The Impulsive Buy » Slurpee

FLAVORS OF THE MONTH: September 2011

Marvo — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 21:00:00 +0000

Here are some of this month’s limited time offers.

Ooey Gooey Caramel Brownie is Dairy Queen’s Blizzard of the Month. The treat combines gooey caramel, real fudge brownies pieces, and choco chunks blended with creamy vanilla soft serve. It was also Blizzard of the Month in April 2010 (read On Second Scoop’s review here). A small serving has 570 calories, 21 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 85 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 65 grams of sugar, and 12 grams of protein. I was going to put the nutrition facts for a large serving, but I didn’t want to blow your mind…and your heart.

This month’s Slurpee flavor has a football-related theme, so I shall fill this paragraph with football terminology. Cherry Orange Blitz will bicycle kick your mouth with fruity flavors, dribbling between sour and citrus. Oh wait, wrong football. According to the Slurpee website, Cherry Orange Blitz also contains ginseng, green tea, and guarana extract, so it might provide an energy boost for gamers. Speaking of those who enjoy games, specially marked cups will have codes that will help players earn rewards for the Facebook game Madden NFL Superstars. A 16-ounce cup of Cherry Orange Blitz has 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 25 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, and 27 grams of sugar.

Baskin-Robbins’ Flavor of the Month is French Toast. The flavor consists of french toast flavored ice cream with bits of gooey maple bread pudding. A 4-ounce scoop has 280 calories, 14 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 335 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 28 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.

Subway’s September $5 Featured Footlong is the Turkey Breast &…ZZZZZZ. W-w-what? What was I saying? Oh yeah, September’s $5 Featured Footlong is the Turkey Breast & Black…ZZZZZZ. Oh man. Subway’s Turkey Breast & Black Forest Ham makes me quite sleepy. It’s not very exciting since it’s a regular item on Subway’s menu. A 6-inch sub has 290 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 820 milligrams of sodium, 46 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, and 18 grams of protein.

Image via flickr user Mulad / CC BY 2.0

FLAVORS OF THE MONTH: August 2011

Marvo — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 00:01:27 +0000

Here are some of this month’s limited time offers.

This month, Slurpee is partnering up with the WWE for this month’s featured Slurpee — Berry Citrus Slam. It’s a blend of raspberry and orange. If you’re into holding wrestling matches between collectable Slurpee cups, you’ll be happy to hear 7-Eleven will be offering exclusive cups and straws highlighing WWE superstars, like John Cena, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and other WWE wrestlers who aren’t popular enough to star in movies. An 8-ounce serving has 65 calories, 0 grams of fat, 5 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, and 17 grams of sugar.

Baskin-Robbins’ Flavor of the Month is Picnic Punch, a watermelon and green apple sherbet that reminds you summer is almost over and the cold non-sherbet eating months are around the corner. A 4-ounce scoop has 160 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 45 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 33 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

Dairy Queen’s Blizzard of the Month is the Nutter Butter Blizzard which is made up of Nutter Butter cookie pieces and Nutter Butter peanut butter crème filling blended with creamy vanilla soft serve. A medium Nutter Butter Blizzard has 960 calories, 39 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 660 milligrams of sodium, 135 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 92 grams of sugar, and 20 grams of protein.

Cold Stone Creamery’s Gold Cone Flavor of the Month is Mojito Sorbet, which the Cold Stone website describes the lime-flavored treat as “a refreshing blend of mint coupled with the unique texture of a sorbet.” However, they forgot to add, “without the warmness of alcohol.” A medium serving of Mojito Sorbet has 310 calories, 3 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 5 milligrams of sodium, 74 grams of carbohydrates, 71 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

August’s $5 Featured Footlong is their Buffalo Chicken. I’m not a fan, but it appears others really like the combination of buffalo glazed chicken and ranch dressing. A six-inch Buffalo Chicken has 460 calories, 19 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 1390 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 27 grams of protein.

Image via flickr user Michael_Lehet / CC BY ND 2.0

FLAVORS OF THE MONTH: July 2011

Marvo — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 12:36:40 +0000

Here are this month’s limited time offers.

