The Impulsive Buy » Soda

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 2/4/2012

Marvo — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 10:00:00 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

A Wienerschnitzel Junkyard Dog comes with chili, cheese, onions, fries, and mustard. Sadly, it does not come with a wheel from a 1970′s Datsun Sunny. (via An Immovable Feast)

The British sure love mystery. They gave us Sherlock Holmes and the PBS show Mystery! I wouldn’t be surprised if the Scooby-Doo Mystery Machine was a Vauxhall. Now the British have mystery flavored potato chips. (via Foodstuff Finds)

Here’s a fun little game: Get completely wasted and try to click one of the links in this sentence that lead to the alcohol-related candy reviews Candyblog posted this past week. (via Candyblog)

Trader Joe’s Choczilla Nut Pie makes me giggle. Perhaps it’s because choczilla, nut, and pie have all been used in porn titles. (via What’s Good at Trader Joe’s)

If you hear the name Sweet Blossom Lavender Flowers and think it’s either a women’s deodorant or perfume, you’d be wrong. (via Thirsty Dudes)

Image via flickr user Hugo90 / CC BY 2.0

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 1/28/2012

Marvo — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 11:20:07 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

Thanks to this I can now rub Hooters on my hooters. I hope it burns. (via Foodette Reviews)

If Dr Pepper Ten is just for guys, then who is Sunkist Ten for? I hope it’s other citrus fruits. Cannibalism! (via BevReview)

If I found myself stranded in the middle of Death Valley during the day, I wouldn’t want a Death Valley Root Beer. I’d just want a ride home in air conditioned comfort. (via Thirsty Dudes)

Mars calls their latest candy bar 3 Musketeers Coconut. But because coconuts are big and round and it’s a 3 Musketeers bar, I shall call it the Porthos Bar. (via Candyblog)

Image via flickr user Miker69 / CC BY SA 2.0

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 1/21/2012

Marvo — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 10:00:00 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

Hmm…Peanut butter jelly in a slimy energy bar form or, with a few more ingredients, a form that’ll make me drunk enough to eat peanut butter jelly in a slimy energy bar form. Decisions. (via Crazy Food Dude and Food Junk)

Turns out the McDonald’s Hot Habanero sauce is as spicy as a Ronald McDonald and Wendy romance. (via An Immovable Feast)

There’s already a Big Cock Energy Drink, so of course someone had to make a Little Pussie Energy Drink. So now that this low bar has been set, I guess we just have to wait for Guarana Gangbang Go-Go Juice. (via Possessed by Caffeine)

Swedish fish…but not what many of you might be thinking of. (via Dave’s Cupboard)

REVIEW: Mello Yello Zero

Jeff — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 10:00:53 +0000

Back when I was in college I drank a lot of Fruitopia and Surge. Surge was Coca-Cola’s answer to Mountain Dew. They even aped the extreme sports campaign of Mountain Dew but no matter, I liked Surge and was impartial to the Mountain. In some stupid way I thought drinking Surge was cooler because it was not as popular as Mountain Dew at my university.

Yeah…I was one of those idiots who felt that if things got popular, they were no longer good. Screaming “sell out” while I had an ill-conceived mohawk and noshing on Asian shrimp flavored snacks. God, if I could go back in time I would kick myself in the ghoulies and then wipe the mud off my Cole Haan’s all over my 1995 version’s face.

“Grow the fuck up kid,” I would shout, grabbing myself by his/my ratty Stereolab t-shirt. Then I would drop me back on the ground and kick me 300-style down a pit. Like a cliché, I would raise my arms in victory to the opus of the Maximum Overdrive soundtrack, AC/DC’s “Who Made Who?”

Anyhow, as time went on I discovered martinis and manhattans. Surge eventually went the way of the Sega Dreamcast, pogs and Tamagotchis (which taught a generation to never have kids or pets because the damn thing was so needy). Around this time I noticed a soft drink with the ugliest logo ever called Mello Yello.

I remember that soda when I was a little kid. More importantly, I remembered the original 70’s logo with the cool bubble letters. It reminded me of the neon Doctor Who emblem with Peter Davison. I didn’t know what this strange font was all about but bought a can anyway because I have always wanted to try it. It was too sweet for my taste and I couldn’t get past that wacky lettering. I forgot it and whenever had a rare craving for a citrus soda, I took to Mountain Dew. It was convenient and readily available.

