Like a spontaneously occurring geyser in the middle of Yellowstone Park, sparkling water is bursting forth from the underground and having a Renaissance upon the aisles of the grocery store.

“Sparkling water. What’s the big deal?” you may say to yourself, and, indeed, you are justified in your asking.

Sure, sparkling water had its heyday in the Depression-Era soda shops, but, ever since falling into the hands of nefarious clowns bent on squirting it in the faces of unsuspecting patrons, its sparkly potential has been pushed out of the limelight.

Yet, like the resurrection of Star Trek on the big screen, this carbonated beverage has returned to claim its rightful place in the public eye, and Coca-Cola’s Glacéau is giving flavored sparkling water a shot with this new “Fruitwater.”

Is it soda? Is it water? Or something altogether different? The questions linger…

One of the key marks of a good soda/sparkling water is the balance of fizz. Too little and it tastes like a flavored mistake. Too much and it feels like microscopic bees are stinging down your esophagus lining. This particular iteration is definitely on the stronger side of fizziness, but it’s not so harsh that it feels like you swallowed the Drano form of carbon dioxide. It’s smooth and easily drinkable, yet those carbonated bubbles bubble up around the top to remind you, “Hey! Look at me! I’m releasing carbon dioxide into the air with all my effervescence!”

I’m sure the wilting dogwood tree outside my window will be very happy for all that carbon dioxide it can now use for photosynthesis.

But I don’t drink bubbly drinks for their fizz. I drink them because I hope they taste good, and flavored sparkling water can taste of anything from aspartame to bubbly diesel fuel.

Luckily, this drink is not of the latter. Actually, it has a pretty good, non-fancy citrus flavor going on. It’s a simple mix of sweet and tangy with a citrus pop. Orange comes at the forefront of flavors here, although I might specify it more as a tangerine than an orange. I can’t really detect too many mango nuances. In fact, I might more classify it more as a peach aftertaste with hints of…Tang? Yes, Tang if you bottled it and poofed in some carbonation.

Maybe I’m dehydrated or just being a goon-head, but I think there’s a cooling effect in the artificial sweeteners and it seems to be making the whole drink taste sweeter. Not so much so that it overpowers or embitters the beverage, but it’s noticeable. I enjoy it, but I have 32 sweet teeth. If you find yourself with a lower sweet tooth count and/or are sensitive to artificial sweeteners, be wary.

The world is filled with dangerous things like E. coli, mountain lions, and large, pink umbrellas that knock you in the head while you’re walking down the sidewalk. It’s in a dangerous world like ours that you need the immune system of an alligator and, thus, it was with a sigh of relief that I found this new fizzy Fruitwater enhanced with lots of B-vitamins sure to enhance your immune system.

There aren’t even any calories in here, but that also means there’s no fruit involved, making the whole “Fruitwater” moniker a bit of misnomer, but hey, taste trumps accuracy for me on this one. If I want fruit, I’ll go with juice.

I was a bit Sherlock-Holmesian in my high degree of skepticism for this new Glacéau traveler, but was happy to find myself proved wrong. While not exactly “fruit” or “water,” this is a pretty good soda-like beverage with a simple orange/tangerine taste. Yes, something about artificially flavored carbonation satisfies, and it’s nice to find a new option that doesn’t taste like someone bottled up an Alka-Seltzer.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bottle – 0 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of potassium, Less than 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugars, and 0 grams of protein, 20% Vitamin B6, 20% Magnesium, 20% Pantothenic acid, 20% Zinc.)

Item: Glacéau Fruitwater Orange Mango
Purchased Price: $1.15
Size: 16.9 fl. oz.
Purchased at: Food Emporium
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Simple orange flavor. Carbonated Tang. Lots of B-vitamins. Balanced fizz. Calorie-free. Talking carbon dioxide bubbles. Photosynthesis. May make you immune to attacks by mountain lions.
Cons: Questionable mango presence. May be too sweet for some. Makes me remember all the bad sparkling water I’ve had. No actual fruit. Nefarious clowns. Pink umbrellas that knock you in the head. May not make you immune to attacks by mountain lions.

When I think of sports drinks, Gatorade is the first one that pops in my head. Although, when I’m super dehydrated after an eight-mile run, I think of any liquid I can get my hands on, but most of the time it’s Gatorade.

Besides Gatorade, there’s Powerade and…I can’t come up with names of any others. But now I can add Kraft’s MiO Fit Liquid Water Enhancer to the short list of sports drinks in my head. MiO Fit’s got what plants crave. It’s got electrolytes. It also has B vitamins.

MiO Fit will be available in 1.08-ounce bottles in two flavors: Berry Blast and Arctic Grape. Each bottle will make 18 eight-ounce servings. MiO announced the new flavors on their Facebook and Twitter pages.

Introducing new #MiOFit Berry Blast! RT if you’re looking forward to some MiO Fit replenishment. twitter.com/makeitmio/stat…

— MiO Water Enhancer (@makeitmio) January 2, 2013

This week, Rockstar Energy showed off at the National Association of Convenience Stores (NACS) Show a new line of energy water. Rockstar Energy Water is sugar free, has zero calories, contains 125 milligrams of caffeine per bottle, and will be available in three flavors — Tropical Citrus, Orange Tangerine, and Blueberry Pomegranate Acai.

Beverage Digest posted an image of all three flavors on Twitter.

New “Rockstar Energy Water.” Zero calories. Three flavors. Attached info from source at C-store trade-show. twitter.com/BeverageDigest…

— Beverage-Digest (@BeverageDigest) October 9, 2012

BevNet has more information about the Rockstar Energy Water line.

