Wise men once said in the late-1980s, and more recently in a Kia commercial, “Ooh, are you ready girls? Ooh, are you ready now? Ooh, yeah! Kickstart my heart, give it a start! Ooh, yeah, baby! Ooh, yeah! Kickstart my heart, hope it never stops! Ooh, yeah, baby!”

During my teen years, those motivational words from Mötley Crüe made me run faster, drive faster, eat faster, build Lego kits faster, and feather my hair.

But today, because I’m old, decrepit, and my iPod’s alarm allows me to snooze it, I need more than Tommy Lee’s drumming, Mick Mars’ guitar licks, Nikki Sixx’s bassing, and Vince Neil’s screaming to kickstart my heart and morning. Well, Mountain Dew might have what I’m looking for with their new Kickstart beverages.

Sure, if you wanted to Dew the Dew while there’s morning dew, you could drink a regular can or bottle of Mountain Dew, but Mountain Dew Kickstart is made for the morning. It’s a sparkling juice beverage that combines the flavor of fruit juice with the caffeine of coffee. Yes, it’s basically a morning soda that can be part of your complete breakfast. But, just like breakfast cereals, consuming them at two o’clock in the afternoon would not be a faux pas.

Mountain Dew Kickstart comes in 16-ounces cans and two flavors — Orange Citrus (makes sense) and Fruit Punch (not so much). If you were to drink a can to start your morning, you’d have downed 80 calories, 20 grams of sugar, 100 percent of your daily vitamin C, 80 percent of your daily niacin, 80 percent of your daily vitamin B6, and 92 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine, all of which is much better than regular Mountain Dew. A 16-ounce serving of Mountain Dew has 230 calories, 62 grams of sugar, 72 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine, and isn’t a significant source of any vitamins and minerals.

We love our fruit punch here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, so a part of me was excited to see it as a Mountain Dew Kickstart flavor. However, at the same time I was a bit confused about the choice. Fruit punch isn’t a breakfast drink and is stereotypically (according to television) something that’s spiked at school dances with alcohol or Spanish Fly. Perhaps a more breakfast-friendly flavor, like apple, would’ve been better.

The aroma from the can was mildly fruity and somewhat reminded me of Hawaiian Punch. The sparkling juice beverage sparkled moderately, making it easier to drink than any other Mountain Dew soda. It started off with nice sweet fruity flavor similar to other fruit punches I’ve had (which is mostly McDonald’s fruit punch) and ended with an aftertaste that’s similar to Diet Mountain Dew. If you decided to test my taste buds for which fruits make up the punch, I would fail. Overall, it’s not a bad beverage, but I feel weird drinking it with breakfast.

However, Mountain Dew Orange Citrus Kickstart tastes more like something appropriate for breakfast.

The orange-flavored sparkling juice beverage doesn’t have an aroma as strong as its red sibling, and whatever smell there is its a generic citrus. Just like Mountain Dew Fruit Punch Kickstart, it had a mild amount of carbonation, so look elsewhere if you want to wake up with fizz tickling your nose.

The orange citrus flavor tasted more like tangerines, which was fine, but what wasn’t fine was how the initial taste, which, like its aroma, wasn’t very strong, quickly went from mild to extremely watered down to an artificial sweetener aftertaste. Its flavor wasn’t a kickstart; instead it was more of a downshift.

To be honest, I’m not sure who’s going to regularly buy Mountain Dew Kickstart. Xtreme Dew fans will probably sneer at the fact that it’s a “sparkling juice beverage”; hardcore energy drink drinkers will scoff at the 92 milligrams of caffeine per 16-ounce serving; nutritionists will ridicule the 5 percent juice both flavors contain; and 12-year-olds will laugh at the acetate isobutyrate they contain because they’ll probably pronounce it as, “ass taint I saw booty rate.”

But what do I know. I feathered my hair in the late 80s.

(Disclosure: I received free samples of Mountain Dew Kickstart from Mountain Dew. I should also disclose, along with the samples, I also got sunglasses, an iPod shuffle, and Beats Audio headphones in a fancy Plexiglass box. Two of the items will be given away in the near future.)

(Nutrition Facts – 16 ounces – Fruit Punch – 80 calories, 0 grams of fat, 170 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 19 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 100% vitamin C, 80% niacin, 80% vitamin B6, 60% pantothenic acid, and 10% phosphorus. Orange Citrus – 80 calories, 0 grams of fat, 180 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 20 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 100% vitamin C, 80% niacin, 80% vitamin B6, 60% pantothenic acid, and 10% phosphorus.)

Other Mountain Dew Fruit Punch Kickstart reviews:
Thirsty Dudes
The Soda Jerks

Other Mountain Dew Orange Citrus Kickstart reviews:
BevReview
Serious Eats
The Soda Jerks

Items: Mountain Dew Kickstart (Fruit Punch and Orange Citrus)
Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 16 fl. oz. cans
Purchased at: Received from Mountain Dew
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Fruit Punch)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Orange Citrus)
Pros: 92 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine. Good fruit punch flavor. Nice energy boost. Significantly less calories and sugar than regular Mountain Dew. Mild carbonation makes it easy to drink. Awesome source of vitamin C, niacin, and vitamin B6. Mötley Crüe.
Cons: Only 5 percent juice. Weird drinking fruit punch in the morning. Both have an artificial sweetener aftertaste. Orange Citrus’ flavor goes from mild to light. Not sure who will buy this regularly.

