[When my oldest daughter started talking, we transitioned her from Cheerios to Alpha-Bits, and as a side effect wondered if they'd boost her language skills.  They just stopped selling Alpha-Bits at our grocery store, so I guess my youngest will have to make do with just the one letter.]
 
Ah, Cheerios… dullest of all breakfast cereals.  There’s a measure of respect in that — you don’t become an institution by pandering to the latest fads like “marshmallows” or “sugar,” or by changing your shape or packaging every six months like some hussy — but the fact remains, Cheerios are boring.  Rice Krispies at least crackle and pop (that “snap” stuff is BS), and if nothing else Total and Bran Flakes come in irregular shapes.  (Shredded Wheat doesn’t count, no one under 65 has ever eaten any.)  Honey Nut Cheerios are essentially the “kids” version of Cheerios, and when that wasn’t enough, they started frosting the sumbitches.  But the reinvention bug is hard to shake once it digs into your scalp and lays eggs, and recent years have brought a slew of new Cheerios varieties from General “Bills” Mills.  The latest?  Dulce de Leche Cheerios and Multi Grain Cheerios Peanut Butter.
 

You have to think it’d be hard to screw up caramel-flavored Cheerios, and you would be right.  Actually, I’m surprised it’s not a more common flavor — offhand I can’t think of any other caramel cereals I’ve ever heard of, though I’m sure there must have been some.  Seems like a pretty obvious taste to partner with milk, but I guess that’s why I’m not one of those high-powered cereal fat cats.  Regardless, it’s been implemented to good effect here.  Wikipedia tells me that “dulce de leche” means “sweet of milk” and is technically caramel-like, but much like a good Romex watch, you won’t be able to tell the difference.  Akin to its honey nut brethren, the taste is distinct but not overwhelming, so you enjoy each spoonful but don’t feel like you’re actually eating candy.  As you can tell, I’m a big fan, both for the taste and the probably misplaced belief that this qualifies as “eating healthy.”  And not that it really matters, but the O’s come in two different colors: as tan as my parents and sister in the summer, and as white as me in the always.
 

And in column B we have Multi Grain Cheerios Peanut Butter.  If you pay any attention to the news (don’t worry, me neither), you may have heard about all the parents up in arms about this cereal.  In brief, lots of young kids these days have nut allergies because we stopped sacrificing virgins to Mr. Peanut last century, and he is a jealous and angry legume.  Since the peanut butter variety looks pretty much identical in color to regular Multi Grain Cheerios, there’s a fear that oblivious parents might send some to school for their own kid, a child with allergies could grab some, and BAM! — peanutality.  Personally, my kid’s worst experience with peanuts was jamming one up her nose and needing to have it removed by a specialist (to the tune of $900 if we didn’t have insurance, because apparently science has not yet invented the peanut magnet), but I understand the concern.  I’m as disdainful of overprotective parents as anyone, but just a whiff of these things sends a wave of peanut butter flooding into your sinuses.
 
That carries over to the flavor, too — if the dulce de leche variety flirted with a caramel taste, these grab peanut butter, drive it home, and rip off its shirt.  Not to say that’s a bad thing, though, depending on your feelings about peanut butter.  As I’ve mentioned before, I can take it or leave it if chocolate isn’t part of the equation (mental note: try adding Cocoa Puffs later), but I still thought they were decent; a true peanut butter lover will probably be in heaven.  As you’d expect, the longer you let them sit in milk, the more the taste dilutes, with the compensatory fact that you’re setting yourself up for some tasty milk.  (That goes double for the dulce de leche variety.  Mmmm!)
 
It’s always nice when you can try two new cereals and come out with two winners, and that’s the case here.  As a caramel fan I’ll be sticking with the Dulce de Leche Cheerios going forward, but those who worship at the altar of the great god C’shewlu are welcome to the peanut butter variety.  They may never topple Buzz and his honey nut version, but they’re way better than making do with boring ol’ regular Cheerios.
 
(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup – Multi Grain Cheerios Peanut Butter – 110 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of total fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 130 milligrams of sodium, 65 milligrams of potassium, 23 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 9 grams of sugars, 12 grams of other carbohydrates, and 2 grams of protein.  Dulce de Leche Cheerios – 100 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of total fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 135 milligrams of sodium, 75 milligrams of potassium, 22 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 6 grams of sugars, 14 grams of other carbohydrates, and 2 grams of protein.)
 
Other Dulce de Leche Cheerios and Multi Grain Cheerios Peanut Butter reviews:
Serious Eats
Option Pitch and Waffle Crisp

Items: Dulce de Leche Cheerios and Multi Grain Cheerios Peanut Butter
Price: $2.39 each
Size: 12 oz (Dulce de Leche)
Size: 11.3 oz (Peanut Butter)
Purchased at: Wegman’s
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Dulce de Leche);
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Peanut Butter)
Pros: Appealing to a new demographic without betraying who you are.  Multicolored Cheerios promote diversity.  Delicious but not overpowering caramel flavor.  Can’t beat a good Romex.  Strong peanut butter scent and flavor, if that’s your thing.  Both varieties give the leftover milk a great taste.  Reasonably healthy breakfast choice.
Cons: Cereals that only teach 1/26th of the alphabet.  Peanut butter taste a little strong for my taste.  Possibly killing some kids.  The continued non-existence of the peanut magnet.  Crazy obscure Lovecraft jokes that like 5 people will get.  Peanut butter variety would probably be better if combined with Chocolate Cheerios.

