REVIEW: Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut Cereal

Kellogg's Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut Cereal

Kellogg’s new Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut cereal, which shouldn’t be confused with Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunch cereal, has no fiber.

If I was a twelve-year-old, I wouldn’t give a damn about it not having fiber. But I’m an adult now, and the woman in the Metamucil ads, who’s also in the Esurance ads and in this 1-800-DENTIST commercial, tells me I need fiber.

Sure, I could get it from fruits, vegetables, nuts, and legumes, but that would involve me buying fruits, vegetables, nuts, and legumes. I can’t keep track of which fruits I need to smell, squeeze, or spin on the floor in order to determine if they’re ripe. Also, even though I love saying the word “legumes” as much as I love pronouncing the word “incestuous,” legumes make me too le-gassy.

I need to get 30 grams of fiber a day and the Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut cereal is not helping. If you think about it, how can this cereal not have any dietary fiber? It’s caramel flavored corn flakes topped with roasted peanuts. A bowl of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes has a gram of fiber, while peanuts are a good source of fiber. If Dr. Spock ate this cereal, he would say, “This cereal and its lack of fiber is illogical.”

While the cereal is clearly illogical, it does taste very good.

Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut cereal smells like Cracker Jack, and it should because they’re pretty much made from the same ingredients: corn, peanuts, and molasses. For those of you who are too young to know what Cracker Jack is, according to Wikipedia, some consider it to be the first junk food, so your grandparents might’ve gotten cavities from it.

Kellogg's Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut Cereal Closeup

The cereal’s strong sweet aroma made me believe the cereal was going to have a teeth-hurting sweetness, but it didn’t. Initially, the cereal had more of a molasses flavor than caramel, but the caramel does pop up. Not every flake has bits of peanuts attached to it, but I could definitely taste a nuttiness. Overall, the cereal tastes kind of like Cracker Jack, so if you miss Cracker Jack Cereal, Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut cereal might be a worthy replacement.

But just don’t expect it to give you any dietary fiber.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (cereal only) – 120 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunchy Nut
Price: $2.99
Size: 13.4 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Really good. Tastes and smells like Cracker Jack. The blue eyes of the woman in the Metamucil and Esurance commercials. Doesn’t get soggy too quickly. Saying the word “legumes.”
Cons: Provides no fiber. Having to figure out whether a fruit is ripe or not. Having to make sure I’m getting enough fiber. Eating too many legumes.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Crunchy Nut Cereal (Roasted Nut & Honey O’s and Golden Honey Nut Flakes)

Kellogg's Crunchy Nut Cereal

I basically picked up the two new varieties of Kellogg’s Crunchy Nut cereal (Roasted Nut & Honey O’s and Golden Honey Nut Flakes) because the boxes just made Kellogg’s seem so desperate. I figured that, based on the rebate offer covering half the front of the Golden Honey Nut Flakes box and the large coupon plastered on the side of both varieties, these things had to be either the best kept secret in the whole flippin’ breakfast aisle or some sort of unmentionable abomination created by the CEO’s nephew. As usual, my curiosity outweighed my gnawing suspicions. I still have my qualms about Kellogg’s calling the peanut-bedazzled cereals “nutty” and not “legumey”, but I’m willing to let that rest. There are bigger fish to fry here. Honey-peanut-molasses fish.

I had heard next to nothing about these cereals until they practically jumped out at me from the shelves. Hell, the product website even failed to locate either variety within a thirty mile radius of my zip code for some odd reason. I have my theories on this simultaneous lack of marketing and desperate push for acceptance. Perhaps they’re a failed vehicle for some early-90′s kids TV show. I imagine them as rebranded Slappy the Squirrel cereals from a never realized Animaniacs spin-off concept, found in a repossessed storage locker somewhere, still sealed and intact thanks to scads of preservatives.

I think part of the problem is that both varieties taste so gimmicky-sweet, so inherently child-friendly. But where are the goofy characters — the tigers, toucans, and Quisps – with their insatiable draw and plush dolls for bar codes offer? Why isn’t there a maze on the back?

This isn’t your average adult cereal, either. There are no berries, no gourmet Georgia pecans, no multi-grain wholesomely fortified goji oat nuggets. Nowhere is heart health even mentioned. They don’t even tout the fact that the O’s are HFCS-free, though this is perhaps a ploy to keep us from noticing that the flakes conspicuously aren’t. In any case, real sugar, molasses, and honey take top billing. Aside from the vitamin additives, the ingredient list is fairly short and brimming with various states of run-of-the-mill ground corn (It’s okay to hate me for that one).

I expected to taste Corn Flakes and Cheerios, respectively, with peanuts stuck all over them. What I got was a Cracker Jack laden nostalgia trip back to lil’ lassie softball and family game nights past. Sadly, both cereals lacked a cheap prize to fight over and retrieve from mom’s hiding spot on top of the refrigerator in the middle of the night. On the bright side, I wasn’t picking little popcorn husks off my back teeth days later.

The O’s tasted both puffy and crispy, like coated rice cakes. They in no way actually resembled Cheerios. My brief disappointment gave way to delight when I introduced them to milk, however. The O’s stayed crunchy for a good while, unlike the flakes, which reached Soggyville far too soon.

I am easily distracted, especially in the mornings. I have a habit of pouring a bowl of cereal and then running off to put in forgotten contacts or hunt for sunglasses. I therefore require industrial levels of steadfast crunchiness. I’m always impressed when any cereal manages to hold up to my unreasonable standards. Eaten dry, the O’s taste a little bland, while the flakes become quite addictive, exactly like Cracker Jack.

At first, I wondered to myself why Cracker Jack doesn’t have a cereal line, and then, with horror, I thought maybe this was supposed to be that cereal line, once upon a time, possibly in the dot com era, back when anything was possible. If these cereals are, in fact, resurrected failures, they must’ve just been ignored by marketing people too entranced by their Tigers, because, beyond the identity crisis, both varieties are pretty gr-r-reat.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a one-way ticket to the mysterious Soggyville and the train is boarding.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup – Golden Honey Nut Flakes – 120 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 40 milligrams of potassium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein and a bunch of vitamins and minerals. Roasted Nut & Honey O’s – 100 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 25 milligrams of potassium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Other Kellogg’s Crunchy Nut Cereal reviews:
Yum Yucky

Item: Kellogg’s Crunchy Nut Cereal (Roasted Nut & Honey O’s and Golden Honey Nut Flakes)
Price: $2.50 each (on sale)
Size: 10.8 ounces (Roasted Nut & Honey O’s)
Size: 14.1 ounces (Golden Honey Nut Flakes)
Purchased at: Albertson’s
Rating: 9 out of 10 (Roasted Nut & Honey O’s)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Golden Honey Nut Flakes)
Pros: Ever-crunchy rings. Slappy the Squirrel hawking cereal. Cracker Jack for breakfast. The early dot com era, when everything was possible. Very snack-worthy throughout the day. Fairly health-conscious choice for sweet cereal lovers. No popcorn husks.
Cons: No prize. Flakes seemed to have pre-booked their tickets to Soggyville. No mazes. Rings dependent on milk for maximum deliciousness. Rampant family game night cheating. No healthy nuggets. Decade-old Cracker Jacks for breakfast. No adorable mascot. Weird softball league groupings.