According to basic high school chemistry, which I managed to somehow retain despite frequent non-approved nap breaks during 10th grade, a single gram of carbohydrates contains exactly four calories*.

*3.9 if you want to get all technical about it.

According to even simpler preschool math, I have also managed to remember (although in this case, I credit school-sponsored naps) one plus one equals two and four plus four equals eight. So with two grams of total carbohydrates, it’s perfectly reasonable to think the eight calories per can of the new 7 Up, and Sunkist low-calorie sodas would take on names like 7 Up Eight or Sunkist Eight. Likewise, you might think the folks at RootBeer.com would piggyback “Twelve” onto the end of the name for their new low calorie, three carbohydrate version of A&W Root Beer.

Except they didn’t, mostly on account of the FDA having this whole rounding thing going when it comes to calories, but also because saying you’re an “eight” is like wearing a pin that sports how moderately above average but not spectacular you are.

It makes sense when you think about it. I mean, when was the last time you bragged to your friends about scoring that “eight” at the bar or walked into an interview touting the fact that you earned the equivalent of a B- grade point average? Face it. An eight is like losing in the divisional round of the NFL playoffs. It’s not horrible, but nobody really cares or remembers. And 12? Don’t even get me started on 12. Hyperbole might be all well and good for cartoons, but when it comes to superlatives in my food, I can see right through that marketing fallacy.

So we’re left with rounding up on two new sodas and rounding down on one new soda to get us to the magic ten calories which give the new 7 Up Ten, Sunkist Ten, and A&W Ten sodas their names.

It’s not the first time a “Ten” soda has been released. Aside from their calorie (or lack thereof) content, the only thing the new flavors of “Ten” sodas have in common with the previously released Dr. Pepper Ten is that they’re owned by the same company. Otherwise, I would have pegged them as the last sodas to get an upgrade in flavor. Popular Coke or Pepsi products, or something otherwise legendary and iconic? I could see that. Who wouldn’t kill for a Cheerwine 10? But 7 Up, A&W, and Sunkist? This is like the cast of characters that come back for reality shows like Rachel Vs. Guy Celebrity Cooks. But considering this is the most play 7 Up has gotten since Spot Goes to Hollywood hit the Sega Saturn and the most love any flavor of orange soda has gotten since Kel Mitchell went all PG-13 on that bottle in All That, well, I guess it was time for something different.

I started with 7 Up Ten because that seemed like the soda that could be the least offensive of the three. Or as I like to say, boring. Go figure, boring is exactly how it tasted. It has your characteristic diet soda body in that it didn’t leave any syrupy sensation going down, and it lacked the “bite” or harshness which something like Sprite Zero or Diet Sierra Mist has. The carbonation meter on 7 Up is still on the wimpy side, while the taste lacks any zing or pizzazz or other onomatopoeic word you would use to describe soda. It’s terribly typical, and almost indiscernible from Diet 7 Up. I was not a fan.

Next, I moved on to Sunkist Ten because the taste of 7 Up Ten left me feeling pretty plain about my soda drinking and because I thought it would help my self-esteem to be kist by the orange sun of celestial citrus goodness. Of course, I’ve had Diet Sunkist plenty of times in my life and have found it to be about as dull and exciting as getting kist by a grey sun peeking through the fog on a cloudy day.

Sunkist Ten, for some reason completely unexplainable to me, has a much greater intensity and brighter orange flavor than Diet Sunkist, putting it closer to our image of an actual sun kisting you. The carbonation walks the line of being just enough to give you a few quiet burps but not enough to make embarrass you at the office lunch meeting, while the sharper flavor of the orange and citrus do a much better job at covering up the harsh aftertaste of aspartame. Quite frankly, it’s about damn time we got low calorie orange soda that didn’t suck, and would give me cause to consider why someone like Kel Mitchell would kist it back.

With two flavors of ten sodas down (that’s 16 calories, for those keeping track) I moved on to A&W Ten, which prides itself on having aged vanilla flavor.  I’m going to have to take their word for it because I don’t think I’ve ever had aged vanilla before, unless you count the pint of nine-month expired Ben and Jerry’s I once bought at a thrift grocery store.

I thought the taste was a moderate improvement over regular Diet A&W, with the actual liquid having a bit more body and the vanilla and sassafras flavor coming across as sharper and better defined. It’s a good low calorie root beer, although it’s still not nearly as good as Barq’s Zero, which has a serious bite and no calories, but is only available through Coke Freestyle machines. I don’t think they sell those in 12-packs though, so I consider A&W Ten an acceptable substitute for the time being.

The cynic in me wants to back up the assertion that making sodas out of two of the most hated ingredients – high fructose corn syrup and aspartame – isn’t going to please anyone in the regular soda vs. diet soda debate, and if I was going off of 7 Up Ten alone, I’d probably just tell you to buy regular Diet 7 Up or 7 Up depending on your preference.

But as I lifelong diet soda drinker who occasionally dabbles in the empty sugar rush of HFCS-sweetened beverages, I can say there’s a real improvement of flavor and body in both Sunkist and A&W Ten that makes them highly preferable to their zero calorie predecessors.

(Nutrition Facts – 12 ounces – 7Up Ten – 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 45 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbs, 2 grams of sugars, and 0 grams of protein. A&W Root Beer Ten – 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 80 milligrams of sodium, 3 grams of carbs, 2 grams of sugars, and 0 grams of protein. Sunkist Ten – 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 130 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbs, 2 grams of sugars, and 0 grams of protein.)