When summer rolls around you can expect summer blockbuster movies. And, with those summer movies you can expect companies to release tie-ins, like Baskin Robbins’ Flavor of the Month, Super Soldier Swirl Ice Cream, which promotes the upcoming Captain America: The First Avenger movie. Just like Captain America’s shield and uniform, the ice cream comes in red, white, and blue. It consists of vanilla ice cream swirled with blue candy chips and a cherry flavored ribbon. A 4-ounce scoop has 260 calories, 13 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 31 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein.

Slurpee is also releasing a movie tie-in flavor — Alienade. The flavor, which sounds like a sports drink for aliens, is a promotional tie-in for the sci-fi flick Cowboys & Aliens. Alienade is a combination of strawberry, raspberry, and lemonade. An 8-ounce serving has 65 calories, 0 grams of fat, 5 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, and 17 grams of sugar.

Cold Stone Creamery’s Gold Cone Collection Flavor for July — Strawberry Basil — makes me wonder if the folks at Cold Stone Creamery are smoking something way better than what the flavor gurus at Ben & Jerry’s are smoking. Basically, Ben & Jerry’s got out Ben & Jerry-ed by Cold Stone Creamery because combining fruit with herbs in an ice cream is quite creative. If you do decided to take the plunge and grab yourself some Strawberry Basil ice cream, the largest serving size has 770 calories, 43 grams of fat, 28 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 92 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 80 grams of sugar, 9 grams of protein, 25% vitamin A, 440% vitamin C, and 40% calcium.

Triple Chocoholic Blizzard is July’s Blizzard of the Month at Dairy Queen. It’s made using the trifecta of truffles, choco chunks, and fudge blended with vanilla soft serve. A small serving has 710 calories, 32 grams of fat, 18 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 97 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 77 grams of sugar, and 14 grams of protein. But if you’re a true chocoholic, a large size has 1400 calories, 68 grams of fat, 40 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 183 grams of carbohydrates, 10 grams of fiber, 146 grams of sugar, and 25 grams of protein.

Finally, Subway’s July $5 Featured Footlong is the Italian B.M.T. (Biggest, Meatiest, Tastiest). The sandwich is made up of Genoa salami, pepperoni, Black Forest Ham, and cheese. Personally, any sandwich that needs to tell people it’s big and meaty probably has self-esteem issues. A footlong has 900 caloires, 40 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 110 milligrams of cholesterol, 3000 milligrams of sodium, 93 grams of carbohydrates, 11 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, 44 grams of protein, 20% vitamin A, 40% vitamin C, 80% calcium, and 30% iron.

Image via flickr user popculturegeek.com / CC BY 2.0

REVIEW: 7-Eleven Slurpee MixMaker Cup & Straw

Kelley — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 10:00:22 +0000

I’m an old woman, out of touch with what the kids are doing these days. I see them texting while riding their bikes and shake my head. I hear they have video games with more than eight bits – what in the world?! And the music, it all sounds like the singer is giving a robot a blowjob. I hear it’s called autotuning or something. I have a cane and a lawn, and I’m ready to shake my fist and yell at those damn meddling kids.

While much may have changed since I was a kid, I have to believe that some things remain the same. One of those things is getting on your bike and hitting the nearest convenience store with a few bucks in your pocket. I’m pretty sure every kid has stood in front of the soda or slushie machine, cup in hand, wondering what magical beverage concoction they will create next. Will it be Mr. Pibb and Squirt? Barq’s and Lipton iced tea? Coke-flavored slushie and Hawaiian Punch? Maybe it’s one of those days where you’re feeling adventurous, and everybody jumps in the pool. That last one usually ends poorly.

That said, 7-Eleven has come up with a way to capture that experience while also protecting you from the pain of poor mixing decisions. At least, that’s the idea. The Slurpee MixMaker (which I keep referring to as “MixMaster”; I think it’s a much cooler name) Cup & Straw is a fun and ingenious way to mix your flavors, or, if you’re incredibly poor at decision making, have two different drinks in the same cup! Here’s how it works:

1. Grab a Slurpee MixMaker Cup, which is made of reusable plastic and has a wall down the middle that divides the cup into two separate chambers.

2. Fill each side with whatever the heck you want. It’s called the Slurpee MixMaker, but obviously you can choose whatever cold beverage you like. I went with Fanta Wild Cherry Slurpee and Summertime Lime Slurpee, because the latter sounded like a limited edition (or at least, seasonal) flavor, and people seem to enjoy cherry limeade.

