Stephen Lynch-Live at the El Rey DVD

Written by | October 14, 2004

Topics: DVD

Live at the El Rey

I’m a really big fan of comedian-singer Stephen Lynch. I’ve been a fan ever since I saw his Comedy Central special.

Lynch is known for his well-crafted songs, which will make you laugh, and sometimes they’ll also make you wince and grimace.

If you don’t like songs about superheroes, best friends, Dungeons & Dragons, the Special Olympics, foreign taxi drivers, killing kittens, ulgy newborn babies, or priests who REALLY like altar boys, Stephen Lynch may not be for you.

Recently, he released a live performance DVD called, Live at the El Rey and it’s much better than the Comedy Central special. It’s better because unlike basic cable television, with DVDs there are no FCC regulations.

As inmate #55170-054 in West Virginia would say, “It’s a good thing.”

Besides his live performance, the DVD also contains the mandatory bonus material, which consists of more performances in other comedy clubs, skits, and a video tour diary. One of the great things about the DVD is the abundance of previously unreleased material. There are six songs on the DVD that weren’t released on Lynch’s two albums, A Little Bit Special and Superhero.

Now comedians like Lynch, Adam Sandler, and Jimmy Fallon, inspired me at one point in my life to become a singing comedian. Unfortunately, there were some slight problems with that idea. (1) I don’t own a guitar. (2) I don’t know how to play guitar. (3) I have a tremendous fear of speaking in front of people. (4) Whenever I attempt to sing, my voice cracks like I’m going through puberty again.

However, before I realized that I didn’t have a musically inclined bone in my body, I actually ended up writing a song. Below was my attempt at comedic stardom.

Beer Goggles

I see a beautiful girl from across the bar.
I feel compelled to find out who you are.
I’m nervous, afraid, and not of your league.
Could you be the woman of my dreams?

I slide across the room to get a closer view.
It took awhile because I had more than a few.
I sit so close that I could smell her perfume,
She’s got to be the hottest babe in the room.

What’s your name? What’s your sign?
Or shall I just use some lame pickup line.
But when you turn around and look my way,
I try hard to keep in the feelings I want convey.

I thought I would be your Romeo, and you’d be my Juliet.
My beer goggles hid from me a face I’d like to forget.
You were good from a far, but far from good,
My beer goggles made me think you could,
Be the one I’ve been searching for all my life,
But your breath doesn’t smell quite right.

Your fake eyelashes look like Venus Fly Traps,
Is that hair coming out from between your rack?
Your three nipples are pointing in different directions.
Are you scratching because of STDs or yeast infections?

Your mole made you look like Cindy Crawford I guess,
But now you look like the Wicked Witch of the West.
I didn’t notice the mustache you have until now,
But I guess it really goes well with your unibrow.

Is that a gap or are you missing your front teeth?
Why does it suddenly smell like sweaty feet?
Is your wooden leg the reason for your crutch?
Why did that guy just ask you how much?

I thought I would be your knight in shining armor,
But you looked much, much better when you were farther.
You were good from a far, but far from good,
My beer goggles made me think you could,
Be the one I’ve been searching for all my life,
But I don’t have $50 to take you home tonight.

You’ve been a wonderful audience. Thank you and good night!

Item: Stephen Lynch-Live at the El Rey DVD
Purchase Price: $10.49 (Amazon)
Rating: 5 out of 5
Pros: Really funny. Many unreleased songs.
Cons: Never became a singing comedian, which maybe a good thing. If you are easily offended, this is not for you.

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The Best of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog DVD

Written by | September 8, 2004

Topics: 5 Rating, DVD

Triumph DVD

While browsing though the DVD new releases section at my favorite national brick and mortar music and video store chain that has filed for bankruptcy due to online shopping and illegal downloading, I came upon several interesting titles.

For example, the Olsen twins’ “New York Minute,” which I would’ve gotten, but I’m not a teenage girl or a lonely, scary middle-aged man, who gets Victoria’s Secrets catalogs delivered to his mailbox under a female alias.

I also happen to come upon a DVD I was hoping they would put out someday, The Best of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

Holy crap! All of my favorite Triumph moments are on this DVD.

Let me tell you, buying this DVD is a lot easier than trying to illegally download Triumph clips via Kazaa or Limewire. To download these clips is sooo slow sometimes and not every clip is available. Plus, the Hollywood Squares clip is kind of fuzzy, like someone recorded the clip on a television that gets its reception from a cheapo antenna.

Not like I do that kind of illegal downloading, Mr. Recording Industry Association of America and Ms. Motion Picture Association of America.

Um…like I said before, all my favorite Triumph moments are on this DVD.

From the classic Attack of the Nerds, where Triumph harasses the nerds waiting in line at the Star Wars: Attack of the Clones premier to his appearances on the previously mentioned Hollywood Squares to all his Westminster Dog Show segments to his trashing of Bon Jovi.

As with all DVDs there are some never-before-seen extras, like more footage on Triumph’s Attack of the Nerds. There can never be too much of harassing of nerds. If I have to go through the constant harassment, every nerd should go through it.

There’s approximately 150 minutes of laughter for you and many minutes of steamy dog-puppet-on-dog action your pooch might enjoy.

Item: The Best of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog DVD
Purchase Price: $14.99 (on sale)
Rating: 5 out of 5
Pros: Damn funny! All of Triumph’s classic comedy bits are on this DVD, which makes illegally downloading them unnecessary. Possible pooch porn.
Cons: Not everyone’s cup of tea, like my parents and your parents. Possible pooch porn.

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