Other 7 Up Ten, A&W Root Beer Ten, Sunkist Ten reviews:
BevReview: 7 Up Ten, A&W Ten, Sunkist Ten
Purple Knee Socks
Diet Coke Babies

Item: 7 Up Ten, A&W Root Beer Ten, Sunkist Ten
Purchased Price: 25 cents each
Size: 12 ounce cans
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 3 out of 10 (7 Up Ten)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (A&W Ten)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Sunkist Ten)
Pros: Low calorie. Sunkist Ten is like being kist by the sun without the risk of skin cancer. Aged Vanilla in A&W Ten actually tastes more defined and sharper than in diet version. Busting out the Sega Saturn references. School sponsored naps.
Cons: None have heavy bite and carbonation that will get you through the first half of burping the alphabet. 7 Up Ten tastes just like Diet 7 Up. Contains a whole bunch of chemicals that the internet says will give me cancer. Still have Diet Soda body, and not the body you get from abstaining from regular soda, if you know what I mean.

Look at Japan’s Pepsi Special.

Having the word “special” on its label makes it soooo special.

Well, do you know who else was labeled “special”?

Me.

Oh sure, Japanese scientists did research on dextrin, which is in Pepsi Special, and learned that it prevented rats from absorbing the fat they ate and because of that the cola has been designated as a “Food for Specified Health Uses” by the Japanese government.

Well, I aced several tests in the first grade that involved reading at a higher level than all my other classmates, being able to put the square block into the square hole, and drawing trees that looked like trees, all of which designated me for a gifted and talented class.

But look at me now. I could’ve been a doctor, lawyer, pharmaceutical salesperson, or an actor who plays a doctor, lawyer or pharmaceutical salesperson, but the only real accomplishments I’ve had are barely graduating from college, not getting arrested for anything, eating an entire large Pizza Hut pepperoni pizza in one sitting, and not having watched a minute of James Cameron’s Titanic.

I don’t know if the pressure of being labeled as “special” got to me or the years of praise caused my ego to become so large that my arrogance destroyed almost every meaningful relationship I’ve had, leaving me as an empty shell of my former self, but whatever happened I’ve learned that being labeled “special” doesn’t guarantee success.

Pepsi Special should look at my paunch and unshaven face and realize that it could be me in the future. I don’t know what the beverage equivalent of being overweight, unshaven, and sitting in your underwear writing junk food reviews is, but whatever it is, Pepsi Special won’t feel special.

Besides the dextrin and the fancy stamp of approval from Japan’s National Institute of Health and Nutrition, which looks like someone at the front of a boat yelling “I’m the king of the world,” was there anything else special about Pepsi Special?

Yes, Pepsi Special smelled like Pepsi Next and, this is probably a bit blasphemous, it tasted like Coke Zero.

I enjoyed its cola flavor. It didn’t have a strong artificial sweetener flavor like Diet Pepsi and it was nowhere close to being as syrupy sweet as regular Pepsi, but it definitely tasted more like a diet cola. The dextrin didn’t affect the cola’s viscosity in any way and it just blended in with the flavor of the cola.

As for the claims that Pepsi Special will prevent the absorption of the fat in the foods we eat, it’s hard for me to determine if it’s doing anything because I only purchased two bottles. Heck, it’s also hard for me to tell if there are any benefits because I’m not a scientist. I could’ve been one, just like I could’ve been a doctor, lawyer, pharmaceutical salesperson, or an actor who plays a doctor, lawyer or pharmaceutical salesperson, but instead I have to settle for a clean driving abstract.

Stuffing five grams of fiber into a cola that doesn’t taste like it has five grams of fiber is impressive. Although, I wouldn’t recommend drinking a lot of Pepsi Special in one day because the combination of carbonation and fiber can’t be good for both end of the digestive system.

(Nutrition Facts – 11 kcal, 0.4~2.0 grams of fat, 25~46 milligrams of sodium, 5.4 grams of fiber, 0 grams of protein.)

Other Pepsi Special reviews:
Kotaku

Item: Pepsi Special (Japan)
Purchased Price: $4.95
Size: 490 ml
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant cola flavor, if you enjoy low- or zero-calorie Pepsi colas. A bottle has more than 5 grams of fiber. Making diet cola healthy. Being one the of few people on Earth who hasn’t seen Titanic.
Cons: Only available in Japan and on eBay. Hard to determine if the dextrin is doing its job. If you don’t enjoy low- or zero-calorie colas, you won’t like it. Drinking too much of it might turn you into a burp and fart machine.

Do you eat fatty foods AND live in Japan?

Well, I have a beverage for you, my fatty food feasting friend. It’s the new Pepsi Special, which will be released in Japan later this month. What makes this cola special? It’s special because it contains dextrin. What’s dextrin? Well, I’ll tell you what dextrin is, my fact finding friend. It’s a soluble fiber supplement that helps prevent your body from absorbing fat.

You might be thinking to yourself, “That sounds dubious.”

Well, my cynical compadre, Pepsi Special has been certified by the Japanese government as a “food for specific health use.” The certification is based on dextrin experiments with rats by Junichi Nagata and Morio Saito from Japan’s National Institute of Health and Nutrition. But Pepsi Special isn’t the only dextrin-fied cola available in Japan. Earlier this year, Kirin introduced Mets Cola.