Recently, the House of Coke added Mello Yello to their successful Zero line. If you have tasted the regular Mello Yello but think it is way too sweet you will be in for a pleasant surprise with the Zero edition. I have tried all of the Zero line and personally, I mostly prefer them over the diet versions. First, they taste almost close to the regular versions. Second, the obvious artificial sweetness found in some of the diet ones are muted in the Zero editions.

I really dislike sodas that are amped up in the sweetness department and was concerned about my last encounter with Yello (the soda, not the band). However with the Zero brand, I had to try it and I think my 1995 counterpart would agree as well. The black can is punched up with the retro 70’s logo. “The original smooth” line purred on the can. It sounds more appropriate as a tagline for a Tarantino flick doesn’t it?

I love citrus soft drinks so if you do not, Mello Yello Zero won’t change your mind. Granted I can only drink about one of these every so often because too much of it kills me and I’m now a cola guy. The taste is sweet enough for my preference and not so sugary that it leaves a sticky film on your teeth. Wait, let my 1995 version tell you himself.

Jeff: “Drink this and tell them what you think!”

Jeff 1995 Counterpart: “What? I’m drawing a comic book about goth superheroes… AND this stuff is neon yellow-green like a glow stick that all those ravers dance with, what is this bro? It’s weird looking.”

Jeff: “Shut up and drink it or I’ll rip up your damn Sandman comics autographed by Gaiman!”

Jeff 1995 Counterpart: (sniffs the glass) “Okay, okay, smells of faint lemons but dude, this looks like the Toxic Avenger’s urine test, brah.”

Jeff: “Did I really talk like that? Would you freaking drink it already?”

Jeff 1995 Counterpart: (takes a cautious sip) “You can taste some kind of citrus fruit and it isn’t overcome by any sweetness. It’s actually refreshing, and a lemon-lime flavor hits the back of your throat. It’s bereft of any syrupy unpleasant aftertaste.”

Jeff: “Bereft? Who says that???”

Jeff 1995 Counterpart: “I will say that if someone like sodas on the sweeter side, this may be a bit too bland for their taste buds.”

Jeff: “Good point Jeff and it has to be consumed cold immediately because it doesn’t taste great at all as it heads toward room temperature. Now can you turn off that Prodigy CD? Damn you have bad taste in music too!”

Jeff 1995 Counterpart: “Look I drank it, leave me alone yo. This world doesn’t need more suits, what happened to you and your dreams of becoming an artist? Oooh, lookatme I’m too busy looking up laws and shit, I’m so important, lookatme…Big deal bozo!”

Jeff: “SHUT UP…And note in a year, when a woman buys you a New Monkees CD to impress you, she is hinting that she wants to date you. NOT talk about all thirteen episodes of the damned show you idiot!” (Kicks 1995 Jeff in the baklavas)

Jeff 1995 Counterpart: (Wriggles in pain and disappears in a flash back to the land of horrible Ace of Base singles)

So there you have it. If you like Diet Mountain Dew, I recommend you give Mello Yello Zero a pull. The soda doesn’t have a strong artificial sweetness that I find in other diet drinks. I also recommend you stay away from those Ace of Base singles…yeesh.

(Nutrition Facts – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 50 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Mello Yello Zero
Price: $3.00 for a 12 pack case
Size: 12 ounces
Purchased: Publix
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: It is quite refreshing if cold. Not overly sweet. Time travelling to warn yourself of the upcoming pitfalls. Low in the sodium department. Varied enough to not taste like Diet Mountain Dew. New Monkees.
Cons: It is quite yucky if it starts to reach room temperature. The color will remind you of glow sticks. Time traveling may cause Butterfly effect (the theory, not the stupid film). May be too low in the sweet department for some. May be a miss for fans who like Diet Mountain Dew. Ace of Base.

No related posts.