Update: Click here to read our Dulce de Leche Cheerios and Peanut Butter Multi Grain Cheerios review

There are two new Cheerios varieties, which brings the total number of Cheerios flavors to a baker’s dozen. The new Cheerios varieties are Dulce de Leche Cheerios and Multi Grain Cheerios Peanut Butter.

These new Cheerios flavors follow Cinnamon Burst Cheerios, which was released at the beginning of this year. Grub Grade’s Adam Nettina reviewed the two flavors over at his new blog.

Of course, these new flavors are going to make choosing a Cheerios variety to purchase much harder. Usually, I just open the biggest regular Cheerios box, pull out the bag of cereal in it, put the huge Cheerios box over my head, ask a fellow shopper to hand me a box of each variety, throw them all in the air, and whichever one I catch is the flavor I buy. But I don’t know if I could hold all 13 flavors.

Source: Option Pitch and Waffle Crisp

I think I’m psychic.

I feel like the Miss Cleo of predicting new products because I envisioned in my sleep the new Cinnamon Burst Cheerios. Actually, to be honest, I foresaw a cinnamon-flavored Cheerios called Cinnamon Charged Cheerios, but I’m close enough. Even the greatest psychics can’t get every detail right.

I’m not exactly sure how it happened, but I think because I’ve been reviewing foods that I shouldn’t be eating for so long that, perhaps, my brain is now wired to accurately predict new products. If only Las Vegas, an offshore gambling website or an underground gambling operation in Chinatown had odds on which new Pop-Tarts flavors Kellogg’s will be released next, then I could profit from my ability. By the way, I predict the new flavors will be pomegranate, coffee or Neapolitan Ice Cream.

Or maybe I have The Force. Or maybe the folks at General Mills are scanning my brain at night for ideas via my WiFi wireless router and ripped the idea from the mind.

ARRRGH! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! TAKE MY IDEAS FOR FRUITY CHEX CEREAL, CHOCOLATE KIX, AND HUNGARIAN HAMBURGER HELPER, AND JUST LEAVE MY HEAD! BUT PLEASE LEAVE THE SEXY IMAGES OF HELEN MIRREN IN A MRS. CLAUS SUIT.

Speaking of icons that have been around since the mid-1940s and are covered in something red, the Cinnamon Burst Cheerios give me another option that keeps me from eating plain Cheerios to help me lower my cholesterol, which, by the way, has made my tongue weep every time I’ve eaten it.

Cinnamon Burst Cheerios is flavored with real cinnamon that’s been baked into each piece of cereal. The cinnamon flavor is noticeable, but just like other flavored Cheerios it’s not sweet enough to have it mistaken for a cereal that’s meant for eight-year-olds who hold their spoon as though they’re gonna stab someone with it. So I don’t know whether I would call the amount it contains a “burst.”

On a scale of 1-10, with one being the cinnamon that falls from Isla Fisher’s red hair whenever she scratches her cute head and ten being the spoonful of cinnamon used to attempt spoonful of cinnamon challenges, the Cinnamon Burst Cheerios would be a four. If this cereal has a burst of cinnamon, then I wonder what the more cinnamon-y Cinnamon Toast Crunch has? An inundation of cinnamon? An overload of cinnamon? Double D’s of cinnamon?

When eaten sans milk, Cinnamon Burst Cheerios makes for a tasty, crunchy snack. When eaten avec milk, the cinnamon flavor holds up and it becomes a delicious part of a complete breakfast, an appetizing part of an I-don’t-really-give-a-shit lunch or a pathetic part of a depressing dinner alone. If you’re eating it as part of a sad dinner alone, you should know that some of the cinnamon ends up floating in the milk, so when you’re left with just the milk to slurp up…CINNAMON BONUS!

High five!

If you’re tired of regular Cheerios, Honey Nut Cheerios, MulitGrain Cheerios, Banana Nut Cheerios, Chocolate Cheerios, Berry Burst Cheerios, Frosted Cheerios, Apple Cinnamon Cheerios, Fruity Cheerios, and Yogurt Burst Cheerios, Cinnamon Burst Cheerios is a worthy replacement for any of them.

And, in the future, you’ll be able to add Peanut Butter Cheerios to the list.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup – 110 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 65 milligrams of potassium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 13 grams of other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Cinnamon Burst Cheerios
Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: 10 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Good, mild cinnamon flavor. Great with or without milk. Stays crunchy in milk for a good amount of time. My ability to predict new products. Worthy replacement for any other Cheerios flavor. CINNAMON BONUS! I learned a new French word.
Cons: Not sure if I would call the amount of cinnamon it has a burst. No gambling odds for new Pop-Tarts flavors. Would make for a pathetic part of a depressing dinner. Attempting spoonful of cinnamon challenges.

