The Impulsive Buy » Jamba Juice

NEWS: If You Got Your Glutton On This Holiday Season, Jamba’s New Fit ‘n Fruitful Smoothies May Help You

Marvo — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 21:00:00 +0000

I’m afraid to step on a scale or look at myself naked in the mirror after being a food whore for the past few weeks. During that time there have been holiday dinners, quarts of egg nog, dozens of cookies, pieces of cakes, slices of pies, and people giving me candy as if I’m a bank teller but the only currency I accept are chocolate Santas and Hershey’s Kisses.

After all that I probably need to lose weight and convince my friends and family to give $5 gift cards instead of enough candy to make my kitchen counter look like I’m preparing for Halloween. Well, Jamba Juice recently introduced their new line of Fit ‘n Fruitful Smoothies to help people lose weight.

The Fit ‘n Fruitful Smoothies are being promoted as a meal substitute and come in three flavors: Berry Blend, Strawberry Raspberry Banana, and Peach Mango. Each smoothie has 14 essential vitamins and minerals, are a great source of protein and fiber, contains two or more servings of fruit, and are made with a Weight Burner Boost.

According to the Jamba Juice website, the Weight Burner Boost is made with conjugated linoleic acid, or “CLA,” which is derived from safflower oil. CLA is a naturally occurring fatty acid that…ARRRGGGGHHH! TOO MUCH BORING SCIENCE TALK!

An Original size Berry Blend has 390 calories, 5 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 95 milligrams of sodium, 74 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of fiber, 54 grams of sugar, 13 grams of protein. A Peach Mango in an Original size cup has 400 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 90 milligrams of sodium, 79 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of fiber, 61 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein. Finally, an Original size Strawberry Raspberry Banana has 390 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 85 milligrams of sodium, 75 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of fiber, 59 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein.

Image via flickr user Zach Dischner / CC BY 2.0

REVIEW: Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer

Marvo — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 11:59:41 +0000

I’m a little skeptical the limited time only Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer smoothie has the ability to cheer me up. After all, I have yet to bust a cold with Jamba’s Coldbuster, achieve nirvana by drinking their Strawberry Nirvana, or get horny while sucking down a Caribbean Passion smoothie, even when I’m also sucking on a Peach Pleasure at the same time.

By the way, sucking on two Jamba Juice smoothies at the same time is called a méjamba trois.

If there ever was a time to test the Apple Cinnamon Cheer’s ability to turn my frown upside down, it would be now, because it’s raining outside, I just found out my favorite T-shirt has a hole in it, NBC’s Community isn’t on the network’s midseason schedule, and I just found out Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are divorcing, which means, if they can’t make it, it doesn’t give me hope for me and Cloris Leachman.

While I have my doubts that Jamba Juice could blend a smoothie that brings me cheer, there’s also a part of me that thinks it might be possible because if there are two things that can bring a smile to my face it’s the combination of apples and cinnamon. If warm apple pie à la mode doesn’t bring a smile to your face, you either have no heart, are allergic to cinnamon, or you’re Snow White and you’ve never gotten over your fear apples.

The Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer smoothie contains apple-strawberry juice, soy milk, cinnamon, an apple cinnamon base, frozen yogurt, bananas, peaches, and ice. It’s not surprising to see Jamba Juice use cinnamon in their latest smoothie since cinnamon is a common flavor during the fall season. It’s just as common during these fall months as two other ingredients found in the smoothie — tropical bananas and summer peaches.

The smoothie looks like applesauce, or if you hang out in the aisles filled with Gerber bottles, it may also look like baby food. However, I assure you it tastes better than applesauce and much better than baby food. Jamba Juice’s Apple Cinnamon Cheer tastes as if someone left an apple pie on a windowsill for too long on a frigid day, a passerby steals the pie, gets rid of the crust, dumps the innards of the pie into a blender, blends it, then dumps the contents into a cup, and sucks it through straw. Or if you prefer the shorter version, it tastes like the filling of an apple pie, which is the best part of the dessert.

The Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer smoothie is really good and I have to say that its cinnamon flavor did cheer me up. But, that happiness quickly went away after I sucked out the last of the smoothie. So like any pharmaceutical upper, I guess I have to keep sucking on an Apple Cinnamon Cheer to maintain some level of cheeriness. But, I don’t mind because I could see myself getting brain freezes regularly from it, whether I drink it by itself or joining Caribbean Passion, Peach Pleasure, and me for a méjamba quatre.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 Power Size/30 ounces – 630 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 145 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of fiber, 122 grams of sugar, 9 grams of protein, 8% vitamin A, 15% calcium, 50% vitamin C, and 15% iron.)