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 12/17/2011

Marvo — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 10:50:55 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

This will allow you to enjoy prime rib without having to wait in line at a buffet for someone in a white uniform to cut a slab for you under a heating lamp and place it on your plate with a small cup of au jus dipping sauce. But after eating it you’ll wish you were waiting in line at a buffet for someone in a white uniform to cut a slab for you under a heating lamp and place it on your plate with a small cup of au jus dipping sauce. (via Freezer Aisle Files)

Mince pie ice cream…boring. Minced meat pie ice cream…not boring, but also damn disgusting. (via Foodstuff Finds)

It might just be me, but Big Bamboo Jamaican Irish Moss Peanut Drink is a total word clusterfuck. (via Foodette Reviews)

Hanging candy canes on branches is a great way to decorate a Christmas tree. Hanging bottles of candy cane soda on branches is a great way to kill a Christmas tree by ripping off its limbs. (via BevReview)

Image via flickr user VirtualErn / CC BY 2.0

REVIEW: Pepsi Kick (Mexico)

Jeff — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 23:34:48 +0000

Three rules about Mexico.

1. Don’t mess with Danny Trejo, he will eff you up. What? He’s American? ..from California?

2. The Volcano taco’s rule. Huh? That’s not Mexican? You’re kidding me? Not even the red shell part? (hangs head in shame).

3. Coolest thing ever from Mexico: Menudo’s “Like a Cannonball” (Spanish Language version is the ONLY version). Seriously??? They are from Puerto Rico? Really? Aw man I just suck.

Everyone knows the other cardinal rule but please indulge me as I amend it: do not drink the water, but drink the Pepsi Kick.

This product answers the question, “What would happen if Pepsi and Fruit Punch Kool-Aid had unprotected sticky wet sex and made a chubby cute drooly baby?” Meet Pepsi Kick and this variation is one of the tastiest shades I have gulped down in a long time. Even better, no calories and it is sugar free.

Now I know you are asking yourself, “Why the hell did you review something that is only available in Mexico?” Ah hah! I truly suspect that this soda is available in many of our friendly Hispanic markets in the states (friendly as long as you don’t point and giggle at the funny names for products like I do). Further evidence you ask?

The bottle I acquired has cross promotion with the NFL, specifically I bought a bottle that have the Jets and one with the Giants packaging. My understanding is that all thirty-two teams are represented which would lead me to believe that these were intended for the American market as well. I could do without the Jacksonville Jaguars version but everyone’s a critic in this day and age. Suck it Jacksonville!!!

I came across Pepsi Kick during a pause from drinking gin martinis and eating fish roe on water crackers. You see, our cruise ship stopped off in Cozumel. The first thing I did, besides glaring at the people hawking gaudy touristy tee-shirts and glass bottles pressed like a Panini (who buys that crap?), was to run toward the convenience store.

Next to hanging out on the pool lounge where endless pina colada’s are hefted, Valhalla to me during a cruise are the foreign convenience stores I encounter when we dock. I could not wait to see all the foreign products.

My goal was to buy some Mexican-only Lays potato chip flavors and bottles of Mexican Coca-Cola’s which are sweeter and necessary in making a killer Cuba Libre cocktail. Yes, yes…I know the irony of using a Mexican product to make a Cuban cocktail and all the dislike of the two. Sue me. I lived the Chinese-Japanese-Korean triangle of hate, so I understand. My parents still haven’t forgiven me for having our rehearsal dinner at a sushi restaurant. Marrying a white person still irks them.

So what gives Pepsi this kick? And why am I asking myself all these questions in this written article? Because I am off my meds and like Richard Bachman, my twinner demands attention.

This Pepsi has three unique qualities. First, it is loaded with caffeine. Second, it contains disgusting ginseng root. My grandparents used to punish me when I was a child by making me chew on some ginseng. I can still taste it to this day, a dull bitterness that got worse with each bite. Gah! I would rather eat a meal “two girls, one cup” style (Dated joke? Perhaps).

Third, Pepsi’s logo is a bit different (as seen in the picture). I heard that Pepsi has been phasing out their logo, so perhaps this is the new one. I could be wrong, I’m a Coke guy (not the hedge fund manager kind).

Ginseng. Caffeine. Energy drink right? Thus the “kick” label. Notwithstanding the gross ginseng, thank goodness the Pepsi didn’t taste like the horrible root at all. The flavor was definitely all cola, but it had a nice clean fruit punch flavor after each sip. I loved it so much. Me loves you Pepsi Kick!!! Furthermore, the cola wasn’t so sweet and void of any syrupy wash left in my mouth or throat.