Pepsi Special will be released in Japan on November 13th and sold for 150 yen.

Source: Foodbeast

I guess dragonfruit is the appropriate fruit flavor for The X Factor’s Limited Edition Pepsi X since almost everything that comes out of Simon Cowell’s mouth is verbal fire that can burn egos and Britney Spears is bat shit fruity.

Dragonfruit, or better known by Future Farmers of America members as hylocereus undatus, hylocereus costaricensis, or hylocereus megalanthus (depending on the color of the fruit’s skin and flesh), is grown in tropical areas, like this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean I live on.

Just like I’ve never seen an episode of The X Factor, I have yet to try dragonfruit. So seeing as how I could easily get the exotic fruit, I thought it was necessary to taste an actual dragonfruit before writing a review about the dragonfruit-flavored Pepsi X.

It’s a good thing there’s a farmer’s market down the street from me, but it’s a bad thing that dragonfruits were selling for $4.99 a pound. I bought the smallest one, which cost me $5.15.

If you’ve never seen a dragonfruit in real life or saw one when accidentally choosing a Google Image search suggestion for exotic fruits instead of, what you really wanted, exotic females, the most common type of the fruit (hylocereus undatu) has a pretty, pretty pink skin with green leaves protruding out of it and behind it there’s white flesh with tiny black seeds.

A few other interesting factoids about dragonfruits, there’s also a red-fleshed dragonfruit (hylocereus costaricensis) and if you eat too much of it you may get pseudohematuria, which is a harmless condition that turns your urine and feces reddish in color. Now that you know that, I hope you never accidentally choose a Google Image search suggestion for pseudohematuria. And knowing is half the battle.

Oh, speaking of pseudohematuria, the color of Pepsi X was noticeably lighter than regular Pepsi and it looked like it had a reddish hue.

Now that I know what dragonfruit tastes like, I can definitely say Limited Edition Dragonfruit Pepsi X doesn’t have a flavor that’s recognizable as dragonfruit. The dragonfruit’s flesh was mostly bland with a very mild sweetness. It’s as flavorful as cucumbers or kiwis. However, Pepsi X has a strong fruity and slightly floral flavor that doesn’t taste anything like dragonfruit. There’s also very little cola flavor.

Of course, I might’ve selected the wrong dragonfruit to taste and needed to buy the pseudohematuria-causing one. Or maybe, because it’s a little floral, Pepsi is trying to reproduce the flavor of dragonfruit flowers. Or maybe the flavor was developed by blending together dragon meat with fruits.

Whatever the case, I didn’t really care for Pepsi X. It’s interesting and not horrible, but I don’t see myself buying more because its unusual fruity/flowery flavor just doesn’t have The X Factor.

While I didn’t care for Pepsi X’s flavor, I LOVE that Pepsi did something I never thought they would do — release an unusual Pepsi flavor. A dragonfruit-flavored Pepsi is something I’d expect Pepsi in Japan to release, but it was released here in the U.S. That’s extremely exciting. So, within the past few months, Pepsi has launched a malt-flavored Mountain Dew and this dragonfruit-flavored Pepsi. I can’t wait to see what’s next.

(Nutrition Facts – 12 ounces – 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 35 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 30 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein.)

Other Limited Edition Dragonfruit Pepsi X reviews:
Thirsty Dudes
The Holidaze

Item: Limited Edition Dragonfruit Pepsi X
Purchased Price: $3.00*
Size: 12 ounces
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Not horrible. It’s a weird Pepsi flavor that sounds like it should be from Japan, but it’s not. Being able to buy dragonfruits down the street. Future Farmers of America.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like dragonfruit. Fruity/flowery flavor is a bit odd and doesn’t have The X Factor. Very little cola flavor. The price of dragonfruit. Pseudohematuria. Simon Cowell.

*To ensure I could review these as quickly as possible, I bought some off of eBay. It will most definitely be cheaper if you bought it in a store.

Update: Click here to read our Limited Edition Dragonfruit Pepsi X review

According to Beverage Digest’s Twitter account, Pepsi has announced on tonight’s episode of The X Factor a dragonfruit-flavored cola called Pepsi X.

New Pepsi X flavor is Dragonfruit. Announced tonight.See image. twitter.com/BeverageDigest…

— Beverage-Digest (@BeverageDigest) October 5, 2012

The new flavor was chosen by The X Factor’s fans and contestants during “The Pepsi Flavor Audition Tour.” The limited edition Pepsi X will be available starting October 8 in 12-packs, 2-liters, and 20-ounce bottles.

Ah, the watermelon. Citrullus lanatus. The Summer Mistress. The Red Witch. Queen of the Fireflies. The Seedy Lady. The Damsel of Rind Street.

No matter which name you grew up using, Her Watery Majesty never fails to call to mind the carefree days of summer and youth well spent. Hot dogs, Slip ‘N Slides, sandy beaches and the unattainable girl I was in love with who lived next to my grandparents. Sigh. I’m not sure any fruit is more imbued with the power of nostalgia than the humble watermelon.

So with summer drawing to a humid close, let us not forget what the summer of 2012 has brought us. You can proudly tell your future grandchildren that you were at home watching with bated breath the night Michael Phelps did all of those important swimming things that he did. You can tell them that, yes, you camped out in the midnight line for Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection.

