’s Gatorade, but others call it the most pain in the ass beverage to extract.

Thankfully, coconut water has recently become a trendy beverage and a number of companies have been doing the coconut water extracting for us and putting it into easy to drink containers. Coconut water has become so happenin’ that Jamba Juice is jumping on the coconut water bandwagon with their Fruit Refreshers with Coconut Water.

The Fruit Refreshers line comes in three flavors:

Purely Pineapple – a blend of pineapple juice, pineapple sherbet, coconut water, peaches, and ice.

Strawberry Lemonade – a combination of strawberries, lemonade, coconut water, lime sherbet, sorbet, and ice.

Tropical Mango – a blend of mangos, passion-mango juice, coconut water, pineapple sherbet, orange sherbet, and ice.

A 16-ounce serving of each flavor has 230 calories or less, contains as much potassium as a banana, are made with whole fruit, and are an excellent source of vitamin C. The new Fruit Refreshers with Coconut Water will be available beginning Tuesday, May 24. Hey! That’s tomorrow!

Also, for a limited time, Jamba Juice is providing a coupon for you to try a Sixteen size Fruit Refresher for just two smackers at participating locations. You can print a coupon from www.jambajuice.com or http://www.facebook.com/jambajuice.

Let me show you the ingredients list for the new Strawberry Banana Nestle Jamba All-Natural Energy Drink:

Apple juice and lemon juice (water, juice concentrates), water, apple puree, strawberry puree, banana puree, natural flavor, caffeine, extract of stevia, carbonation added.

Now let me show you the ingredients list for the Orange Rockstar Recovery Energy Drink:

Purified water, orange juice concentrate, taurine, citric acid, natural flavors, sodium citrate, sucrose, caffeine, benzoic acid, sorbic acid, gum arabic, acesulfame potassium, sucralose, calcium pantothemate, niacinamide, panax ginseng root extract, milk thistle extract, magnesium lactate, ester gum, calcium lactate, prickly pear extract, pyridoxine hydrochloride, monopotassium phosphate, apocarotenal, and cyanocobalamin.

As you can see, there are major differences between the two lists. One is a short list of ingredients I’ve heard of and can pronounce, while the other list is a bit longer because it’s made up of a few ingredients I have to learn about through Wikipedia or by seducing a college chemistry lab teaching assistant during her office hours, using lines like, “How about we do some chemical compounding here on your desk?”

But do these differences prove what Jamba has printed on their All-Natural Energy Drink cans, “For us, it is simple — real food & beverages taste better. That makes people happy & they come back for more.”

With their smoothies, it’s very true, because it’s extremely rare for me to have a month without a Jamba Juice smoothie-induced brain freeze. But with their line of All-Natural Energy Drinks, I don’t see myself coming back for more, unless I REALLY feel the need for a Jamba smoothie chaser.

The Nestle Jamba All-Natural Energy Drinks are available in three fruity flavors: Blueberry Pomegranate, Crisp Apple, and Strawberry Banana. They contain no artificial preservatives, flavors, or colors, and no high fructose corn syrup. And, they contain 70 percent real fruit juice and each can has 90 calories.

Now, all that sounds nice, but when you’re talking about an energy drink, energy junkies care about one thing — caffeine. And I’m happy to say each 8.4-ounce can of Jamba All-Natural Energy Drink contains 80 milligrams of the good stuff, which is the same amount found in a can of Red Bull, or an eight-ounce serving of the Orange Rockstar Recovery Energy Drink I referred to at the beginning of this review.

Although a can of the Jamba All-Natural Energy Drink has 80 milligrams of caffeine, I didn’t feel very caffeinated after drinking one and didn’t seem to get the same energy boost I would from drinking an eight-ounce serving of my energy drinks of choice — any variety of Monster or Rockstar. I believe the reason for this is because of those few ingredients I mentioned earlier that I have to learn about through Wikipedia or by seducing a college chemistry lab teaching assistant during her office hours, using lines like, “How about we swap oxygen and carbon dioxide…with our mouths?”

However, if you’re not a caffeine junkie, I’m sure these will do fine if you’re looking for an all-natural way to get an energy boost.

Besides not giving me a boost like other energy drinks; these Jamba Energy Drinks also don’t taste like other energy drinks, which tend to be a combination of sweet compensating for the bitter. They taste like what one would expect an energy drink with the Jamba Juice logo on it would taste like.

Basically, they’re lightly carbonated, caffeinated juices. The Crisp Apple flavor, which was my favorite of the three, tastes like lightly carbonated, caffeinated apple juice. The Blueberry Pomegranate flavor tastes like lightly carbonated, caffeinated, and slightly tart pomegranate juice with a blueberry finish and a hint of apple. And, the Strawberry Banana flavor tastes like lightly carbonated, caffeinated strawberry juice with a bit of banana and a bit of apple.

Yup, just like at many malls across America, apple is found in all three Jamba Energy Drink flavors.

Overall, the Nestle Jamba All-Natural Energy Drinks are good and made with ingredients I can pronounce, but a can of it doesn’t satisfy my energy needs, so I don’t see myself purchasing any more. Also, because the Jamba Energy Drinks are lightly carbonated and made with fruit juices and purees, they’re extremely easy to drink, which can cause a can of it to be consumed quicker than expected.

They’re so smooth that I don’t think they’d make good energy drink training bras if you’re looking to get into stronger energy drinks, like Red Bull, Monster, and Rockstar.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 can – Pomegranate Blueberry – 90 calories, 0 grams of fat, 15 milligrams of sodium, 140 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 20 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein. Crisp Apple – 90 calories, 0 grams of fat, 15 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 20 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein. Strawberry Banana – 90 calories, 0 grams of fat, 15 milligrams of sodium, 190 milligrams of potassium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 20 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Nestle Jamba All Natural Energy Drink (Blueberry Pomegranate, Crisp Apple & Strawberry Banana)
Price: $2.95 each
Size: 8.4 ounces
Purchased at: Jamba Juice
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Blueberry Pomegranate)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Crisp Apple)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Strawberry Banana)
Pros: Easy to drink. Taste like fruit juices. Made using ingredients I can pronounce. 90 calories per can. 80 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine. No high fructose corn syrup. My ability to seduce college chemistry lab teaching assistants.
Cons: Too easy to drink. Energy boost might not be noticable for caffeineheads. Small cans. Can’s design looks like it’s meant for kids. Doesn’t make a good energy drink training bra. Brain freezes.