The bottle is labeled with “Despierta” which I believe means “Awake.” Not sure if it jazzed me up or made me want to lift a giant novelty Energizer battery like Jacko did in those commercials (look them up, when I was a child Jacko was the man until he guest starred on “Knight Rider”) but the taste won me over. (Wow, really dated joke.)

I’m not sure if a drink is refreshing if you’re not thirsty and what drink isn’t if you are? I will say this…Pepsi Kick is worth hunting for. Forage for them when you hit your neighborhood Hispanic market or when in Mexico, pick up one or twelfty. You will not be disappointed. I was wriggling in anxiety, scared that the customs agents wouldn’t let me carry the few bottles I bought back on the ship. I was able to smuggle them onboard and I hummed Glenn Frey’s “Smuggler’s Blues” in my head (another dated joke???).

Bottom line, buy it if you can find it and if you can find it, buy them all.

(Nutrition Facts – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 30 mg of sodium per 200 ml serving (bottle is 500 ml), less than 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams if sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein)

Item: Pepsi Kick
Price: $1.00 (don’t ask me how much is that in peso’s…I can barely add)
Size: 500 ml
Purchased at: At a no name Mexican convenience store in Cozumel
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: The taste of a fruit punched cola that is balanced in sweetness. No calories or sugar which is rare for an energy drink. Menudo’s “Like A Cannonball” video. Hoping Jacksonville loses their team. Celebrity Cruise line. Indulgence.
Cons: May be difficult to find. Dated jokes. Two girls one cup video. Menudo the soup (ack!). My love/hate relationship with the Buffalo Bills. Cruise ship sushi. Ignorance.

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 12/3/2011

Marvo — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 10:00:00 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

Whenever the electricity goes out, all I need is a rubber band, some bacon, and these gummies to play Angry Birds. (via Foodette Reviews

A Rogue Voodoo Doughnut Bacon Maple Ale sounds disgusting, but it would be even more disgusting if it was a Rogue Voodoo Doughnut Bacon Maple Doughnut Ale. (via Food Junk)

I blame this soda for all the cavities I had in middle school. Oh, and not brushing my teeth. (via Thirsty Dudes)

Hmm…I wonder if this Slow Motion Potion can ease my emotion and prevent me from making a commotion when my devotion for a Laotian lotion is challenged when its dumped into the ocean. (via Possessed by Caffeine)

This crème brulée isn’t hard. Perhaps it needs to see another crème brulée with its top off. (via What’s Good At Trader Joe’s)

Image via flickr user kevinspencer / CC BY 2.0

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 11/19/2011

Marvo — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 10:08:40 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

Hell yeah! I can now enjoy Girl Scout cookies without having to look into the money-sucking eyes of little Daisies and Brownies. (via Food Junk)

This breathable energy shot looks like it would be a good replacement for my current breathable energy shot — crack cocaine. (via ED Junkie)

A canned hemp drink doesn’t sound natural and earthy enough to make hippies put down their kombucha tea. But maybe a canned hemp drink in a can made out of hemp would. (via Thirsty Dudes)

They say real men wear pink. But do real men also drink pink? I don’t know if I’m a real man, but I do drink pink when I have nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, or diarrhea. (via Japanese Snack Reviews)

I don’t know about you, but this beverage sounds like it’s a great way to mess with drug testing lab technicians. (via Foodstuff Finds)

Image via flickr user Marit & Toomas Hinnosaar / CC BY 2.0

REVIEW: Mountain Dew 2011 Game Fuel Tropical

Marvo — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 21:17:24 +0000

I’m so ready to get my hardcore gaming on now that I’ve completed my thumb stretching exercises and I have a bottle of the new Mountain Dew Game Fuel Tropical. The 121 milligrams of caffeine in the 20-ounce bottle is enough energy to get me through a few hours of a crazy all-night shooting and carnage marathon.

Mountain Dew brought back their Game Fuel line to help promote the upcoming game Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. But since it’s currently October and the game doesn’t come out until November, my shooting and carnage marathon consists of playing Angry Birds: Episode 6: Mine and Dine.