Item: Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer
Price: $5.95
Size: Power (30 ounces)
Purchased at: Jamba Juice
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like apple pie filling. Brought me cheer while drinking it. Looks like applesauce. Nice cinnamon flavor. Méjamba trois brain freezes. NBC’s Community. Apple pie à la mode.
Cons: A cold smoothie might not be appropriate for some to have during the fall/winter months. Cheer went away after drinking it. Looks like baby food. Limited time only. Have yet to bust a cold with a Coldbuster smoothie.

NEWS: Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer May Give You Holiday Joy, But Not Like A New iPad Can

Marvo — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 22:16:59 +0000

Update: Click here to read our Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer review

Beginning November 15, Jamba Juice will be offering a new holiday smoothie for a limited time — Apple Cinnamon Cheer.

If there’s one flavor Jamba Juice seems to really like it’s apple cinnamon. Other apple cinnamon products on Jamba’s menu include Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal, Apple Cinnamon Pretzel, and Awesome Apple Cinnamon Whirl’ns frozen yogurt.

According to the Jamba Juice press release:

The new Apple Cinnamon Cheer smoothie continues Jamba’s tradition of bringing you healthy holiday cheer in a cup. This limited time creamy treat is delicious and provides a healthy alternative to the common indulgences this time of year with two servings of fruit (in an original size), a good source of vitamin C, 0g trans fat and no artificial preservatives.

I’m pretty sure the amount of holiday cheer the Apple Cinnamon Cheer smoothie brings doesn’t come close to the cheer a 50″ HDTV or a new puppy with a big red bow around its neck brings. I’ve never seen anyone smile while hugging a smoothie, but I have seen people smile while hugging a flat-screen TV.

Image via flickr user cameronparkins / CC BY 2.0

NEWS: Jamba Juice’s New Line of Fruit Refreshers Includes Mother Nature’s Gatorade

Marvo — Mon, 23 May 2011 22:00:00 +0000

Coconut water has been praised by people who are much skinnier than me and do something called exercise for being a fat free beverage that contains electrolytes, potassium, and antioxidants. Some of those people call coconut water Mother Nature’s Gatorade, but others call it the most pain in the ass beverage to extract.

Thankfully, coconut water has recently become a trendy beverage and a number of companies have been doing the coconut water extracting for us and putting it into easy to drink containers. Coconut water has become so happenin’ that Jamba Juice is jumping on the coconut water bandwagon with their Fruit Refreshers with Coconut Water.

The Fruit Refreshers line comes in three flavors:

Purely Pineapple – a blend of pineapple juice, pineapple sherbet, coconut water, peaches, and ice.

Strawberry Lemonade – a combination of strawberries, lemonade, coconut water, lime sherbet, sorbet, and ice.

Tropical Mango – a blend of mangos, passion-mango juice, coconut water, pineapple sherbet, orange sherbet, and ice.

A 16-ounce serving of each flavor has 230 calories or less, contains as much potassium as a banana, are made with whole fruit, and are an excellent source of vitamin C. The new Fruit Refreshers with Coconut Water will be available beginning Tuesday, May 24. Hey! That’s tomorrow!

Also, for a limited time, Jamba Juice is providing a coupon for you to try a Sixteen size Fruit Refresher for just two smackers at participating locations. You can print a coupon from www.jambajuice.com or http://www.facebook.com/jambajuice.

Image via flickr user zoonabar / CC BY 2.0

REVIEW: Nestlé Jamba All Natural Energy Drink (Blueberry Pomegranate, Crisp Apple & Strawberry Banana)

Marvo — Tue, 10 May 2011 10:42:29 +0000

Let me show you the ingredients list for the new Strawberry Banana Nestlé Jamba All-Natural Energy Drink:

Apple juice and lemon juice (water, juice concentrates), water, apple puree, strawberry puree, banana puree, natural flavor, caffeine, extract of stevia, carbonation added.

Now let me show you the ingredients list for the Orange Rockstar Recovery Energy Drink:

Purified water, orange juice concentrate, taurine, citric acid, natural flavors, sodium citrate, sucrose, caffeine, benzoic acid, sorbic acid, gum arabic, acesulfame potassium, sucralose, calcium pantothemate, niacinamide, panax ginseng root extract, milk thistle extract, magnesium lactate, ester gum, calcium lactate, prickly pear extract, pyridoxine hydrochloride, monopotassium phosphate, apocarotenal, and cyanocobalamin.

As you can see, there are major differences between the two lists. One is a short list of ingredients I’ve heard of and can pronounce, while the other list is a bit longer because it’s made up of a few ingredients I have to learn about through Wikipedia or by seducing a college chemistry lab teaching assistant during her office hours, using lines like, “How about we do some chemical compounding here on your desk?”

But do these differences prove what Jamba has printed on their All-Natural Energy Drink cans, “For us, it is simple — real food & beverages taste better. That makes people happy & they come back for more.”