And, while nestled cozily in your underground cavern, you can explain to them that you stayed up late to watch the U.S. land the robot on Mars that would ultimately lead to the Martian invasion that nearly eradicated the human race.

It’s been an exciting few months.

And to mark all of these historic occasions, the Japanese arm of Pepsi has released their latest limited time only summer flavor, Salty Watermelon.

I’ve only had one experience with a Japanese Pepsi product and that was with their Pepsi Pink, a strawberry and milk flavored beverage that was released late in 2011. The name Pepsi Pink was a little misleading, as the drink itself was a unique soda entity that didn’t really retain any of the original Pepsi properties.

Pepsi Salty Watermelon is more true to its moniker. Upon opening the bottle, the first thing that surprised me was its nosegrope. There seemed to be some remnant of the original namesake beverage. I could detect both Pepsi and watermelon. The watermelon scent was not overpowering, but smelled a little like the artificial watermelon flavor found in so many hard candies (Jolly Ranchers, et al). But just a little.

That’s really what I was expecting this to be. Just a very sweet, very candy watermelon soda. But it’s not at all. I could still taste Pepsi. Actually, I tasted mostly Pepsi. The watermelon flavor that is weaved in is surprisingly subtle and only really makes its mark after you swallow, and then most strongly if you open your mouth to breathe. The watermelon is almost an afterthought. And it doesn’t taste like Jolly Ranchers at all, but is a pretty good approximation of actual watermelon.

The soda is also not very sweet. I don’t think I’d call it salty, but the sweetness has been scaled back considerably. It’s also very finely carbonated and has a fairly dry finish. Overall, it definitely drinks like a beverage for adults. A lot of forethought and restraint went into this drink. A sugary candy explosion it is not.

I like the bottle design. Can’t go wrong with a watermelon and a beach. And I am a fan of the slender bottles used in Japan. The color of Pepsi Salty Watermelon leaves a little to be desired though. It’s not quite watermelon red. Just sort of pinkish, I guess. But who cares? Close enough.

This is an interesting beverage. It’s not at all what I was expecting. Pepsi Japan continues to offer the world an interesting array of seasonal flavors while we in the U.S. continue to chug the same old same old. Sigh.

Pick up a bottle of Pepsi Salty Watermelon if you can. It’s good. And hurry up, the stupid fall is right around the corner.

(Thanks to wonderful Impulsive Buy reader Michele for sending us bottles of Pepsi Salty Watermelon from Japan.)

(Nutrition Facts – 100 ml – 42 kcal, 0 grams of protein, 0 grams of fat, 19 milligrams of sodium, 10.5 grams of carbohydrates.)

Other Pepsi Salty Watermelon reviews:
Kotaku
Reroute
Japanator

Item: Pepsi Salty Watermelon (Japan)
Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 490 mL
Purchased at: Somewhere in Japan 
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Watermelonic accuracy. Restraint. Yellow plastic and garden hoses. Making up nicknames for fruit.
Cons: You’ll probably never get to try it. Martian invasions. Lost loves named Lindsey.

Are you an extreme designated driver?

If you are, Mountain Dew has a soda that will satisfy your malt-craving taste buds, but do so without any alcohol to impair your judgement. And, as with all Mountain Dew varieties, it has the extreme caffeine (73 milligrams per 16-ounce serving to be exact) to keep you alert during your late night of barhopping with friends so that you can make sure none of them go home with someone they’ll regret in the morning and you’ll be quick enough to pull back the hair of your female friends in time as they throw up on the way home.

That soda, my sober comrade, is Mountain Dew Johnson City Gold. So you can Dew this Dew and still Dew your Dewty to Dewrive your Dewdes and Dewdetts to their Dewplexes after a night of Dewunken Dewbauchery.

Johnson City Gold is named after the birthplace of original Mountain Dew — Johnson City, Tennessee. And, while we’re on the subject of Mountain Dew’s history, did you know Mountain Dew was originally slang for moonshine? And, while we’re on the subject of slang, according to Urban Dictionary, Mountain Dew, today, is slang for the sweat stains under one’s breasts. Although, now that I know Mountain Dew was slang for moonshine and is slang for breast sweat stains, perhaps a more appropriate name for sweaty breasts is boobshine. Just throwing that out there.

Mountain Dew Johnson City Gold tastes like someone mixed Heineken beer and lemon-lime soda. The malty flavor stands out, and might be mistaken for beer, but it’s significantly less bitter than beer. The citrus flavor is noticeable throughout each swig, but more so towards the end. The combination of malt and citrus in a soda sounds like it should be horrible, and I thought Johnson City Gold was going to be revolting, but, after tasting it, I have to say it’s surprisingly tasty. It’s more malty than Mountain Dewy, so if you’re expecting the usual Mountain Dew derivative, your taste buds will be surprised.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this review, Johnson City Gold may taste and smell like beer, but it’s void of any alcohol. Think of it as a non-alcoholic Four Loko. So anyone with enough money and a mouth can buy and drink it. According to news posts I’ve read, PepsiCo executives said malt-flavored beverages are popular in Latin America and the Middle East, and they’re hoping it catches on here in the U.S. But I don’t know if Mountain Dew Johnson City Gold is good enough to make that happen. I like it, but it’s such a unique soda flavor that I don’t think it’ll be a runaway success.