The caffeine surging through my body is making me so amped about doing things to wood, ice, and stone that only karate black belts do to demonstrate their skills. And, I’m ready to do things to pigs that only magicians can do — make them disappear in a puff of smoke.

I’m not sure how long it’s going to take for me to conquer every single level, but I imagine I’m going to need every single milligram of caffeine Mountain Dew Game Fuel Tropical provides because Angry Birds is a total time sink and I could easily end up playing for six hours straight and not even notice the sun went down and I skipped two meals.

But who needs meals when I have Mountain Dew Game Fuel Tropical to sustain me. The 290 calories in each 20-ounce bottle is roughly the same amount I can get with a Lean Cuisine meal, so it’s like a meal in a bottle. Sure, it’s what all nutritionists call “empty calories,” but if they’re so empty, why do they make me fat?

The soda’s green color is slightly darker than regular Mountain Dew and its color also makes it look like I can use it to clean my toilet, floors, and countertops, which I wouldn’t recommend, unless you love ants or are curious about what it feels like to be standing in a roach motel, if you use it as a floor cleaner.

The bottle says it has a “charge of tropical flavor,” which, before I drank it, hoped it didn’t mean lime, because that would be super silly since they currently have a lime-flavored Dew with their Taco Bell-exclusive Baja Blast and had a limited edition lime-flavored Dew called Distortion. Well, it turned out to be lime, but not as strong as the other two flavors I mentioned. Its lime flavor was so light that at times, while drinking it, I thought it kind of tasted like regular Mountain Dew. So it’s really not a “charge of tropical flavor,” it’s more like a light petting of tropical flavor.

Mountain Dew Game Fuel Tropical isn’t horrible, but it tastes as if not a lot of effort was put into it. If Mountain Dew put in the same amount of effort I put into completing every Angry Birds level, perhaps they would’ve come up with something better than Mountain Dew Game Fuel Tropical.

(Nutrition Facts – 20 ounces – 290 calories, 0 grams of fat, 110 milligrams of sodium, 77 grams of carbohydrates, 77 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein.)

Other Mountain Dew 2011 Game Fuel Tropical reviews: 
Drink What
BevReview

Item: Mountain Dew 2011 Game Fuel Tropical
Price: $1.50
Size: 20 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Not horrible. 121 milligrams of caffeine per 20-ounce bottle. Code under the bottle cap can be used to to double XP while playing Call of Duty: MW3. My mad Angry Birds skills.
Cons: Despite its color it’s not good for cleaning floors. Tastes like not a lot of effort was put into the flavor since it tastes similar to others. Doesn’t taste like it contains “a charge of tropical flavor.” Sore thumbs from mashing buttons for hours.

REVIEW: Dr Pepper Ten

Jeff — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 10:40:46 +0000

The fall season is beginning to make itself known here in Orlando. We have traded out 95 degree days (with humidity so thick you can cut slices of it and serve with whipped topping) for temperatures in the mid-eighties. The trees are turning from green to the same green. The air smelling of sweat mixed with citrus perfumes are bowing out for scents of sweat and sandalwood ones. Yep, Fall is here.

Who am I kidding? We would never know Fall has arrived if not for those disgusting cinnamon brooms the supermarkets trudge out that assault our noses. The aroma drives me crazy. Why the hell would anyone want their house to smell like smoker’s sneeze? It’s that unique blend of metal and curdled milk? Sorry dad, when you sneezed, it was the olfactory equivalent of Hiroshima.

So here I was in my local supermarket searching for some pizza rolls and the sickening wafts pillaged my nostrils. I didn’t care if I stretched the neck of my fitted t-shirt but I stuck my nose under the collar. Aware that I looked like I was trying to avoid the avian bird flu while roaming the aisles, I did not care. But then I found it, or maybe it found me (cue the Zamfir).

Dr Pepper Ten! All my friends know I am a sucker for two things: soft drinks with new flavors (I’m still hunting for that elusive mint-tinged Sprite Ice) and women who wear eyeglasses (drool). I am aware of the rules because for every Pepsi Lime there is a Pepsi Holiday Spice. I remember drinking the Holiday Spice and thought there was a demand for paint varnish flavored soft drinks. SCORE!!! I held a cold frosty bottle of the new Dr Pepper Ten.