With their smoothies, it’s very true, because it’s extremely rare for me to have a month without a Jamba Juice smoothie-induced brain freeze. But with their line of All-Natural Energy Drinks, I don’t see myself coming back for more, unless I REALLY feel the need for a Jamba smoothie chaser.

The Nestlé Jamba All-Natural Energy Drinks are available in three fruity flavors: Blueberry Pomegranate, Crisp Apple, and Strawberry Banana. They contain no artificial preservatives, flavors, or colors, and no high fructose corn syrup. And, they contain 70 percent real fruit juice and each can has 90 calories.

Now, all that sounds nice, but when you’re talking about an energy drink, energy junkies care about one thing — caffeine. And I’m happy to say each 8.4-ounce can of Jamba All-Natural Energy Drink contains 80 milligrams of the good stuff, which is the same amount found in a can of Red Bull, or an eight-ounce serving of the Orange Rockstar Recovery Energy Drink I referred to at the beginning of this review.

Although a can of the Jamba All-Natural Energy Drink has 80 milligrams of caffeine, I didn’t feel very caffeinated after drinking one and didn’t seem to get the same energy boost I would from drinking an eight-ounce serving of my energy drinks of choice — any variety of Monster or Rockstar. I believe the reason for this is because of those few ingredients I mentioned earlier that I have to learn about through Wikipedia or by seducing a college chemistry lab teaching assistant during her office hours, using lines like, “How about we swap oxygen and carbon dioxide…with our mouths?”

However, if you’re not a caffeine junkie, I’m sure these will do fine if you’re looking for an all-natural way to get an energy boost.

Besides not giving me a boost like other energy drinks; these Jamba Energy Drinks also don’t taste like other energy drinks, which tend to be a combination of sweet compensating for the bitter. They taste like what one would expect an energy drink with the Jamba Juice logo on it would taste like.

Basically, they’re lightly carbonated, caffeinated juices. The Crisp Apple flavor, which was my favorite of the three, tastes like lightly carbonated, caffeinated apple juice. The Blueberry Pomegranate flavor tastes like lightly carbonated, caffeinated, and slightly tart pomegranate juice with a blueberry finish and a hint of apple. And, the Strawberry Banana flavor tastes like lightly carbonated, caffeinated strawberry juice with a bit of banana and a bit of apple.

Yup, just like at many malls across America, apple is found in all three Jamba Energy Drink flavors.

Overall, the Nestlé Jamba All-Natural Energy Drinks are good and made with ingredients I can pronounce, but a can of it doesn’t satisfy my energy needs, so I don’t see myself purchasing any more. Also, because the Jamba Energy Drinks are lightly carbonated and made with fruit juices and purees, they’re extremely easy to drink, which can cause a can of it to be consumed quicker than expected.

They’re so smooth that I don’t think they’d make good energy drink training bras if you’re looking to get into stronger energy drinks, like Red Bull, Monster, and Rockstar.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 can – Pomegranate Blueberry – 90 calories, 0 grams of fat, 15 milligrams of sodium, 140 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 20 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein. Crisp Apple – 90 calories, 0 grams of fat, 15 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 20 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein. Strawberry Banana – 90 calories, 0 grams of fat, 15 milligrams of sodium, 190 milligrams of potassium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 20 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Nestlé Jamba All Natural Energy Drink (Blueberry Pomegranate, Crisp Apple & Strawberry Banana)
Price: $2.95 each
Size: 8.4 ounces
Purchased at: Jamba Juice
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Blueberry Pomegranate)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Crisp Apple)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Strawberry Banana)
Pros: Easy to drink. Taste like fruit juices. Made using ingredients I can pronounce. 90 calories per can. 80 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine. No high fructose corn syrup. My ability to seduce college chemistry lab teaching assistants.
Cons: Too easy to drink. Energy boost might not be noticable for caffeineheads. Small cans. Can’s design looks like it’s meant for kids. Doesn’t make a good energy drink training bra. Brain freezes.

REVIEW: Jamba Juice Fruit & Veggie Smoothies (Orange Carrot Karma, Apple ‘n Greens and Berry UpBEET)

Marvo — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 12:07:16 +0000

Fruits are sexy. Vegetables are not.

Think about it. Large breasts on a woman’s chest are also called melons, not cabbages; sex education teachers don’t use carrots or cucumbers to show students how to put on condoms, they usually use bananas; Adam and Eve used fig leaves to cover their naughty bits; and a peach looks like a round, sexy ass in tight red and yellow Spandex.

Since vegetable aren’t sexy, I became concerned when I heard about Jamba Juice combining them with fruits to create their new line of Fruit & Veggie Smoothies. I thought it would make the fruits in them less sexy. Sure, combining the two could be like the pretty girl who surrounds herself with less attractive friends to make her look prettier, but if you think about it, those less attractive friends could also bring her down.