While its flavor impressed me, the fact that a major soda company released a malt-flavored soda has got me really, really excited. I’ve complained a couple of times about the fact that Pepsi in Japan has come out annually with unique limited edition flavors, but here in the United States the flavor choices are less daring. Mountain Dew Johnson City Gold gives me hope that we’ll see more creative soda flavors on U.S. store shelves in the near future.

(Note: Johnson City Gold is now available in select Kroger stores across the Midwest. It will be available in Denver, Colo. and Charlotte, N.C. 7-Eleven stores starting September 1. A nationwide rollout isn’t happening until 2013 and the product will have different names, depending on the region. If you’re wondering where to find Johnson City Gold, here’s a list of stores carrying it. Thanks Mike N.)

(Disclosure: We received free Mountain Dew Johnson City Gold samples from PepsiCo. As you can see, we didn’t get the final production cans with artwork. Instead we received sample cans.)

(Nutrition Facts – 16 ounces – 230 calories, 80 milligrams of sodium, 61 grams of carbohydrates, and 61 grams of sugar.)

Other Mountain Dew Johnson City Gold reviews:
BevReview
Food Junk

Item: Mountain Dew Johnson City Gold
Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 12 ounces
Purchased at: Received from PepsiCo
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Surprisingly good. 73 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine. Perfect malt-flavored beverage for designated drivers. People who live in cities that will be selling Johnson City Gold. Gives me hope there will be more unusual flavors from PepsiCo. Non-alcoholic. The third paragraph of this review.
Cons: Won’t be available nationwide until 2013. If you dislike beer, you will not like this. Awesome source of sugar. Non-alcoholic. Citrus flavor could’ve been a little more pronounced.

Update: Click here to read our Mountain Dew Johnson City Gold review

Johnson City Gold is the latest beverage from Mountain Dew, but it’s not like the Mountain Dew flavors we’re all used to. It’s malt-flavored. But before you alcoholics get excited, it’s also non-alcoholic.

So what’s up with Johnson City in its name? Mountain Dew got its start Johnson City, Tennessee. So sorry, Johnson City, Kansas; Johnson City, New York; Johnson City, Oregon; and Johnson City, Texas, it’s not named after any of you.

The “first batch” of Johnson City Gold will be available later this month for a limited time in select Kroger stores across the Midwest, and in 7-Eleven stores in the test markets of Denver, Colorado and Charlotte, North Carolina starting September 1, 2012. The “second batch” will be available everyone in the U.S., but not until 2013. Although, before the second batch is shipped, you’ll probably find entrepreneurial souls on eBay who would be willing to ship a can to anywhere else in the U.S. for an inflated price.

Before the second batch is released, you can re-name the product and re-design its packaging to best represent one of six regions in the U.S. – South, Southwest, Northwest, Northeast, Great Plains and Great Lakes. Yup, just those regions, so Dew fans in Hawaii and Alaska can suck it!

Oh wait, I’m a Dew fan in Hawaii.

From August 9-16, fans are encouraged to suggest a name that would best represent a malt-flavored DEW tailor-made for their region of the country. One product name, per region, per day, can be submitted, names will be voted on by fans, and finalists will win custom-made gear featuring their suggested product name. From September 19 – October 10, artists can upload label designs that represent the fan favorite product names. Winners will each be awarded a digital camera, with a chance to see their design commercialized in 2013. Go to the Your Malt Dew website to enter your suggestions.

If you’re one of the lucky folks to get your hands on Johnson City Gold, let us know what you think of it in the comments below.

Crystal Pepsi must be jealous of the reduced sugar Pepsi Next. During its year of existence, Pepsi never released other Crystal Pepsi flavors. Diet Crystal Pepsi doesn’t count.

But the reduced calorie Pepsi Next has been around for just four months and it already has two new varieties — Cherry Vanilla and Paradise Mango.

I know that probably would make Crystal Pepsi so mad it would want to pop its top, but it would struggle to do so because, after 20 years, all its carbonation is gone. Well, at least there is some love for Crystal Pepsi, in the form of a disorganized effort to bring it back via numerous Facebook fan pages.

Cherry vanilla is a flavor we’ve seen before from Pepsi. Remember Pepsi Cherry Vanilla and Diet Pepsi Cherry Vanilla? You don’t? Well, the Internet does and so do I. Pepsi Next Cherry Vanilla smells more like Pepsi Vanilla than Pepsi Wild Cherry, but in my mouth the vanilla and cherry flavors are equally balanced. Because of that, it has a milder cherry flavor than Pepsi Wild Cherry. There’s a slight artificial sweetener aftertaste, but it’s far less harsh than Diet Pepsi.

As for Pepsi Next Paradise Mango, its aroma didn’t register as mango to my nose, instead it smelled more like apricots. Because of my past experiences with mango flavored beverages, I presumed this soda was going to have an extremely artificial mango flavor, but I was pleasantly surprised that wasn’t the case. I don’t know how the mad scientists at Pepsi did it, but they created a cola with a nearly authentic mango flavor. I say, “nearly” because its aftertaste is a bit artificial and the soda as a whole becomes a little more unnatural tasting the warmer it gets.

Now this is the part of the review where I bring up aspartame and high fructose corn syrup. Just like regular Pepsi Next, both of these flavors contain the sweeteners. If the comments in our original Pepsi Next review are any indication, people have strong negative opinions about them and they like to share those opinions with other people. For those of you who don’t want to look back through the 100+ comments, here’s what I vaguely remember the comment thread looked like.