Just to let you know Dr Pepper Ten also comes in the two-liter bottle (which normally go flat incredibly fast) and the standard case of twelve ounce cans. I decided to play it safe and buy the twenty ounce bottle because I did not want to commit to a dozen cans on the chance they taste like crap.

Dr Pepper is no stranger to different varieties of its flavor. I particularly was a big fan of their Dr Pepper Berries & Cream which was short lived in stores. I have been looking for this Dr Pepper Ten for some time and couldn’t believe they were here in front of me. Since writing this piece, they seem to be widely available now. My assumption is they are preparing for a nationwide rollout.

Just to let you know, the TEN refers to the ten calories per serving the doctor has. The weird thing is the ad campaign is marketing itself as a diet soda for men. I’m not sure if it is manlier to drink a diet soda that has ten calories versus none. I’m also not sure how they came up with ten calories being the threshold for a man’s drink versus eight or eleven calories. Honestly, a man’s drink is a tall glass of cheap scotch.

I am pretty certain if I went to my neighborhood biker bar and ordered a martini straight up with two black olives, holding a Dr Pepper Ten is not going to save me from a beat-down. Also do I think a woman drinking a Dr Pepper Ten is any less feminine because it’s supposedly for men? Nope, especially if she is wearing flirty black thin-rimmed eyeglasses.

Regardless of the stupid marketing, it’s all about the taste. The almost boiling weather couldn’t stop the condensation running from the bottle around my fingers. I twisted the cap and heard that satisfying pffffsssssttttttttttttt!

“Oh yeah,” I thought to myself and that was the last of my happiness.

The more appropriate name for Dr Pepper Ten is Dr Pepper Two. Read on and I will explain because like most underwhelming sequels (Ghostbusters II anyone?), this Dr Pepper rates a two. I give it two points: one for effort and another because it is not hydrochloric acid.

Like some beers, I think soda always tastes better in a pre-chilled glass and so I poured a generous amount. The bouquet (yeah I said bouquet) did not have that unique hint of a “nutmegish” scent that Dr Pepper normally has. In fact, it had no scent.

I took a sip and was instantly depressed. There was very little taste of the famous doctor, in fact there was very little taste. I did appreciate the lack of unpleasant sweet syrup that coats your teeth some diet sodas have. However, this is canceled out by the fact there was little flavor.

In fact, it tasted close to plain seltzer which made me pine for that heavy sweetness. Actually, I wouldn’t care if it tasted like prune juice (as it is rumored Dr Pepper is made from) as my taste buds wanted to grasp on to something. It claims there are Ten BOLD tasting calories but it is no bolder than a grey argyle sweater vest.

A clean finish for sure, which many sodas do not have, but what does it matter when there is no taste? I haven’t been this disappointed since Fox unforgivably cancelled the show “Drive” with geek approved actor Nathan Fillion. Speaking of amped manliness, I keep hoping he will team up with Bruce Campbell.

You know, if there are ten calories…it has got to be from eating the cap and bottle. Dr Pepper Ten is obviously for boring men (or men with way too sensitive taste buds). It hasn’t affected me since I still shop at Banana Republic, listen to New Order and have different colognes for night or day.

Furthermore, Dr Pepper Ten states proudly “It’s not for women.” Women aren’t missing much because a poor tasting product will fail regardless of which gender they are aiming for. If Dr Pepper Ten is for men, I’ll take a “girly” Diet Dr Pepper instead. Or a scotch.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 5 grams of carbs, 4 grams of sugars, and 0 grams of protein.)

Other Dr Pepper Ten reviews:
BevReview
BevNerd (video)
Random Dude Eats Random Food

Item: Dr Pepper Ten
Price: $1.59
Size: 20 ounces
Purchased at: My neighborhood Publix that sells those forsaken cinnamon brooms.
Rating: 2 out of 10
Pros: No sticky film on your teeth. Nathan Fillion. Pleasant clean finish. Women in glasses, especially with their hair pulled back. Did I mention it doesn’t leave a sticky film on your “teeths”? Banana Republic circa 2006. It is only ten calories.
Cons: No Dr Pepper taste. No sweet taste. No taste. Networks canceling shows too early thus giving us viewer blue balls. Ad campaign is moronic. Not one of the ten calories are bold. CINNAMON BROOMS. Men, Women…either way it’s not good for either.