3. Pop on a disposable lid and stick your reusable MixMaker Straw through the top, so that one straw lands on either side of the wall (duh).

Let me explain how the MixMaker itself operates: the two straws meet at a central hub, out of which sprouts a small single straw that delivers flavor to your mouth. The hub is where the magic happens – that adorable little representation of a Slurpee isn’t just for show. It actually rotates to the right, offering you four options: off, 1, 2, and mix.

Smart person that I am, it took me a moment to realize that trying to drink while having it in the off position was an exercise in futility. After my puny brain realized this, I started playing with the settings. I didn’t even realize they were labeled at first; the markings are so tiny that they were easy to miss. 7-Eleven is not really to blame for that; in my rush to experiment with the MixMaker before my entire Slurpee turned to liquid sugar, I neglected to read the instructions printed on the plastic wrapper that had previously enclosed the straw. Once I took a two second glance at them, things became clear.

“1″ refers to the left chamber, if you’ve got the dial facing you. In my case, 1 held Fanta Cherry. That makes 2 Summertime lime in the right chamber, with mix as, obviously, a mixture of the two.

That would be well and good and worth at least five minutes of fun, except it doesn’t quite work as advertised. There’s a little nub on the bottom of the dial that’s designed to click into a corresponding depression that determines what setting you’re on, but they’re both really small, so I had to really pay attention to feel the click that tells me it was locked into a setting.

Further complications ensued. On the mix setting, the lime side moved up the straw faster than the cherry, resulting in me having a mouthful of lime before I got any cherry, which left me with both brain and mouth freeze. This made it difficult to really taste the flavors, since my mouth was numb and somewhat painful.

Because of this problem, or perhaps because of the physics of sucking two different beverages into one straw, my lime almost immediately contaminated my cherry, traveling down straw #1 when I stopped sucking. [Insert joke about "sucking" and "my cherry" here.]

This may not have just been a mix setting problem, however. As I played around with settings 1 and 2, I noticed that no matter what, some Slurpee would get stuck in the straw, resulting in cross-contamination all-around. It was a relatively small amount with each suck, but by the time I was almost finished, both sides had an identical reddish-brown hue.

My last beef with the Slurpee MixMaker is that it has limited stirring capabilities. Even if you take off the disposable cap, the straws are rigid, which means all you can really do is move back and forth, unless you disconnect the straws separately and use them to stir. This may seem like a minor quibble, but it’s important to constantly stir your Slurpee. If you don’t believe me, just ask Ice-T about the Slushie Hustle.

I love the concept of the Slurpee MixMaker. Good for the indecisive or the adventurous, I think the idea (and the adorable tiny Slurpee dial) would be great for both kids and adults who still enjoy acting like kids. The MixMaker’s execution, however, falls rather short of its intent. The settings can be tricky to get spot-on, the mix setting results in inconsistency of Slurpee flow, and even the individual settings eventually result in cross-contamination. It’s as inevitable as you getting your peanut butter in my chocolate and a-vice-a-versa.

I’ll freely admit, some of this could have been operator error, but it’s really not that hard to use the MixMaker correctly. I could have also gotten a bum device; everyone who has written (or read, for that matter) product reviews knows that your McDonald’s experience might be different from his McDonald’s experience, or my McDonald’s experience, etc. In the end, the Slurpee MixMaker Cup and Straw is fun to play with; however, don’t go into it expecting perfect functionality.

Item: 7-Eleven Slurpee MixMaker Cup & Straw
Price: $2.49 (Straw); $2.99 (Cup) ($0.49 promo discount for the set)
Size: No info on size on the cup or 7-Eleven’s website, but looks like 20 oz. (total)
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Settings are fun to play with. Knowing exactly how far away my 7-Eleven is. Adorable little Slurpee dial. Shaking my cane at meddling kids. Having two flavors in one cup (at first, at least). Ice-T losing his shit over “The Slushie Hustle”.
Cons: Inevitable liquid cross-contamination. Should have been called “MixMaster”. Settings are tricky to lock in. Possibly contracting hepatitis by not soaking first. Not easy to stir. The Slushie Hustle.

FLAVORS OF THE MONTH: June 2011

Marvo — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 00:16:20 +0000

Here are this month’s limited time offers.