Jamba Juice’s Fruit & Veggie Smoothies come in three flavors. Berry UpBEET combines strawberries and blueberries with the juices from carrots, beets, broccoli and lettuce. Apple ‘n Green brings together apple-strawberry juice with the juice from dark leafy green vegetables, carrots, and lettuce. It also includes spirulina, peaches, mangos and bananas. Finally, Orange Carrot Karma blends carrot juice, orange juice, mangos, bananas and ice.

The Orange Carrot Karma is my least favorite of the three because it doesn’t do a good job of hiding the carrot flavor. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy carrots and beta-carotene as much as the next rabbit, but I wish it wasn’t the most noticeable flavor. The citrus and banana are there, but they’re both too light to make the smoothie taste less carrot-y. Perhaps it’s called Orange Carrot Karma because it’s getting back at me for not eating more vegetables.

If you’ve had Odwalla’s Original Superfood Smoothie, the green one that looks like algae, you’ll be familiar with how Jamba’s Apple ‘n Greens smoothie tastes. The similarity isn’t surprising, since the types of fruits both contain are identical, and both also have the nutrient-rich spirulina. However, Jamba’s Apple ‘n Greens smoothie is lighter in color, which makes it look more like zombie blood. I personally think it tastes better than it looks. The Apple ‘n Green smoothie has an unusual fruity flavor at the beginning, mostly the apple-strawberry juice and banana, and then a sweet leafy vegetable flavor at the back end. The aftertaste might be a little weird for some, but just like the Odwalla Original Superfood Smoothie, I really enjoyed the Apple ‘n Greens smoothie.

Berry UpBEET is the least veggie tasting of the three. However, it doesn’t taste like any of the two berries added to it, blueberry and strawberry. Strangely, the combination of ingredients make it taste like pomegranate. It’s a little tart and there’s not a hint of vegetables, although I don’t think beets have a very strong flavor. It’s my favorite of the three Fruit & Veggie Smoothies, but not by much over the Apple ‘n Greens.

If your doctor says you need to eat more veggies, then these Jamba Juice Fruit & Veggie Smoothies might get you a serving or two, since a 16-ounce serving contains three servings of fruit and vegetables. Since I really enjoyed two out of the three flavors, I guess sexy fruits and not-so-sexy vegetables can go together, sort of like Ralph and Alice, Doug and Carrie, Peter and Lois, Jim and Cheryl, Homer and Marge, and other mismatched sitcom couples.

(Nutrition Facts – 16 ounces – Orange Carrot Karma – 180 calories, 0.5 grams of fat, 90 milligrams of sodium, 43 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 38 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 430% vitamin A, 6% calcium, 90% vitamin C and 6% iron. Apple ‘n Greens – 220 calories, 1 gram of fat, 115 milligrams of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 40 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 240% vitamin A, 15% calcium, 90% vitamin C and 25% iron. Berry UpBEET – 230 calories, 1 gram of fat, 140 milligrams of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of fiber, 38 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 120% vitamin A, 10% calcium, 100% vitamin C, and 10% iron.)

Other Jamba Juice Fruit & Veggie Smoothie reviews:
Brand Eating

Item: Jamba Juice Fruit & Veggie Smoothies (Orange Carrot Karma, Apple ‘n Greens and Berry UpBEET)
Price: $5.00
Size: Original (24 ounces)
Purchased at: Jamba Juice
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Orange Carrot Karma)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Apple ‘n Greens)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Berry UpBEET)
Pros: Beautiful colors. Good source of vitamins A & C. 3 servings of fruit and vegetables. Berry UpBEET tastes like pomegranate. Apple ‘n Greens tastes like Odwalla’s Original Superfood smoothie. Eating vegetables. Fruits are sexy.
Cons: Orange Carrot Karma was a little too carrot-y. Apple ‘n Greens’ flavor might not appeal to some and it looks like zombie blood. Orange Carrot Karma might be getting back at me for not eating more vegetables. Vegetables aren’t sexy.

NEWS: Jamba Juice Fruit & Veggie Smoothies Are A New Way To Trick Your Kids, And Yourself, Into Eating Veggies

Marvo — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 13:00:25 +0000

Getting the daily recommended amount of vegetables in my diet is hard. I ask for extra lettuce and tomatoes with my Burger King Whopper, but apparently that’s not enough. Actually, to be honest, I don’t know how much vegetables I’m supposed to be eating each day. Well, thanks to Jamba Juice and their new Fruit & Veggie Smoothies, it’s going to be a lot easier for me to get my veggies and get them in a suckable form.

Each Fruit & Veggie Smoothie provides three full servings of fruits and vegetables in a sixteen size serving. They come in three flavors — Berry UpBEET, Apple ‘n Greens and Orange Carrot Karma. Berry UpBEET combines strawberries and blueberries with the juices from carrots, beets, broccoli and lettuce. Apple ‘n Green brings together apple-strawberry juice with the juice from dark leafy green vegetables, carrots and lettuce. It also includes spiraling, peaches, mangos and bananas. Finally, Orange Carrot Karma blends carrot juice, orange juice, mangos, bananas and ice.