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 10/1/2011

Marvo — Sat, 01 Oct 2011 10:00:00 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

It’s hard to believe Sbarro is still in business because I know a lot of people who say SbarNo to Sbarro. (via Grub Grade)

It turns out I’m completely ignorant of French breakfast cereals. This mix of chocolate breakfast cereals isn’t what I thought French cereal would be like. I thought they would be made up of tiny éclairs, cream puffs, and macaroons. (via Gobble Monkey)

A Slim Jim without spicy processed meat? Have I been transported to an alternate universe where Milksop Man Randy Savage told us to slowly split into a Slim Jim? (via Junk Food Guy)

I wonder what Bob Marley would think if he could see his face being used to sell bottled iced coffee. Would he be irie or irate? (via What I Drink At Work)

You know what’s great for settling your stomach? Sweet Corn Soda, Bacon Soda, and Cucumber Soda. Wait. Did I say “settling your stomach”? I meant to say setting your stomach up for puking. (via Vintage Sodas and Drinkable Review)

Image via flickr user gelatobaby / CC BY SA 2.0

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 9/17/2011

Marvo — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 10:00:00 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

I’ve always wondered what happens to the uneaten cake at weddings. (via On Second Scoop)

Sadly, just like cola champagne, you can’t get drunk with a bottle of soda pinot noir. A serving of liquid NyQuil has more alcohol than the both of them combined. (via The Soda Jerks)

May the Force be with you. But if that’s not possible because you lack midi-chlorians, you can at least write the words “the Force” in this and then carry it around with you. (via Office Supply Geek)

Remember Dippin’ Dots? If so, a company now makes a candy version of the frozen treat. I wonder if, just like Dippin’ Dots, they’ll become all the rage for a little while and then fall into obscurity. (via Candyblog)

Wendy’s is testing macaroni & cheese, chili cheese fries, and baked sweet potatoes. Great. More items to draw me away from the Wendy’s Garden Side Salad with vinaigrette I should be choosing. (via We Rate Stuff)

This ginger beer dares drinkers to try it. Well, I double dog dare it to pour itself down the drain. I don’t think it’s got the balls to do it. (via Eat! Drink! Snack!)

Image via flickr user kimberlykv / CC BY 2.0

GUEST REVIEW: Taylor’s Tonics Café Azteca

Guest Reviewer — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 22:54:08 +0000

(Editor’s Note: This guest review come from Aaron, one of the The Soda Jerks. The best way I can describe The Soda Jerks is to compare what they do with what Conan O’Brien did on his old NBC Late Night show. While Conan showcased bands you’ve probably never heard of, The Soda Jerks review sodas you’ve probably never heard of.)

I honestly don’t know what I’m in for with this current review. Let’s just cut to the chase. I have a bottle of Espresso Cola in front of me and it’s a bit unnerving. It’s unnerving because without looking at the ingredients label I can’t even imagine how much caffeine is in this thing. It’s unnerving because I’m not the biggest fan of coffee flavored anything… including coffee. Finally, it’s unnerving because it’s from the makers of Chai Cola and that was a pretty powerful drink in its own right.

The official name of this beverage is Taylor’s Tonics Café Azteca Sparkling & Spiced Espresso Cola. That my friends is a name. Even abbreviated the name becomes T.T.C.A.S.A.S.E.C. making it no shorter than the word musketeer. I’m not sure what that proves but you get the example regardless. The label adoring this bottle is sepia through and through, giving the bottle a fake “Old Westerny” feel. Ingredients of T.T.C.A.S.A.S.E.C. are as follows: Sparking water (infused with Fair Trade Coffee, Cocoa, Cinnamon Bark, and Cayenne), Evaporated Cane Juice, Natural Flavors of Vanilla, Mocha, and Spice, Citric Acid, and Natural Caffeine (40mg). That is one impressive, and daunting, ingredient list for a cola. I guess all we can do now is give it a huff.

Let’s crank up the scare factor for Ol’ Aaron just a bit more. This smells just like an iced coffee. I smell no cinnamon, no vanilla, no cocoa… just coffee. I can only hope that the bitter aroma escapes the bottle as the sweet, sweet, flavor rests inside. Here goes something! Let me make sure I take this bottle and “Rock Gently” as the instructions instruct.