Dairy Queen’s June 2011 Blizzard of the Month is Brownie Batter, but it’s not the first time the flavor has been the Blizzard of the Month (June 2009 and September 2010). The blended concoction consists of double-fudge brownie batter with real fudge brownie pieces and cream vanilla soft serve. On Second Scoop reviewed it in 2009. A small serving has 600 calories, 230 calories from fat, 26 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 330 milligrams of sodium, 82 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 62 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein.

Slurpee’s flavor of the month is Berry Blaster which is a blend of cherry and raspberry. An 8 ounce serving has 65 calories, 0 grams of fat, 5 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 17 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein. If you do decide to try Berry Blaster Slurpee, you might also want to consider using the new Slurpee Mixmaker Cup which has two chambers and a straw that allows you to suck from either chamber or both.

Subway’s June $5 Featured Footlong is Chipotle Chicken & Cheese which is made up of pieces of chicken, cheese, red onions, and bell peppers with a smoky Chipotle Southwest Sauce. The sandwich was originally introduced late last year and Spew Review and Brand Eating reviewed it.

Cold Stone Creamery’s Gold Cone Flavor of the Month is Chocolate Hazelnut which was the winner of their 2010 Gold Cone Contest. The flavor combines of chocolate ice cream with rich chocolate and sweet hazelnuts. A small size 340 calories, 180 calories from fat, 21 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 85 milligrams of cholesterol, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 31 grams of sugar, 3 grams of fiber, and 5 grams of protein,

Baskin Robbins’ Flavor of the Month is Toffee Pecan Crunch which is made up of chocolate ice cream with a smooth caramel ribbon and packed with pecans and Heath Bar Pieces. A 2.5 ounce scoop has 200 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 20 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

Image via flickr user / CC BY SA 2.0

FLAVORS OF THE MONTH: May 2011

Marvo — Wed, 04 May 2011 22:54:56 +0000

Here are this month’s limited time offers.

Baskin Robbins’ Flavor of the Month is Golden Oreo Gold Rush! Yes, the exclamation point is part of its name. The bright yellow flavor is made up of lemon custard ice cream with Oreo icing ribbon and Golden Oreo cookie pieces mixed in. A 2.5-ounce scoop has 220 calories, 13 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 20 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

This month, Slurpee released a new flavor called Summertime Lime, which combines lime with a hint of vanilla. But I wonder how many people are going drop a little mixology and combine Summertime Lime Slurpee with tequila or their favorite hard liquor? This seasonal Slurpee has no caffeine and is made using natural flavors, but contains no juice. An 8-ounce serving contains 65 calories, 0 grams of fat, 5 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, and 17 grams of sugar.

Dairy Queen’s May Blizzard of the Month is German Chocolate Brownie, which is made up of vanilla soft serve, chewy brownie pieces, pecan pieces, caramel, and coconut. To be honest, I’ve never heard of German chocolate brownies until reading about this Blizzard. Thanks DQ for educating me. I forgive you for coming up with the word “RIDQULOUS.” If you want to read a review, On Second Scoop posted one. A small serving of German Chocolate Brownie Blizzard has 700 calories, 34 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 420 milligrams of sodium, 90 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 67 grams of sugar, and 14 grams of protein.

Finally, Subway’s $5 Featured Footlong of the month is the Orchard Chicken Salad sub, which isn’t a new sandwich. It’s been around for several years, but when it’s been available, it’s only for a limited time, much like it is this month. If you’ve never experienced the Orchard Chicken Salad sub, it’s made using chicken chunks, apples, golden raisins, cranberries, and celery mixed with a light mayo. Grub Grade and Brand Eating both reviewed the sandwich last year. A six-inch Orchard Chicken Salad sub has 350 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 560 milligrams of sodium, 54 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 20 grams of protein.

Image via flickr user star5112 / CC BY SA 2.0

NEWS: KZ3 Battle Fuel Slurpee For Gamers Lacks C8H10N4O2

Marvo — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 21:58:50 +0000

KZ3 is short for the PlayStation 3 video game, Killzone 3, which is scheduled to be released on February 22. I don’t play first-person shooters because they make me nauseous and give me weird dreams that involve me ducking all the time. But I don’t think KZ3 Battle Fuel Slurpee would be a good battle fuel while you’re shooting Helghast Empire baddies because it lacks what all gamers crave…electrolytes. Er, I mean, caffeine.