The new smoothies are excellent sources of vitamin A and vitamin C, and they don’t contain HFCS, artificial flavors, and artificial preservatives. Complete nutrition facts below:

A sixteen size of Apple ‘n Greens has 220 calories, 1 gram of fat, 115 milligrams of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 40 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 240% vitamin A, 15% calcium, 90% vitamin C and 25% iron.

A Berry UpBEET has 230 calories, 1 gram of fat, 140 milligrams of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of fiber, 38 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 120 vitamin A, 10% calcium, 100% vitamin C, and 10% iron.

An Orange Carrot Karma has 180 calories, 0.5 grams of fat, 90 milligrams of sodium, 43 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 38 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 430% vitamin A, 6% calcium, 90% vitamin C and 6% iron.

Image via flickr user Zach Dischner / CC BY 2.0

NEWS: Jamba Juice’s Sweetheart Smoothie Is Less Fun To Suck On Than Your Significant Other

Marvo — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 00:41:05 +0000

There currently isn’t any information about the Sweetheart Smoothie on the Jamba website, but since it’s a Valentine’s themed smoothie, I’m going to assume it’s made from hugs, kisses, overpriced rose petals, boxed chocolates, Hallmark cards, and the sweat from men frantically trying to make a reservation at a nice restaurant the day before Valentine’s Day.

Update: According to commenter JT below, it contains, “a blend of strawberries, peaches, nonfat frozen yogurt, yumberry juice, and pineapple juice”

The Jamba Juice Sweetheart Smoothie is available for a limited time and you can get 2 sixteen-sized smoothies for five dollars, at participating Jamba Juice locations, using the coupon link below.

Click here for coupon

Personally, buying one and getting two straws is more romantic. Although, buying one and letting your significant other have it all is even more romantic.

NEWS: Jamba Juice Probiotic Fruit & Yogurt Blends May Help Jump Start Your New Year In The Direction of the Nearest Toilet

Marvo — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 21:43:59 +0000

Thanks to Helen Tasker and Activia yogurt, a number of companies have been excreting products that brag about having probiotics, which claim to help maintain a healthy digestive system. One of the latest products comes from Jamba Juice who have discharged their new line of Probiotic Fruit & Yogurt Blends.

These new smoothies are made with nonfat yogurt, soymilk, whole fruit and Jamba’s special Probiotic Boost. They come in three flavors: Strawberry Alive, Vibrant Blueberry and Thrivin’ Mango.

An Original-size Strawberry Alive contains 330 calories 0 grams of fat, 190 milligrams of sodium, 67 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 56 grams of sugar and 13 grams of protein. An Original-size Vibrant Blueberry has 310 calories, 0.5 grams of fat, 190 milligrams of sodium, 62 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 51 grams of sugar and 13 grams of protein. An Original-size Thrivin’ Mango had 320 calories, 0 grams of fat, 135 milligrams of sodium, 69 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 59 grams of sugar and 9 grams of protein.

Image via flickr user JF10 / CC BY 2.0

NEWS: Jamba Juice Testing Another Product That’s Not Quite A Solid But Also Not Quite A Liquid

Marvo — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 22:51:17 +0000

Oh, Jamba Juice. Is there anything you won’t stick in your loud, powerful blenders that force me to yell my order to your employees?

Last week, Jamba Juice started experimenting with selling froyo at a number of locations in northern California. The product, which is being called Whirl’ns Frozen Yogurt, includes eight frozen yogurt flavors that can be blended with fruit and topped with ingredients like sliced almonds, shredded coconut, brown sugar crumble, fresh bananas, granola or glazed pecans. The froyo flavors include plain tart, low-fat chocolate, low-fat vanilla, and fruit or non-fruit flavored yogurt.

Pricing for a six-ounce serving is about $3.50 with one topping, while a 10-ounce serving is $5.25 with one topping. They are currently only available at 22 locations in Northern California.

Image via flickr user QuesterMark / CC BY SA 2.0

REVIEW: Jamba Juice Berried ‘n Chocolate Smoothie

Marvo — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 10:00:51 +0000

Berried ‘n’ Chocolate would’ve made a great name for a 1970′s television cop buddy show.

Chocolate would’ve been the smooth talking black police detective who doesn’t like to use violence and Berried would’ve been his clumsy (place ethnicity here) partner who used the catchphrase, “You just got Berried by the law,” every time they caught the criminal, although Chocolate did all the work.

Unfortunately, a Berried ‘n’ Chocolate television show was never made and allowed to run for two episodes before being cancelled, either because “You just got Berried by the law” got old really quick or the show ended up being a little racist. While there was never a Berried ‘n’ Chocolate television show, thanks to Jamba Juice, there’s a Berried ‘n Chocolate smoothie.