Commenter #1: “Aspartame is evil!”

Commenter #2: “High fructose corn syrup is making everyone fat! It’s evil!”

Commenter #1: “No, aspartame is evil!”

Commenter #2: “No, HFCS is evil!”

Commenter #1: “ASPARTAME!”

Commenter #2: “HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP!”

Commenter #1: “Oh my God, you’re so hot when you’re angry! Let’s make out!”

Commenter #2: “Okay!”

Commenter #1: “Mmmmm.”

Commenter #2: “Mmmmm.”

Commenter #1: “Oooh baby, you have a fine, tight aspartame.”

Yup, I believe the comments went something like that.

Pepsi Next Cherry Vanilla & Pepsi Next Paradise Mango are both really good. I want to say they’re a step above regular Pepsi Next, but that could be my taste buds talking who are slightly tired of Pepsi Next since I’ve been drinking a lot of it over the past few months. These two new Pepsi Next flavors should continue to make Crystal Pepsi jealous because they’re good enough to ensure the Pepsi Next line will exist longer than Crystal Pepsi did.

Disclosure: We received free Pepsi Next Cherry Vanilla & Pepsi Next Paradise Mango samples from the fine bubbly folks at Pepsi in order to do this review. They came in a nice plexiglass box with a beach scene at the bottom of it with real sand. To be honest, I don’t know what I’m going to do with the box.

(Nutrition Facts – 12 ounces – 60 calories, 0 grams of fat, 60 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 15 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Other Pepsi Next Cherry Vanilla & Pepsi Next Paradise Mango reviews:
BevReview
Thirsty Dudes

Item: Pepsi Next Cherry Vanilla & Pepsi Next Paradise Mango
Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 12 ounces
Purchased at: Received from the folks at Pepsi
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Cherry Vanilla)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Paradise Mango)
Pros: If you enjoy Pepsi Next and your taste buds want more variety, these will do nicely. Less sugar than regular Pepsi. Equal balance of cherry and vanilla. Nearly authentic mango flavor. Going to be around longer than Crystal Pepsi.
Cons: 38 mg of caffeine per can. Slight artificial sweetener aftertaste. Too many bring back Crystal Pepsi Facebook fan pages. Mango flavor becomes a little unnatural as the soda gets warmer. Those who hate aspartame and/or HFCS will not like it.

Like a vampire completely sucks the blood out of its victim, the Instagram Inkwell filter removes color from a photo, and Toddlers & Tiaras completely destroys my belief in humanity, Pepsi Black from Japan made my mouth feel like it was being completely robbed of its ability to taste.

Pepsi Black had a pleasant lemon aroma, and for a brief moment it tasted like a Diet Pepsi mixed with lemon cleaner. While its initial flavor sounds a little bad, what quickly followed was much worse.

I could describe Pepsi Black’s flavor as almost nothingness, but I could also say it’s as if Pepsi Japan figured out a way to bottle sadness and give it a flavor.

Thankfully, Pepsi Black’s bleak flavor disappeared soon after the liquid passed my oral cavity, but my taste buds experiencing sadness is a feeling they won’t soon forget.

So what makes the limited edition Pepsi Black taste more like Pepsi Bleck?

My guess is the fact that it’s a significantly reduced sugar cola. According to the bottle, it has 50 percent less sugar than regular Pepsi.

Using the power of mathematics, I calculated a 490 ml bottle of regular Pepsi in Japan has around 54-56 grams of sugar. So this Pepsi Black should have around 27-28 grams of sugar.

Because I can’t read Japanese, which makes my ancestors weep, I’m not sure if Pepsi Japan replaced the sugar with artificial sweeteners, but it doesn’t taste like they did. Since Pepsi Black tastes like depression, I wonder if they used artificial saddeners by mistake?

Pepsi Black is quite possibly the second worst soda that has ever passed through my parted lips, with Jones Bacon Soda being the worst. It’s not refreshing or tasty. Instead, it’s liquid depression.

(Nutrition Facts – 100 ml – 24 kcal, 0 grams of protein, 0 grams of fat, 8 milligrams of sodium, 5.8 grams of carbohydrates, 5.6 grams of sugar.)

Item: Pepsi Black (Japan)
Purchased Price: Received as gift
Size: 490 ml
Purchased at: 7-Eleven Japan
Rating: 1 out of 10
Pros: 50 percent less sugar than regular Pepsi. Limited edition. Pleasant lemon aroma.
Cons: It’s taste more like Pepsi Bleck. Chemically lemon flavor, which was replaced by depressing nothingness. Not refreshing. Liquid depression. Not being able to read Japanese. Toddlers & Tiaras.

The new, limited time only Mountain Dew Dark Berry is Mountain Dew with a blast of mixed berry. I think it’s fitting that this new Mountain Dew is berry flavored because berry is the fruit of justice.

Actually, I’m not 100 percent sure berry is the fruit of justice. But, when I say, “berry is the fruit of justice” in Batman’s raspy voice, it makes it sound like it is. Although, now that I think about it, if I said, “kumquats are the fruits of justice” or “cherimoya is the fruit of justice” in Batman’s voice, they also sound legit.

Actually, I don’t think there is a fruit of justice. There’s the TV show Sword of Justice, the Super Friends’ Hall of Justice, King Henry I was known as the Lion of Justice, and there’s 1990 National League Rookie of the Year David Justice, but no fruit of justice. Well, berry should be the fruit of justice because berries and justice can both end up sweet or sour.