However, if you drink ten KZ3 Battle Fuel Slurpees from cups with reward points, or dumpster dive to get ten Slurpee cups with reward points, you can redeem those points to download a “Retro Map Pack” which has two popular maps from Killzone 2 — Salamun Market and Blood Gracht.

Slurpee describes their KZ3 Battle Fuel Slurpee as, “A relentless blast of orange.” However, if you compare its ingredients list and with regular orange Slurpee, you’ll see that they’re the same.

Eight ounces of KZ3 Battle Fuel Slurpee has 66 calories, 0 grams of fat, 15 grams of carbohydrates and 15 grams of sugar.

Image via flickr user nSeika / CC BY 2.0

NEWS: New Mountain Dew White Out Slurpee Might Be Less Xtreme Than An Actual Mountain Dew White Out

Marvo — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 22:16:09 +0000

Like Miss America being require to participate in a number of public events where she is forced to put on a fake smile, it seems the winner of Mountain Dew’s DEWmocracy is required to be turned into a Slurpee. It happened with Mountain Dew Voltage when it won, and now it’s being done with the current DEWmocracy champion, Mountain Dew White Out.

I’m sure it has the same “smooth citrus” flavor as a regular Mountain Dew White Out, but is it as xtreme?

Well, according to the nutrition facts, it isn’t as xtreme because it contains zero milligrams of caffeine. However, according to the ingredients list, it is as xtreme because caffeine is listed in the middle of the list. I guess the only way to find out is to drink one while shooting enemies in the head playing Call of Duty and see if it feel comfortable.

An 8-ounce serving has 60 calories, 0 grams of fat, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 17 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 20 milligrams of sodium and, maybe, 0 milligrams of caffeine.

Source: Slurpee website

Image via flickr user bradley j / CC BY 2.0

NEWS: Purple for the People Slurpee Is Just An Annoyingly Long Way To Say Grape

Marvo — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 11:35:52 +0000

I’ve never thought of a Slurpee as a peace pipe, nor have I thought of it as a way to unite people, but the folks at Slurpee hope their Purple for the People flavor (a.k.a grape) brings people together during their Slurpee Unity Tour 2010.

What’s the Slurpee Unity Tour 2010? I don’t know. It sounds slightly political, but it also sounds completely like a sly marketing campaign to sell Slurpees.

The number of beverages that have the power to bring people together is extremely small. The only two I know of are a bottle of Coca-Cola and a keg of beer. If only the Purple for the People Slurpee had a catchy song that encouraged people to come together like Coca-Cola had in the 1970s.

According to the website, Purple for the People is only available on stops during the official Slurpee Unity Tour 2010. Eight ounces of it contains 67 calories, 0 grams of fat, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 18 grams of sugar, 14 milligrams of sodium and 29 milligrams of potassium.

Image via flickr user edalorzo / CC BY SA 2.0

NEWS: Slurpee Introduces Significantly Less Chewable Version of Wrigley’s 5 React Fruit Gum

Marvo — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 23:22:36 +0000

To come up with the latest flavor, 5 React Fruit, it seems like the folks at Slurpee were inspired by what they saw on the gum shelves at 7-Eleven.

Thankfully, they weren’t inspired by the chip aisle, because Cool Ranch Doritos Slurpee doesn’t sound very refreshing, even if it does have the word “cool” in it.

I enjoy the gum version of Wrigley’s 5 React Fruit, but I hope the Slurpee version doesn’t look like the gum, which is gray in color and comes in a black wrapper. (Read Gigi’s review of the gum)

An 8 ounce serving has 66 calories, 0 grams of fat, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 18 grams of sugar, 6 milligrams of sodium and 8 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine.

REVIEW: Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee

Kayla — Mon, 03 May 2010 10:00:18 +0000

To mark the beginning of the warmer days of spring, I get a Slurpee from 7-Eleven. Slurpees are like teen magazines; you don’t want to be caught with one, because people will think you’re a tad bit weird if they see you tonguing and speaking in baby-talk to the latest picture of Justin Bieber, or in the case of 7-Eleven’s Slurpees, tonguing the dribble that accumulates on the top of the cup and yelling at it when it gets all over your shirt.