Jamba Juice’s Berried ‘n Chocolate is a new addition to their Creamy Treats line of smoothies, which also consists of the worst smoothies for you on the Jamba Juice menu. One such smoothie is the Original-size Peanut Butter Moo’d, which contains 770 calories and 108 grams of sugar.

Moo, indeed.

A Berried ‘n Chocolate is created by using strawberries, Jamba’s Chocolate Moo’d base, semisweet chocolate chips, non-fat frozen yogurt, mixed berry juice, blueberries and ice. The mixture ends up having a grayish purple color, which maybe fine for a goth makeup kit, but probably isn’t the most appetizing on a food color wheel. The Jamba Juice Berried ‘n Chocolate smoothie also has a weird texture. Not only does it have seeds, but it’s also slightly chalky, which might be caused by the semisweet chocolate chips.

The smoothie tastes like a berry Tootsie Pop, which I’m not sure is a good thing. I’ve sucked on several dozen Tootsie Pops in my lifetime and have always considered the Tootsie Roll center as the best part of the lollipop. The fruity candy coating is something that’s in the way, which I’m pretty sure is the same thing Mr. Owl believed when he tried to determine how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop. Why else would he bite away the hard shell after only two licks and screw with the scientific method?

So, basically, the Berried ‘n Chocolate tastes like a Tootsie Pop that I’ll never reach the center of.

(Nutrition Facts – 24 ounces – 520 calories, 6 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 108 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 91 grams of sugar, 10 grams of protein, 6% vitamin A, 35% calcium, 80% vitamin C and 6% iron.)

Item: Jamba Juice Berried ‘n Chocolate Smoothie
Price: $4.69
Size: 24 ounces
Purchased at: Jamba Juice
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like a berry Tootsie Pop. Awesome source of vitamin C and protein. Uses real strawberries and blueberries. Use non-fat frozen yogurt. Catchphrases.
Cons: Tastes like a berry Tootsie Pop that I’ll never reach the center of. Weird texture and grayish purple color. Same amount of calories as a Big Mac. Screwing with the scientific method. Awesome source of sugar. No cop buddy show called Berried ‘n’ Chocolate.

REVIEW: Jamba All Natural Smoothies (Strawberries Wild, Razzmatazz & Mango-a-go-go)

Marvo — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 12:46:43 +0000

I believe I have some pretty good smoothie-making skills.

Give me a blender, some fruit, a cup of soy milk, a spoonful of yogurt, a few ice cubes and a dancehall reggae beat, and I’ll create a refreshing smoothie that will make lady bits tingle. Although, I like using strawberries in my smoothies, so the tingling could also be the result of an allergic reaction.

My smoothies are so delicioso that people who taste them don’t call it a smoothie, they call it a smmm…mmm…ooooh…ooooh….th…whee. Although, again, because I use strawberries often in my smoothie recipes, some people might be saying it that way because their tongues are swollen.

It’s taken me months to develop my kick ass smoothie-making skills, so I find it upsetting that the Jamba All Natural Smoothie Kits attempt to turn any Joe Schmoe into a smoothie maestro. While they are easy to make, can the flavor of these smoothie kits make my lady bits tingle?

The Jamba All Natural Smoothie Kits come in three varieties based on classic Jamba Juice flavors:

Strawberries Wild – Strawberry and Banana with Non-Fat Yogurt
Razzmatazz – Strawberry, Raspberry and Blueberry with Non-Fat Yogurt
Mango-a-go-go – Mango and Pineapple with Non-Fat Yogurt.

Unfortunately, the kits don’t come with all the ingredients found in the versions that are blended at Jamba Juice locations. For example, the Razzmatazz pouch doesn’t contain the orange sherbet that the store-blended version has and the Mango-a-go-go doesn’t come with the opportunity for me to use my porn name, Steele Rockrod, when the cashier asks for a name to go with the order.

To make a smoothie from this kit, I just blended the contents of the pouch with eight ounces of apple juice. When everything was blended, I ended up with a 16-ounce serving that provided two servings of fruit.

All three varieties had consistencies similar to real Jamba Juice smoothies, but none of them made my lady bits tingle. Strawberries Wild and Razzmatazz were decent, but with both varieties the apple juice was the dominate flavor, and having to pick out seeds between my teeth was a problem. However, neither was an issue with the Mango-a-go-go and its combination of mango and pineapple was delicioso, but, again, it too didn’t make my lady bits tingle like my own smoothies do.

