Oooh, looks like someone in Jamba Juice’s marketing department is a wordsmith. Only a skilled user of words could come up with the name of Jamba Juice’s MediterraneYUM California Flatbread. I wonder if he or she is an admirer of alliteration, like I am, or gets sexually aroused when reading a Dr. Seuss [...]
Continue reading...17 June 2009
If you’re a botanist, or studying to become one, I would like to ask a simple favor from you. How about some muthafuckin’ seedless blackberries so that I can actually enjoy the Jamba Juice Blackberry Bliss without having to endure the scratchy feel of blackberry seeds going down my throat? If farmers can breed [...]
Continue reading...28 May 2009
Over the past few days, I’ve been complaining about the warm weather on TIB’s Twitter account. Some of you are probably saying, “You live in frickin’ Hawaii! Suck it up, you little bitch!” But I am a hairy mofo, so I don’t cool down as well as those who are less hairy than [...]
Continue reading...30 September 2008
White or clear gummi bears are a rare species, despite being around as long as other species of gummi bears. It seems like every time I find myself among a sloth of gummi bears, there are hardly any white gummi bears around. Perhaps they are endangered or because of their semi-clear bodies they blend into [...]
Continue reading...15 September 2008
The Mango Orange Peach Jamba Juicie seems like it is supposed to give buyers the opportunity to experience Jamba Juice whenever they want, but I feel that fruity experience goes beyond what’s sucked through a straw. It’s not Jamba Juice without having people judge you for the free boost you choose. It’s not [...]
Continue reading...16 May 2008
OMG! Like energy drinks are soooo like 2007. Now it’s like totally about energy-everything-else because energy drink are like so everywhere. They’re in like grocery stores, convenience stores, online stores, membership warehouse stores, restaurant stores, super stores, and like bar stores. Like I would not be caught dead drinking a canned energy [...]
Continue reading...14 February 2007
Just like closing your eyes to get beyond the extremely crooked teeth, unevenly drawn in eyebrows, and mysterious boils on the skin of the troll you’re getting it on with, closing your eyes while sucking on the new Jamba Juice Tahiti Green Tea smoothie will help you experience it beyond its color, which as you [...]
Continue reading...14 November 2005
I hate to admit this, but I have a terrible fear of Starbucks. I don’t know if it’s because of my fear of standing in long lines of grouchy people who could explode at any moment unless they get their caffeine fix or because of the urban legend that says, “For every thirteen Starbucks [...]
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6 October 2009
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