Most of the time, the scathing looks people give you when sucking on a massive Slurpee are worth it because it’s usually uber delicious. Besides, you shouldn’t care about what people think, because you’re in Slurpee euphoria and they’re not. However, if you don’t care about the looks people give you when you’re making out with a picture of a sixteen-year-old male pop star that looks like he could be on Nickelodeon’s version of The L Word, I suggest you quit your job as a middle school teacher.

What makes the Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee invincible? On the surface, there couldn’t be anything invincible about a semi-frozen beverage that starts to melt before you stick a straw in it. But a massive corporation that sells hot dogs in a carousel couldn’t be lying about its beverage’s invincibility to the millions of stoners who made the company what it is today, right? Like Jacques Cousteau, or Octomom’s gynecologist, I decided to risk my personal safety so people can learn from my invincibility experiments with the Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee.

I drove into Crips territory in a red Civic, wearing Red Door perfume, a shirt from Gap’s (Product)Red collection and my face covered in red paint. Also, in one hand I had a Red Robin burger and in the other I had a Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee.

The results?

My car was stolen, I was called an old bitch for wearing grandma perfume, my burger was ripped from my clutches and consumed in front of my face and instead of getting pistol whipped, my Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee was dumped on my head. After that ordeal, I decided to end my quest to determine the invincibility of the Slurpee. I realized people just toss the word around, because it sounds badass. Michael Jackson named one of his records “Invincible” and we all know what happened to MJ.

The Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee is not badass enough to deserve the title “invincible.” However, it’s pretty tasty. It tastes like a Creamsicle, but with less of the smooth vanilla flavor. The orange dominates the vanilla, but I don’t feel comfortable using the word “dominate” to describe this beverage because it gives it street cred that it doesn’t deserve. I’m notorious for combing Slurpee flavors, and if they still had the Vanilla Cream flavor or Blue Vanilla, I would combine that with this Slurpee just so the orange and vanilla are balanced.

The Sunkist Invincible Orange was a really good Slurpee, but I feel it’s not in-your-face enough for a tie-in with anything associated with Iron Man 2. 7-Eleven kind of pussied out on this, kind of like what Insane Clown Posse did with their song “Miracles.” Maybe if they added some caffeine it would be better, but alas it’s just a Slurpee that can help you deal with the warm days of spring and summer, but not offer any protection if you’re wearing the wrong colors in the wrong neighborhood.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 120 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 30 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of potassium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 32 grams of sugar and 0 grams of protein.)

(NOTE: We Rate Stuff also reviewed it, but didn’t like it as much.)

Item: Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee
Price: $1.39
Size: 32 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Refreshing orange flavor. Tastes kind of like a Creamsicle. Warmer weather. Slurpee euphoria. 7-Eleven being around thanks to stoners.
Cons: Needs a tad more vanilla. Justin Bieber. Overuse of words so that they lose their actual meaning. Being Octomom’s gynecologist. Cougar middle school teachers.

NEWS: Latest Slurpee Flavor Tries To Cool Gamers But It’s Kind of A N00b

Marvo — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 01:50:45 +0000

The latest flavor of Slurpee, the God of War Kratos Fury Blackberry Lime, seems like it’s trying to give brain freeze to gamers. If you’re not familiar with the God of War video game franchise, you can learn about its background by watching the eventual shitty movie adaptation of it, which you could add to your Netflix queue, if all of your choices have a long wait and you don’t want to watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

For a Slurpee that’s meant for gamers, it’s disappointing to find out it has no caffeine in it. I don’t think a caffeine-free Slurpee promoting a video game, would appeal to gamers because without sweet, sweet caffeine they won’t be able to stay up until the same time most people wake up. Heck, I bet this God of War Slurpee doesn’t even appeal to a God of War because it lacks blood and violence.

REVIEW: Battleberry Yumberry Black Currant Slurpee

Marvo — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 12:24:23 +0000

If I repeat over and over again the name of the latest Slurpee flavor, Battleberry Yumberry Black Currant, it feels like I’ve transported myself to Strawberryland, where freckled Strawberry Shortcake and her pet cat, Custard, reside. Because everyone in Strawberryland, except for The Peculiar Purple Pie Man, replaces EVERY reference to the word “very” with “berry.”