If on sale, a Jamba All Natural Smoothie Kit is cheaper than a Jamba Juice smoothie made in one of their brightly colored shops. It’s also better for you because it has less sugar. However, you can probably make a cheaper, healthier and better tasting smoothie, if you have excellent smoothie making skills, like mine.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 pouch/8 ounces prepared – Strawberries Wild – 110 calories, 05 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 100% vitamin C and 4% calcium. Razzmatazz – 110 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 15 milligrams of sodium, 14 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 100% vitamin C, 4% calcium and 2% iron. Mango-a-go-go – 120 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 15 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, 8% vitamin A, 100% vitamin C and 4% calcium.)

Item: Jamba All Natural Smoothies (Strawberries Wild, Razzmatazz & Mango-a-go-go)
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 8 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Strawberries Wild)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Razzmatazz)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Mango-a-go-go)
Pros: Easy to make. Mango-a-go-go was delicioso. Strawberries Wild and Razzmatazz were decent. Provides 100% vitamin C per serving. Provides a serving a fruit per eight ounces. Less sugar than Jamba Juice shop smoothies. My smoothie making skills.
Cons: Didn’t make my lady bits tingle. Strawberry allergies. Apple juice overpowering other flavors. Getting seeds stuck between my teeth. Not having excellent smoothie making skills.

REVIEW: Jamba Vanilla Blueberry Pomegranate Perfection Yogurt & Sorbet Bars

Marvo — Mon, 17 May 2010 13:24:03 +0000

I’m so used to seeing Jamba Juice’s frozen smoothie delights in an insulated styrofoam cup…or strategically placed on certain parts of my body when the temperature reaches 90 degrees Fahrenheit or above. So I find it a little strange to be consuming a frozen Jamba product in the form of the Jamba Vanilla Blueberry Pomegranate Perfection Yogurt & Sorbet Bars.

Since it comes in a yogurt bar form, there aren’t any cups or straws to deal with. There also aren’t any chunks of fruits at the bottom of the cup that I try to suck up with the straw, which end up kind of clogging the straw, so in order to get the piece of fruit dislodged I suck harder, but by doing so it shoots the fruit chunk out of the straw so quickly that it flies to the back of my throat and I choke on it. But for a brief second, I know what it’s like being a porn starlet.

The Jamba Vanilla Blueberry Pomegranate Perfection Yogurt & Sorbet Bars combine a pomegranate sorbet with small bits of blueberries and vanilla yogurt. The pomegranate and blueberry bring the tart, while the yogurt brings the creamy and tangy. I thought the combination of pomegranate and blueberry would make the bars extremely tart, but it was surprisingly subdued. Actually, I could mostly taste the pomegranate. The only times I could taste the blueberry was when I bit into one of the small bits of blueberries, but there weren’t enough of them so that they were in every bite.

Despite the lack of blueberry flavor, I thought the bars had a pleasant combination of tart and tangy. The flavors weren’t overpowering, and combining that with the subdued tartness, I thought these bars were a great light and creamy snack.

While the bars don’t contain a Jamba Boost, like their energy or immunity boost, the yogurt does contain probiotic cultures and something called prebiotic fiber. Since both help with digestion, I’d recommend not eating all four bars in the box in one sitting, unless you’re one of those people who already change their underwear several times a day. The bars, according to the box they came in, are a “good source of vitamin C.” But if you consider 10 percent as a “good source,” then you are either the Food and Drug Administration or a music executive negotiating the musician’s cut from album sales.

The Jamba Vanilla Blueberry Pomegranate Perfection Yogurt & Sorbet Bars make me glad I don’t have to deal with cups, straws and small chunks of fruit flying towards the back of my throat if I’m looking for a Jamba fix. It’s definitely better than whatever this was.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 90 calories, 1 gram of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 25 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, 10% calcium and 10% vitamin C.)

Item: Jamba Vanilla Blueberry Pomegranate Perfection Yogurt & Sorbet Bars
Price: $4.99
Size: 4 bars
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice creamy treat. Nice combination of tart and tangy. Not extremely tart. 90 calories per bar. Yogurt contains probiotic cultures. Made with real fruit. It seems like no artificial sweeteners were used. No high fructose corn syrup. Contains probiotic cultures and prebiotic fiber.
Cons: Hard to detect blueberry. Long frickin’ name. Despite what the box says, NOT a good source of vitamin C. Not available at Jamba Juice locations. Music executives screwing musicians with pathetic cuts from album sales, unless those musicians suck.

REVIEW: Jamba Juice MediterraneYUM California Flatbread

Marvo — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 08:30:23 +0000

Oooh, looks like someone in Jamba Juice’s marketing department is a wordsmith. Only a skilled user of words could come up with the name of Jamba Juice’s MediterraneYUM California Flatbread.

I wonder if he or she is an admirer of alliteration, like I am, or gets sexually aroused when reading a Dr. Seuss book, like I do.