This isn’t the first time Rockstar has entered the enhanced water waters. After doing a little research on Google, it turns out Rockstar sold a line of energy water in Australia, which appears to have been discontinued in 2010 or 2011.

When will it be available? Rockstar isn’t saying, but a better question to ask about Rockstar products would be, “When is Rockstar Energy going to make a beverage fit for a rockstar, like energy Champagne?”

Source: BevNet

Last year, SoBe introduced a Lifewater line with coconut water because coconut water was as hot as acai was the year before. And now VitaminWater has finally stuffed some coconut water into a new flavor called Coco-Refresh.

VitaminWater Coco-Refresh contains 10 percent real coconut water from concentrate, which is also the case with the SoBe beverages. Like all VitaminWater varieties, the coconut and pineapple-flavored Coco-Refresh has a purpose. While some help you focus and others help your skin, the latest has the amazing ability to rehydrate you.

Ooooh! Rehydration! I wish all the other VitaminWater varieties had that ability. Oh wait, they all have water, so they do.

Drink What has a review.

A 20-ounce bottle has 120 calories, 0 grams of fat, 30 milligrams of sodium, 880 milligrams of potassium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 31 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 100% vitamin B6, 100% vitamin B12, 100% panothenic acid (vitamin B5), and, of course, it’s got electrolytes.

A quick comparison between Sobe Lifewater Coconut Water and VitaminWater Coco-Refresh shows Coco-Refresh has more calories and sugar than Sobe Lifewater Coconut Water, but it also has less sodium, more potassium, and all those B vitamins.

When I was in sixth grade, I opened a lemonade stand in my neighborhood to make money so that I could buy Choose Your Own Adventure books. Unfortunately, not a lot of foot and car traffic went through my neighborhood, it’s a pain in the ass to squeeze lemons, and I didn’t understand the concept of ratios. My lemonade ended up being either too sour, too watery, or too cavity causing.

If only I had the new MiO Lemonade and Blueberry Lemonade Liquid Water Enhancers back then…or Countrytime lemonade powder mix…or the courage to shoplift, then I would’ve had all of the Choose Your Adventure books.

Like the other MiO flavors, these two new varieties have 0 calories and can make 24 eight-ounce servings per bottle. But more importantly, there’s no seeds to worry about or lemon juice flying into my eyes. Just squeeze the instructed amount into eight ounces of water and voila!

BevReview and Drink What have images of the two new flavors.

When I first saw the new VitaminWater Attention bottle, I thought to myself, “Finally, a VitaminWater for horny men!”

The label is green, which everyone knows is the horny color, and if you’ve got a dirty mind, the word “attention” screams erection. And the red liquid represents the blood which…well, you boys and girls know how an erection works.

I thought a VitaminWater for sexual health was a logical next step since it seems there’s a VitaminWater for every situation. Need energy? There’s VitaminWater Energy. Need to focus? There’s VitaminWater Focus. Want healthy skin? There’s VitaminWater Zero Glow. Want the courage to face a tiger in a raw meat vest? There’s probably a VitaminWater for that too and it might be called VitaminWater Nerve or something like that.

And the list goes on and on until the break of dawn.

However, after reading the label, it turns out VitaminWater Attention isn’t liquid Viagra, instead it’s kind of a liquid Ritalin that helps one focus. Color me Viagra blue with disappointment.

So how does VitaminWater help one focus?

I was hoping they found a way to bottle YouTube cat videos because, my goodness, they’re really good at grabbing my attention and keeping it, but instead Glaceau does it with a 1-2 punch of 87 milligrams of caffeine and 15 grams of glucose.

With the amount of caffeine it has, I believe VitaminWater Attention is the most caffeinated VitaminWater on the market, and it has more of the good stuff than a skinny can of Red Bull. While this VitaminWater has a decent amount of caffeine, I’m not sure about the glucose. But I do know studies have shown glucose helps with mental performance.

VitaminWater Attention is Fuji apple and watermelon flavored, which explains the green label and red liquid much better than my reasoning (see 2nd paragraph). If you like watered down apple flavored products, that’s not like drinking severely watered down apple juice, you’ll enjoy this particular beverage. However, if you’re hoping for a watered down watermelon flavored product, VitaminWater Attention is probably not for you. There is a little bit of watermelon flavor, but it comes with the slight tartness at the end of each swig. Yes, tartness doesn’t happen with actual watermelon, but does with a particular watermelon hard candy I’m tired of naming that rhymes with Golly Blancher.

Although VitaminWater Attention doesn’t have a lot of watermelon flavor, I kind of like it. It’s pleasant and refreshing. As for helping me focus, I thought the caffeine did its job, but it’s hard for me to determine if the glucose did anything. With cocaine, 15 grams is a lot, but I have no idea if 15 grams of glucose is a lot or a little.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bottle – 120 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 31 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 100% vitamin C, 100% vitamin B6, 100% vitamin B12, and 100% pantothenic acid.)

Other Glaceau VitaminWater Attention reviews:
Foodette Reviews (Really hated it)
Drink What (Enjoyed it)

Item: Glaceau VitaminWater Attention
Price: $1.00 (on sale)
Size: 20 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant watered down apple flavor. 87 milligrams of caffeine. Awesome source of Vitamin C. Awesome source of B vitamins. VitaminWater for every situation. No bitterness from caffeine. It’s got electrolytes.
Cons: Not much watermelon flavor. 31 grams of sugar per bottle. Not sure if 15 grams of glucose is a lot or a little. Not a VitaminWater for sexual health.