Thankfully, repeating the name doesn’t actually teleport me to Strawberryland because getting stuck there and hearing the word “berry” all of the time would get berry fucking annoying, berry fucking fast.

See, look how annoying that was.

Also, being in Strawberryland would cause whatever masculinity I have left to be drawn out of me. I don’t have much left because I’ve had most of my masculinity sucked out of me thanks to Sanrio stores and Coldplay albums.

Speaking of things sucking, I didn’t care too much for the Battleberry Yumberry Black Currant Slurpee. It has a disappointing mild sour and berry flavor. I also thought I could taste some pineapple in it. It has just as much sugar as other Slurpees, but it doesn’t taste crazy sweet like others.

I’ve never had black currant, so I can’t say if this Slurpee flavor comes close to tasting like it, but what I do know, from reading Wikipedia, is that black currant is an excellent source of vitamin C, but this product doesn’t have any.

I know. It’s not surprising it doesn’t have any vitamin C. After all, it’s a Slurpee and the only things Slurpees provide are a lot of high fructose corn syrup and something to shove down the front of my shorts on hot days.

Speaking of hot things, too bad I can’t hang out in Strawberryland for a little bit and meet Strawberry Shortcake. I would love to meet her and get to know her a lot better, because I have a thing for redheads and I might want to hear her say, “That feels berry, berry good.”

(NOTE: I just want to clarify I’m talking about 1980s Strawberry Shortcake, which would make her more than legal.)

(Nutrition Facts – 24 ounces – 189 calories, 0 grams of fat, 15 milligrams of sodium, 51 grams of carbohydrates, 51 grams of sugar.)

Item: Battleberry Yumberry Black Currant Slurpee
Price: $1.59
Size: 24 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Great for hot weather days. Redheads. Not a source for anything wholesome.
Cons: Disappointing sour and berry flavor. High fructose corn syrup. High in sugar. Getting trapped in Strawberryland. Getting my masculinity drained out of me via Coldplay albums.

NEWS: New Bumblebee Blast Slurpee Doesn’t Taste Like Metal, Oil and Energon

Marvo — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 10:00:16 +0000

I personally think Slurpee took the wrong approach with their Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen-promoting Bumblebee Blast Slurpee. I believe if they wanted to sell a Pacific Ocean’s worth of Slurpees, they should’ve come out with a flavor called Megan Fox Frost and have four collector’s cups featuring Megan Fox on the hood of Autobots like she’s Tawny Kitaen in Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” music video.

It really doesn’t matter what Megan Fox Frost would taste like (heck, it could be mango passion fruit flavored like the Bumblebee Blast Slurpee or whatever the flavor of Ben Gay is) because as long as there are collector’s cups featuring Megan Fox (preferably in 3-D), they would sell like bottled water on a scorching summer day. Of course, 98% percent of purchases would be made by men.

The Megan Fox-less Bumblebee Blast Slurpee has zero grams of fat, no protein and no caffeine. A 12-ounce cup has 96 calories and 25 grams of sugar; a 28-ounce serving contains 224 calories and 59 grams of sugar; and for those extreme sweettooths, a huge 40-ounce cup has 320 calories and 85 grams of sugar.

NEWS: Terminator Salvation Slurpee Flavor Has Slurpee Suckers Looking Forward To Possible Transformers Slurpee in June and Brüno Slurpee in July

Marvo — Tue, 05 May 2009 10:00:51 +0000

For the second straight month, Slurpee is promoting a movie with their frozen beverages. Last month, Mutant Berry was released to coincide with the opening of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. This month, 7-Eleven is unleashing Apocalyptic Ice Slurpee, a blood orange flavored beverage, to promote the latest movie in the Terminator series.

Since the 2009 summer blockbuster movie season has just begun, I wouldn’t be surprised to see other movie-affiliated Slurpees in the next couple of months. A Harry Potter Slurpee in July? Or a Slurpee promoting Mariah Carey’s movie Tennessee in June?

The Apocalyptic Ice Slurpee has zero grams of fat and no caffeine. A 12-ounce serving contains 108 calories and 25 grams of sugar; a 28-ounce serving contains 252 calories and 59 grams of sugar; and a 40-ounce serving contains 360 calories and 85 grams of sugar.