Jamba Juice’s line of California Flatbreads is the company’s latest foray into solid, non-blended foods and comes in other flavors, like the lazily-named Four Cheesy and Smokehouse Chicken, and the ridiculously-named Tomo Artichoko (which for those of you who don’t know Japanese, or have never heard the Styx song “Mr. Roboto,” is a play on the Japanese phrase domo arigato, which means “thank you.”). They look like mini pizzas or HUGE Bagel Bites.

The MediterraneYUM California Flatbread is made up of a flaxseed crust topped with grilled zucchini, onions, bell peppers and mushrooms, along with feta and mozzarella cheeses. If you’re expecting these to be as big as a Pizza Hut Personal Pan Pizza, you will be displeased.

As you can see in the photo above, it measures at around 4.5 inches in diameter. Its size makes it seem more like a snack than a meal, but its four dollar price tag makes it seem more like a meal than a snack. If you think of it as a snack, then think of it as a pizza cookie. But if you think of it as a meal, then think of it as like Chinese food, because you’ll probably get hungry soon after.

The California Flatbreads are heated up by sticking them in a quick oven that looks similar to the toasting ovens used by Subway. The time spent in the oven gives the flatbread slightly crispy edges, but everything else is soft and quite chewy. The flatbread itself also doesn’t provide any noticeable flavor. The vegetables were crunchy and they make the MediterraneYUM taste like a supreme pizza without the meat.

Its taste isn’t bad, but I really can’t get past its small size. I guess this is what it’s like to be an unsatisfied woman who just had sex with a man with a small penis.

Overall, the Jamba Juice MediterraneYUM California Flatbread is MediterLAMEan.

Wordsmith!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 flatbread -250 calories, 8 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 620 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, 10 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 6% calcium, 30% vitamin C and 6% iron.)

Item: Jamba Juice MediterraneYUM California Flatbread
Price: $3.99
Size: 4.5 inches
Purchased at: Jamba Juice
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like a supreme pizza without meat. Good for vegetarians. Crunchy vegetables. Uses flaxseeds. Reading Dr. Seuss. Mr. Roboto.
Cons: Tiny, smaller than a Pizza Hut Personal Pan Pizza. Flatbread doesn’t provide any flavor. Pricey for what you get. Flatbread was a little too chewy. Unsatisfied women.

REVIEW: Jamba Juice Blackberry Bliss

Marvo — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 00:26:29 +0000

If you’re a botanist, or studying to become one, I would like to ask a simple favor from you. How about some muthafuckin’ seedless blackberries so that I can actually enjoy the Jamba Juice Blackberry Bliss without having to endure the scratchy feel of blackberry seeds going down my throat?

If farmers can breed seedless watermelons and grapes, then why can’t they do the same with blackberries.

Seriously. Whose stamen do I have to suck to make this happen?

I know blackberry seeds are high in nutrients, like omega-3 fats, protein and fiber, but do you know what else they’re high in? Annoyance.

They can get stuck in between teeth, become lodged in other nooks and crannies in my mouth or cause pain if expelled though my nose because I was sucking on a Blackberry Bliss while reading something really funny, which I’m pretty sure won’t be anything in the Sunday funnies or on the Hallmark Movie Channel. Although I believe it’s possible to shoot seeds out of my nose by crying hard, so perhaps I should stay away from the tear-jerking Hallmark Movie Channel.

The Jamba Juice Blackberry Bliss is made up of an apple-strawberry juice blend, frozen blueberries, frozen strawberries, plain sorbet, ice, frozen blackberries and raspberry sherbet, like the kind u find in a grocery store.

If it weren’t for the seeds, I think the Blackberry Bliss would give me some pleasure since it’s a cold smoothie and the temperature inside Impulsive Buy’s headquarters (i.e. my apartment) is about 89 degrees. It has a decent berry flavor, but the blackberry doesn’t stand out. However its color does, which gives the smoothie its dark purple hue that goths will love. It’s not as tart as I thought it was going to be since it contains blueberries and blackberries, but it’s also not as sweet as some of Jamba Juice’s other blended concoctions.

The Jamba Juice Blackberry Bliss lands nowhere on my list of favorite flavors and I don’t see myself buying another unless I really want to count the number of seeds in an original size serving or, thanks to my stamen sucking, someone comes up with seedless blackberries.

(Nutrition Facts – 24 ounces – 380 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 35 milligrams of sodium, 600 milligrams of potassium, 91 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 80 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 50% vitamin C, 10% calcium and 10% iron.)

Item: Jamba Juice Blackberry Bliss
Price: $4.59
Size: 24-ounces
Purchased at: Jamba Juice
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Decent berry flavor. Botany jokes. Not as tart as I thought it was going to be. Lame Prince references. Pretty dark purple color. Cold smoothies + hot weather = refreshing.
Cons: Lots of muthafuckin’ SEEDS!!! Blackberries don’t stand out. Not as sweet as other Jamba Juice smoothies. Shooting seeds out of my nose. Having to suck on stamens to get someone to create seedless blackberries.