Diddy once said, “I thought I told you that we won’t stop. I thought I told you that we won’t stop. I thought I told you that we won’t stop. I thought I told you that we won’t stop.” He could’ve been talking about himself and his late partner, the Notorious B.I.G., but he also could’ve been talking about himself and Cheerios, because with the new Cinnamon Burst Cheerios, it looks like Cheerios won’t stop producing new flavors.

Cinnamon Burst Cheerios is flavored with real cinnamon, although it doesn’t seem like a lot of it since it’s listed between salt and guar gum in the middle of the ingredients list. If you’re a big fan of fiber, and who isn’t, you’ll be happy to hear this particular Cheerios contains five grams of dietary fiber, which is more than regular Cheerios and Honey Nut Cheerios.

A cup of Cinnamon Burst Cheerios has 110 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 13 grams of other carbohydrates and 2 grams of protein.

Are you a young homie trying to impress a young hottie?

Pushing her to the ground or teasing her are first grade tactics and ain’t going to work. I’ve got a third grade solution for you — necklaces.

You know they work because you’ve seen your daddy give your mommy necklaces all the time. He purchases one for Valentine’s Day, their wedding anniversary and after they end up on either Maury and Cheaters. Now you can’t afford the necklaces your daddy buys your mommy because you don’t have an allowance, which probably happened because your daddy buys so many necklaces. So I’m gonna teach all you young homies a cheap way to make your own necklace using the new Chocolate Cheerios.

Why Chocolate Cheerios and not the regular stuff or Honey Nut Cheerios? Well I think it’s one of the better tasting and sweeter Cheerios varieties and using the other stuff will make you look cheap. Also, if you use the good stuff, you can use the line, “I want to give something sweet to someone sweet.” I guarantee that line will get her to share her applesauce with you in the school cafeteria. You can’t pull that shit off with regular bland Cheerios or the not as sweet Honey Nut Cheerios.

In order to make the necklace, you’re going to need a bowl of Chocolate Cheerios and about two feet of thread. If you don’t know how long two feet is, ask your mommy or daddy to cut the piece of thread for you. If your mommy and daddy are having make up sex after he gave her a necklace, use the Chocolate Cheerios box to measure the length since it’s about one foot high.

Try to clean the table before you start, but if you can’t, don’t worry about it since you won’t be eating the cereal anyway. Lay the string on a table and start adding Cheerios to it. Alternate the different colors and she’ll know you put some thought into it. Once you’ve covered the entire string with Chocolate Cheerios, tie the two ends together and you’re done. Pour yourself a bowl of Chocolate Cheerios to celebrate, or if your parents are having make up sex, to feed yourself because they’ll be awhile.

Chocolate Cheerios isn’t quite as sweet as chocolate-flavored children’s cereals, but it does have a decent level of chocolate flavor, thanks to the fact that it’s made with real cocoa. Actually, its chocolatey-ness is exactly where I expected it to be since it’s a health conscious Cheerios product. But if it were any sweeter, I’d expect to see a cartoon character printed on the front of the box, some kind of puzzle on the back and it would be popular with 35-year-old virgins who live in their parents’ basements. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it, but I was more surprised by the chocolatey milk that was left after eating the cereal, which tasted like something that only Cocoa Puffs could leave behind. I have to say that Chocolate Cheerios is my favorite Cheerios variety.

If the young hottie rejects you, but keeps the necklace, an 11.25 ounce box of Chocolate Cheerios can easily make several necklaces, as long as you don’t eat the entire box within three days like I have. If you need another line when you present it to the next hottie, you can use, “I got a neck-lace for your pretty face.”

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup without milk – 100 calories, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 13 grams of other carbohydrates, 1 gram of protein and a bevy of vitamins and minerals.)

Here are Chocolate Cheerios reviews from other blogs.
Yum Yucky
We Rate Stuff
Everyview
Epic Portions

Item: Chocolate Cheerios
Price: $3.99
Size: 11.25 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: The best tasting variety of Cheerios. Made with real cocoa. Creates a chocolatey milk. Makes a nice necklace to impress a hottie. Fortified with vitamins and minerals. Made with whole grains. 100 calories per serving. May reduce the risk of heart disease, unless you eat it with lard.
Cons: Needs to come in a bigger box. Only 1 gram of dietary fiber. Pushing or teasing a hottie to get her attention. Ending up on Maury or Cheaters.

Update: Click here to read our Chocolate Cheerios review.

I’ve always wondered when General Mills would come out with a Chocolate Cheerios. It just seemed inevitable since other non-kiddie cereals have gone over to the dark (chocolate) side, like Special K, Frosted Mini Wheats, Chex and Honey Bunches of Oats.

Come on Chocolate Covered Raisin Bran!

Chocolate Cheerios are made with real cocoa, but while they maybe healthier than a bowl of Hershey’s Kisses in a bowl of milk, they’re only slightly better for you than Cocoa Puffs, Cocoa Pebbles or Count Chocula.

A 3/4 cup serving size contains 100 calories, 1 gram of fat, 170 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 9 grams of sugar and 1 gram of protein.

[via Yum Yucky]