Update: Click here to read our Red Bull Total Zero review

In April, Red Bull will release nationwide a zero calorie, zero carbohydrate, and zero sugar energy drink called, Red Bull Total Zero. Personally, the only Red Bull products I would call total zeroes are Red Bull Cola and Red Bull Energy Shot, because they failed commercially and were discontinued.

In order to be calorie, carbohydrate, and sugar free, Red Bull Total Zero is sweetened with aspartame, sucralose, and acesulfame K. To help you get your wings, the energy drink contains B vitamins, caffeine, and taurine.

Red Bull Total Zero will come in the usual Red Bull 8.4 ounce can, but it will also be available in 12 and 16 ounce cans. The 8.4 ounce size will have a suggested retail price of $2.19, the 12 ounce size will be priced at $2.99, and the 16 ounce can will cost $3.79.

The nutrition facts for a can of Red Bull Total Zero aren’t all zeroes. Along with the 0 calories, 0 grams of carbohydrates, and 0 grams of sugar, it also has 0 grams of fat, but it has 60 milligrams of sodium, less than 1 gram of protein, 100% niacin, 80% vitamin B12, 250% vitamin B6, and 50% pantothenic acid.

Source: Drinkfolio

Jones Soda has never been sold in plastic bottles.

Actually, that’s not quite correct. Jones Soda’s discontinued line of vitamin enhanced water did, but Jones Soda soda has never been sold in plastic bottles.

Well, that’s about to change with their new line of Au Naturel sparking waters. Of course, this disappoints me because if I’m drinking one at a picnic and a fight breaks out, I can’t smash the plastic bottle on someone’s head or on a tree to make a weapon to defend myself.

Jones Au Naturel is made up of carbonated water, natural sweeteners (organic agave syrup, stevia, and pure cane sugar), flavor essence, and green tea extracts to provide a little caffeine.

A bottle of Au Naturel contain 35 calories, seven grams of sugar, and five grams of fiber. So it has the same amount of fiber found in a bowl of this raisin bran. The sparking water comes in three Ben and Jerry’s flavor-sounding names: Green Apple A Day, Lemon Limelight, and Orange Ya Glad Its Mango.

Au Naturel has a suggested retail price of $1.79 per 16.9-ounce bottle and will be available on the Jones Soda website and natural grocery store.

Update: Click here to read out VitaminWater Attention review

VitaminWater Attention is the latest not-quite-as-bad-as-soda-but-significantly-worse-than-regular-water beverage from the folks from Glacéau. It’s fuji apple and watermelon flavored, hence its red color.

According to the slick marketing copy found on every VitaminWater bottle, Attention is supposed to help drinkers focus. I find that strange since VitaminWater already has a flavor that helps with focus called Focus. Sounds like Glacéau is running out of deficiencies to help us with.

To help you focus, VitaminWater Attention has 87 milligrams of caffeine in every bottle. It also provides 15 grams of glucose. To be honest, I didn’t pay attention in biology 101 in college (I passed with a C), so I have no idea what glucose does in the body. I really could’ve used a VitaminWater Attention back then.

After a quick Google search and reading a site with a .org domain name, I learned glucose helps boost a person’s cognitive performance. I started to read the Wikipedia entry on glucose, but got quickly bored, like I did with biology 101.

A bottle of VitaminWater Attention has 120 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 32 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein.

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

The makers of Rockstar Energy Drink has a new tranquility beverage that I’m guessing makes you relax like a rockstar. I’m going to assume that rockstar is Willie Nelson. (via Thirsty Dudes)

Google Translate tell me the “dinamita” in Doritos Dinamita is English for “dynamite.” Wile E. Coyote hasn’t been successful in catching the Road Runner with regular dynamite, so maybe he needs to order these from the Frito-Lay Corporation. (via The Bootleg Guy)

Walmart now offers a store brand version of something similar to MiO Liquid Water Enhancer. I wish Kmart would make themselves something similar to Target. (via Drinkable Review)

Some company makes haggis chocolates. If you don’t know what haggis is, Google it and then wish you hadn’t. (via Chocolate Reviews)

Trader Joe’s takes a cookie and puts popcorn inside it. Next, I’d like Trader Joe’s to take this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and put a Trader Joe’s on it. (via A Sweet Score)

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

Don’t know what Century Eggs are? Well, if you point your cursor right here and click your mouse button, you’ll find out…and maybe regret it. (via Rodzilla Reviews)

Energy supplement companies are running out of orifices for us to stick their products in. They better hope we start growing gills. (via Possessed by Caffeine)

With the name these patties have, I’m glad they aren’t the meat kind. (via Revolting Snacks of America)

I expected an ectoplasm energy drink to be more ectoplasmy. It should crawl through my body, cause me to be possessed by evil spirits, and then ooze out of every orifice. (via Food Junk)

Sacrebleu! Croque Pain Doré! Les Canadiens sont chanceux! (via Option Pitch and Waffle Crisp)

New products are released all the time and here are some we found on our most recent shopping trips. We may or may not review them, but we’d like to let you know what new items are popping up on store shelves.

V8 continues to try and get us to consume fruits and vegetables in liquid form with their new V8 V-Fusion Sparking beverage. The lightly carbonated fruit juice comes in packs of four and in three flavors: Tangerine Raspberry, Black Cherry Pomegranate, and Strawberry Lemonade. One can has 60 calories, 0 fat, and provide one combined serving of vegetables and fruit. Drink What reviewed the Tangerine Raspberry and Black Cherry Pomegranate flavors.

First, it was Lean Cuisine. Then, Weight Watcher Smart Ones. Now, Kashi is throwing their hat into into microwaveable bagged meal ring with their Steam Meals line. There are four varieties: Chicken Fettuccine, Roasted Garlic Chicken Farfalle, Sesame Chicken, and Spinach & Artichoke Pasta. The bagged entrees don’t contain any artificial ingredients, but do contain Kashi’s obligatory 7 Whole Grains.

Tostitos has expanded their Artisan Recipes tortilla chip line with a new flavor — Baked Three Cheese Queso. The three cheeses are Cheddar, Swiss, and Monterey Jack. The chips are made with 100 percent natural ingredients and are made using a 9 grain blend (take that Kashi and your 7 grains!). I didn’t see them during my trip to the store, but according to the Frito-Lay website, there’s another new Tostitos Artisan Recipes flavor — Toasted Southwestern Spices.

Finally, I saw these Egg-Land’s Best Hard-Cooked Peeled Eggs and thought to myself that these are perfect for those who don’t know how to boil water. But not only are they already hard-boiled, they’re also pre-peeled. This product has to be the easiest and cleanest way to eat an egg. Time to celebrate lazy egg eaters!

If you’re out shopping and see a new product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, email it to us at theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com, and you might see it in our next What’s New post.