WHOA! Too. Many. Flavors. Without taking another sip for the moment I tasted coffee, cinnamon, cayenne, and cocoa in that one sip. They weren’t blended together in a smooth friendly way either. Each of those individual flavors attacked my mouth in a cruel and menacing way. With the second sip, the coffee flavoring seems to have either died down or my taste buds are instantly used to it now. The cinnamon/cayenne acts as if it’s being forced to be consumed and it’s using all its power to not be. It’s tiny nails slide down the back of my throat giving me one of the harshest mouth feels I’ve had in a very long time, if not ever.

The cocoa only comes in at the end of the terrible roller coaster. The cocoa isn’t a nice guy either, not in the slightest. Cocoa is the guy that ruins those roller coaster pictures they sell after the ride. In this case, he’s flipping you off while his friend vanilla seems to be embarrassed to even be there. There they sit behind you and your family, keeping you from owning one of those overpriced memories.

Café Azteca tastes as if someone decided to make their own soda with all the ingredients they love but they have no idea how to make soda. “Sure we’ll throw in some coffee, and some cocoa, and maybe a little cayenne. Stir it real good, and WHAMO!”

I’ve now had four sips and winced with each one. I’ve been very aware that this soda isn’t for me for quite some time now. I’m sure Café Azteca has a strong market somewhere… probably with people who like coffee soda (all six of them). My stomach is bubbling something fierce, and I really don’t want to drink this anymore. I must suffer and take a fifth sip though. By taking this fifth sip I’ll be able to tell if Café Azteca makes me wince five out of five times. Who cares if something happens four out of four times… five is where it’s at! Let’s find out.

I’ve got to be the simplest simpleton on the planet for doing that, of course I winced. Café Azteca is one of the top three worst sodas I’ve ever had. I’ve never been to Mexico but it seems that Café Azteca is just another way for Montezuma to get his revenge.

Verdict – Do Not Buy!

For more reviews of sodas you’ve never heard of, go and visit The Soda Jerks.

WEEK IN REVIEWS – 8/27/2011

Marvo — Sat, 27 Aug 2011 10:00:00 +0000

Here are a few product reviews posted this week from other blogs we follow.

What’s Kolsyrad Äppeldryck? Is it a Norwegian punk bank? Or is it an IKEA drink? Or is it a piece of IKEA furniture? Or is it the name of a well-hung Swedish porn star? Click here to find out. (via Thirty Dudes)

7 Up calls itself the “Uncola,” but this retro 7 Up can is uncool. (via Soda Reviews)

These things look like a great way to highlight things in a book, but they won’t make good emergency pasties. (via Office Supply Geek)

Carbonation plus dairy? That sounds like a stomachache waiting to happen. Unless you drink this as a chaser. (via Gobble Monkey and The Soda Jerks)

Someone should come create a Trader Joe’s product review blog called Grader Joe’s. Until then, we’ll have to settle for these An Immovable Feast posts. (via An Immovable Feast)

Image via flickr user sun dazed / CC BY SA 2.0

NEWS: Mountain Dew To Bring Back Original Game Fuel Flavor, But Not For The Video Game Barbie: Jet, Set & Style*

Marvo — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 10:00:00 +0000

(*Barbie: Jet, Set & Style is a real video game that will be released next month.)

The Dew is dewing it again.

In 2007, Mountain Dew released their first soda under the Game Fuel label. It had a citrus cherry flavor and coincided with the release of the Xbox 360 game Halo 3. In 2009, they teamed up with Blizzard Entertainment, makers of the popular MMORPG World of Warcraft, to create Mountain Dew Horde Red Game Fuel and Mountain Dew Alliance Blue Game Fuel.

This year, Mountain Dew is joining forces with Activision to bring back Mountain Dew Game Fuel and promote the upcoming game Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, which is scheduled to be released in November. The limited edition Game Fuel will come in two flavors: the original citrus cherry flavor and a brand new tropical flavor.

Specially marked bottles will feature codes that will deliver Double XP time to players in the multi-player mode of Modern Warfare 3. The Double XP time offer will also be available on specially marked packages of Doritos.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 Mountain Dew Game Fuel will be available in October.

Image via flickr user Popculturegeek.com / CC BY 2.0