I should let you know I wrote the previous paragraphs with Christian Bale’s Batman voice in my head. Well, I think it’s Christian Bale’s Batman voice, because I kind of forgot what it sounds like. So instead of re-watching the Christopher Nolan Batman movies, I just did a mashup with Keanu Reeves’ voice from The Matrix with Nicolas Cage’s voice from any movie he’s been in.

Mountain Dew Dark Berry, or as the lazy bottle says, Mtn Dew Dark Berry, has a dark purple color, which is fitting because purple is the color of justice.

Okay, again, I’m not 100 percent sure purple is the color of justice, but it might be because purple is the color of Daphne’s dress in Scooby Doo, and Scooby Doo is all about justice. Yes, I’m totally stretching it, but I really wish this Dew was blue in color so I could say blue is the color of justice because it’s one of the siren light colors on top of cop cars.

Mountain Dew Dark Berry has a berry aroma and flavor very similar to Mountain Dew Voltage, the raspberry citrus-flavored Dew that won the first Dewmocracy. Although, Dark Berry is supposed to be mixed berry, it tastes mostly like raspberries and at times it reminds me of a Louie-Bloo Raspberry Otter Pop. There’s also the obligatory citrus flavor in Mountain Dew Dark Berry, but it’s subDEWed.

Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

I like Mountain Dew Dark Berry because it has a pleasant, sweet berry flavor with a hint of citrus, and a decent amount of sweet, sweet caffeine (91 mg per 20-ounce bottle). But just like Batman is haunted by the images of his parents being murdered in front of him, I can’t get out of my mind that I’ve had this Mountain Dew flavor before.

(Disclosure: I received this bottle of Mountain Dew Dark Berry for free from the folks at Mountain Dew in order to review it. I should also disclose I’m Batman.)

(Nutrition Facts – 20 ounces – 290 calories, 0 grams of fat, 105 milligrams of sodium, 77 grams of carbohydrates, 77 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Mountain Dew Dark Berry
Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 20 ounces
Purchased at: Received from the folks at Mountain Dew
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Nice berry flavor. Sweet, sweet caffeine. The rebooted Batman series. Louie-Bloo Raspberry Otter Pops. Reading this review out loud using Christian Bale’s Batman voice.
Cons: Tastes too much like another Mountain Dew flavor. Might be too sweet for some. Remember that time Jim Carrey was The Riddler? The Dark Knight Rises is the last Christopher Nolan Batman movie.

Pepsi Japan is releasing a salty watermelon flavor this summer. To some of you this might seem odd, but this upcoming soda is probably the tamest thing the Japanese people have ever done to a watermelon.

For decades, Japanese farmers have made square watermelons and today they sell for around $150-$200 US. They also produce black watermelons, which are pricier than the square ones.

The Salty Watermelon Pepsi will be available in Japan on July 24 and will come in a 490 ml bottle. If you don’t live in Japan, which I believe is the case for 99.8 percent of all TIB readers, you can probably get your hands on some online via J-List, NapaJapan, or eBay.

Next month, Suntory, Japan’s only bottler, distributor, and licensee for Pepsi, will release the limited edition Pepsi Black. The dark colored soda will have 50 percent less sugar than regular Pepsi and a lemon flavor. It follows the bright colored Pepsi Pink, which was released in Japan last fall, and Pepsi Dry, which was released last summer.

Here’s the Google Translated press release, because the translations are sometimes funny.

Suntory International Food Co., Ltd., as a new lineup of PEPSI, will launch new nationwide from Tuesday, June 19, Coke “Pepsi Black” not sweet for adults.

The Company launched the “Pepsi dry” in May last year, has created a new genre in cola drinks market “not sweet” that Coke.

This time, it is intended to release new Coke “Pepsi Black” for adults in addition to the value “not sweet”, and reinforced a sense of satisfaction when drinking.

Awaiting, we have enhanced the aftertaste with suppressed sweetness is to receive 50% off the sugar compared to the “Pepsi Cola”, streamlined and made ​​with a sense of satisfaction when drinking by adding the scent of lemon fresh new . The package adopted for the first time the PEPSI logo black and white design was finished in classy black-toned.

In addition, we clearly express that be called “black” product name “not sweet” taste.

It should be noted, such as turning on the TV-CM from actively when released, will continue to appeal strongly the charm of the “Pepsi Black”.

Pepsi Black will be released in Japan on Tuesday, June 19th and will come in 490 ml bottles that retail for 140 yen. If you’re not in Japan, which 99 percent of you aren’t, you’ll probably be able to pick some up via eBay, J-List, or Napa Japan.

Source: Rocket News

Update: Click here to read our Mountain Dew Dark Berry review

According to a post over at BevReview, Mountain Dew is planning to release a new flavor this summer, Dark Berry. The new flavor is a movie tie-in for the upcoming The Dark Knight Rises, which is scheduled to be released July 20, 2012. ComicBookMovie.com has images of the packaging.

According to BevReview, the caffeinated beverage will be mixed berry flavored and isn’t a renamed version of any previous Mountain Dew flavors. It will be available sometime in June and hang around for eight weeks.

I’m excited about this Dark Berry flavor, but Mountain Dew would excite me even more if they held another DEWmocracy election this year. They did one in 2008 and 2010, so if my math is correct, it’s about time for another.