KZ3 is short for the PlayStation 3 video game, Killzone 3, which is scheduled to be released on February 22. I don’t play first-person shooters because they make me nauseous and give me weird dreams that involve me ducking all the time. But I don’t think KZ3 Battle Fuel Slurpee would be a good battle fuel while you’re shooting Helghast Empire baddies because it lacks what all gamers crave…electrolytes. Er, I mean, caffeine.

However, if you drink ten KZ3 Battle Fuel Slurpees from cups with reward points, or dumpster dive to get ten Slurpee cups with reward points, you can redeem those points to download a “Retro Map Pack” which has two popular maps from Killzone 2 — Salamun Market and Blood Gracht.

Slurpee describes their KZ3 Battle Fuel Slurpee as, “A relentless blast of orange.” However, if you compare its ingredients list and with regular orange Slurpee, you’ll see that they’re the same.

Eight ounces of KZ3 Battle Fuel Slurpee has 66 calories, 0 grams of fat, 15 grams of carbohydrates and 15 grams of sugar.

Like Miss America being require to participate in a number of public events where she is forced to put on a fake smile, it seems the winner of Mountain Dew’s DEWmocracy is required to be turned into a Slurpee. It happened with Mountain Dew Voltage when it won, and now it’s being done with the current DEWmocracy champion, Mountain Dew White Out.

I’m sure it has the same “smooth citrus” flavor as a regular Mountain Dew White Out, but is it as xtreme?

Well, according to the nutrition facts, it isn’t as xtreme because it contains zero milligrams of caffeine. However, according to the ingredients list, it is as xtreme because caffeine is listed in the middle of the list. I guess the only way to find out is to drink one while shooting enemies in the head playing Call of Duty and see if it feel comfortable.

An 8-ounce serving has 60 calories, 0 grams of fat, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 17 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 20 milligrams of sodium and, maybe, 0 milligrams of caffeine.

Source: Slurpee website

I’ve never thought of a Slurpee as a peace pipe, nor have I thought of it as a way to unite people, but the folks at Slurpee hope their Purple for the People flavor (a.k.a grape) brings people together during their Slurpee Unity Tour 2010.

What’s the Slurpee Unity Tour 2010? I don’t know. It sounds slightly political, but it also sounds completely like a sly marketing campaign to sell Slurpees.

The number of beverages that have the power to bring people together is extremely small. The only two I know of are a bottle of Coca-Cola and a keg of beer. If only the Purple for the People Slurpee had a catchy song that encouraged people to come together like Coca-Cola had in the 1970s.

According to the website, Purple for the People is only available on stops during the official Slurpee Unity Tour 2010. Eight ounces of it contains 67 calories, 0 grams of fat, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 18 grams of sugar, 14 milligrams of sodium and 29 milligrams of potassium.

To come up with the latest flavor, 5 React Fruit, it seems like the folks at Slurpee were inspired by what they saw on the gum shelves at 7-Eleven.

Thankfully, they weren’t inspired by the chip aisle, because Cool Ranch Doritos Slurpee doesn’t sound very refreshing, even if it does have the word “cool” in it.

I enjoy the gum version of Wrigley’s 5 React Fruit, but I hope the Slurpee version doesn’t look like the gum, which is gray in color and comes in a black wrapper. (Read Gigi’s review of the gum)

An 8 ounce serving has 66 calories, 0 grams of fat, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 18 grams of sugar, 6 milligrams of sodium and 8 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine.

To mark the beginning of the warmer days of spring, I get a Slurpee from 7-Eleven. Slurpees are like teen magazines; you don’t want to be caught with one, because people will think you’re a tad bit weird if they see you tonguing and speaking in baby-talk to the latest picture of Justin Bieber, or in the case of 7-Eleven’s Slurpees, tonguing the dribble that accumulates on the top of the cup and yelling at it when it gets all over your shirt.

Most of the time, the scathing looks people give you when sucking on a massive Slurpee are worth it because it’s usually uber delicious. Besides, you shouldn’t care about what people think, because you’re in Slurpee euphoria and they’re not. However, if you don’t care about the looks people give you when you’re making out with a picture of a sixteen-year-old male pop star that looks like he could be on Nickelodeon’s version of The L Word, I suggest you quit your job as a middle school teacher.

What makes the Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee invincible? On the surface, there couldn’t be anything invincible about a semi-frozen beverage that starts to melt before you stick a straw in it. But a massive corporation that sells hot dogs in a carousel couldn’t be lying about its beverage’s invincibility to the millions of stoners who made the company what it is today, right? Like Jacques Cousteau, or Octomom’s gynecologist, I decided to risk my personal safety so people can learn from my invincibility experiments with the Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee.

I drove into Crips territory in a red Civic, wearing Red Door perfume, a shirt from Gap’s (Product)Red collection and my face covered in red paint. Also, in one hand I had a Red Robin burger and in the other I had a Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee.

The results?

My car was stolen, I was called an old bitch for wearing grandma perfume, my burger was ripped from my clutches and consumed in front of my face and instead of getting pistol whipped, my Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee was dumped on my head. After that ordeal, I decided to end my quest to determine the invincibility of the Slurpee. I realized people just toss the word around, because it sounds badass. Michael Jackson named one of his records “Invincible” and we all know what happened to MJ.

The Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee is not badass enough to deserve the title “invincible.” However, it’s pretty tasty. It tastes like a Creamsicle, but with less of the smooth vanilla flavor. The orange dominates the vanilla, but I don’t feel comfortable using the word “dominate” to describe this beverage because it gives it street cred that it doesn’t deserve. I’m notorious for combing Slurpee flavors, and if they still had the Vanilla Cream flavor or Blue Vanilla, I would combine that with this Slurpee just so the orange and vanilla are balanced.

The Sunkist Invincible Orange was a really good Slurpee, but I feel it’s not in-your-face enough for a tie-in with anything associated with Iron Man 2. 7-Eleven kind of pussied out on this, kind of like what Insane Clown Posse did with their song “Miracles.” Maybe if they added some caffeine it would be better, but alas it’s just a Slurpee that can help you deal with the warm days of spring and summer, but not offer any protection if you’re wearing the wrong colors in the wrong neighborhood.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 120 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 30 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of potassium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 32 grams of sugar and 0 grams of protein.)

(NOTE: We Rate Stuff also reviewed it, but didn’t like it as much.)

Item: Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee
Price: $1.39
Size: 32 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Refreshing orange flavor. Tastes kind of like a Creamsicle. Warmer weather. Slurpee euphoria. 7-Eleven being around thanks to stoners.
Cons: Needs a tad more vanilla. Justin Bieber. Overuse of words so that they lose their actual meaning. Being Octomom’s gynecologist. Cougar middle school teachers.

The latest flavor of Slurpee, the God of War Kratos Fury Blackberry Lime, seems like it’s trying to give brain freeze to gamers. If you’re not familiar with the God of War video game franchise, you can learn about its background by watching the eventual shitty movie adaptation of it, which you could add to your Netflix queue, if all of your choices have a long wait and you don’t want to watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

For a Slurpee that’s meant for gamers, it’s disappointing to find out it has no caffeine in it. I don’t think a caffeine-free Slurpee promoting a video game, would appeal to gamers because without sweet, sweet caffeine they won’t be able to stay up until the same time most people wake up. Heck, I bet this God of War Slurpee doesn’t even appeal to a God of War because it lacks blood and violence.